should my in laws party be cancelled?

[sussexmum]

hi there- in-laws golden anniversary party is going to be full of elderly, 80+ and vulnerable. we've been putting a bit of work on to it so are committed, it's in a venue which hasn't offered cancellation, deposit has been paid. in-laws are going ahead, seem quite gung-ho, I'm finding it so irritating they won't seriously consider canceling it, coming up with a raft of reasons, the latest being it's up to individual guests. surely the whole point is we have to act like a society and look out for eachother? if I or my kids infected someone there (no symptoms btw) then it would be awful. opinions please!

sussexmum if you are very worried could you just say you will not be coming and this may influence them to postpone?

bjaysus you guys are scaring me at this rate I'll have to grow some!!

Context here, I’m closer to 70 than 60. I watched my 97 year old mum disappear gradually over a period of years with dementia. I’d rather go with corona virus than dementia any day of the week.

As we get older, we know death’s getting closer and quality of life matters more than quantity. That’s why many of us are just getting on with it. If I got it, I’d refuse to go into hospital too, I’d rather die in my own bed.

Friends of my DP's are in a similar situation.

They were due to have a large anniversary party next weekend.

Upshot is whilst they wanted to go ahead given they would lose the money paid if they cancelled, this week a lot of the guests (well over 50%) who had RSVP'd to say they would be there have now said they won't be coming.

As such they eventually decided to cancel as it was likely even more people would drop out in the coming week.

So my take yo be honest is that even if your PIL decide to go ahead they could find the event very thin on guests and despite the efforts of everyone the party being a let down in any case.

It's sad but it is what it is.

Perhaps I missed the date of the party. That is very relevant as things change daily.
If it is in ten days time then let things run their course. Within the next few days even the venue may be cancelling the party.

Hi, OP. We're moving this thread to the Coronvirus section now.
Thanks.

Billy1966 it's so easy to appear panicky when all is calm but as 71 in italy says it would be so silly to look back and wish youd done things differently. and alsohuman i really hear you, however i would ask that generation not to implicate others in their decision. soz I sounds well pompous

Tend to agree with Also & I do think many older people are a lot more pragmatic about this sort of thing, I contacted my parents (very late 80s but good health) & told them I would do their shopping etc but they told me not to be so stupid . They did, reluctantly, cancel a weekend trip to London.

But Also, whilst I can see (and would agree in many ways) with your point of view, will the elderly ill, hoping for a shorter end, not be taken to hospital by loving relatives despite their wishes? I can’t see my DH leaving his DM to die at home without an intervention despite her attitude being similar to yours.

Alsohuman you are so right. My dad died of a heart attach, gone in a second. My mum had dementia, died over about a decade. I think older people are focusing on quality of life.

My son knows perfectly well what I want Peaky. We’ve discussed it many times in the context of refusing cancer treatment. We’re on the same page and he’d respect my wishes. Seeing one person go the way my mum did was enough for him.

Honestly...people are going to look back on this peeiod with enormous anger and regret.

Hugely failed and lied to.

Cancelled parties will be the least of it OP.

I take no pleasure in writing this..

just regret

@billy1966 looks like you could be right. Things have moved on so rapidly in just a few days. How did you know? I'm just surprised it has moved so very quickly.

@sussexmum what's the latest on the family situation.

hoping for good health for all of us.

It’s insane. Yes they should cancel.

Do it when we’re past the peak.

yes it's been taken out of their hands now, all restaurants off limits and they will be self-isolating. to do them justice they were more flexible and quicker to do this yesterday than I thought. now we just need to do our bit and look after our oldies! thanks everyone

Lots of medics in the family.
Family in Rome.

We as a family are completely isolating..husband working from home.

Our only hope is to self isolate, wash our hands religiously and hope for the best.

Medics in Italy are having to choose who will live and die because of the amount of equipment available.

Hospitals cannot cope if it peaks. They can only hope that it flattens through people self isolating and good hygiene.

Boris Johnson and Trump are beyond stupid.

It will all dawn on them too late.

Countries had a chance as they were behind Italy...those that have insisted on self isolation will have the best outcomes.

It is the best chance.

Children are super spreaders, while not being hugely impacted...they HAVE to be kept away from the elderly.

The enormity and seriousness of all of this is very difficult to comprehend and I'm definitely still trying to get my head around it.

But i have been getting consistent information from people in the middle of it for 10 days and it is playing out as the most serious crisis the world population has faced in my lifetime and beyond.

Medical students are having their exams brought forward by 8 weeks to get them on wards quicker.

Wishing you well

After weeks of denying all the information that was being delivered directly to them....may God forgive them...history won't..

Much younger people are cancelling weddings and parties. I would definitely cancel. Madness to continue with this party. But if they won't cancel then I wouldn't attend.

billy1966 prepare for the worst seems good advice now. Hope we all keep well.