Assisted conception (and the bits in between!) - part 4 - all welcome

[mummycat1]

Starting new thread with massive congratulations to Nanoo I reckon the old man can wait till he gets home! But of course - it's up to you really xxx

gingerwine you are exactly right about folic acid and aspirin being additions to my regime this time, both should help with the effects of my genetic condition. I'm hopeful and up WAY TOO early this morning... shouldn't be up at all yet - but I'm excited (in a mellow kinda way). It has really been nice to have the distractions of visitors (and the new dog)here at my house - it's stopped my obsessive thinking about ttc! (they do look like boobies, but the red nips are a little disturbing to me!)

bluebell plenty of time to take off a few pounds, don't worry about it - you'll be great even if you don't lose it! (I've had to settle into that reality myself, esp since having visitors that I want to show around by taking them to our favorite restaurants!!!) Actually I realized recently that I've been carrying loads of water weight - took a couple of water pills and that helped a lot! (not suggesting yours is the same - just prattling on)

nanoo Thanks for thinking of me today! I've got a few hours yet before ET - but I'll let you know how it turns out. For now, I'm just hoping they all make it out of the cryo-freeze! Most of you will likely be in bed before I get home after all the excitement!

How are things going for you? Is your DH still floating? Are you getting morning sick? Are you still in disbelief??? (If it happens for us, I'm sure I'll be in disbelief for a long time!)

LL hoping the comfy white jail is treating you well - any more sunshine there??? Can I rub your belly for good luck?!

Hi girls. It's been very quiet here by the looks of things.

Islegrin - Lots of luck for FET. I do go to bed quite late so I will check later but otherwise will be looking in first thing tomorrow to see how you've got on. All the best. You sound like you are in the perfect frame of mind.

nanoo - Hi. Hope all is going ok with you. I am finding the 2WW hell now. Last week I was excited and a little hopeful but this week I feel like there is a grey cloud hanging over me. My boobs are slightly sore and I am very grumpy and basically I feel like I have PMT. No bleeding or cramping but just a feeling that AF is going to happen this week. I know any or no symptoms can happen and it can still be a BFP but I just keep thinking of the odds we were given and it all seems so unlikely. Sorry to be a grump. It's all the progesterone! Horrible stuff!

Londonlottie - How are your girls and how are you? Hope things have settled down.

Bluebell - Glad you have made plans. They sound sensible. You never know IUI may work but if not you can relax and enjoy christmas before giving it your best in Jan. New Year - New cycle! Sounds good to me. If it were me I might try and shift a little bit of weight but only so that I could indulge a little over christmas!

Mummycat - I hope you are recovering and feeling ok.

Hi to everyone else.

Where is everyone? Are you all ok?

Isle - How did FET go?

Fed up here. Emotional and teary, a few tummy pains but not sure if AF related or not and I'm just going mad waiting to test. I never thought I'd be tempted to test early but I can understand why people do. No point yet though as trigger shot was only 13 days ago. AAAAAAAARGH!!!

That's better. I'm going christmas shopping now.

How did things go Isle? How do you feel? I don't know anyone who's done FET so am not sure if it hurts or whether you feel a little bruised afterwards...? Anyway, really hope all's good and you've got lots (of relaxing things!) planned for the next few weeks. HUGE fingers crossed....

Gingerwine I really feel for you - you just don't realise til you get to this stage how desperate you feel. Don't worry at bit about the cramps - remember what everyone on here said to me - they don't mean anything. Try not to symptom spot, just to keep your sanity, just keep busy busy busy busy.....you've done really well to get this far :-)

LL - oh dear, another 3 weeks at least. I'm so sorry. But it sounds like you are in the best possible place when I read about your contractions and shortening cervix - your little girls are so safe while you are there, so grin and bear it. Just think, in about 5 weeks time you could be holding them in your arms. It'll all have been worth it. What a battle though!!!

How are you Mummycat - hope you're feeling better and tummy less bloated? What are your thoughts about next steps with those little frosties? Take care x

All fine here - DH off abroad on biz again tomorrow so my Mum is coming to that first scary scan with me. Not feeling at all confident :-( V v sorry for the TMI question, but do you reckon it's normal to STILL have fertile EWCM at this stage - ie about 3-4 weeks after ET? Surely the EWCM would go away if I really was pg???)

Hi all - FET went very well, except I was annoyed at having to wait once we arrived. Although we did arrive 30 min early. OHHH - and I have a documented SUPER bladder, which was too full! ha ha ha, I knew that from all previous road trips.

At first they told me NOT to get undressed and the doc would be in to talk first - after a while I started worrying that all 3 didn't survive the thaw, but THEY ALL SURVIVED IN GOOD SHAPE and they are all tucked in nice and snug! I feel a bit sore but it's very minor. A little heart burn from the meds. In fact I'm not sure why they gave me meds before hand - I was so relaxed this time, I didn't need them. (Last time I was aas nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof and DEFINITELY needed drugs!)

The sweetest thing was that they recorded the u/s scan of when they actually put the embies in - then they let us watch it on a loop over and over again while we mellowed out in the OR. It was a cool/bonding moment for us. [awwww emoticon]

gingerwine so sorry to hear the progesterone is not agreeing with you! This too shall pass!!! Now I get to focus on your last week of waiting, to help keep my mind off of my wait. I love the idea of Christmas shopping! What am I getting??? hint: it's long and narrow and MUST have TWO lines!

LL I hear ya - and I will remember this if I end up on bedrest in the hospital. I cannot imagine being grounded for so long, but it's unbelieveably important to those girls of yours - so I'm willing you some extra patience and staying power!!!

nanoo I thought the same thing about EWCM - was affraid I had Ov'd and they would cancel cycle - turns out it's from the estrogen! and it's a good thing or at least - OK! I think it tapers off after you are pg for some time, but I'm not sure on that. Are you on any estrogen support? Best of luck at scan, but I'm sure you are doing brilliantly!!!

Waves to everyone else!

Isle great news about FET . Your three embies (the three musketeers!) are already doing so well to have survived intact. And lucky you getting to watch the moment of transfer on a loop - I spent large chunks of my TWW staring at the image of my womb with the tiny white fleck of where the embryos had gone...wishing you all the luck in the world with getting that Christmas pressie you want

Lottie sounds scary, with the contractions, but well done on getting to nearly 31 weeks. I know it sounds trite but every day for your girls is A Good Thing

Nanoo Lottie's put it so well already, but I wouldn't worry about the discharge. A pretty common early sympton I think. And good luck for the scan (I was horribly nervous, to the point where I didn't really enjoy it ).

Ginger not long now - am keeping my fingers crossed for you .

ISLE!! THREE!!! That's amazing. And all in good shape. Well done you. That's so exciting , I'm really happy for you. Now get down to some really lovely luxurious resting...enjoy!

(Just out of interest, did you have to agree to 3 being put back, or sign anything agreeing to the risk of multiple pg? Just wondering because in the UK (I think) by law we wouldn't be allowed to have 3 at your age (under 40). I could be wrong. Just wondered how you felt about it.)

Thank you Caitni isle and LL for the encouragement about all the strange stuff coming out of me! LL I was so touched that you understood so well how scary that scan will be. It's on Thursday morning - so less than 48 hours away. Obviously my biggest fear is no heartbeat - I've mc'd before with just an empty sac there. Like you Caitni there won't be any happiness in that scan for me, I'll just be so nervous (clinging onto my poor Mum!). The next scary thing is finding more than one heartbeat - not because I don't want twins - but I'd be SO worried about all the negative stats around having twins (higher mc potential, higher health issues etc..). Anyway, stupid to think about that - the most important thing is that there's a heartbeat at all. I'd be SO grateful either way.....

LL yep you are right - good memory - I'll take it easy for two days, maybe a bit less as things at work are popping and the delay has messed up my intended schedule (FET was planned for FRI then rest over weekend and back up to normal on Monday).

Nanoo that's funny that you say "at my age" here I'm considered in the old barren category so it's customary to put back three - especially with all of the failed attempts (52 cycles or there abouts) this is the 7th with serious assistance. Hubby and I have to agree and sign every time we do anything with number of embryos or samples. They even made us fill out a form telling them what to do in case of death or divorce! Of course, we discussed the risks of multiples both with doc and between DH at home. We have a game plan, but I can't help thinking that we may be looking at 0 anyway (not being negative, I SWEAR - it's just such a long track record it's hard to ignore). I'm actually hoping for one or two, but we can handle whatever happens. The clinic is pretty much counting on one sticking.

Thank you lottie for your sensible words re the 2WW. It is agonising isn't it? Will do my best to stay away from pee sticks. OTD is Friday. Glad you are ok. I was beginning to wonder if those contractions had led to something more. It must be very dull stuck on bed rest for so long but I promise it will be worth it. What a lot us women go through to have our babies. It sounds like you will most likely be holding those little ones before christmas though. I certainly don't mind listening to your pregnancy woes. In fact I am very excited about hearing about the girls being born. Strange how you can get so involved in someone's pregnanncy when you've never met them. Hope your DH brings a few more home cooked meals in to keep your spirits up.

Islegrin - Wow that's fantastic news. 3 all tucked up safely. Welcome to the 2WW (where I am going slowly mad). Have a nice quiet couple of days. Sending lots of implantation vibes across cyber space to help and as an early christmas pressie.

nanoo - Lots of good luck to you for your scan on Thursday. It is so nerve wracking isn't it. I know it just doesn't seem real until you have seen it. Glad your mum will be with you as your DH can't. Pretty sure I had a discharge in early pregnancy too as others have said.

Hi to caitni - hope all is progressing well with you.

Well I went shopping and every shop I went in was out of the items I wanted (lego, scalextric etc...) So I decided to do my shopping londonlottie style - on my laptop! So back home and from the comfort of my sofa I have done about two thirds of my christmas shopping and a bit of research into other pressies.

I did really well distracting myself til about 6 o clock but now feel like AF is brewing. I am trying to ignore it! I would so like a glass of red wine, but water will have to do!

Hi to mummycat, bumpless and everyone else.

Hi ladies

Nanoo BEST of luck for your scan on Thursday. I'm sure it will help put your mind at rest, and it must be lovely to have your mum coming along for moral support. I know you won't dare to stop holding your breath until you've had the scan but I am sending positive vibes.

And the same for you Gingerwine, I bet in a way testing day can't come soon enough but in another you can't bear the thought of it. You are doing the right thing to try and distract yourself, Christmas shopping is a doubly good way to do it! And hopefully soon you will be treating yourself to a thimble full of champagne to celebrate some very good news.

LL, hang in there, as long as you are resting up you are doing the right thing for the girls. I also wondered whether things had developed over the few days you were offline but it is good to hear they are still cooking away safely!

Islegrin I'm so pleased that all 3 embies thawed out intact and that must be excellent news for your prospects, especially now that you've got your super doses of folic acid etc to give you the best possible chance. Sending burrowing vibes to those 3 little fellows!

Sooty, how are you feeling now? I hope that you and your OH are supporting each other, doing lots of talking and getting your heads round things. Hope you are alright.

Mummycat - how's the tummy feeling? I hope all the pain and bloating has subsided and left you feeling more comfortable again. Let us know how you are.

Not a great deal to report here. CD2 so our continuing attempts to get pg naturally while we wait for treatment are still just as successful! Feeling a bit meh really, no news from the hospital. At least the postal strikes seem to be over for now so perhaps things will get unjammed and we will hear back soon. Am making enquiries about counselling as I feel I am a bit screwed up by my experiences over the last two years and spend so much of my life in suspended animation, sad, jealous, bitter, you name it. Want to try and regain some perspective. How many of you have had counselling during this process? Do you find it helps?

Bugger - AF starting just like any other month. I am so sad. Can't bear the thought of my DH never being a biological daddy and I can't see that I could do this again. Sorry to be a misery but I can't stop crying.

Oh no. Gingerwine I can't believe it. That is so cruel. I'm so sorry. But of course DH will be a biological Daddy, there are so many more ways to work it out. I know you must feel utterly helpless right now, and it's probably a good idea to cry as much as your heart needs today, and really grieve for what should have been :-( I'm gutted for you. But try and keep a glimmer of hope, knowing it's really not all over. Really, it's a battle, but you can do it. Be strong xxxxxxx

Cerubina I would recommend counselling as soon as possible. We didn't do it and (if you look back at the past threads) you can see what a horrible mess DH and I got ourselves into. We still haven't sorted things out - personally I think IVF can put a terrible pressure on your relationship - which is crazy because it's when you need each other most. All those things you feel - sad, bitter, jealous - I'm sure are normal. Counselling would help you see that, rather than feel bad about it. Take care x

My partner and I would like to start getting pregnant shortly after a trip to Thailand and Cambodia in which we will be taking Malarone for about 22 days.

How long should we wait to ensure the drug will be absent from both our systems so as to not have a negative affect on the pregnancy?

I already have to postpone my plan getting pregnant in the trip as research say not to use Malarone at pregnancy at all?I don't know what to do and if it would affect pregnant in the future.

Me

Oh Gingerwine, how terribly sad. I'm so so sorry. I know none of us can say anything very helpful right now, but I'm thinking of you and hoping you can at least get yourself home, if that means leaving work early or whatever, and just take it all in and cry as much as you need. Be with your DH and comfort each other. No need to think about what you do next right now, just allow yourself to deal with this huge disappointment and do whatever you need to. Hopefully the clinic will be able to provide some reassurance or counselling too.

Take care of yourself and your DH.

Thank you londonlottie, I am new here and was just realise my misteak. Sorry but I don't know how to delet this massage...

Good Luck for all here.

((((Gingerwine)))) am so sorry to hear that. xxx

Oh Gingerwine you need so many (((hugs))). Be kind to yourself and take things slowly. This isn't the end of the road.

LL the result of reducing your drugs sounds so dramatic! It sounds as though you are in an excellent hospital and recieving very good care. I admire your sticking power - must feel like you are in limbo.

Cerubina I, amongst many others I'm sure, completly relate to your feelings of being in suspended animation. I think when something so serious is happening to us we get locked into our own intense little world. Maybe counselling is the key to unlocking this.

Nanoo sending you so much good luck for tomorrow. My relationship is also still suffering badly after our journey into the land of IVF and it has always been so strong previously that it came as a massive shock.

Isle 3 little embies - ww! Wishing you lots of luck.

I went to hospital on Mon and the consultant (a different one) said that she wanted to admit me straight away for tests and monitoring. My tummy was enourmous and I was breathless constantly and very dizzy a lot. Also completely weak and washed out. So I had yet more bloods done, more scans and an x-ray which showed fluid on my right lung. I enjoyed the novelty of having my own rrom and resting all day, but by 11pm I was wide awake and very emotional. I just wanted to go home. The room I was staying in was ridiculously hot which exacerbated the other symptom I've been having of hot flushed face. So I, crazy woman that I am, got up and got dressed and packed all of my stuff and then marched down to the nurses and said "I'm going home." They immediately fetched a dr - amazing as one hadn't been able to see me before that point! The Dr said that it wasn't safe for me to go home because of the fluid on my lung.

Anyway - I stayed, but refused to go back to the stifling room and was given another one which was cooler. I still couldn't sleep, but must have done so eventually at around 2-3am. Next morning, Drs came to me straight away and plenty of them and I was allowed to return home where I immediately started playing with my DD and then tackling the ridiculous mountain of washing that appears when a man is in charge. I was still very brethless then.

I now have a chest infection which meant that I had another bad night last night, but do you know what? I am feeling as though I have more energy and I'm not breathless - my tummy is a little more comfortable - dare I say it actually feels as though it is going down at last!

Another trip to the clinic for more blood and scans on Friday, but at last I am getting better. Phew! Looks like I will make it to the Xmas do in my LBD after all

Oh shite! That's terrible news gingerwine I was so hoping this would WORK this time!!! Dito to dark days that LL speaks of, I know the gut-wrenching pain, disappointment and frustration! Is there any ray of hope or is it full on beginning of AF? Huge hugs to you! I find that a day or two of grieving are usually helped by some laughter and then finding hope in something baby related or not (sometimes NOT is even better - hence my constant dreaming of travel!!!) We're all allowed to have our cloudy days, so don't feel like you need to come out of it until you are good and ready!

cerubina I was disappointed after our last attempt failed (fresh IVF) as usual, but it was the finding of the genetic mutation (the non-sticking factor) that really sent me into anger and resentment. I came close to seeking counseling, because I was a bit dispondent. I think the key is whether you have coping strategies, good friends that will comfort but also offer realistic advice and allow you to properly vent. It is expected that you have ill-feelings about the disappointment, but you have to decide if it's just a temporary thing and you are working through it, or if you are on a low loop without expectations of coming out of it soon. Counselors can help if you don't have other ways to get your feelings processed, but they aren't going to offer you a magic bullet. They usually will listen and help you process things rationally to help you come out of it on your own. So that can be very helpful in some circumstances, it really depends on where you are. (I hope that made sense.)

Nanoo still thinking about you and your scary scan. I hope it has all come out beautifully, just as we all hope!

Mummycat GRRRRR at your former consultant! I am actually angry on your behalf! I can't believe they didn't watch this more closely from the very beginning, it's terrible. And to think that they wanted you to continue on with the same dose of stimming drugs - and YOU were the one who had to insist. Now you have to put up with their poor decisions, I'm so sorry that you have to endure this - but you will, and I'm glad you are starting to make the turn for the better. HUGS!!!

xx

Nothing really to report from this end. I had some mild cramping this morning, but other than that - nothing seems different at all, so I assume everything is fine. I'll be gone for a few days on a trip, so don't worry about it if I'm not online. Going for blood tests today to check progesterone levels, but I've been doing all the things I'm supposed to - being a good gurl!

Sorry girls. I have been avoiding the computer a bit. Thankyou all so much for your lovely hugs and words. These certainly have been a dark couple of days. My OTD is still tomorrow but I just knew by Tuesday evening that we had failed. Did a first response test and it was a BFN. Sure enough I have been losing brownish reddish blood for last two days and I know AF is only holding off properly because of the pessaries. My boobs are not at all sore anymore either. My AF normally starts off like this so it just feels like a normal month only worse. I am devastated. I was horrible to DH on Wed, I told him I was going to live on my own on a remote scottish island, the boys would have to live with their biological father and that he could go back to being a bachelor in the city. Oh dear. I am not very proud of myself for that. To be honest I still feel like running away from everything. Bless him he is so upset himself and he still bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers yesterday. I don't feel like I deserve him. I feel as if I've let him down and myself too. Have been running on autopilot for last two days. Gone off all food. Can't even get excited about christmas or holidays or anything.

So we will go to the clinic for the slightly pointless test tomorrow and see what they say. There will be a follow up appointment in a while I guess. I have a question. I am not on DHEA at the moment. Does anyone know how good the research is on it and where to get it from and what dose to take? That's 3 questions, sorry!

Enough of the me me me post.

Cerubina - I remember the feeling of waiting in limbo. It is hard but will all happen. We were only referred in July and here we are at the end of our first cycle. Once you get going one stage just seems to happen after another and looking back it has all been pretty quick.

lottie - Thank you for the hug. Much needed. You really hit the nail on the head about how I felt yesterday. I hope you are still ok and those girls are growing nicely.

Mummycat - What a time you are having. The Dr you saw on Monday sounds very sensible though. I am also amazed at your other Drs approach. I hope your tests tomorrow show signs of improvement and you get stronger every day.

Islegrin - It sounds like everything is going ok for you. Have a good trip. Is this the volcano tour? I have a quiet weekend with my DH ahead. We might plan a possible holiday, maybe skiing as it is as baby/pregnancy incompatible as possible!

nanoo - Really hoping your scan was ok.

bluebell - Thankyou and hope all is ok with you.

Off to snuggle up on the sofa with my DH again now.

GW