Ttc at 44

[Ahilltoliveon]

I have 3 children, aged 4, 9 and 11. I just turned 44. My first child took around a year of cycles to conceive. Second child was a first try wonder and the third child was conceived on the second cycle. I have never had a miscarriage. Me and my husband are healthy, I dont smoke or drink, he doesnt drink much, is very fit etc.

I have always wanted more children but my husband was against it and suddenly, he told me on the 24th October that he would love another child. The only problem is, that since I stopped breastfeeding and got my cycle back three years ago, things have been erratic with irregular cycles which I put down to my age.

So when he told me this I was on day cd 9 and said we should start right away, and we have been having regular sex. I am now on CD 26. I have not had one drop of ewcm which I normally get at SOME point in my cycle. All opks negative. Today I did a pregnancy test as I started feeling like milk was coming in (the let down feeling) but it was negative. My gynecologist has suggested I do some tests when I get my period but who knows when that will be.

I am in limbo and dont really know what to do. I suppose there's nothing to do. I dont want to start temping for many reasons but I'm up a few times in the night with my youngest. I won't be pursuing fertility treatment if nothing happens.

Anyway I just wanted to talk to somebody because I dont really know what the future holds and feel like this has opened up a can of worms that I dont know if my heart can handle. We know all the risks. We looked everything up and still agreed that we want to proceed.

Can someone just talk to me because I am feeling so mixed up that this old hope has been brought to the surface again.

You need to realise that you are very lucky if you get pregnant at 44.

I'm 45 and I think you are crazy, sorry. Be grateful for the kids you have.

Honestly, 3 children is absolutely plenty for anyone. How would your current 3 children benefit from having a newborn in their lives, and two parents who are even more fraught and knackered than they are now? They just wouldn't

I dont really know what the future holds and feel like this has opened up a can of worms that I dont know if my heart can handle. We know all the risks. We looked everything up and still agreed that we want to proceed.

When you say this, would you mind explaining what you are worried about a bit more. Is it that you think you're going to be so invested in having another child that you will find it difficult to handle if you don't, or are there other worries that you are concerned about (e.g. disabilities, problems with age gap etc) that are making you anxious for the future. You do sound worried in a way that is different from someone who thinks they'll just give it a try and see how things go.

Also, do you mind saying how old your husband is and whether there will be financial implications for the life of your current children?

You have three children. You do not need another. Wanting is fine too . ..but
Fine to leave it to nature if it happens fine. Go for it......but dont get focused on it and
Do realise if you do get pregnant you may 1miscarry or
2have testing indicating major issue with consequent decision making or
3 have a baby with disabilities undetected prenatally

I think 44 is too old. Statistically too many risks.

I'm 60+ and the thought of parenting a teenager at my age is not great.....

I agree with the others. Why take the risk? Enjoy the three you have.

I’m in the same situation and we are doing a donor cycle as the chances are so slim with your own eggs at 44

I think there’s a lot of negativity on this thread , honest opinions yes, but I do think you need have a really good think about it and do what you both really want.
There are soo many threads of women in their 40s having babies, many it being their first baby, I think these days it’s really common , Many saying it’s being the best thing ever for them so if you do really want to commit to it then go for it . But know that there can be risks involved in it , but there can be risks involved even if you are in your late twenties. Good luck let us know how you get on and what you decide 😁

I know. We have discussed the risks. We know. I am not asking whether to do it or not. I made a decision. My youngest is four so its not like I am starting all over again.

I do welcome the reminders that it probably won't happen. However I don't want to justify why I want more children or having a teenager in my 60s. That's why I didn't post on AIBU.

Anyway I wanted to get it off my chest as we haven't told anyone our plans and I've been getting carried away. I was hoping someone could give me some tips but maybe I'm being delusional. I wish my husband changed his mind earlier but I do have three lovely children so know I'm blessed.

Good luck OP. It's not impossible.

If this about having another child in your lives, then you could look at fostering in a few years when your kids are a bit older. No shame if you're wanting the experience of pregnancy and having a newborn again though.

Thank you. We did talk about that. We have a lot of love to give.

I fell pregnant naturally at 46

Did you really? Would you mind telling me a bit more please?

Deff have a look for groups with pregnancy for over 40s as will get loads of tips and advice on there that you can use along the way . Best of luck it will all be fine

I had a baby at 40 and then another at 45. I bloody love being a mum and I’m now 55 and they are 14 and 10. I also have an older child who is 25. Good luck to you, I think if you don’t give it a go you may always wonder what if 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry I missed this. I had always wanted more children but after my third was born when I was 39, my husband was absolutely adamant we were finished. For years I have been trying to accept that there would be no more and I eventually did. I had got my head around it. Then mybhusnand changed his mind out of absolutely nowhere and suddenly its back on the table. In my mind I'm still 39 and its doable. I dont feel 44 and I think I've been considering myself as much younger than I am. Also because I've had no fertility issues and conceived so quickly in my late 30s, I assumed I'd still be fertile because my head is in the clouds.

My husband is my age and we are financially secure. Both reasonably well earning professionals with good savings. Its not financially tight with three.

That's what I think. I have to give it a go.
I always said that I would have kept having babies until I literally couldn't anymore. My husband had a tad more sense :-) but i will just keep trying until I cant any more

There isn't much to tell to be honest. Having had DS at 42 I thought that was it for me and wasn't careful with contraception assuming that I was too old for it to happen again.

I had an easy pregnancy and birth and my DD is a clever, funny and wonderful but incredibly highly strung little girl.

I didn't have any further testing as the combined screening showed such a low chance of her having any of the 3 trisomys that I didnt feel it was necessary. I even called the hospital to check it was correct! I don't remember exactly now but something in the region of 1:3500.

All the best to you whatever happens for your family

I would have loved to have kept going and had more but having my last at 45 felt like a miracle. My clever body made perfect babies 😊. And you will have lots of fun trying as well but ultimately you and you dh have made a decision to have another roll of the dice together. Exciting and scary. Like life.

I had my second child at 43, my own eggs but I did IUI. I was very lucky and I did all the tests and had an easy birth.
However, if I’d already had 2 children there’s no way I’d have gone through it at that age. It is fraught with issues: high risk for birth defects, complications at pregnancy and birth, and honestly, running around with a 9 year old in my 50’s isn’t easy at all!
Saying that, I’m glad I did it and everything went smoothly for me. My opinion for you would be, say thank you for the children you already have and don’t take the risk. But it’s your body, your choice, and I wish you the best 🩷

Thank you for sharing!

Its up to you op what you do but if you want me to be honest my honest opinion is below.

You have a 4, 9, and 11 year old why in hell would you sign up for an extra 18 years.
Stick with what you have or be parenting in to your 60 early 70s, a house with hormonal teens in your late 50s early 60s, fuck that.
The way the world is now i wouldnt even bother.