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Original poster

To cancel wedding??

83 replies

Doicancel · 13/03/2020 00:11

Due to attend friends wedding in Cambridge in 2 weeks with husband and our 11 month old DS.

I may be feeling over cautious but I have an 80 year old grandfather who I see very regularly. He’s in good nick for his age but he is still 80. And I hope to have him in my life for many years. I hate that people are saying “the elderly are most affected” like they don’t matter.

I’m concerned about going to a wedding with circa 80 people in attendance and especially with my son. Aibu to cancel?

I am so sad for our friend - such terrible luck - but does there comes a point where you have to make a selfish decision to protect yourself and your children/family??

Happy to be told iabu if that’s the case but would also be interested in honest opinions

OP posts:
Aisah · 13/03/2020 00:17

YANBU. Send ur friend a really amazing gift and apologise. You will probably find by the time her wedding comes around gov advice will have changed again.

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2020 00:23

Just go but keep to the hygiene rules and don't let anyone kiss your baby.

No-one to my knowledge has ever said 'the elderly don't matter' (and my dad is nearly 88).

Visit your grandad but don't hug or kiss him...which you probably shouldn't do now, wedding or not.

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2020 00:24

And you're just as likely to catch Coronavirus from a fairly small wedding, as you are accepting change in a shop.

IanHislopForPm · 13/03/2020 00:34

The title makes it look like you're the one who is cancelling the wedding.. really it should be aibu to let my friend down who's wedding is in 2 weeks..

2 weeks!

You may as well tell her now so she can try and fill your place, everything will be done including the probably printed table plan. Are you also planning on staying inside forever?

feeona123 · 13/03/2020 00:40

Just go and have fun. Don’t visit grandad for two weeks if worried.

Original poster
Doicancel · 13/03/2020 00:44

Thanks. I can’t avoid seeing him as I get his shopping, do bits and pieces for him etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doicancel · 13/03/2020 00:45

Worra I appreciate what you’re saying but in some countries, hospitals aren’t treating the elderly.

OP posts:
HoomanMoomin · 13/03/2020 01:27

I already told my sister that I’m not going to hers next Tuesday. She understands. Although her wedding is about 20 people, so a bit different.

Yousicktwistedfruit · 13/03/2020 01:30

I agree with @IanHislopForPm you can’t put everything on hold for a virus and it’s not fair to let your friend down over something that isn’t her fault sorry but YABU all this might’ve calmed down a bit by the time your friend gets married.

Foxgloves1 · 13/03/2020 01:37

YABU. You are just as likely to get it from going to the shops, using an atm, paying for petrol, being at work / around your partner who has been at work etc. You are not more likely to get it from a wedding. YABU to your friend.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 13/03/2020 01:44

Two weeks is actually a long time in this, many things can change between now and then. I think it would be wise to plan for several situations, going, not going, or going but without DC. Just work on the latest news at the time

Incontinencesucks · 13/03/2020 01:55

I'd plan to go but risk assess a few days before.

MyTwoPence · 13/03/2020 02:08

So you're saying if you were to develop symptoms tomorrow there's no other way your grandfather could get his shopping/survive without seeing you for two weeks?

Unless that's really the case yabu. If you were in a high risk group/you lived with your grandfather and therefore really couldn't avoid seeing him for two weeks/you had symptoms at the time of the wedding and could pass covid-19 to all the other guests, ywnbu to miss the wedding. Otherwise you're just being selfish and letting your friend down at the last minute for no good reason.

Kwkwjwkek · 13/03/2020 02:13

Yabu. I think you’re being selfish like the other poster has said. Go to the wedding. If you develop symptoms then self isolate and don’t visit your grandad. What if you wake up tomoro and you’re ill? Surely you have another family member that can help? Maybe don’t take your son to wedding.

BluebonicPlague · 13/03/2020 03:26

YANBU. Weddings have you in prolonged close contact with people, so v different from just wafting your credit card over the paypoint while wearing gloves. Biosecurity is only as strong as its weakest link. Your grandfather's life is at risk if you get infected. Your friend should understand, and even if she doesn't, your priorities are clear. Horrible decision, but the right one, not to go.
Gin

QuiteForgetful · 13/03/2020 03:29

I would not attend events of any kind for a while. Am stressed my fil (91) wants to attend an eye doctor appointment in a large city hospital next week. My dh suggested he re schedule but he wants to go. Dh told him that he will drive him but will wait for him in the car, rather than going in for no reason.

BluebonicPlague · 13/03/2020 03:37

Jeez! So people on here reckon social occasions and how you present socially are more important than the health of loved ones?

Or else they don't know anything about C-19?

Am surprised the wedding itself isn't being scaled down to immediate family only, tbh.

BasiliskStare · 13/03/2020 03:45

You may think I am being negligent or devil may care but I honestly think a wedding in Cambridge with sensible precautions isn't one of the more dangerous things you could do.

That said if it going to cause you stress or anxiety then just be honest with friend, tell her why , and cancel asap so she can rearrange plans accordingly. I think it is ok not to go if that is your choice but to be fair to her tell her now and don't leave it to the last minute ( by which I include last few days)

caketiger · 13/03/2020 04:08

Alternative view.... If you went and then didn't isolate and your granddad got ill, you would never forgive yourself. Do wharever is the right thing for you and yours! You're the one that has to live worn with yourself.

BluebonicPlague · 13/03/2020 04:24

BasiliskStare
It's not a question of the risk to OP but her concern about passing it on to elders.
Getting a big whiff of 'OK Boomer' off this. Shock

Heh, Rishi Sunak missed a trick not whacking an extra tranche on Inheritance Tax while the going was good, no?

Purplequalitystreet · 13/03/2020 04:36

I'm getting married when the virus is due to hit it's peak and and I'm expecting (and dreading) a lot of this.

Will I tell people that I understand and not make a big deal of it? Yes.

Will I think that if someone who is not in a high risk group is continuing to go on non essential shopping trips, on holiday in the UK, to cafes/restaurants etc that they are being unreasonable? Also yes.

So I'm assuming that you're also planning on stopping all other social activities until the virus is over? If yes, then that's fine. If not, then YABU.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/03/2020 04:47

sorry but I think YABU. Will.you be avoiding all gatherings whilst this virus is around? No going out, no going to work?

Unless there's government advice to the contrary, letting your friend down at such short notice for no valid reason is awful. We are not being advised to avoid contact with people.

I get that you're worried about your grandad. If you really want to avoid the possibility of passing on a virus you may catch abta wedding, then don't go and see him fir 14 days afterwards. Ask another family member or friend to do so.

pelirocco123 · 13/03/2020 04:49

Do you have a link to where some countries arent treating elderly patients ?

Marnie76 · 13/03/2020 05:49

Hoomanmoomin

Why are you not going to your sisters wedding? If it’s in another country and you’re worried about lockdown then that’s understandable but if it’s here, unless you plan on not leaving the house at all, that seems extreme. Your poor sister.

Beseen19 · 13/03/2020 05:55

To be honest it's a bit of a media twist to report that hospitals aren't treating elderly. The people who are hospitalised with Coronavirus are generally very unwell with complications of viral pneumonia, most common serious respiratory issues. There is no magic drug they can be given yet so they really have to support their breathing until their body can fight the virus. Someone who is elderly is likely to have other health issues/general frailty which makes it harder for them to fight the virus off and also makes them less likely to survive the advanced measures that would have to be put in place to support their breathing. All these interventions are incredibly traumatic for both the patient and their family and in the elderly very unlikely to be successful so normally a decision would be taken that they wouldnt be rescussitated if their condition deteriorated. I think either go to wedding and drop off things at the door for your grandfather for a fortnight or avoid it. I do feel so sorry for your friend though, what a horrible situation hope they manage to have a nice day regardless.