Secondary Infertility and IVF

[Wigglesmummy]

Can anyone advise? We have 1 lovely son now 3 conceived in about 3 weeks. A miscarriage last year and trying (since then) for 18 months. Just found out my husband has a sperm count of 3 million - so low the consultant couldn't believe it. Lucky he has met our son! Only chance now for a second is ICSI. Problem is that I am not sure I can - call me a coward (and I am) but the idea of the injections not to mention the effect of the drugs themselves, scares me stupid. What will it do to me, our life, our son? So my question - has anyone any advice to improve sperm count. Has anyone else faced anything similar and what helped them make up their minds. Is IVF always awful? How much variation is there between clinics as to drug regimes, types etc. Sorry stabbing in the dark as I seem to have so many questions I don't know where to start

Earplugs who on earth would want a good mother? And what a pain she would be to live with - normal is much easier to handle - otherwise DS will just turn to drugs and drink to cope with the stress of living up to his perfect parenting - and you wouldn't want that at your door would you?
I am also really pleased to see your miserable post - thought it was only misery me who dumped on everyone the whole time. Does sound to me like you are having a crap week. Any procedure and news makes the week a bit weirder and harder to handle doesn't it. I am starting to feel that all the tests make us more nervous/ cautious etc. If your DH hadn't had slightly ropey swimmers then you wouldn't know, would have got pregnant without all the palaver and either would have had no trouble or would have dealt with it as it came up - and that could still happen - I mean look at Gavin and Stacey - much more reassuring than any medic I have seen
And Huckabees thank you again and again for telling us the story from the other side - it really helps. It was really good this morning to think of opportunities (my PhD...) not a life that wasn't how I planned it. Its good to be given 'permission' not to follow the IVF route blindly. Oh and we got a dog last spring - 100 times more work than a baby but DS adores him - I agree - recommended alternative sibling! ALthough he now wants a cat and a pony ... Do you see why I worry about spoiling him?

Ha ha ha yes you are right Wiggle, who would want a good mother. Mine gives me and my sister plenty to complain about so wouldn't want to deny DS that! Just wish he could keep his tantrums until we're behind closed doors rather than in full public display! I shouldn't care what other people think but it just seems that he saves his naughty behaviour for when he has a decent audience. Fingers crossed thia is just a phase.

Very true what you say about analysing everything to death because of the situation we are in. I feel like my head is going to explode with all the baby related 'stuff' swimming around constantly. It seems the more you look, the more you find so a lot has to be said for blissful ignorance!

I also watched Gavin & Stacey, good wasn't it! If only we can be as lucky as that.

Let us know how you get on speaking to your DH.I'm sure once you've both come to a decision, you'll feel like you've got control back.

Just wondering, did they not want to repeat your DH analysis before refering you to the IVF clinic? I guess its good that you've not got a big waiting list, but no wonder you're feeling pressured!

Wiggle, LOL at the cat and the pony.

Hello ladies. Goodness, you turn your back for five minutes and the thread goes bananas!

Huckabees, your birth story sounds awful. No wonder you want to look at your notes. How frustrating to not be able to get at them. Do you think if the request came via your GP/ hospital consultant you might have more joy? I really appreciate you sharing your story, you seem to have a good attitude to your situation and it is helping me see that I can too, eventually!

Wiggle, have you managed to chat with your DH yet? I am interested about the Gavin and Stacy thing, I've never seen it so I'll have to have a google and see if I can find it!

Thanks for the semen analysis list Earplugs. I'll need to ask DH to get his figures so we can take a look. You sound like you had a hard pregnancy too, you are brave to be trying to give it all another go.

As for me, I'm feeling pretty rubbish as nothing is happening. My af is due soon (strange that we're all getting in sync!). I think that I actually conceived this month(added two cup sizes to my boosies), but all my symptoms are going now. Af now due anytime. I've started to try and be a bit more proactive about tests and things and my DH has agreed to go for a repeat analysis. I also rang my GP and got the numbers from my tests. They said everything was ok but looking at them my prolactin is high but still normal and my progesterone is low but also still normal. Hopefully when DH has hais tests we'll get a referal through to our local centre. I'm a bit concerned about my progesterone level as mine was 33 and I've read that 50 is a better level to maintain a pregnancy. I 've been wondering if I have a luteal phase defect so I really want to talk to the consultant. Apparently agnus catus can help so I'll be getting started on that I think!!!

Dear all - no chat yet with DH. We have been ships passing in the night. He's away now (since yesterday am) (work conference) until Saturday afternoon. Then the agenda reads - where should DS go to nursery for extra days bearing in mind impact on schools, who should look after dog next Sat when we have to go to a family lunch, what blinds for kitchen, should we go ahead with IVF, when can we find a time to look at carpets for dining room and DS room, sorting out mortgage for mid Feb when existing rate expires, do we want to go on holiday with friends who have generously asked us but we suspect may not have the same holiday aims as we do and how to say no without offending, and about 30 other things of greater and lesser importance and urgency ... Also would you like a glass of wine and proper meal and a bit of peace and quiet ...
Luckily, after feeling really hounded by it earlier in the week (and having cancelled appointment date (so we don't forget and get charged) with a view to calling them to fix another) I feel that we do have to take time to think and make decision properly and not force ourselves to be rushed - especially as the clinic seems to just jump into treatment and tests without any opportunity to discuss in advance.
Oh and yes DH is to repeat analysis but again to suit clinic ie before appointment with them rather than wait the minimum 8 weeks recommended by consultant before before (so on their dates would be 7 weeks - just a waste of cash I fear).
Lilybunny agnus castus is an element of fertility blend (and my reason for buying it). My cycle was all over the shop before I started taking it and I am sure it has helped. Don't have detailed results from when I wasn't taking it but have been taking since September and noticed immediate improvement which continued and all my results have been excellent, which cosidering my great age is amazing. Boobs still turn into rockets mind, so it won't solve that one!

hello, I posted back in December (on page 1 I think!) Sorry, I kind of lost the thread (and the plot!!) Been catching up with your posts and just popped on to say hi.
Briefly, we have DD who will be 5 next week and have been ttc #2 for nearly 2 years. I'm now 42. Various hormone test suggest low egg reserve and my consultant said back in september ivf with donor eggs. Just been to see him again last week and not having any joy, seeing different registrars and being told different things is very frustrating. Eventually had a chat with the fertility nurse who was brilliant. DH and I have decided to try for some private tests/consultations to see if we are able to use my own eggs for ivf. Last ditch attempt for us. Anyway hoping to get the AMH test done. Nurse suggested Guys. Anyone had any experience? Going to give them a call in the next couple of days. I don't know what the procedure is for getting appointments etc.
Well ladies sorry for big post and ramblings!

Hi Clure, nice to see you again. Great news that you have a plan, I think coming to a decision is half the battle. The tests that DH and I have both had so far have been private. Not that we've got money to burn or anything, but i find the NHS system for non urgent problems to be very frustrating and this process is stressful enough without adding to it. I'm sure you'll be able to find people willing to help.

As for advice on Guys etc, I'm no help I'm affraid. You might have more luck posting on the big Assisted conception thread or trying on the Fertility Friends site which I believe has lots of info on clinics. Would love to hear how you get on so please keep us updated.

Wiggle, I think we do lead double lives! Mine sounds just as hectic as yours and practically the only time DH and I get to chat is if he phones me at work! Good for you putting the brakes on the IVF clinic. That really is horribly fast and although for some people that might be a god send, its not if you're not sure its the right thing to do. I can't believe that they refered you when you DH has only one set of test results. Its not even giving him the chance to find out if it is a transient problem. Pleased that you're going to have a retest when it suits you, you will after all be the ones paying so you want to make sure its meaningful.

Hi, My first post folks. We have a 4 year old and been TTC for 2 years for no 2, after all the tests, we eventually had a a laproscopy in which they told me that that my C-section had caused my tubes to become twisted and so the eggs had nowhere to go. I am on a 3-6 month TTC regime again before going back again for another consultation. Worried because I'm now approaching late 30's and keep reading of the chances of fertility going down. Also, does anyone know of a private clinic in the London region that is not going to dismiss you if you are a few pounds over their presecribed BMI weight limit. Losing weight on top of the emotional rollercoaster of IVF is not something I am looking forward to? Help please

Hi TSK. Nice to meet you. Don't know anything at all about London clinics - this thread seems very helpful though -www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/851417-Assisted-conception-and-the-bits-in-between-part-4-al l. (Hope that link worked as it doesn't look good to me).
And I didn't even think about my first until I was 39 ... obviously depends on you but its not cut and dried.
Well re DH - have had conversation - in brief - DS to do extra day in current playgroup for now, won't go on holiday with friends (they have also just had 2nd baby and I really don't want to join them in happy families nor have to suffer being tied to their baby's routine when we no longer have to) and (the one you are waiting for) - def no to IVF - although if DH has a retest and much improved we might investigate IUI and whether would be an option and whether actually less invasive and requiring constant attendance at dr and hospital. He is keen to have a retest (amazes me as I am fed up with tests already, which is part of the decision for me - but then HyCoSy wasn't my idea of a fun afternoon so maybe I am just more 'tested' than him). I think we both hope that with improved lifestyle (he is going to exercise classes now too) that it may just happen (given I am supposed to be in fine form...) and if not the expectation/ hope etc will just whither gradually. I suppose as DS gets older I will have less contact with babies and so feel less upset by it and have more chance to get my life back, go on lovely holidays etc. Have just booked a week in Barcelona with my boys so that is very exciting as a start - hey lets spend the IVF money!!
How about you all?

Wiggles, I'm glad you are feeling more positive, and looking forward to things. I think you have made a good decision re not going on holiday with your friends - there will be other chances to do this down the line I'm sure.

From my experience, you are right about the expectation/hope fading with time, but be prepared to get caught out every now and then. Some months are broodier than others for some reason. You probably realise this, so hope I don't sound patronising.

I have definitely changed in my attitude since my DS got older and we've moved on from baby/toddler stages (along side many of my friends). I now walk through the baby sections of the shops without a second glance, and although I think tiny babies are oh so cute and cuddly, I am always quite happy to hand back my friend's toddler after babysitting for her (fun for an hour or so, then I've had enough!!!). But I am four years on from knowing I'd be unlikely to have more, and it probably took a couple of years to get to where I am.

I am resisting the temptation to say you have made a good choice (because it's such a personal thing) but I think it's great that you have made a decision about the IVF itself, and can now focus on other things a bit. And Barcelona seems like as good a distraction as any! (Would love to go - DH has been twice, but both times without me )

Hi TSK - welcome to the thread. You will see from my posts that I experienced a similar thing to you, so know how it feels. No advice on clinics I'm afraid, but hope you can get help on the other thread about that.

Sounds like a plan Wiggle! Good for you, I think just by having agreed the way forward sort of takes some pressure off and allows you to focus your energy rather than contantly worrying about anything and everything.

I think huckabees has hit the nail on the head for me. Currently we are still well within the 'baby stage' for almost all our closest friends so it is a constant reminder and does make me feel a bit left out of the group. But, I guess in a few years time when the kids have grown up a bit we will all move onto the next stage and so this won't seem as much as an 'issue'. Its just at the moment its crap, I had another pal call this morning to tell me they are expecting their third. I am of course pleased for them and don't have any hard feelings but it did make me feel a bit 'panicky' for a while, almost like I've well and truely been left behind. Stupid I know, its not like its a race or anything but just when you start to feel like you could accept things the way they are, someting comes along to challenge you again!

Hi TSK and welcome. Sorry to hear you're also having problems. I'm pretty sure that if you are paying, there will always be someone willing to treat you, its just a case of finding the place that is right for you. I'm sorry that we're not much help on the clinic front, I think we're more the 'non IVF thread' at the moment but there are certainly ladies around who will be able to give you the info that you need.

Hello all, welcome back Clure and welcome TSK.

I thought I'd just pop in briefly, life is a bit crazy just now...a good distraction though.

How is everyone?

Wiggle, wow what a decision about the IVF. Sometimes it's so hard to say 'that's just not right for us'. There just seems to be an expectation that everyone wants IVF. Fingers crossed things will be more positive with another retest. Fab about the Barcelona trip

How is everyone getting on in the testing department? My DH has just put in another repeat sample so we are just waiting on the results now. Did you find a clinic TSK?

I'm hopeful about what huckabees said about the baby stage passing. As time moves on and I don't conceive I think why do I want to rock my lovely little boat? Then my dd asks why she isn't a big sister yet, and I'm heartbroken . My friends are still breeding like bunnies and it is just still so hard to smile and congratulate them. Argh!!

On that happy note! Catch up soon x

Hello everyone. Gone silent as not much to say at the moment but I know everyone else is busy making decisions and progress. Thank you all for your support. What's new with you?

Hi all, how is it going?

Well apparently my dh's repeat test was no different to the first, so we are just waiting for an appointment to our local centre to come through now (hopefully we'll be able to get all the numbers then). I've been trying the whole temping thing but I seem to have bugger all temperature shift, maybe a bad sign?! I've also been taking my agnus castus this month, but I've read that it can take about three months to start having any effect. I'm in the 2ww at the moment, but I'm probably just wasting my time, again.

Hope everyone is doing a bit better.

Hi All,
Nothing much to report here either, also on 2ww but again pretty much know its a no hoper as I'm getting the usual PMT temper. Also was starting to feel a bit nervous as only a few weeks now before DH repeat test but I can't help thinking that there isn't a significant improvement otherwise I'd be pregnant!

Sorry Lilly that your DH repeat showed no improvement. Will be interested to hear how you get on at the clinic as I think I maybe following in your footsteps.

I did try temping for a few cycles but it drove me mad. My charts were a bit up and down because 1) I could never manage to take my temp at the same time every morning and would often forget and get up to go to the loo or something first and 2) I sleep with my mouth wide open (nice!) so my temps were never that accurate anyway. I know you can take them via other routes but there was NO WAY I was going to do that first thing every morning. Having said that it was possible to see a very rough 2 phase pattern if you squinted but I found the whole thing made me feel obsessive so I stopped. I think you need to do it for a good few months to get a trend.

I'm using persona at the mo to identify fertile times. I know opks don't work for everyone but I get positives at roughly the same time each month so figure its doing its job. Unfortunately I am a long way past the stage where I can enthusiastically BD every 2 days throughout the entire month and hold down a job at the same time so I find it helps.

How is everyone else doing?

Hi all.

I just got my appointment through for our referral. It's on the 4th March and I'm surprised to find I'm dreading it a bit. I thought I'd feel more positive that we were starting to investigate things further but I'm petrified. My friend has not long had her appointment and they basically said they couldn't help and did she fancy IVF? I will be devestated if that's all it will achieve.

I don't even really know what we want to ask yet. I thought if I had some idea of what I wanted out of the appointment then that would be a start, but I think that wanting to arrive back home pregnant is a bit optimistic!

Hope that you are keeeping your sanity through your 2ww Earplugs

Hopefully catch up with everyone soon, seems to have gone a bit quiet at the moment. Hope all is well (if all is really well, as in BFP, don't be frightened to let us know )

Hi all.

Good luck with the appointment Lilybunny. Its good its so soon. Whatever else it should give you a chance to talk about the options. Let us know how it goes.
And good luck Earlplugs husband too
No change here - although I have discovered that as the only one of DS friends mummies without another baby, I am considered quite cool by the others because I can go on bouncy castles, soft play etc with them all. Now nursing wrenched finger and miscellaneous bruises - so not much consolation.
10 days to Barcelona holiday so everything else now unimportant!

Good luck Lilybunny and Earplugs. Lily, even if you don't get the news you want, having clarity about things usually helps in the long term. And you never know, there might be good news, so stay optimistic.

Wiggles - have a fab time in Barcelona. I am resolved to go myself now (even though I'm a useless traveller - hate all the packing and planning and actually getting there bit. DH gets very frustrated with me, and I wish I could just be a carefree, throw a change of clothes in a bag and take off kind of gal, but I'm just not). Anyway, can't wait to hear how it goes.

Hello everyone. Sorry to have bailed for a bit but it was all getting a bit much.

How was Barcelona Wiggle? Did you have a good trip?

Well we've had our consultant appointment and sadly it was the anticipated waste of time. I'm going to have my tubes investigated to confirm they are open. Then that's it. I've started some acupuncture and I'm taking the agnus castus so I guess we'll go from there.

Wishing you all well and hoping I can entice everyone back for a catch up soon. x

Hi all,
Sorry to hear that about the appointment Lily,god this journey is frustrating isn't it.

We're still waiting for DH's results to come back. He ended up having to wait another couple of weeks before going as he came down with full blown flu 3 days before his original appointment. Gutted as no doubt that will have affected this set of results so we'll still be none the wiser unless we wait another 3 months again for retest.

Anyway, I've sent off for some brochures for our nearest fertility clinics. Still can't quite believe that its come to this, but I think ivf really is going to be our only hope.

I've come for a whinge, I do hope you all don't mind!

Af arrived yesterday and I'm so totally bummed. I was tentatively hopeful this month but it was not to be. I sort of feel like the stuff that I'm trying is doing something. The agnus castus set of three days of the worst PMT I've had for years, just before my last af so I guess my hormornes have been affected as I've not had the same effect this month. The acupuncture seemed to stimulate a good ovulation so I guess I'll keep going with that a bit longer. ARGH!!!!

Anyway, how is everyone? How are things progressing with the clinic hunt Earplugs?

Please all come back soon x

Where have all people gone??

Hi Lily, I'm still here mostly just lurking about.

How are you getting on? We've started our IVF journey and hopefully will be starting next cycle all going well. I'm actually quite relaxed about the whole thing to be honest. Whilst another DC would be wonderful,I can also see plenty of benefits to having just the one (mostly materialistic I have to say but still benefits none the less).

Maybe my frame of mind may change once I get engulfed by the whole process but so far so good!

Would love to hear how everyone else is doing.

Wow Earplugs that's so quick to start your IVF, you were only just looking for a clinic in your last post! Let me know if it happens, I remember you saying it wasn't an easy ride in your first pregnancy, I'll keep everything crossed for you.

Nothing has changed here. I'm with AF again and it always makes me think of everyone else on here and wonder how you all are.

Thanks for posting. It's nice to hear from you again.

Thanks Lily, yep I'm not one to hang about! DS has had several tests now and despite living like a monk since December (well apart from the sex bit!), there hasn't been any change in his results so we just decided to get cracking with IVF rather than dwell on it any longer.

Sorry to hear AF is with you, it really is the pits isn't it. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey, whatever path you decide to take.I'll let you know what this IVF route is like once I'm out the other side!