Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your cake, wine and tightie whities and join us for more ranting, weeping and most of all, laughing. All welcome.

[VivClicquot]

So, I thought I'd take it upon myself to kickstart the new thread. As the title suggests, this is a wonderful home full of the bravest, funniest and most inspirational women on Mumsnet, who are always ready to lend an ear and a virtual glass of wine.

The new thread is kicked off with 3 bfps in 3 days, so here's to more love and luck along the way

xx

Thank you all for your messages, it has made me feel better about feeling so awful and I'm going to just try and stop beating myself up for how I feel. And cheepz I'm so sorry that you have been through all that and your optimism about the future is really inspiring. You're probably sick of hearing these type of stories but I know of someone who had three miscarriages and then went on to have three babies, all in very quick succession. And viv, thanks for the advice about bereavement. I know that it is a bereavement I have suffered but I sometimes feel like a lot of people in RL don't see it that way and that can be quite hard. I am all for the over-sharing too by the way, partly because it feels too difficult not to tell people when it is so all-consuming and all I can think of. But also, I don't know very many people in RL that this has happened too and I wonder how much of that is people not talking about it.
I am amazed at the kindness of people on here offering me support and reassurance when you all have been or are going through your own terrible loss, so thank you.
By the way, the hangover has subsided, and I think I'm at the must-eat-greasy-stodgy-food stage. My OH is out tonight so I think I might order a pizza and cuddle up with the dog in front of the tv.

Allthe8s god damn RTD, that sucks. I'll be joining you soon pal I can feel it coming...

Good luck to Alba and Viv and your promising symptoms! Weather is shit up here so enjoy it Jolls.

Welcome Linda, hope this thread helps you -some great support and advice when you need it.

Dorcs I wouldn't worry about still being upset, its such a lot to deal with. Muser is quite right, you'll have spells of coping then inevitable rough patches. Hell, I've been having one since the weekend because of an episode of Desperate Houswives! Before that I was actually doing ok so don't be hard on yourself and don't bottle things up.

Well, I wept at my desk today - so might have topped you there Viv. Workmate due about a month after I was is using holidays to finish early in June and was over the moon today to only have 3 days left in office (rest of time homebased). So she and other colleague were chatting lots about it (wish it was me 'ha ha') and I'm thinking that it was going to be me, I would have been finishing early June. I then started blubbing at my desk and couldn't decide whether to get up and go to loo where I risked everyone seeing or to ride it out at my desk. Chose the latter and only one colleague noticed then apologised profousley for bringing it up etc. Relayed story to DH on way home and he said 'Have you got any lip balm? My lips are all dry'....

just popping in very quickly - thanks for your little messages ladies had a very up and down day - hoovering and swearing at the same time helped. Will try and log back in later but Mr8 is having sympathy pains/grumps so am about to crack open another bottle of wine so we can be moody old fuckers together! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello ladies. I'm hoping it'll be ok with you all if I join. I had a medically assisted mc last week at 7 weeks. It was my first pregnancy. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 5 weeks and had to start injecting insulin three times a day- it was all a huge shock. Needless to say, it's been a long few weeks. I go to the Dr. today to make sure everything is looking ok, but I'm pretty sure we're good. My bleeding is now barely even spotting and the hpt's are near neg. If I could just stop my random crying spells...

I've been lurking on this thread quite a bit the last few days and find you all to be amazingly helpful. It's just helps so much to see others having the same emotions, and the grads are giving me hope. People in RL are good, but I just don't feel like they really understand how raw I am right now.

The dr has suggested I wait 3 months ("because some studies show higher chance of mc...") but I don't think there is any way I'll be able to wait. I'm 36 and can't imagine wasting any time, especially time that may be extra fertile. I also think trying again will help me a lot emotionally, but I guess we'll see about that. I'm kind of terrified of the disappointment when you want it so bad and it just doesn't happen. I really hated that part of ttc and was so excited to put it behind me.

Like many of you, I also have a pregnant friend/ co-worker who sits right by me. We got pregnant on the same day. I feel like it's going to kill me to have to sit and experience her pregnancy every day. One thing that might help would be to get pregnant again fast.

As for oversharing- god lord I wish I could stop. I'm sick of hearing myself talk about it, but I just can't shut up. I guess this is how I grieve. Shocking thing is how many people have come back with their own stories. It really is amazing how many people have been through similar or even much worse situations. I guess it's just like "fertility issues." Many people have them, most just don't talk about them.

Ok, enough. I'm off to the doctor to get the ok to at least start having "practice sessions" again!
(btw, Muser, I'm pretty sure I know you from the first time frolickers thread- nice to see you again, just wish it wasn't here!)

magic8 dam the RTD and it's tricky mindgames- so sorry it wasn't your month

moo hang in there cycle twinnie! If not this month then now we are masters of the cbfm nothing will stop us! Am already planning high jinx for next cycle! I cried at desk yesterday too- has to give someone feedback and they totally lost it so I did too- sycronises cycles o RL not always good....
Desperate housewives v sad last night too

dorcas I think getting horrendously drunk is all part of the process, but particularly tough after being teetotal for a while. Dh and I went to the pub a week after the erpc when he was made redundant - I ended the night at 10pm by throwing up in a neighbour's hedge- oh the shame

cheepz like the sound of the dress- hope the beaver behaved !!!!

viv don't be too hard on yourself- sometimes a bit of oversharing at work can be a good relationship builder. Ps spotted your co in the evening standard re nick clegg -must have been a fun day!

Right... Better get back to pretending to watch the leaders debate ....

Aly232 sorry xposts- so sad to hear your news and that you've found yourself here- hope we can help you through things x

Thanks clareanna, I'm glad I'm not the only one- I suppose at least I made it to the toilet bowl, though only just...
Hi Aly232, sorry you're here too, but welcome. I only just joined last week and whilst the reason for being here is horrible, it has been hugely helpful.

Dorcas I 'hought I was 'over the mc' then when had first RTD was in a terrible state again. I had a chat with our vicar and he explained that mc is a bereavement and you have lots of stages of bereavement e.g. shock, anger, sadness. I had a little service for the baby where we lit a candle and said some prayers as I felt I couldn't move on until I had recognised that the baby had existed and grieved for it, as you would do if anyone else in your life died. It really helped us. Then I was upset after first month of TTC didn't bring any news. Now I've had 2nd cycle which wasn't successful , but I was less upset this month than I thought I would be. I agree there is a real pressure to 'get over mc' especially as it is so routine in the NHS, but everyone reacts differently and I still have bad days. There is no magic time when you feel better, but I can assure you it will get better.

Aly I waited one month and then went back to TTC - for me it was a way to get over the mc, but in some ways it has been tricky as I kept telling myself I'll be pg soon so I'll feel better, but it hasn't happened yet. On reflection the fact that it's 3 months down the line and I'm still not pg is probably a good thing even though I really want to be pg.

Hi to everyone else. Really tired after being bendy at Pilates so off to bed (with DH!) It's Friday tomorrow!

WYG that's such a lovely thing to do to have a little service for the baby, I'm glad it helped you. I think talk to someone about doing that for us. I think I need it.

Linda and Aly so sorry that you're both here. It's difficult to know how to feel about the whole TTC again. I'm still feeling quite mixed about it, desparately wanting to start again one minute and then the next minute thinking I just can't bear to go through the anxiety of another pregnancy again so shouldn't even bother TTC. But having joined this thread I now realise that's completely normal

Cheepz good luck for your interview tomorrow

Hi to everyone else. Sorry it's too late for a namecheck this evening. Should be in bed but still got work to do

freezing you could try checking with your hospitals chaplain- my hospital chapel has a rembrance service each month for those who have suffered miscarriages. It was very moving and helped me greatly on that they validated our grief - and gave us a formal chance to say goodbye.

It does get better I promise, I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Take care

Thanks WYG. The service sounds like a lovely thing to have done for your baby and I'm glad it helped. I've been thinking of things I might do to remember the baby by, although it still feels too soon. And thinking of it as a bereavement is helpful too. When I had my internal scan to confirm I had lost the baby the sonographer kept saying, "I think it's just a miscarriage", she must have said it about five or six times. I knew she meant that it was a mc rather than an ectopic which she was checking for but it was the worst thing to hear, as obviously it was not 'just' a miscarriage to me, it was the loss of my baby. It still makes me furious when I think about it, and I think it has affected me because I keep remembering it. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time letting myself grieve because I have taken in what she said.
I'm also dreading the arrival of my period and terrified about TTC, because I'm not sure how I'll cope with the disappointment if it doesn't happen straight away, but hearing that it gets better and that others have been where I am and got through it keeps me going.

ALy323 Hi, really sorry to see you on here. I did used to be on the First Time Frolickers thread, but after the mc and the EP I feel more at home here.

It must be so hard having to sit next to your coworker and watch her progress, I would be in bits.

Muser I can completely understand how you would feel more comfortable here. I think your concerns change drastically when you've gone through a mc or EP (or even more so, both or multiples). Suddenly my fertility doesn't concern me nearly as much as my million new fears and emotions. It's just so nice to talk to others who understand.

Dorcas, I'm so sorry for what the sonographer said. Of course it would stick with you. People just don't think sometimes and it can cut so much deeper than they can imagine.

WYG I feel the same way about TTC. I think it'll help me to work through the mc. However, I have to worry about having my blood sugar in line, too. So, if it doesn't happen quickly, I guess I can try to use it as an opportunity to get that straightened out.

I remember reading a few posts on an older thread where people talked about memory boxes they made for their lost babies. I wouldn't generally think that I would put together such a box, however, the first thing I did, before inserting my mc pills, was to put together a box. It didn't have much in it, loads of hpt's an ultrasound photo, my "belly" pics. I think it helped.

Dr. suggested waiting a bit before we do any "practicing". He also kind of gave me an unofficial ok to try again (or maybe I just read that into what he was saying to me).

DH described this last pregnancy as traumatic and horrible from the start and says that since we know any pregnancy is going to be really hard and awful, he would like to be as responsible as possible and do things as right as possible. He's very scared of the diabetes. God, why does he have to be so reasonable?

Sorry my posts are so long- I'm sure they'll get shorter soon.

Health professionals can say such thoughtless things dorcas. The nurses I saw were lovely, but the receptionist - well. As I was trying to get blood results after they failed to call me back with them she was insisting I had to wait until the evening again. I was tearfully insisting and she actually said to me "if it was something serious someone would have called you". Given that I was just waiting for it to be confirmed as either a miscarriage or an ectopic I was astounded at that comment.

Even if I had been ok and just panicking what right does she have to speak like that? How could she possibly know? It makes me mad just thinking about it.

at shoddy treatment. It's just so bloody unnecessary.

Just a quickie to wish Cheepz all the best for today.

Magic8 LOVE the new name. May it lead you to great fortunes and happiness

Aly, Linda, very sorry you are here, but its a good place to be.

Hope everyone who's had a tough week finds today easier.

Oh muser that is awful how the receptionist treated you, you would think she would have more sensitivity working where she does. It is astounding the lack of understanding. When I rang up to get my EPU appointment, when the bleeding and cramping were still light and we had no idea if I was miscarrying or not,and so were very scared, the receptionist went off to look for my file and I could hear her laughing and joking with her colleague for about five minutes. They bitched about another doctor, discussed their holidays... all whilst I had no choice but to wait and listen for what seemed like forever ,in tears, only to be told I had to wait three days for an appointment. I really do think that staff working in these departments should have better training as far as patient care goes.
I got my RTD today . I know that it is probably for the best, but I so wanted to be one of those women who got pregnant straight away. And I have got it bang on 29 days after the start of my mc- so my usual cycle length. Is that a bit odd, I was expecting it to be longer. I know this sounds stupid but it's like even my body has forgotten I was ever pregnant, like it just never happened....

Hello girls...I am back and after a lots of talk with DH we are definitely up for having #4 and am now ready to join your wonderful chatty helpful happy group!!

My stats if I can add and would somebody be kind enough to add them to the list...

minxi TTC#4 UCL 28-30 cycle 1 CD16

Although wonder if anyone can offer any advice my rtd started 8th April almost 5 weeks after the erpc and has been on off on off every day v light and spotting daily - even today a bit of spotting when wipe (tmi sorry) ... I think last weekend was alot of ewcm with streaks of red too(which also seems early ov to me too)... is this a normal rtd or is this just going to be a definite no this month...also had dreadful pain for about 3 days from SUnday which was like severe ov pain...anyway basically what I am saying not like the normal 3-5 days rtd would normally get...
Thank you...
right am going to read through and familiarise myself with all...xx

lindalinda I'm working at home too- I just took the dog for a walk in the park and had to come home early because I felt so unwell and there were too many people there it was making me feel a bit panicky. I can't really cope with many people being around me at the moment. In the shops yesterday I nearly started crying because someone pushed past me- I think I just feel so fragile right now. I wanted to say that please, please just let yourself feel what you feel. (it is so much easier saying that than taking the advice myself mind!). I don't think you should be trying to be ok, to prove something in the future and you don't need to legitimate how long you are upset for. I understand what you mean- you don't want your OH to be reluctant to try again because of how much pain you are going through this time (is that right?). But I think that you have to allow yourself to grieve however long it takes and I think you can cry in front of whoever you want to? (Or don't want to as the case may be...sometimes those tears just take you by surprise). It hasn't been very long at all since it happened. To be honest, a month on and I'm not sure that I can really truly accept what has happened. I still feel like I should be pregnant right now. So stop worrying about what other people think and take care of yourself. x x

minxi my first rtd was like that, random cramping on and off for about 5 days, second was heavier and lasted 9 days. Pre erpc it was pretty light, no pain and 4 days. Def think it takes a good few cycles for your body to return to normal.

Dorcas and linda it's normal to feel v fragile and gave no emotional resilience and that can continue to strike you at odd times, but it does slowly get longer between episodes. Those on the threadmay remember my complete panic attack meltdown in john lewis where I had to abandon a tantruming ds with dh and ended up hiding in a changing room to calm down! Just take each hour/day as it comes and don't try to pretend things are 'fine' and that you're over it- that way madness surely lies...

As for me.... Anyone else wildy excited and totally optimistically planning to get the BBQ out thus weekend?! I WILL eat charred meat outside whilst wearing my coat this weekend!!!

Afternoon all

I'm hungover so for a laugh, I thought I'd try and update the stats for today. Wish me luck...

Friday's list

Tigerbear TTC#1 UCL26 cycle 7 CD69
Hopefully TTC#2 UCL28 cycle 4 CD47
Limelight TTC#2 UCL35 cycle 1 CD47 ~ MIA?
Margie32 TTC#1 UCL? cycle Wtf CD46
Liahgen TTC#6 UCL26 cycle 1 CD43
Urd TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 1 CD35
Moofold TTC#2 UCL~33 cycle2 CD30
clareanna TTC#2 UCL35 cycle 2 CD30
Redheadgal TTC#1 UCL 28-30 cycle WTF CD30
BunnyBaby TTC#3 UCL31 cycle 2 CD29
Icedlemonmuffin TTC#2 cycle 12 UCL24-32 CD29
sparklyrainbow TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 1 CD28
LucyT66 TTC#1 UCL33-34 cycle 4 CD28
JulesAbs TTC#1 UCL30 cycle 2 CD25
albadetamble TTC#2 UCL25 cycle 2 CD24
slimyak TTC#2 UCL26 cycle 4 CD23
Pollyanna TTC#6 UCL27 cycle2 CD22
vivcliquot TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 5 CD19
Curlylox TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 2 CD17
dirtgirl TTC#2 UCL28 cycle 2 CD16
Littlemiss72 TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 3 CD15
Scotchontherocks TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 5 CD12
Gonnabe TTC#1 UCL28 Cycle 2 CD9
westyorkshiregirl TTC#1 UCL37 cycle 3 CD9
Allthe8s TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 3 CD5
Mummy3610 TTC#4 UCL 26-30 cycle 2 CD4

BUnderthebonnet TTC#2 UCL 28-36 CD??
lucy snowe TTC#2 UCL 40+?? cycle 2 CD ??

WTTC
Muser TTC#1 EP 18/02/10 Month 3 of 3 month wait
Cheepz TTC#2 MMC 26/3/10 6 week wait post ERPC
Jollster TTC#2 MMC 26/2/10 couple of cycles wait on acupuncturist advice
ElmMum TTC#2 MC 28/2-17/3/10 UCL 28/29 on cycle 1 of (self-imposed) 2 or 3 cycle wait
Freezing TTC#2 MC 28/3/10 on cycle 1 of 2 or 3 cycle wait
LadyBee TTC#2 ERPC 08/04/10

GRADUATES
amyboo
totally
hoops997 BFP 11 July 2009
Stressy BFP 22nd August 2009
becky78 BFP 4th September 2009
LittleOneMum BFP 7th September 2009
Waitingisntfun BFP 19th September 2009
Chamois BFP 7th October 2009
Apples BFP 9th November 2009
Meita BFP 10th December 2009
CakeandFineWine BFP 27th December 2009
boodleboot BFP 2nd January 2010
LeeWT BFP 21st January 2010
TFLS BFP 22nd January 2010
Louisesh BFP 22nd January 2010
MrsRigby BFP 27th January 2010
TheKurgan BFP 30th January 2010
effilump BFP 8th February 2010
Sarahlou8 BFP 10th February 2010
samanthab123 BFP 10th February 2010
redandyellowandpinkandgreen BFP 6th March 2010
floweringcurrant BFP 8th March 2010
HappyGirl1 BFP 23rd March 2010
Unbuffy BFP 28th March 2010
Zayja BFP 2nd April 2010
Barrenbrook BFP 6th April 2010
Goodluckbear BFP 10th April 2010
Malteser1981 BFP 11th April 2010
Gilda BFP 19th April 2010

That's pretty much finished me off.

xxxx

I wore trousers - just felt more confident that way - always feel abit exposed in a skirt on account of long legs - and arse is abit wide at the mo so skirts make me feel wider!!

Anyway I think the whole power dressing thing worked because it went really well and when i called my old boss after to see what the new guy had said as initial feedback apparently he said 'i think i am in love' which i will take to mean i am just what he is looking for in a business sense - not just that i am a babe - i did knock it out of the park though so fingers crossed they will offer me a new job - then it will be new house, new job everything will be up in the air and then i will get pregnant again and not have a miscarriage just to 'ice the cake' as it were.

dorcas and linda hang in there ladies - i remember the palce you are in all to keenly but it will get better, but for right now i know there is little i can say except to say this is a good place to share all the things you can't say to anyone else (dh, friends, family) because they either won't understand or it will freak them out, or it will make them feel bad ...

sorry for typos - new keyboard on new apple pc which dh set up for me last night, love him

right - treadmill - had a burger and chips for lunch and I am never going to lose my muffin top and pot belly if i keep putting burger and chips in my nosebag pub lunch and I had no discipline ....

Hooray for Cheepz well done you!! Do an extra half hour on the treadmill - then crack open the wine!