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Original poster

Dp voluntarily going to north italy! AIBU

162 replies

Worriedforhealth · 28/02/2020 09:28

Dp is booking a trip to north italy to watch a few sporting fixtures. Regularly has sporting holidays with his mates.
It is only a long weekend, but will be flying into and staying in the areas that have been affected by coronavirus.
He is booking it this weekend and going next weekend. Although advice is not to go to these areas of italy he said he isnt bothered and wont catch anything anyway.

AIBU to persuade him not to go? I know its his trip, im not going and nothing to do with me but think its a stupid move to still book and go!!
Said when he comes back he will not self isolate and will carry on as normal. Am i over reacting, is it not as bad as the media make out? He cant see my problem!

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 29/02/2020 12:18

We were going to holiday in Italy this yr but have changed our plans and will be doing Wales.

We'll all be dead by then The situation will have changed completely by the summer. I wouldn't change my summer plans based on this.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/02/2020 22:27

@Oakmaiden I agree. We have a holiday booked for Northern Italy in June. I'm not worried about it because either it will be widespread by then and Northern Italy will be no better or worse than holidaying in the UK, or the whole thing will.have fizzled out.

GeekyGirl42 · 29/02/2020 23:24

I also have booked a holiday to Northern Italy in June - right before this all happened. Keeping everything crossed it has all blown over by then, or if not that my travel insurance covers it.

OP, most definitely not being unreasonable. He's perfectly entitled to make that decision for himself, but unless he's planning self isolation away from home, then he's being unfair on you and DC. In any case, probably still unfair on you and DC because that's a long time to manage on your own.

In all fairness, they'll probably have cancelled everything and it will be eerily quiet there, so I'm not sure he's thought this through. Won't be fun - I visited Venice when flooded and it was miserable.

Aridane · 29/02/2020 23:32

Where is he going? To one of the at risk areas or just in Northern Italy? If it’s not an affected area, it’s no different than getting the tube to work each day

Exactly!

Lycidas · 08/03/2020 18:44

OP: can you give us an update? Did your DP decide to go and has he been locked down?

Original poster
Worriedforhealth · 08/03/2020 19:42

Yes he has gone!! Slight change to original itinerary with italy banning fans from all football matches but instead travelled to north spain, then to portugal and flight from there to Rome and rome back to uk. Much less time in italy than originally planned but still scary with amount of cases in spain and italy!

OP posts:
bbcessex · 08/03/2020 19:48

Blimey OP, he's intrepid / bonkers (delete as applicable).

My work now require pre-approval for personal travel to Italy, China etc and I would have to self-isolate for 14+ days on return (on the assumption they approved me going - it would have to be special circumstances, otherwise unpaid leave on return - i imagine - no one I know has gone to a notable country so far)

Do you live together?

Original poster
Worriedforhealth · 08/03/2020 23:43

I have told him as much! His office colleagues know but not sure what hr would say if they knew. No one in the office will say anything anyway. He cant afford to take 2 weeks unpaid though!

Thankfully (on this occasion) i dont live with him. Not seeing him for about 10 days after he gets back just in case he has caught anything. He thinks its an overreaction but we've agreed to disagree on all things coronavirus related!

OP posts:
Maladymaker · 09/03/2020 00:19

Make sure it's 2 weeks.

And he's a twat by the way.

LordBuckley · 09/03/2020 00:57

He's a selfish idiot. Keep away from him for at least two weeks.

(I'm in Italy and things are getting really scary here.)

Nancydrawn · 09/03/2020 01:16

I imagine that if his company has a policy about the illness and he breaks it, he will be in serious trouble. This is not an 'ask for forgiveness' situation. If I were HR, I'd be furious; if I were HR and there was explicit policy about self-isolating and I found out an employee didn't do it, I don't think that employee would last long with the company.

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 09/03/2020 01:21

He's probably right that he'd be ok, just from a death stats perspective. Not that makes it ok for him to aid the spread of the virus Hmm

But he's still being stupid because of the extremely high likelihood of all of his events and travel arrangements being cancelled. And also the not self isolating or washing his hands stuff. That is really, really stupid. He sounds delightful.

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 09/03/2020 01:23

Thankfully (on this occasion) i dont live with him. Not seeing him for about 10 days after he gets back just in case he has caught anything

Not long enough. Needs to be over 14 days at least. And even then he could have the virus and be asymptomatic, so still pass it on to you.

CoffeeHere · 09/03/2020 01:27

Thank god no kids to risk infecting!!

Thank God alright. What an arse.

Nancydrawn · 09/03/2020 01:33

Also, it's not kids that he needs to worry about infecting! As people have said ad nauseum, kids aren't really in danger from this disease. The morbidity rate under 10 was, last I checked, 0%. Under 30, .2%. But it's nearly 15% for those over 80.

If he wanders about shedding the illness, it's not the hypothetical kids he needs to worry about. It's his parents, grandparents, and the parents and grandparents of those he works with.

I'm not hysterical about coronavirus. But this is the kind of selfish dickishness that would make me not want to be in a relationship with someone.

0DimSumMum0 · 09/03/2020 01:34

I find it hard to believe that there are still flights or that there is no mandatory quarantine when they get back to the uk.

Lynda07 · 09/03/2020 01:53

Well you don't live with him, that's something for which to to be thankful. Just don't see him for a while when he gets back. He'll probably be fine, if he isn't it's his fault but, again, most people do recover.

Have a good time while he's away.

carolannduffycheerup · 09/03/2020 01:58

Honestly, when we are in a situation where people are taking advice from the 'bloke on the radio', I do worry about the state of the UK.

cuparfull · 09/03/2020 02:42

He is a selfish prick! Minimise movement into affected areas as much as possible imo. It not that he might suffer badly but he could become a carrier to infect Britons less robust than himself.
Couldn't personally understand when all those skiers were returning from Northern Italy why our Government didn't advise them to self isolate when there was already clearly an epidemic there. Today a 60 yr old has died, and he had returned from Northern Italy.

RantyAnty · 09/03/2020 04:37

Foolish to go and waste more money changing his flights around.

I couldn't be with someone that thick and no common sense.

daisychain01 · 09/03/2020 04:52

How can you stay in a relationship with such a selfish person? You need to think if he's like this now, imagine him in 10 years time, rigidly set in his ways and stubbornly carrying on doing what he wants with no regard for anyone else.

Good luck! You have the red flags.

NotAnotherAlias · 09/03/2020 05:13

Honestly I would just dump him now.

What a selfish, cavalier attitude he has.

VadenuRewetje · 09/03/2020 05:24

from a health point of view, as he's not planning to follow simple hygiene practices or self isolate then basically he will be a new "patient zero" in your city and everyone he interacts with should be assumed infected and infectious. not seeing him for 10 days will be no protection if you have any mutual contacts. within 2 weeks there will be hundreds of infectious people clustered around where he lives, works and socialises, most of whom will have no idea that they were exposed and so will infect a dozen more people before they realise they are infectious and self-isolate

from a relationship point of view, I wouldn't be seeing him again at all. too selfish for words.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/03/2020 05:41

The 14% on this thread, who would also have gone are the reason why this virus will spread so quickly throughout the country. I couldn’t believe that when the areas affected were just about to go into lock down, some people were actually allowed to leave. I would be surprised if the virus has been contained. And on this basis, no way would I be travelling to Italy for a jolly. As pps, have said, 14 days isn nowhere near long enough. One person was asymptomatic for about 24 days before showing signs.

hankyspanky · 09/03/2020 05:50

www.rsi.ch/news/svizzera/Coronavirus-monitoraggio-alle-dogane-12821712.html

The border with Switzerland is being heavily patrolled (whereas normally its not) and only health care workers with a special permit are allowed entry/exit.

Updated FCO advice for Italy.
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) advise against all but essential travel to the following areas in northern Italy, due to an ongoing outbreak of coronavirus (Covid-19) and various control and isolation measures imposed by the Italian authorities on 8 March: Lombardy region (which includes the cities of Milan, Bergamo, Como) and the provinces of Modena, Parma, Piacenza, Reggio Emilia and Rimini (all in Emilia Romagna); Pesaro e Urbino (in Marche); Alessandria, Asti, Novara, Verbano-Cusio-Ossola and Vercelli (all in Piemonte); Padova. Treviso and Venice (in Veneto).

British nationals remain able to depart Italy without restriction. Residents of other parts of Italy are permitted to leave the isolation areas to return home. Otherwise entry into and exit from these areas is forbidden without official permission on the grounds of strict necessity; the authorities have confirmed to us that this will be granted for reasons such as medical need or work requirements