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Original poster

To expect partner to stand up to his boss and stay at home

54 replies

Jigglemonster · 17/03/2020 08:27

Really not sure if I've lost the plot or my partner has;

I'm 30 weeks pregnant, currently working from home as a result of company measures for coronavirus. My partner was at work yesterday , they had been told up to then that it was business as usual except they were not allowed have any face to face meetings with clients (it's an office based job).

Fast forward to yesterday's announcements and it seems clear that I will have to socially isolate and need to take extra care, and therefore him spending 2 hours a day on tubes into the city exposes me to unnecessary germs.

Despite the news yesterday and the fact that they are not seeing any clients his company have insisted that everyone goes in. He called and emailed his boss yesterday to discuss his circumstances and ask to work from home and they refused.

AIBU to be annoyed with my partner for going in today and not making more of a fuss? Personally I wouldn't want to work for a company that clearly had no regard for their staff. I suggested he say I had a cough but he said at this stage he couldn't after discussing the situation with them.

I've said to him if he keeps going in he'll have to stay somewhere else otherwise it's pointless me isolating. So I'll be home alone and pregnant for the forseeable which isn't ideal.

Really interested to get other people's views on this.

OP posts:
rwalker · 17/03/2020 09:40

He's asked they have refused you can't blame him sounds like he's pushed it.

PlanDeRaccordement · 17/03/2020 09:41

Too, the data out of China and Italy is that pregnant women are at no more risk than nonpregnant women. There is no indication of it killing pregnant women or newborns at any higher rate than nonoregnant women (2%) and children under 10 (zero have died)

The government has placed you in vulnerable group out of caution. This is different to everyone else in the vulnerable group where their death rates are from 6-10%.

I think you are being a bit too anxious because, I think by the end of this week, your DH will be sent home anyway. You just need to be patient. Many people ARE losing their jobs and so if he loses his job too, it will be very hard to find a new one with all the competition after the outbreak.

dontdisturbmenow · 17/03/2020 09:41

You socially distancing yourself is fine. He doesn't have to and the guidance doesn't say that partners of pregnant women should do.so unless they show signs of the illness or are also in the risk group.

His boss has said no, thats that.

turnthebiglightoff · 17/03/2020 09:43

YABU. Life would be a lot tougher if he was unemployed, which he will be if he stays off work for you.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 17/03/2020 09:46

OP, I am sure in your situation I would also be panicking and insisting that my DH should just stay home: of course you're worried, we all are.

But right now, as things stand today, the advice is for you to socially distance yourself (not self isolate), and for him to take precautions. So follow the advice and try not to panic.

Crazycrazylady · 17/03/2020 09:49

Honestly work isn't a democracy. He's asked but their policy is that they come in as normal. I think they are wrong but that's the decision they've mAde. Your dh won't achieve anything by continuing to ask except Get into his bosses bad books.

LexieB · 17/03/2020 09:49

It’s so hard. My husband has bad asthma often needing steroids. He is not allowed to work at home even though that’s at one of the at risk groups now. His boss worried as they are losing money and loads to do. I work at a GP surgery and doctor there who had asthma concerned about this virus. I would prefer my husband worked from home but his boss is a control freak! We have 3 kids one meant to be doing GCSEs. It’s all
A nightmare and bills need paying. But I have advised my husband what I would do but he’s under so much pressure I guess I will have to support him and just hope for the best.

whatsleep · 17/03/2020 09:52

Bring in the office is probably a smaller risk as it will be easier to manage. Travelling on the tube would be a big no-no for me, is there another option? Can he drive, cycle, taxi. I guess this depends on the distance!

Lolalovesmarmite · 17/03/2020 09:53

I’m 30 weeks pregnant so I completely understand your anxiety however the guidelines do not state that you have to completely self isolate for 12 weeks. You need to ensure that you are following the social distancing measures outlined. They also don’t state that your partner needs to self isolate for 12 weeks. You’re putting your partner in an impossible position and although pregnant women are in the high risk group you still need to maintain a sense of proportion.

Cheesepleasee · 17/03/2020 09:53

YABU

Worriedmum54321 · 17/03/2020 10:00

I think people will get used to this new advice in a few days (and also their loved ones will start dying which will bring the message home to macho type bosses). Millions are going to end up unemployed by the end of this but things will recover afterwards (obviously no use if you are dead though).
More concrete guidance will also come from above, detailing what actions to take in specific scenarios. Hence I would not worry too much as in less than a week it probably won't be an issue.
In the meantime make your husband have a complete change of clothes and shower on entrance to the house and sleep in separate beds.

cantdothisnow1 · 17/03/2020 10:03

this is precisely why current government guidance does not go far enough, OP may not be particularly at risk but what about people living in a house with a person who is immune suppressed or really at risk.

If their boss said no to working at home despite this 'advice' would you be saying the same thing?

PlomBear · 17/03/2020 10:11

These companies are in for a shock when their premises are shut down for the duration.

inwood · 17/03/2020 10:11

It's all shit.

DH is a teacher, he can't 'stand up to his boss'.

The only option is to claim self isolation, then all the HCPs will stay off to look after their kids if the schools close and then we are truly fucked.

I cannot see a sensible solution.

ChrissieKeller61 · 17/03/2020 10:14

What are the unions saying @inwood

NemophilistRebel · 17/03/2020 10:16

If he can work from home he should be. That’s the advise

If he can’t then he’s better off not losing his job

However that might be out of his hands if businesses have to close anyway

I’m 3rd trimester and my DH has been advised to work from home by his boss due to the same point of trying to keep me safe so I’m not isolated from baby if I should get it when I’m due to give birth which is what’s happened at the north Middlesex hospital

inwood · 17/03/2020 10:16

@ChrissieKeller61 Nothing, apart from 'following government guidelines'...

Rosebel · 17/03/2020 10:19

I disagree with the majority. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to put your health first. There's no point in vulnerable people self isolating if other members of the household carry on.
Can't he just claim to feel under the weather so he has to self isolate? Not ideal to lie but the company are being unreasonable. Either that or he does as you asked and lives elsewhere for now.
My situation is different because my children are coughing so we're in isolation anyway and my husband is asthmatic. So it's unlikely either of us will be at work in the near future. I wouldn't be happy if my husband was willing to put me and my unborn baby at risk.

alexasaymyname · 17/03/2020 10:36

What about parents with young children? Elderly parents they care for? Parents of disabled children? Workers with a disabled partner?

All in just the same boat as you. I don't know the answer, just that it's difficult for many people and you always put your own situation before others. What if your midwife has a young child. Should she stay home and not give you the care you need? What if there's no one to help deliver your baby in an emergency? Almost everyone has someone who is vulnerable in their family circle.

It's a difficult situation for you, but also for many others. I would look at the real risks as a pg woman, how best your DH can protect himself travelling and at work, if he qualifies for any kind of pay not working, can he take unpaid leave. Mortgage/rent holiday?

We are currently self isolating as DS is feverish, vomiting and cough. Probably not CV but a normal bug. H has had to go back to work despite being told we should isolate 14 days. Employer is aware but doesn't give a f**k

Original poster
Jigglemonster · 17/03/2020 10:37

@GreytExpectations - no I don't mean I'd be making him feel guilty, it's not something I'd say to him. I just mean in the grand scheme of things what is more important

OP posts:
Original poster
Jigglemonster · 17/03/2020 10:45

Bit of a mix here but I understand that it's not explicitly him at risk, I'm just quite worried.

@LexieB - your situation sounds really difficult, hopefully your husband's boss will come around to the wfh idea too.

I think weighing it all up, he's just going to stay with friends for the duration until we have a clearer view on what is happening or he can work from home. I don't want to take the risk, but as other posters have said it's not a great plan to put him in a bad position at work.

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 17/03/2020 10:48

Am I the only one getting fed up of endless CV posts?
You do not need to isolate yourself without symptoms; isolating and social distance are 2 different things.
People really need to calm down with the hysteria; I’ve yet to meet anyone IRL behaving like this, only on MN.

LexieB · 17/03/2020 11:01

I guess you don’t have to read the posts. I guess some people say for example with asthma it might be best to avoid getting symptoms to start with. It’s good your not worried but everyone is different with different situations. A lot of people I know in real life are concerned. From the doctors at my surgery, to friends husbands who are self employed to fellow mums with young children
And parents over 70. Everything is trying their best in difficult times. Maybe MN is a place people feel they can say things and get perspective that they can’t in RL.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 17/03/2020 11:41

Am I the only one getting fed up of endless CV posts?

No, there's a thread in site stuff atm suggesting that people are banned for posting about CV outside of the CV board. Personally I think if you aren't interested don't click.

dontdisturbmenow · 17/03/2020 11:42

I don't get this. So are you self isolating and not going out at all? I'd your oh also going to stay home and not go out at all? For how long, 2 weeks? Because there's a risk just being out, and it is only going to get worse.

You are not more at risk than millions people in the UK.

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