How To Tell Someone TTC "I Pregnant"

[Waiting2Exhale]

Hi ladies....really need your kind advice. Please don't shoot me for posting here or be mad that I have invaded the conception board....

Alittle background...
I have been ttc for over a year and half. My sister who is in her 40s and posibily now pre-menepausal has been trying for about 5 or more years. We both have one child. Recently she has sought fertility treatment and we were gonna do this together. However, just before the appointment I found out I was pregnant and though happy unsure what to do. Although we both still went to the appointment I made an excuse of not being sure and decided that I'd wait and support her. She has had a real hard time of it and is currently having her eggs retrevied. I am so hoping this works for her so that I can tell her but if it doesn't was wandering what I should do. If any of you were her, what would you want from me? Should I wait until the 12wk scan is over (as I have had a previous m/c so this little bean may not even stick), or should I include her early on as this may make her feel part of the whole thing or it may make her resent being around me.... seriously don't know what to do...PLEASE HELP...All advice welcome, and sorry again for posting here but this seemed the most logical place to go... x

[amelied]

Hi Lottie,

Yep, I have been living "pregnant woman" hell - after the D&C I was off work for ten days and I didnt realise that my home is on the walking with the new shiny prams route to a local medical centre - I think that new mothers have SatNav's set to walk past my place! Have a few friends who have announced pregancies or just had babies - I can feel them tip toe around me with their conversations and I feel I am putting a dampner on what is their precious moments that they should, quite rightly be happy about and celebrating. I hate being this depressed, upset, tearful at the drop of a hat, person - it is not my natural state and I feel like I am wearing some cloak of doom.

Had a great acupuncture session last night with a new and lovely acupuncturist.She sat there listening to me harping on and she then told me that her husband and herself couldn't have children. What a gracious thing to do to specialiase and help other women with their fertility.

I have been attending a local hospital fertility clinic since June (at that time of the June appointment I was pregnant but didnt know it). They have been good with me and I haven't had to sit on the huge waiting list that others do but have also been starting to do some research as well into the private side of it all.

[amelied]

You poor soul, I hope you cold clears up and the sniffing can begin to work its magic!!

Yep, the pitying eyes are the worst...

A couple of my pregnant friends have been through similiar mc/IVF/unexplained fertility so in my strange scale of "allowing myself to be happy for them" they rate quite high - I have this bizarre scale that if you have suffered in the past then it is allowed but if you are one of those smug ones that just have to look at their OH and then they are pregnant then I have no interest in you!! OR even if you are one of those who plan to have a baby for Dec or maybe we could have a summer baby and then it happens that way for them - Aargh, dont get me started - sorry Lottie you have opened the floodgates now...

I have a situation that a very, very good friend of mine fell pregnant when I had my first m/c and went on to have a sucessful birth and has a beautiful daughter. With my second pregnancy, this time she would have been 2 weeks behind me. Her pregnancy has continued so although she means the world to me and has been a fantastic support to me looking at her daughter and future baby is going to be a lifelong reminder of my two that didnt make it.

As for your story of the so-called "friends" - try and spring clean them out of your lives as they are not true friends - there was no need for that announcement to you and she could have kindly refused the dessert - another fine example to kick out of the Sisterhood.

Re: Private clinics, I know that my consultant is also involved in a private clinic (in fairness she didnt tell me, I googled her) and I suppose at the end of the day it is a business but anyone I have heard of going to one hasn't had any success.

That was great advice you were given and has made me think, I really need to have myself distracted as 3 years of obsessing hasnt helped me.

So what now for you - another trip back to Norway in the next week or two?? is it the clinic you kindly sent me the link to -Hausken?

[amelied]

...I think we have

Dont feel sad about it - everyone here is out to achieve the same, it just happens in different ways and thank God for incredible, medical science. I know what you mean though, after 3 years for me - Im just tired of the whole damn process. We started Dec'06 and every Christmas day & New Year's Day I think will there be a bouncing baby next Christmas?

Well Lottie, Im glad to meet you (under miserable circumstance though) but glad.

Will be thinking off you at the end of November and hope all your dreams come true. Alright to check in with you now and again?

[amelied]

Will do - Happy Wednesday to ya!

[amelied]

Hi Londonlottie - just checking in on you - how is the sniffing going??

amelied

[amelied]

Hello

If you vague chance is indeed correct that is brilliant news!! When you have an appoinment in place something in your brain relaxes and lets it happen - well that's what happened to me when I had the second pregnancy - we thought we would have the month off in June ;) as we knew we had a consultant appointment at the end of the month, only BD twice and what da ya know! Unfortunately our happiness didnt last but that was our bad luck.

I think your "wee brain switch" turned off with the knowing of your Norway trip!

Im out this month, AF appeared last Tuesday, quite relieved as I have an x-ray and three back teeth to be taken out this week so would rather try again this month without worry of radiation!

I have everything crossed for you, truly. Keep in touch!

[amelied]

Thanks - am absolutely dreading it as I am completely dentalphobic! After going through a D&C I put on my brave face and went to the dentist and faced my fear. It is really 2.5 teeth as one has crumbled quite badly. I have been referred to a sedation dental clinic (don't think my dentist could face me passing out in his chair) so I will be given a jag and will be awake but promised I won't remember anything. Once this is over I can be back on the TTC train..

Thanks for the luck Im going to need it x