Hi all and thanks so much for your messages of support over the last few days. You ladies rock.
Amberc, I'm gutted for you that you weren't lucky this time round. Seems particularly cruel to start bleeding before you even got a chance to POAS. Have you spoken to the clinic yet, and when do you think you'll get your debriefing appointment with them? Hope there are positive messages from them for when you are ready to try again.
MM, how are you feeling now? It is so hard to have that return to earth after the excitement of a BFP, I think you are bound to have sad days and I hope you and your OH are taking care of each other. Fertility struggles really affect them too, don't they - you only see how much at times like this. Also hope the bleeding is not too unpleasant or painful. Again, have the doctors been in touch to let you know what to do? Do you plan to just let it take its course?
Rosie sending you very positive vibes for Wednesday. It is nerve-wracking to have a scan and you must feel jittery given how this thread has gone recently, but we are all rooting for you to be lucky and have a lovely strong heartbeat in there.
I'm sure Bumpless won't be reading this but just to send huge positive vibes to you too, for your donor's EC today and your ET on Thursday. Hope you are getting a lovely bit of Greek sunshine on your face to boost your energy and make you feel relaxed and positive. Let us know how it goes!
Kiwi that sounds like a sensible response from the doctors to me (not knowing anything about it of course!) Seems a good idea to let them carry on brewing for another couple of days, and I second Penguin's advice to get some protein on board, which I was told by a nutritionist is very important for growing good strong eggs. Afraid I don't know any reflexologists (very ticklish feet, it would be hell for me to have reflexology!) but I'm sure someone will have a good recommendation.
FairyGM I can imagine it's difficult for teachers to fiddle their hours to get around IVF scheduling. My job is pretty relaxed like that - I can arrive late or go off for an "external meeting" without it raising an eyebrow, but it probably helps that I have a reputation for being punctual and conscience-stricken if I am ever late, so the white lies seem to go unnoticed! Is it possible to construct a plausible excuse that might need you to be absent a few days/half days here and there - some minor drama in your family, a building project or something? I presume that it's out of the question to let your headteacher in on the story.
Well the weekend wasn't pretty but we kept our heads down and just tried to deal with the news that the pregnancy looks doomed. My poor darling husband has been a tower of strength but is so upset himself. Wish I could give him good news once in a while .
I had acupuncture on Saturday and my therapist said my pulses still indicated pregnancy, and told me not to give up hope. I can't see a way that there will be good news on Friday, but will not dwell on it too much until then. I have been bleeding off and on, but this is quite possibly just my cervix because she bumped it with the probe and it is on a hair trigger anyway. There's no pain at the moment.
I have to say, the doctor who did the scan was insensitive. She said "there's a yolk sac and a fetal pole, but there's been no development and there's no heartbeat" - just like that. Actually there had been a bit of development (from 1.8mm to 3mm) but certainly it's not the size it should have been. It took me saying that we had really struggled to conceive and this baby was very precious to us before she actually softened her approach and said she was sorry. The thing is, they may do this all day every day, but they have to understand that it's devastating to the people who hear it. Surely that is lesson one on day one of learning to use an ultrasound??
Thanks to Italian for mentioning St Mary's to me as a possible place to get referred. My acupuncturist also gave me the name of a miscarriage specialist (Dr Raj Rai) who works at St Mary's and sounds like the go-to guy. I have ordered a book on miscarriage from Amazon (bet that'll be a fun read) as I really want to try and get informed from here and see if we can take back some control. Dr Rai also works from Zita West's clinic, and I have a provisional appointment for us to see someone there next week and if she agrees she would refer us to him. We have "only" had 2 miscarriages (you will see I am assuming the worst for this one) so I know the NHS would not investigate, but given how difficult it has been for us to conceive at all I don't feel I can risk this happening a third time.
The first miscarriage last year was such a totally crushing blow, I have never been through anything like it. Because of the experience, with this one we never got as carried away fantasising about the future and imagining our little baby, which may have protected us a bit. Also the whole hospital episode two weeks ago meant the pregnancy felt precarious and fragile more or less from the start, so perhaps this one just wasn't meant to be (even though it was a miracle to conceive on the verge of starting IVF). But I do not want to let my second miscarriage destroy me like the first one did, I cannot lose another year to feeling miserable and powerless. Hence the decision to read up, see someone as soon as possible, and try to do anything we can to understand whether this is just bad luck or whether we can help ourselves if we are lucky enough to conceive again.
Can anyone here imagine what it is like just to conceive first time you decide you want to go for it, have a healthy baby and never know any of this? I am flabbergasted that it ever goes smoothly for anyone when you know how many ways there are for it to go wrong. It really does turn you inside out going through infertility, but I truly think we are stronger than any woman who has happily popped them out without a second thought.
Hope you are all well and as Kiwi said, here's to spring. Good f*cking riddance to winter eh.