Ongoing and continuing conceptions and follicling ahead of Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings

[randomimposter]

Just to start us off.

May this be a happy and lucky thread for all of us.

We've had some performance issues as well. I think when he knows it's an important one it becomes a bit stressful for him (poor love ). Hence the whole 'I feel sexy and I'm wearing skimpy clothes' thing!

sassy well done for reading the whole thread - v.dedicated.

I was going to say something similar to rowing that we are all still stuck here but many have come along got pregnant and moved on. Please don't think that we are typical of people trying to conceive in their 40's - we are just the odd ones (said with great love and affection of course ).

rowing I'm so sorry to hear it was a definite BFN (big fat negative - sassy). Donor embryo sounds interesting. Did italian consider it too?? How does it all work?

sassy in answer to your question. I do dabble in drink - especially if I know I am defo not preg. If I have been good and SWI'd on the right days and suspect I might be then I move to Shloer.

Also caffeine - I don't drink coffee but I do have caffeine in tea, but don't drink much of that.

I did swap to de-caffinated tea when pregnant recently but found it tasted bad and I had a MC anyway - so wonder if it made ANY difference at all!

Thank you hippychick I am here to learn...

PI issues - I was only going to say that my hasty confession that I am totally fed up of shagging with probably mean I'll end up having to talk dirty next time I have to SWI. Honesty probably does not pay My mother told me to get them young, treat them rough and tell 'em nothing.... and I get an old codger and have a mouth in over-drive... Why do we never listen to our mothers?

Right, I am going to have a hot bath (yipee) and put a bottle of sparkling rose in the fridge.

sassy enjoy the wine. You've probably read my plan but just to re-iterate. I dress in baggy pj bottoms and tea shirts for bed when I am hanging an invisible'do not disturb sign' on my body.

then when i want some attention (cos the OPK says yes) I switch to low cut tops and shorts. italian did point out that DH might notice that the weather doesn't go with what i'm wearing but TBH (to be honest learning learning) he is so programmed to respond, he doesn't think about the weather.

Maybe you could plan to watch a romantic or slightly saucy (or down right porno) film together when you want his services and then tell him the film has put you in the mood. Might make him less suspicious and hence a better performer.

Gosh all this filthy talk is not good for someone as sensitive as me

Well I am not SWI, just plain old shagging when we feel like it! It seems that one go and I am pregnant for 6 weeks, the after another couple of weeks, whoops there we go again!. I am dieting this month, and waiting to see if / when the old witch arrives. I have not cut out tea/coffee as I do not drink the stuff . So that makes no difference. I am not a great alcohol drinker either, I tend to go in phases, .... but I have been "pregnant" so much in the last two years that I just drink when I feel like it now, and don't fuss about when in the cycle it is.

So ok now how about some predictions from you lot, am I going to get AF this weekend or not????? I finally got a negative test a couple of weeks ago and we did shag a few days before that and I got ewcm the day after the neg test. Then thought I was in the 2ww, now if I was right af should arrive tomorrow, but will shagging once 5 days before possible ov, mean that I will once again be in the torture chamber? Or am I about to ov now? in which case am I going to have the 2ww ahead for two more weeks. Oh the thrills of not monitoring my cycle (so much for not thinking about it!!!)

Rowing - sorry to hear that your little frosty ones did not stay put. But I am very impressed by your positive mental attitude, and ability to look forward to the next step. I hope that it all works out for you.

sassy - sorry to hear about your dd, it must me so hard to deal with such a sad loss. I don't want to pry, but will ask the question that you can then ignore if you want to. I was wondering the cause of her death if it was an accident or illness. Such a hard thing to deal with either way. I can fully understand you and you dh wishing to ttc again. I hope that you don't have to wait too long for it to happen. I had my last child at age 40, it is definitely a good age to have a baby.

Jolls - glad that you are feeling a bit more preg's today and that you are feeling relaxed enough to wait the 10 days. I admire your strength in this.

big wave to other here too.

Quick gate crash

Hello Rainbow - good to hear (read) you so chipper!

Rowing - so sorry it didn't happen for you, wish you lots of luck for next month.

Take care both x

lol@hippychick DH is desperate for a new baby... telling him I have egg white mucus and am feeling terribly fertile is probably enough to get his attention...

Rainbow DD died from complications arising from chicken pox. It was completely unexpected and very sudden - within hours. She was nearly 4, and like most folk, once they're past the cot death risk, you sort of don't expect your children to die.

Prior to her death, I was sort of dithering about another... but I think I had mostly rejected the idea because:
(a) I wanted to go now the slide at Centre Parcs - not look on at DH and DD whilst bf-ing a newborn.
(b) A family of 3 was enough - Catherine loved being an only child (she inherited by attentions seeking tendencies)
(c) and giving up wine, throwing up, giving birth, worrying about nuchal scans... well, it just wasnae that inviting...

Now the considerations are very different - and I would ideally like twin girls - or triplets.... I think I saw it in that About a Boy film ... yes, that's it: "more people are more fun" xx

Morning All.Big welcome to Sassy.

Sassy, I am so sorry about your little girl.It's true, once your child is past the cot death stage, you just don't expect it.

I hope you fall pregnant soon.I don't think you'll have any trouble, but I understand your hurry. I was 41 when I fell pregnant with Charlie.It took 7 months of trying, but I think it took a while for DH's sperm count to get big enough (he had a vasectomy reversal).

Rowing, you do have a fabulous attitude. I imagine you are feeling shattered with the bfn.I love your positive approach and love having you around, so you will be back won't you?

As for caffeine, I mostly gave up coffee when ttc Charlie, but never gave up tea. However I have read that one cup of coffee is equivalent to 5 cups of tea. I am trying to have only 2 or 3 cups a day(of tea) and trying to drink more herbal tea, but I could never give up tea.Just love it too much!
And alcohol, well, I've never been a big drinker, but I will have a glass socially, mainly because it helps me relax and I don't want anyone in RL(real life) knowing that I'm ttc. I can't bear the negative comments(due to the fact that we have 5 kids).We had enough of that when pregnant with DS.So, I only share it with my online mates.

Hippy we are coming up to SWI time. But I'm still not sure of my cycle since it returned, so will be using OPK's to give me some guidance.It was negative yesterday. My DH has no clue as to where I am in my cycle which is what works best for us. He'll go for it any opportunity, so I just have to be a bit more forthcoming (pardon the pun) around the right time.

Hope that wasn't TMI!

Rowing I am gutted for you. I do hope you will stay strong. I know there is really nothing I can say. Is there a reason for going for embryo adoption rather than donor egg and can I ask where you plan to go, no worries if rather not say. Just that I am thinking of you.

SassySusan Hello and welcome and I am just so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter. I?ve been visiting friends whose son died aged 40 and on another thread there is a lady who lost her dd at 17. I think it is so tragic. I had no idea chicken pox could be so dangerous, potentially, and I am amazed at your strength. I wish you all the luck in the world for conceiving again. You are an amzingly strong person.

Jolly Thinking of you, hope all will be well at next scan.

Rainbow you write like a writer, are you another budding/blooming author too!

BeatieBow The NHS is there for us all, whether you have kids or not, there are lots of people out there making terrible choices and then getting NHS treatment so don?t feel you can?t pursue help if you need it.

Sorry BeatieBow that sounded a bit brisk, you know what I mean. I hope you get all the help you need.

SassySusan Regarding booze and alcohol, I think (think not know) that it is like a lot of things, there are probably some cases where it is not helpful and if you drink a lot of either it is not helpful for those trying to conceive. If you only drink a little then it probably does not do any harm. My own ?story? is that once again (second attempt) we are on the waiting list for a donor egg. We have one dd aged 5 conceived with IUI (so my own eggs!) when I was 39. Anyway, there are charities (Foresight)/organizations/clinics (Marilyn Glenville/Zita West) out there that probably do advise a very healthy diet which would not include alcohol or caffeine. It is certainly worth cutting back if you wish to. When we have had treatment we were advised for the whole treatment time to act as if I was pregnant so in that situation I did give up alcohol for the whole time, last time it was 2 and a half months from start to finish and included my 45 birthday! I survived but I did not get pregnant so exactly how vital giving up alcohol is I am not sure. Giving up smoking is a biggie. Losing weight etc is also helpful and I am on an ongoing quest to do that as I am not as slim as I was when I was a pup! In fact I am seriously considering going back to Rosemary Conoley because I am struggling to do it alone!

Hippy Hope the top and vest trick works and it is not raining and cold where you are (as it is where we are!). Hope DH does not get suspicious, but I think you are right if you think he probably does not notice. I am sure all men think they are God?s gift to women so if the woman in their life fancies a bit they probably think ? who can blame her, I am such a hunk! At college all us girls were pretty much gorgeous but we had loads of things about ourselves we wanted to change! The men rarely wanted to change anything about themselves so I am sure they are not thinking about stuff as much as us, in fact when they say they are not thinking about anything, when asked, I reckon they are right!

Frosty how is it going?

I just got AF and I am still on the Agnus Castus and now about three weeks into a ten month wait!

SassySusan I wish you all the very best. I am sure that losing a child is probably one of the biggest strains you can ever have put onto a relationship so it is quite understandable if you go off sex etc. I hope you?ve had some help/counselling whatever to help you to cope. I really wish you all the very best in getting pregnant again. By the way, last thought, when you see the doctor if he is concerned about DHs sperm (I think you mentioned that before) you could ask about IUI/IVF. If they think some intervention is necessary, due to DH?s sperm count or mobility/motility whatever. I?m not sure of all the details but I wonder if they can get a sample from him and freeze it and then get another sample so that they have more sperm to work with if you do have treatment. Although my problem is my eggs now DH?s sperm is not great. We had ICSI for our last fertility treatment (where a single sperm is injected into a single egg each time). I really hope none of this will be necessary as it is quite stressful but as you mentioned that you have an appointment I would just say take a pen and paper, take DH and make sure you both ask lots of questions and get answers you understand, it can be baffling and there may be a temptation to nod or give the impression you know what the doc says and then later on think what was all that about!!! I know we have had so many appointments and some docs are better than others at explaining things so if you don?t understand anything tit is not your fault! Anyway, I am sure they will discuss all that with you so all the very best.

Gum greetings.

For anyone wishing to give up tea but struggling I can recommend green or even white tea. It is actually nice and good for you; sadly it is not as nice as some fair trade bog standard tea with milk from the supermarket!

Off on camping trip now so will check back in a week or so. Love to all sorry to any I have missed off.

I have been drinking decaffeninated tea (Tescos Finest, no less). You start off thinking it is ok.. cos it is sort of like tea in a vague sort of way... Eventually you realise it is a bit like drinking alcohol free wine or having sex without orgasms..... I don't think I miss the caffeine, it's more the taste, or lack of it...

For anyone missing coffee, we have one of those capsule coffee makers (a Nepresso) - the decaf coffee does actually taste good. But I miss the caffeine - as prior to ttc I was an 8 cup a day girl.

Thanks for all the advice Italian. I don't smoke and my BMI is bang in the middle of the healthy range - so they aren't issues for me.

I think reading the thread and getting to know you all, actually what we have is a set of problems that seem pretty par for the course here... We all really, really want to get pg, so you try everything, however marginal it might be. You're never really sure, because no one quite is, how much individual things make a difference (sigh)

I had given up alcohol altogether for the first couple of months of trying - but I've just decided that was too hard, and introduced the odd glass of wine. I was beginning to feel like I was in boot camp.. and all privileges (wine, hot tubs, coffee ration) had been removed. Eventually I convinced myself that the deprivation was creating too much stress, and that might be worse than the odd drink...

Being "relaxed" is the main area we fall down on... not quite sure how anyone ttc can be - but I do wonder if the grief is not helping... but what the hell can I do about that?

Happy days eh!

sassy I am so sorry to hear about the complications re; chicken pox. I totally agree that once a child has gone past the risk of cot death you do tend to assume that they will out live you. I literally feel sick just imagining your loss. i know you're not looking for sympathy and probably came on here to get a bit of normality and talk about something else (sorry!), but i am humbled by your ability to carry on and if anyone deserves a successful opregnancy it is you, my love.

Hippy news:-

I have not been charting properly this month, mostly due to the odd pain i have been getting - it runs from deep inside my belly button down in a straight vertical line to my bits and back again. They though it was a UTI but the wee sample has come back all clear so they have decided that they don't know what it is . All the doctor could say was that it wasn't anything serious. i didn't get to see my usual lovely GP (bet she would have known what it was - bless her!) I saw an elderly lady who asked how my toilet was and then said "How are No 2's?" .

The reason I was worried was cos I did have the same pain about a week before my last MC but the doctor seemed to think it wasn't anything to do with my girlie bits. She stuck one hand up me and pushed bloody hard on my belly (I felt like a chicken being stuffed!) and decided all was ok in there!!

Anyway, because of all the odd pains I have no clue if I have ov'd yet or not. i think probably not cos I had egg whites today so have sneaked in a crafty SWI. This is the first cycle that I am clueless as to where I am (apart from my two WTF(what the f...) cycles after MC's) - who knows maybe this will be a good way to do it and I'll get up the duff anyway.

Sorry, what a bloody long post all about me.

Hope everyone else is ok. We are due some more BFP's on this thread this month (bagsy me be one of them!) (Hippy waves her hand in the air).

Hippy - thanks for your kind thoughts x

Regarding your suspected UTI - I think it is quite common for the sample to come back clear even if you do have an infection, especially if you have been drinking a lot of fluids. I've had 2 or 3 UTIs over the last few months - clearly stress related - but most of the samples have come back with no infection - but they have definitely been UTIs and have responded to antibiotics.

Have you thought about using the OP kits - I know I have my acronym wrong... I was debating whether to buy them this month? Though I'm sure a crafty one can't hurt - though having said that - it may be all the shagging and lying with a cushion under your bum aftewards that's giving you the UTI!

My DH would laugh his head off if he knew Jolly thought I was the sex addict of the group!! HAHA.

sassy I do use OPK's. Internet cheapies are my prefered make (cheapo face).

I haven't had a positive yet this month but then I have been drinking so much cranberry juice that most of the samples I have produced have been very weak and they are meant to be a good strong sample to work properly.

It's quite annoying cos the same time as you are meant to be drinking loads of water to make EWCM (egg white cervical mucus) you are also meant to be not drinking much to get a good sample for the OPK - go figure that out!!!

Interesting point about the UTI. I might ask my lovely GP if i can have the anti biotics anyway despite the sample saying no. The locum that I saw was literally asking me to list the things I thought it might be and then saying no to them - I was hoping for the benefit of her training!!! (but once she called a bowel movement 'No 2's' I knew it wasn't gonna go well!!

I meant to say sassy - OPK's are quite good. I like to see those two blue lines and know there is defo an egg on it's way. I find I'm so much more enthusiastic in the bedroom after a positive OPK - ( @ jolly)

I have a lovely GP at the moment - first time ever - who basically just gave me pre-emptive antibiotics. He reasons, if the pain stops, they worked - who cares what the test said. I would just try that approach if the pain has been grumbling for a while - assuming you're not bf-ing (?)

I was thinking of buying an OPK this month. I get (what I assume) is ovulatory pain each month - anyway routinely get my period 13 or 14 days afterwards, so I assume it is ovulation. Seem to ovulate around day 10 to day 14...

So my approach was, we ought to start a couple of days before I might ovulate, and then carry on for a day or so after the ovulation pains. That makes sense, doesnt' it?

But given I could ovulate as early as day 10, that means starting SWI on day 7 or 8 and possibly carrying on until day 15. Now, I know it is not exactly torture, but I have to say, sex every day for 7 or 8 days feels a bit of a marathon task... hence the "I never want to shag you again ever" line.

So I was wondering about the tests to limit the SWI stage - but if they are less than reliable, that sort of puts me off...

hippy - xposts... I was also going to ask if more expensive brands are any better?

Hi all,
I was just passing [looks round door]
Susan the cheapie tests work for me if I do one or two a day from around day 11.
Last month I had to test for an ivf type cycle and used them every day from day 12 and got a strong positive day 15 (don't ask!). All the other days I had a bit of a line, but not a line equal to the test line, which is the idea.
The good thing about using cheapies is you don't mind doing two or three a day, getting your DH to do one for a laugh, that kind of thing.
Waves at Hippy and Jolls!
Italian, I emailed you this morning.
Gum how are the extra herbs making you feel? How's your bad back?

Thanks I will give them a go then...

Now we have covered caffeine, alcohol and SWI, we could move onto prayer and magic potions

lol at rowing's hubbie doing an OPK!!!

I agree about cheapies. Last month I had some decent boots one left over and when i got a positive on one of them I wee'd on a cheapie with the next wee as a test and it also gave me a good strong positive, so they do work.

I am still not getting a positive this month (despite holding on to my wee for 3 hours (cross eyed face). Could mean I've missed it but the egg whites suggest not. I will try taking my temp tomorrow morning and see what that tells professor Hippy. Still troops are in place for now - so no sweat (sassy that means sperm is waiting - i like to imagine them in little army outfits).

sassy can i ask please, when you had a UTI did you have anything like the pain I described?? I still have the bloody pain today and I can't just ignore it. If you had a similar pain I might go back to the docs (but do be honest - don't humour me please )

Have arranged to go and see my preggie friend next week, she is due one week after I would have been with first MC. BUT I am feeling ok about it - honest. i am even gonna go and see her when the baby is born - I need to think about getting up the duff again rather than why my two embryos didn't make it (I know why they didn't make it - it's cos I'm flippin' ancient).

Yes - abdominal cramps like you describe are the first sympton for me of a UTI - I usually try and dart off to the GP for antibiotics asap, and if I take them it usually goes with the first 2 or 3 tablets. However, if I try and brazen it out, and drink lots to get rid of it, it can progress and then I get urinary symptons - pain on passing urine - feeling you need to go all the time.... TBH, I would just go back and get some antibiotics - there is no real harm in taking them - and after a course at least it rules a UTI out! By the way, you shouldnt' be holding on with a UTi!

My closest friend is pg too... it was a mistake - just the one slip up.... (She is pleased though - just not the timing she wanted - her youngest is still wee)... We went to a spa together - she went in the steam room/spa pool - I sat out like a good girl - and she got the BFP. Now where's the justice in that!

Ah Sassy, there is no justice where ttc is concerned.
I'm going to have a moan, a mean moan, so turn away now if you don't want to hear it...I was in the supermarket the other day, and there at the checkout was a very young,pregnant mother with a toddler.The toddler was sitting quietly in the trolley munching away on an over-sized mars bar. I(being a bitchy,ttc old bag)notice her trolley is full of coke,processed food and other nasties. I was stood there thinking, "It's so unfair, I am taking 500 supplements,meditating,doing yoga,belly massage,acupuncture and organic fruit and veges, and still waiting to conceive..."

No justice...

Anyhoo, I had a couple of glasses of lovely wine last night with friends, and a piece of gorgeous chocolate cloud cake (Nigella's recipe).Gosh that was scumptious. It was all about getting relaxed for all the SWI that should happen this week. But the best laid plans of mice and men...my LO seems to have a sore ear and so slept badly again last night. I am feeling tired and not all that sexy! Still no positive opk so there's still time.

Hippy, I hope you can sort out that pain. Maybe it is worth seeing if you can get antibiotics, at least it would rule it out.I can't say I've ever had a pain like that. I've only ever had one UTI, when I was pregnant, and it only showed as a nauseous,generally unwell feeling.No burning wee, just felt awful. So I guess they don't always show up in the expected way.

Sassy, as for magic potions and prayer, I've tried many things! I've had a "Mia spell" done, after reading about it.She's on ebay and has hundreds of testimonials. But she's had to do the spell a couple of extra times for me,and still no bfp. Granted, I was breastfeeding much of the time and my fertility only returned a few months ago, but the spell didn't work yet. I also wear rose quartz because I've heard it is great for fertility. And I listen to a positive affirmation visualization CD. I also pray that I might get pregnant or comes to terms with not getting pregnant.

So I think it is safe to say that I'm completely loopy...I hope I haven't scared anyone off. If you knew me in RL I think you'd be really surprised as I seem to be a very normal, maybe a bit "hippy",nice person.

I'm not harming anyone and I take it all with a pinch of salt, but I do think it is important to be positive and to remain hopeful.It gets me by.

Rowing, I stopped taking the red clover as I heard it might actually have the opposite effect and stop ovulation.But I am drinking the ladies herbal tea(it's a mix of several herbs).I'll stop drinking it once I ovulate as it has a warning not to drink it if you are pregnant.I'm being religious with my supplements(getting serious now!). My back pain has pretty much gone. The chiropractor worked his magic on it, and I'll go and see him again this week.

Good luck everyone. I definitely think it is time for more bfp's and yes, Hippy, I'm putting up my hand too.

thanks for the advise. I will go back to the nice doc and ask for anti Bs. I'm a bit pissed off about it cos I think i may have missed the egg. I was so busy worrying about what could be going on in there that I did very little SWI (also cos it made the pain worse).

Anyway I took my temp for the first time in days this morning and it was 36.70 which is an after ovulation temp for me usually. So why egg whites yesterday???? You see what i mean about this cycle being all to cock.

Ahh well I will just have to hope that if I did ovulate there was at least one lonely little chap waiting for the egg. I'm due on around my birthday so will probably just get AF for a present - but can only hope foir a nice birthday BFP.

love to all. xx

sassy reading your post again I just wish that first doctor that I saw 6 bloody days ago had said i could have anti Bs just incase. I might have felt better quicker, felt more like shagging and got preggers!!!

If I'm not pregnant this month - I'm blaming that bitch .

Book I was reading sugggesting SWI from the day after your period until you get it again! I thought that was It makes IVF sounds like a piece of cake.

My lovely sympathetic DH has booked us into a spa hotel for tonight, so me and my AF are going to the hot tub and the sauna. Then we are going to eat posh grub - I can have a large glass of wine, and I don't even have to shag him afterwards.

At least there are some benefits to not being pg. (Determined to look on the bright side) Emoticon

Incidentally - forgive me if I'm being dim, but my daft lassie question for today is have folks considering trying IVF? I don't know much about it - and I know we wouldn't be eligible for NHS treatment, and it is pricey - but just wondered if there were other reasons to rule it out/consider it?