should my in laws party be cancelled?

[sussexmum]

hi there- in-laws golden anniversary party is going to be full of elderly, 80+ and vulnerable. we've been putting a bit of work on to it so are committed, it's in a venue which hasn't offered cancellation, deposit has been paid. in-laws are going ahead, seem quite gung-ho, I'm finding it so irritating they won't seriously consider canceling it, coming up with a raft of reasons, the latest being it's up to individual guests. surely the whole point is we have to act like a society and look out for eachother? if I or my kids infected someone there (no symptoms btw) then it would be awful. opinions please!

That age group is very vulnerable. It should be cancelled ☹️

On the one hand, It is up to individual guests. They're adults, they can decide for themselves if they wish to go.

On the other hand, they probably feel like they have to.

It's difficult.

OP - there's no more risk of you and/or your kids infecting anyone than anyone else there.

It should be cancelled. End of story.

yes, many agreed to go weeeeks ago!

Cancel or you and your kids just don't go. It's not worth it. This is very real.

When is it?

I cancelled my parents party tomorrow.

There's just no choice at the moment.

Most people were incredibly relieved I'd taken the decision out of their hands.

cologne4711 sure i was just using it as an example. I guess another way of looking at it is if someone had it and passed it on, not only potentially someone might die and was it on, also I kind of feel it's wrong to have a party right now

sorry meant pass it on

Depends when it is.

backlashStarts it's next week

bil and family already cancelled their travel plans and isn't coming over for it. dunno- maybe I'm overreacting. I just think the older gen, and my in laws in particular isn't being 100% responsible. but no one will listen to me if i say this, ill just be the family miseryguts

I honestly don't know, Sussex, but you don't have to go if you feel it is risky, you say you've put a lot into it so you've done your bit. I'm sure they'd understand and you won't be the only non attenders. My view is that it should be cancelled but we can't force people (at the moment).

Maybe some of the 80somethings believe in the saying, "Eat, drink and be merry, etc", they are probably less afraid than younger people. However they could spread the virus, perhaps haven't thought of that.

My mum, and several of my friends parents, are taking the view that risking dying is preferable to several months near total isolation. She is limiting contact and staying in/having online shopping as much as possible but would probably still go to a party.

That said, I think it should be cancelled

It’s up to the individuals invited to decide whether they want to go or not, and to your parents (whose party it is) to decide whether to cancel it or not. Obviously not attending the party will reduce the risk of catching C-19 from someone else there, and I assume from what you’ve said you will be staying away and keeping your family away.

MowCopCastle it's not my decision, I'm annoyingly just the one having to do a lot of work for it (cake, getting kids to do huge display, bouquet etc, am quite annoyed). but I really don't think it shd go ahead. unforch dp has just said they're doing it anyway, hes there now wading thru photos for a display, despite me sending him an article written by dr. rachel clarke about the older generation's attitude. brings in to releif the whole individual vs community responsibility thing.

Purplewithred god if I did that there'd be HELL to pay!!! so no- on the grounds that we are a 'strong' family (with a strong matriarch) and dp thinks it's up to them, I will be there to support him and our kids.

It’s up to the guests in they feel they don’t want to attend they don’t need to, most elderly people including my parents and in laws are still going shopping/ swimming bowling etc. People can make there own mind up.

Littletabbyocelot - it sounds like my in laws are taking the same attitude. dare I say while brave it's also a tad short-sighted as the nhs will get overwhelmed to when others need cancer treatment or heart attack tests their treatment will be delayed or crap. that's the whole point of pulling together as a community I thought.

Yes it should be and all kids should be kept away from grandparents, older people/vulnerable!

GameSetMatch shopping for food is one thing, maybe keeping fit as in swimming etc. but a party? I am maybe more triggered as I grew up in Italy so I feel their pain! but I do think a few older people aren't taking the steps they should and this will have consequences down the line for the rest of us. work together? take responsibility?

I'd agree that it's an overreaction. Those who are anxious about it have a very good reason to pull out. But others who want to go should.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/mar/13/elderly-relatives-coronavirus-advice

this freaked me out!

The advice is if you don’t hug and kiss or shake hands and provide hand sanitizer and you are not hundreds in a small room it should be small risk . However I went to a funeral yesterday and everyone was ignoring the guidelines . Lots of elderly people there as well . So I really sympathise.