Feel like I have a death sentence :’(

[tollyfeeder]

I’m struggling so bad :(

I’m 34, I have a nearly 5 week old baby, I’m asthmatic. Well controlled and never caused me any real serous issues.

I literally feel like I’m just waiting to catch this virus and die.

I can’t stop crying. My husband is becoming really annoyed with me and has lost any sort of patience.
He’s quite the laid back sort and although he’s taking it seriously, he’s not worried to my extent.

I on the other hand am.

I can’t focus on anything other than that my life is going to end and I’m going to leave my baby without a mum.

I just want to enjoy my newborn but how can I?!

I’ve cancelled all visitor’s, I’ve cancelled the baby classes we had arranged this week too.

I can’t even explain how truly truly awful I feel about this.

I feel as though I genuinely am on borrowed time and it’s only a matter of time before my life is over 😔😔😔

I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate and I spend most of my time reading the threads on here on the news.

When I’m not doing that I’m constantly worrying that I might have got the virus and I’m checking my temperature or paranoid I’m getting a cough.

This isn’t just going to go away so I guess I just have to accept it and this is my “life” now.

I hate it. Absolutely hate it 😔😔😔

OP, this sounds like post natal anxiety to me. Can you contact your HV and explain how you're feeling? Your thoughts aren't rational but us reassuring you of that won't help as you'll just continue to seek further reassurance and that becomes a spiral that exacerbates the issue (I say this from experience). You don't have to carry on feeling this way, I promise.

Also forgot to add hubby has to leave the house for work which makes my anxiety so much worse. He may have the option to work from home. I hope so.

I agree with pp, you need to contact your HV and discuss this with them.

OP, you are right to be worried but it sounds like your anxiety has reached an irrational level. Yes the risks are higher for asthmatics, but we're still only talking about approximately 5% chance of dying if you get it. There's still a high chance of survival. You are right to take sensible precautions but not to let the anxiety take over your life.

I don't want to minimise the seriousness of the coronavirus situation, but having really dark thoughts at this time could be a sign of post natal depression. I also had dark thoughts at that stage and a fear of contamination and health worries, long before coronavirus. I think you need to take action to protect your mental health and possibly speak to your GP or health visitor. Not to say corona isn't a worry. It's just that what you're describing sounds like it has spiralled into something else. I hope you feel less distressed soon.

Oh bless you.
Do speak to your HV as you've a lot going on and all of this is not helping.
Try and think rationally (however hard that is)

I do think it's worth contacting your HV.However, this may not be post natal specific. Many people are experiencing vert dark thoughts right now. It's horrid and distracting and awful. Unfortunately we cannot change the CV situation but all we can do is change how we react to it. Wishing you all the best

I understand it’s hard to focus right now, but try to remember.
Coronavirus only has a 1%kill rate, so far everyone the uk who has died has been over 70(I think) and had underlying health issues.
You’re young, the hospital would prioritise you, especially as a new mum, should you need treatment.
I can’t promise you will be ok, but you will be ok.
It’s very normal to worry about all sorts of strange scenarios that leave your little baby motherless, it’s just nature making sure you look after yourself.
Be sensible, wash your hands when you return from shopping or mums n tots groups etc. Don’t touch your face. Don’t allow others to touch baby. Eat well, Exercise, go for a walk to get fresh air, enjoy your little baby. But please don’t ruin these early days by dwelling on something that may never happen.

These feelings are not just 'normal' anxiety about the situation that we are all feeling. I definitely think this could be post natal anxiety or depression kicking in, you should absolutely get advice from your GP or HV.

For context I have three children under five, the youngest being 4 months old. My DH has asthma. I am a bit worried about us all but nothing like what you are experiencing at all.

@tollyfeeder it may be worth speaking to your health visitor. But I will be honest, I'm having similar thoughts to you except youngest is 2. I'm immunosuppressed so if I catch this I know I don't stand much chance of surviving especially because when it comes to giving icu places, I'm guessing i won't be one they would opt to save as I have pre existing conditions. Unfortunately people who are otherwise healthy don't understand the fear this can create

I feel so bad for people with anxiety who had previously nice lives, good jobs, enough money for luxuries. They won't know what's hit them. My life has been utter hell for years, it's one disaster after another, and I've been so depressed and cried my eyes out for so long that now I don't care - if I die I die, bring it on, give me an end to it. I'm 32 with 7 and 3 yos. My kids will likely survive and they'll be cared for by whoever in our family survives and society will build back up. It'll be the same for everyone around them.

You need to speak to someone however just remember it’s only a few cases per health authority in most cases at the moment, yes it’s going to get worse, but STOP reading anything on social media, including Mumsnet, hide the Coronavirus threads. Don’t look at the newspapers or even the news, read the gov.uk and nhs website only, they give the best advice

I remember feeling this anxious pp, my dh is asthmatic and is currently sick with something - I’m not this anxious but I can imagine I might be if I was 5 weeks pp. you need to speak to your HV. Your dh needs to be more understanding but I remember mine getting a bit fed up with me because I wasn’t being rational.

I agree about social media - I’m not sure is worriers are better off with twitter, mumsnet, constant news ‘updates’ etc in these times.

This is anxiety. You are not waiting to die. You may not even catch it and if you did there are many people much more vulnerable than someone with well controlled asthma. Please speak to your health visitor or GP.

It's a serious situation but everyone needs to give their heads a wobble a bit and be calm but cautious. The facts are that 90 year olds have survived this in China ! David Abel for example is a diabetic and over 60 so the highest of high risk and he has survived it ! Just because you are immunocompromised does NOT mean you will automatically die if you catch it. Roughly 20% of people will asymptomatic or have such mild symptoms they will think they have a cold. Get off social media and concentrate on other things your baby needs a rational mumma you can do this x

OP

This is anxiety. Not reality. You need mental health support.

Even the large majority of people over 80 will recover from this. You do not have a death sentence.

Oh dear OP you are struggling aren’t you. When you’re this anxious what I say is unlikely to help but I’ll try. What you seem to be struggling with is your mental health. Physical health wise you should be fine. I too have asthma (mostly well controlled). I am worried but I know that on the whole I am still not in the very high risk groups. I am young (42) and mostly healthy. As you are.
When you become a mum you do suddenly struggle with concerns regarding your own mortality. It’s quite common. Before DS I felt pretty invincible, post DS I developed a fear of flying, and developed health anxiety. It gets easier to manage and control, but you might need some help.
Can you call your GP or speak to your health visitor. You might need some mental health support right now.

Just make sure your husband washes his hands thoroughly when he gets home before he touches anything and your house will remain sterile. Wipe food packing down when it arrives for the same reason. It will all be fine.

I think I will call my GP tomorrow and tell them how I feel.
I just don’t see how it well help, it won’t make this situation go away :(

You are at a very vulnerable time for post natal depression and anxiety with a five week old. Definitely talk to GP. I suffer from anxiety myself so know it can be all consuming, try to keep it proportional. Consider limiting social media and excessive news reading, try to enjoy your baby

I just don’t see how it well help, it won’t make this situation go away

You don’t need the situation to go away, it’s not going away, we have months of this yet.
What you need is to bring things into perspective.
Your chances of survival are really high, it’s only killing old people or quite poorly people, not otherwise healthy young people. You would get a ventilator. Ask for some help please. You sound like you have post natal depression.

OP you need to speak to your GP about some help for your anxiety.
And you need to stop reading the coronvirus forum on mumsnet! It’s full of posts by people who seem to be positively revelling in the horror of it all.

OP, do some realistic social distancing and hide the coronavirus topic and see how you get on. It is completely normal to feel anxious in these circumstances.