TTC first time at 34... stressed

[BunnyLover92]

I'm 34, husband is 36, and we just started TTC on holiday - did the deed two days before ovulation and the day after. Everyone told me not to worry I'd fall right away.

I have 26 day cycles and typically ovulate on day 14 (I was testing on the run up). I'm 9dpo and just did a first response which was negative.

Has anyone had this and later had a positive? I know it's only month one but I'm going mad.

It doesn't help all of my friends and family have fallen pregnant first month. I just feel like I'm going to be the one who struggles.

As someone who went through 5 years of fertility struggles, OP.... slow down. Please. You are going to get yourself into a state.

You have literally DTD twice, on your first month trying. It's a really exciting and anxious time when you start TTC, but perfectly healthy and normal people can take a year. If you don't get pregnant on your first month, or even your second, third, fourth, fifth.... it does not mean there is anything wrong with you at all. That's just biology.

If you do want to put your mind at rest you could always get a private fertility MOT just to check things (make sure your partner does it too) - but really - at this stage - you will need to roll with it for a little while and see.

Even if you didn't fall pregnant for 6-12 months that still would really count as a struggle, sometimes it just takes longer. You definitely need to reframe your expectations. Getting pregnant on the first try is definitely unusual!

Plough your energy in to a healthy diet, exercise and a healthy relationship. Just have sex every two days throughout the month, don't faff around with ovulation predictions (unless you're religiously taking your temperature and tracking then ok crack on) but the body works in mysterious ways in my experience!

I never, ever get a positive test until at least 2 weeks after ovulation, we're all different.

Also as for the comment about everyone falling pregnant first month, you being told it will happen quickly etc. All nonsense. People say all kinds of rubbish when it comes to fertility (I should know, as I had years of it). You can't rush biology.

Yes some people do fall pregnant in the first month, but it really doesn't matter. It doesn't make them super humans because a random act of nature took them one month rather then three.

What I would recommend though, is don't go round telling everyone you are TTC, it will only stress you out more getting their advice and opinions. Just give it some time.

Thank you, I've had some testing a couple of years ago though my GP as I had cancer treatment in my 20's, was told it wouldn't impact fertility, but obviously it's been worrying. They did a scan which was normal and a blood test to confirm ovulation.

I think I just feel very pressured because of my age - 35 next year which my GP loves to remind me of. I wanted to start TTC three years ago but things happened and here we are.

Yeah, I get it. I was 31 when we started trying and finally had my son at 37. You are still young in fertility terms though. You will be fine. If you are feeling super anxious then go back and get tested again and make your partner do it too - but honestly at this point, you just have to keep going and see. You've literally just started. Breathe.

As long as you are fit, healthy and having periods then you're good to go. Had my first at 35, DC2 36 and DC3 39. Don't listen to your dinosaur of a GP they literally never know what they're talking about.

Respectfully I think you need to try to stay calm and not catastrophise. It can be a bit of a slog but you have no reason not to think you can get pregnant- it just takes a few months usually! You are not struggling yet, you're not even out of your very first cycle trying so try and keep a bit of perspective.

Thank you, this is reassuring. We want to be one and done. Obviously hoping that I miss my period in a few days and the tests turn positive however unlikely that is.

It took me nearly 8 months after my miscarriage to get pregnant. I am 33, I was worried I was “too old”, there was something wrong with me, etc. turns out it’s just something that happens when it happens. Try not to stress. It’s only if it takes longer than 12 months that you are recommend to go to GP.

Thank you. Because of my medical history my GP has suggested I go to them if nothing happens after six months. I just so badly wanted to have a baby before I turn 35 which isn't realistic ☹️

It's also totally arbitrary! 35 doesn't mean anything, just put it out your mind x

I know absolutely tons of people who were over 35 when they had their first child. There's nothing hat says on your 35th birthday you are suddenly going to somehow become not as good at being a mother.

Please try not to get hung up on these things. I know it's hard, I do get it (honestly) but it's really irrational.

It will happen when it happens, and when it does, it will be your own journey, unique to you, and you will love it because you clearly want it so much xx