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Original poster

To cancel wedding??

83 replies

Doicancel · 13/03/2020 00:11

Due to attend friends wedding in Cambridge in 2 weeks with husband and our 11 month old DS.

I may be feeling over cautious but I have an 80 year old grandfather who I see very regularly. He’s in good nick for his age but he is still 80. And I hope to have him in my life for many years. I hate that people are saying “the elderly are most affected” like they don’t matter.

I’m concerned about going to a wedding with circa 80 people in attendance and especially with my son. Aibu to cancel?

I am so sad for our friend - such terrible luck - but does there comes a point where you have to make a selfish decision to protect yourself and your children/family??

Happy to be told iabu if that’s the case but would also be interested in honest opinions

OP posts:
HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 14/03/2020 05:33

I Would wait until closer to the time and see what happens. This situation is changing rapidly. Everything may look very different in 2 weeks.

thegreylady · 14/03/2020 06:00

We are at a wedding now. We travelled up to Yorkshire yesterday and the wedding is today. We are 76 and 83 years old and are taking recommended precautions.

SnoozyLou · 14/03/2020 06:25

YANBU. We don't know where we'll be in 2 weeks time. We won't even have a clear picture then how far it's spread in communities, since they're only testing people who have been hospitalised.

Ultimately, it is your decision and I'd go with my gut and not feel bad about it. I would probably leave it until a few days before and fib though. I wouldn't want anyone at my wedding whose family were showing symptoms.

orangejuicer · 14/03/2020 06:27

YANBU to cancel.

MyOtherProfile · 14/03/2020 06:29

Ask your friend what they're thinking about it. They may be working out a plan B.

MsTSwift · 14/03/2020 06:31

I would definitely go to the wedding

Ozziewozzie · 14/03/2020 06:42

@BluebonicPlague I’m completely with you in this. Friends wedding v Gfathee. Has anyone looked at the cumulative table for the increase of this virus. So many selfish people assuming that (as they don’t have it) it’s all ok.
How on earth would op feel if she caught the virus but didn’t know she had it and passed it to her GF.
Other posters on her are right. Spending time at a wedding, hugging, kissing, etc all in close proximity, is the perfect breeding ground. My god, the first cases were passed to others from being in a bus 5 rows behind.
Why take the risk? You can’t turn back time. You not going to friends wedding is not going to impact on her life, but by going it could impact on either yours, your gfathers etc . YANBU

As soon as some posters on here begin seeing people they know infected and seriously ill, they’ll get the picture.

cloudchaos · 14/03/2020 06:52

A lot will change in 2 weeks. I would probably not say anything for now as I expect rules around mass gatherings and travel will have changed significantly by then. You could ask your friend how she was feeling about it all just to see if she's considered making changes in response (scaling down etc). But I'd definitely prioritise your family member.

TheStuffedPenguin · 14/03/2020 07:23

@PersephoneandHades

We were supposed to visit my uncle next weekend (who lives in Chester, not a different country), and he called last night to say he wasn't comfortable with us coming over since we're from a city. That's £140 pounds of our money down the drain due to paranoia

Shock wow ! You really have no idea , have you ?

Eckhart · 14/03/2020 07:24

For those saying it's no different than going shopping, I'd say a wedding is much more huggy and kissy then your average trip to Tesco.

For those saying there's no point unless you're completely self isolating, do you not understand that it's about minimising risk rather than completely removing it? We cannot completely remove it.

I understand your concerns, OP. I don't understand people calling you a hypocrite when you're basically trying to protect an elderly relative. The situation will be different by the time the wedding comes. Can you wait before telling them you're not going? Let's face it, the situation isn't going to get better in 2 weeks. More and more people will be withdrawing from things by choice, there'll be more ill. Your decision not to go will seem less over-cautious as the days pass.

dottiedodah · 14/03/2020 07:26

Are you not going to work then ,or shopping ,getting fuel and so on, Can you not arrange to have Dads shopping delivered via an online shop. 2 weeks is a long time in this virus, and things may be different by then anyway .

Sh05 · 14/03/2020 07:31

I'm in a similar situation but the wedding is next week and a large one. ( Think Asian wedding with around 500 guests). Lots of hand shaking and hugging involved.
I've sent my gifts and apologies that I won't be attending. The bride understands and is just grateful they haven't had to cancel (yet!)

SometimesMaybe · 14/03/2020 07:33

Ultimately we are all going to get this virus. There is no way to stop its spread. The plan is to delay and flatten the curve to allow the nhs to deal with demand and ensure there are enough beds.

If we went into lock down now without a lot of us having had the disease as soon as it was lifted and international travel started again it would come back and the cycle would start again.

Act sensibly, wash your hands and isolate when you get symptoms.

If you DF is worried (understandably) he should plan to self isolate for the next 3-4 months as that is the only way to avoid it.

Fev11 · 14/03/2020 07:45

For those who are equating risk from a shopping trip and risk from a wedding, the two are very different.

A gathering where you are with the same people for most of a day, sitting next to/ in front/ behind people for more than 15 minutes (at the church and reception) gives a far higher chance of Covid-19 infection if someone attending is incubating the disease than momentarily passing many people in a supermarket, unless you stand close to another shopper for more than 15 minutes.

Of course it must be your decision, but base it on the actual levels of risk of different activities. And I have realised that so many posters on Mumsnet seem to have very limited understanding of the science but enjoy posting their misinformation so I’d do your own research from trusted official sources.

From what you have said, I personally would not go. The situation will be a lot worse in 2 weeks.

Eckhart · 14/03/2020 07:52

Ultimately we are all going to get this virus

@SometimesMaybe What makes you say that?

Ilovefoodnotgym · 14/03/2020 07:56

I’m so surprised so many people are saying to go! YANBU. I’m not a carer but I do help my elderly parents a lot and they have serious health problems. I wouldn’t go anywhere I don’t have to. I’ve been shopping and wearing plastic gloves which go on and off on arrival/departure and I’ve not been in any public transport. Your friend will be disappointed but she’ll understand. Health comes first and you don’t want to be that person that has spread it. Weddings are full of love and affection and lots of touching/hugging/kissing/shaking hands. Increased risks that could be avoided.

Marypip · 14/03/2020 08:06

@Purplequalitystreet, I feel your pain, I’m also due to get married right in the peak! I’m worried about my parents, in laws, elderly Aunts and Uncles! Couldn’t have picked a worse time. Sending hugs xx

Isthistrueor · 14/03/2020 08:16

YABU. People are truly hysterical over this, it’s absolutely ludicrous. Chances are you WON’T catch it.

Isthistrueor · 14/03/2020 08:17

Ultimately we are all going to get this virus

Somebody doesn’t understand basic maths.

SnoozyLou · 14/03/2020 10:26

We were supposed to visit my uncle next weekend (who lives in Chester, not a different country), and he called last night to say he wasn't comfortable with us coming over since we're from a city. That's £140 pounds of our money down the drain due to paranoia

You should see what the Italians are saying about us and our attitude to this virus. You can see why reading comments like this. There's no use running around like headless chickens, but in a couple of weeks, I think some people will need to start taking it a lot more seriously.

Pomegranatemolasses · 14/03/2020 10:31

I can’t believe some of the comments I’m reading here. So grateful I’m in Ireland, where were taking things a lot more seriously.
Op yanbu.

Sh05 · 14/03/2020 11:14

I agree with pp that in the UK it feels like we aren't taking things so seriously. I know logistically it's a nightmare but travellers in and out need to be tested/ screened and large gatherings banned.

1300cakes · 14/03/2020 22:21

Yanbu not to go, but if I were you I wouldn't call her and tell her now. Two weeks from now the situation will be different and I'm guessing the wedding will be cancelled anyway, either by the couple, the venue, or government advice. At this stage she won't get money back for drop outs anyway, or be able to "fill your place" as a pp suggested (weird idea). So telling her now won't change anything but it will stress both of you.

MoltonSilver · 14/03/2020 22:55

I think it's unlikely the wedding will be going ahead in two weeks.

littlecontis · 14/03/2020 23:07

YANBU. It's quite amusing to see some people still don't take this seriously. I also doubt the large group gatherings can still take place in two weeks.