Best answer to "So when are you going to have a baby then?"

[Suerock]

Have a big family do coming up at which lots of well-meaning relatives will ask why, after four years of marriage, there is no baby. I've tried "I don't know" (the truth) and don't want to resort to "I desperately want a baby but have a very irregular cycle and a husband who isn't particularly interested in, well, you know what" (also the truth).

So, what are your best answers to this question?

We enjoy having sex too much - a baby would stop all that

When I was in your situation?

I went for:

"FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF! I WOULD DO ANYTHING - YES - ANYTHING TO HAVE A BABY AND I CAN'T AND IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AND NO-ONE KNOWS WHY AND WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING AND..AND...AND..."

and then I collapsed in a sobbing heap.

No-one ever asked again.

Have you tried ask husband's name?

Bloody hell Im crap at this mn thing, I tried to do an underline thing

Probably when the sperm meets the egg.

'I don't know'

"When are you going on a diet"

"about 9 months after conception is normally how it works" or "what the fuck does it have to do with you? Just butt out of my life and find someone else to speculate about".

I've thought a bit about this one and I think Janni's "I don't know" is actually quite a good answer. It's brief, honest and, I think, discourages further questioning.

Someone once said to me "...you don't want to leave it too late..."

Thank you, Cadelaide. It probably helps that I have not been in this situation so I can look at the question without emotion.

You DO NOT have to explain, or justify yourself. It is a private matter.

"I don't know" works for some people, but mostly leads to further questions from the persistent.....

(Tries to remember, we had about 8 years of this!)

I think we were just non-commital, "oh, maybe in a year or so" or (to the too-late brigade) "no particular hurry" and firmly change the subject. Or make a joke about some other family member having all the action. If people pry then just say that it's a rather personal question, thank you.

If this is an issue for you then you probably will need to grow a thick skin, or perhaps try to see how many stupid comments you can score in one day . My tops was a relative, on hearing of a friend's 5th pregnancy, "If only they could have one for you ".

There are so many situations in life where there's no right thing to say
but people feel the need to comment anyway.

last family do I went to everyone was acting like they assumed I was already pregnant. I had never given any indication that I was trying.

I dealt with it by visably drinking way more than usual (met with raised eyebrows and concerned looks as if I was harming my then non-existant unborn baby) and taking up smoking to the point were they
A: decided that I probably wasnt pregnant and stopped looking at my little pizza belly as if there was a baby in there
and
B: decided that I prob wasnt grown up enough yet to be a mum - that shut them up!

okay, maybe not the healthiest of reactions but it worked a treat!

'I don't know - you don't always get what you want.' often works, said wistfully makes questioners feel a bit guilty.

When I can be arsed.
When Neighbours is done.
When you're not looking.
When they take the pain away.
When I find one I fancy stealing.
When I stop having miscarriages.
When they start making ones that don't shit and puke and cry all day.
When my body starts playing along with what we're all hoping for.

Nosey b'stards. I'm being but really, I'm so mad for you.

When he finds the right hole, and stops f*ing me up the arse.
Na, I would never say it (not true anyway) but they wouldn't ask again.

Ladies - my SIL just announced she is having her fourth! and poor old me has been trying 22 months for DC2. Reading your comments has cheered me up no end . If someone now asks ' what about you', I will tell them ALL THE ABOVE!!!

I like the 'About nine months after conception' comment best . My problem is whenever anyone asks I well up and can't pull off the smartass comment as much as I would love to...

Some good ideas here

My 'best' experiences with the baby question so far are

'How old are you? 34? [I'm now 37] Oooh, you're cutting it a bit fine aren't you? The medical term is 'elderly prima gravida', do you know that?'

to the other extreme, from a senior work colleague

'Last time I saw you you were getting married. Any kids yet?'
Me - 'No.'
'Oh my god I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked!... (changes subject)'
Erm, did I say I wanted any?

Can't get away with being nonchalant about it now at my age, so I think I may just start saying 'No, we want a sports car instead'. I am crap at lying though.

If the questioner is, for example, a 55 year old, gray haired accountant, say:

When someone can guarantee me they wont grow into a nosey insensitive 55 year old gray haired accountant'

or the simple - "You tell me"

9 months after i get pregnant hopefully.

I think I'm going to have to practice some of these to make sure I can pull them off with a straight face