42 and desperate!

[MinkyWaller]

I am 42 and desperate to get pregnant. Have been trying for years......have had several not too helpful hospital appointments, but know there is nothing wrong with myself or my husband. Hospital not keen to help on NH because of my age. Any suggestions gratefully recieved.

you MUST google the Deanna plan then!

TBH I found peeing on sticks an expensive but much easier way of knowing when was the most fertile time than charting but the OPKs are expensive, £20 per pack in Boots and I can't even remember if that would last a month. Still as I've said before (somewhere!), if someone told me wearing my knickers on my head and pogo-sticking to Katmandu worked, I'd have given it a go! If OPKs are too expensive then charting works as well (if not better for some) and all these things make you feel you're actively addressing the fact you're not pg yet, rather than feeling in the lap of the Gods.

The fact your test results came back clear is a really good sign.

And if you are having a low/off/doubtful day get straight on Mumsnet, have a vent, read all the lovely stuff people say, dust yourself off and carry on.

Lots and lots of luck x

I am charting at the mo. I was using fertilty friend but to be quite honest, lost the will to live with the endless mails they send with online tutorials.

We are going to pursue a course of IUI, I think. Although the bloody hospital are pretty useless at being CLEAR with the info they are sending. I have spent so much time today on the phone, and I am still waiting for a reply.

I think the route for me to persue is alternative/complimentary therapies. I am telling my baby I am ready for him/her, I am looking forward to acupuncture, I am ready to try anything and I am trying to be positive. I am really looking forward to a summer break as I believe that stress is playing a significant factor in my situation.

desanimaux.......Ah well!!!

I don't think you need to chart,just wait for fertile mucus (like egg-white) and have sex then,or on the day or two just before your mid cycle.But then I get clear ovulation signals and DH can tell when I'm ovulating !(strange but true)

i agree that if you have regular cycles & have obvious symptoms, then you probably don't need to chart to know when you are most likely to be fertile, but but although they (& OPK/CBFMs) can tell you when your body is "gearing up" to O, they can't tell you whether you actually O'd or not - which might be useful information to know...

RE: the annoying FF emails. I signed up with an email account I don't use very often, so didn't see the emails until I checked a few weeks/months later

Have you tried taking baby aspirin? Google it.

Minkywaller Our infertility was not explained but I got pregnant with DD with IUI 6 years ago aged 39. IUI is cheaper than IVF and less invasive. I would say it is certainly worth a go.

If you do decide that you wan to try IVF (look on the HFEA website for locations).

On the forty and feisty thread there are ladies getting pregnant in their 40s and my friend mum got pregnant at 48!

Why not read a bit of Zita West (you can buy her book, look on line or pick up her books at the library). I would also suggest (as I have elsewhere here on MN) to try sex every other day, at the time of day when DH is keen, if you are happy with it, because that is when his swimmers are at their fittest! This scatter approach seems to get the thumbs up more than trying at specific times based on when you think you will ovulate. I wonder if it is why people seem to get pregnant on hols, because they have lots of sex at odd times of the day! Well, I don't necessarily now on hols but I am sure I did once! Anyway, all best luck. (PS are you healthy weight and having generally healthy diet?) Hope so (wish I was too!) . Keep us posted and if you want to visit the assisted conception thread there are lots of us on there going through various stages of treatment with various levels of success!

herethereandeverywhere and Gembay just looking up your interesting links. There is a website for Julia Indichova
fertileheart.com

It looks interesting, at the very least I might get a bit fitter!

Thank you.

I am fairly fit and healthy. I excercise as regularly as I can manage and I do eat well. But I could do with losing a bit of weight so maybe putting a bit of effort in there would help.

Having sex on specific days is a real passion killer. There really is no romantic way of saying its a good day, hop on! Needs must.......

Just googled baby aspirin so will give it a go. Does anyone have any experience of taking it? Theres lots of stuff on google about how to buy it, but not too much on the effects.

Minkywaller you do not need to say it is good day to make a baby, you just need to say you feel frisky! A flattering nigtie or no nigtie may make the mood for you. In fact the fact that it is 'the right time' may indeed be a passion killer!

All the best.

Just jumping in to say that asprin whilst often suggested is only useful if you have a clotting disorder, and since you have said all your tests came back normal, this really suggests that asprin is not a good idea. The latest research suggests that asprin in a woman with no clotting disorder can actually hinder conception rather than help it.

I am 42 and have issues too, not like yours I have the opposite end of the spectrum, I can concieve too easily but go on to lose them. I have just been privately to see Dr Rai in london, it was excellent to be given help and tests way beyond the normal nhs service. If you have the finances to do it, I would recommend you go privately for further investigations / treatment that you have not covered so far. At least you will know then that you have tried everything.

I wish you all the best and hope that you soon get the desire of your heart.

minky don't have sex on specific days! DH and I used ovulation kits when we were TTC and there was nothing worse than peeing on a stick at 6 in the morning in the middle of winter, seeing a smiley face and looking at each other and saying 'oh well, I suppose we'd better have sex then'. And then both of us going at it like reluctant bunnies thinking that we're going to be late for work. Horrible.

If your cycle is reasonably regular then just aim for every other day in the week in which you hit mid-cycle. Otherwise, try to monitor your body over the course of a cycle. You'll find that around mid-cycle, you feel a mild cramping in your lower abdomen. That's mittelschmerz, which happens when you are about to ovulate. We conceived DS2 using that method (after having two years of misery trying to conceive DS1, we conceived DS2 at the first time of trying).

Have you seen the acupuncturist, by the way?

I see the acupuncturist tomorrow. Can't wait! Am feeling very positive about it.

I agree about not having sex on specific days. Its grim, whichever way you look at it!! I shall continue to chart but forget the sticks.

I have learned more in the few weeks I have been a part of Mumsnet than in all the months of seeing doctors and specialists!

Oooh, good luck with the acupuncturist. Fingers crossed that this is the month that your luck turns for the better.

try to keep this short as i tend to drone on!

after 19 yrs i fell last year n sadly had a mc and mc again 8 weeks ago ..im falling pregnant but it just isnt goin term

i do feel if you trryyyy to hard the stress will send you nuts...after the first mc hubby got ov tests...they drove us mad n we were so tense n let down each month..then when we said sod it..one day i thought hmm imm try one of those ov tests ( for no reason ..i was bored)...and it came up positive...when hubby rang i told him n he came home with pg test and i was pgnt!!

i have very high blood pressure so its a risk but hospital seems very blase about it and that it cud be controlled..

we decided to go docs this week ..shes wanting a sample off him and i have to go have blood tests at 2 and 21 days of my cycle..have you had this done?

i dunno what else to say..it can become consuming..but then i understand as we want it so much

all the best hun

I'm so sorry to hear of your mcs. I have had a series of blood tests, and my husband has had a sperm test too. My bloods were to test for hormones that stimulate the egg to release, to check for early onset menopause.......I THINK. I have to be honest and say that all the technical language is like white noise when I'm in a medical environment. I take my husband with me cos hes much more level headed. Once we had the blood results I then had scans and xrays to count my egg reserves and check that my tubes were clear. All is well with us both and so we are trying to persue IUI but our hospital is slooooow despite us being private patients. We are told they are short staffed. I am quite prepared to be a telephone pest. I have no guilt over that.

My first acupuncture session was very interesting. She was lovely, asked lots of questions which gave me more to ask the consultant when we see him. I need to be much more rigorous in my charting though.How on earth d you all remember to do that forst thing? I am on auto pilot!

hi, minky. Glad to hear that acupuncture went well. When are you seeing her again?

Thank you! I see her again on Wednesday. She suggested every week at the start and then every fortnight to three weeks thereafter. She is also keen to try some Chinese herbs. Any experience of that? She also gave me some dietry advice to 'maintain a healthy vaginal ph balance' to make me sperm friendly. All good stuff.

I've never tried Chinese herbs, so I can't really comment, but the dietary advice is definitely worth a shot. It sounds as if your acupuncturist is trying to cover all bases with you and that's brilliant.

You mentioned before that you have more questions for your consultant as a result of your visit to the acupuncturist - when are you going back to the hospital? (Good luck with the telephone pestering, btw.)

I would have a more aggressive plan if I were you, because time is of the essence.

I'm all for complementary treatments, but you have to look at the scientific reality of your age and previous history.

The main hormone to look at on your test results is day 2 FSH. If this is above 12, natural conception could be a struggle. Even if it's lower, the fact that you haven't conceived yet suggests that your ovarian reserves are running low.

Many consultants (and some research shows) that IUI is a waste of time and that patients should go straight to IVF, particularly if they are older.

One cycle of IVF at 40-42 has a 12% success rate. IUI has a 5.5% success rate at 40-42.

By 43, the success rate for IVF drops to 4.9% and IUI to 1.3%.

(source: HFEA)

Hi there

Have you tried looing at the Fertility Friends website? We had problems with infertility and it's a really great support network from others in the same boat, plus tons of advice & info. Also try looking up Zita West - really good book, tells you what you can do to help or (depending on funds) you can book an appointment in her clinic in London - seem to remember it was about £80. For me, it was just important to feel in control & like I was doing something and if it did turn out you needed to go down the IVF route, better to get it started sooner rather than later. Good luck! x

I have at last got an appointment to see a specialist. I phoned every day and asked my doctor to write a letter to help. I had an appointment within 48 hours of recieving a copy of his letter.

goodnightmoon - I have been scanned and have had tests re ovarian reserves. All healthy. I have a v good FSH. I understand the low % chance of getting pregnant at my age, and the chances of medical help being a success hence the original posting and request for any other help or advice. I am looking forward to the specialists appointment so that my husband and I can start something - IUI or IVF.

marmitesarnie - I'm afraid I lost the will with Fertility Friends but maybe I should try again. Nothing ventured!

May I share my experiences?
I'm nearly 45 with a DS of 14 mths. Lost first 3 pgs over course of 8 mths.
Told by consultant to take 75mg Aspirin regardless of clotting results (which, in the event, came back clear), with 4th pg.
He actually told me to take it for 3 mths before TTC but I was already pg again by the time I saw him.
Obviously, I can't say if the Aspirin helped in maintaining the pg or not.
Good luck!

Thanks for that. I asked my doctor about taking aspirin but he didn't know of any connection with TTC. You are not the first person to recommend so I shall have a chat with the specialist.

Good to hear from someone of my age with a child!

there's a UK site - fertility friends dot co dot uk that the above poster referred to. different from the US site for charting.