Is this amount of disappointment normal?

[teasconesandlavender]

Hi,

I’m on my third cycle TTC first time. Tracking with OPKs for the last two cycles. I’m 31.

I’m 12DPO today. Tested yesterday morning with FRER, BFN. Tested again this morning with Boots early detection, BFN. No period yet, but this is pretty definitive.

However, last night, I broke down. I was so upset and devastated, and really started to believe this will never happen for me. I just can’t understand why it hasn’t happened yet. My cycles are regular. I’ve never been on hormonal contraception.

I know that it can take up to a year for it to happen. I just didn’t believe this would really be the case. So many women say they got pregnant in the first or second cycle. I just assumed that if it took longer than say, 6 months, it was either poor luck or an obvious reason. I listened to a podcast led by a fertility specialist who said that couples who aren’t pregnant after 6 months are less likely to become pregnant in 12 months. Something about fecundability(?). I think hearing that statistic really got to me.

I just feel ashamed of myself. If that makes sense? Like, ashamed that my body isn’t doing the one job it’s supposed to do. I have always imagined become a mum was just a given, and I don’t have any identity outside of this.

This is just a ramble, and probably out of touch, I know. I have no women whom I can talk to about this IRL. Just looking for solidarity, I think.

Try this
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pre-Seed-Fertility-Friendly-Lubricant-Multi-Use-Applicators/dp/B004382GWK

It took us ages to conceive but when we started using this I conceived instantly within 1 or 2 months. May not help everyone but worked wonders for us.

Love the stuff, it made DTD less of a chore too.

Take folic acid, manage your health and wellbeing. Good luck.

And this 👏

the ovulation sticks are rubbish (imo) DTD every other day. Keep fit and healthy but remember to enjoy yourself socially too.

I tried for 8 years with my ex. It turned out the infertility was on his side. I tried for 2 years with another ex. It happened first time when I actually got pregnant with a third partner. I was 40.

Everyone's story is different.

Go to the doctor now and get checked out if you want. It's easy for us to stay stop worrying... it's harder to do.

I wish you all the best.

I used preseed, ovulation kits.... I'm not sure it helped. Relaxing helped.

Totally normal to be upset, but also totally normal for it to take a lot more than 3 months. I dont believe what that fertility specialist says at all. Take a deep breath, give yourself a lot more time. Maybe deactivate your social media for a while, try to be kind to yourself and know that many of these announcements you see those people may have been trying for months and months, went through fertility treatment or had losses etc that you do not know about not everyone shares their full story so please don't compare to anyone else xx

I’m so so sorry to hear about your losses. I can’t imagine how horrible that must be to go through.

Interesting that you were told 4 months is the average time to conception. That seems relatively short - but it also validates my cynicism about it being “normal” to take a full year!

I went to my GP this week, and explained my concerns. I talked about how it was making me feel anxious and distressed. I’m fortunate that I was taken seriously and I’m being referred for blood work and hormone tests to rule anything out. My weight is on the “lower side”, which can affect fertility as much as it being too high, it seems.

Thanks, I saw this recommended on MN and I have already bought some! No luck yet, but will keep persevering 💪

Have a look at coQ10. I know it’s horrid. I spent 8 years trying in a past relationship and nothing! Fell first try with this partner with our DD, took 7 months this time, with two chemicals in between. Ferrous sulphate I’m sure made this one stick. Good luck with your journey

I had never heard of coQ10 until I started TTC - what are its benefits for fertility?

Interesting to hear so many accounts of women who had different outcomes TTC with different men. I really hope my husband isn’t the problem, he’s my soulmate! 🙈

Not that anyone cares for an update - but I had a lot of helpful responses, and this makes a good sounding board, if nothing else!

I’m entering the TWW on my 4th cycle. I ovulated late this cycle (day 23 when it’s usually day 16), not sure if that’s down to stress maybe. 🤔

I am so desperate for this to happen. As it stands, I can’t even imagine ever falling pregnant. It feels so futile, doing everything “right” and it still not happening. How do you stay hopeful?

I completely get it. After my first IUI (same sex couple so no trying naturally, it was the first ever attempt to try and get pregnant) I balled my eyes out at it not working. Even though it was the first attempt. I think because you get so emotionally invested and my expectations were far too high. I don't think hormones around the time of an upcoming/just started period help at all. After 6 IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF we did get our lovely son, but I wish I'd let myself accept it can take time. Not that I'm saying it will take ages for you at all. It's so hard when you're in it to try and take a step back and look at the bigger picture to see how very early it is TTC wise. I hope you get your BFP very soon!

Thank you for the kind words. ❤️

Your journey sounds long and stressful. 2 rounds of IVF must take its toll, both mentally and physically.

I struggle with making arbitrary timelines for myself - e.g., wanting to be pregnant by X event or milestone, if that makes sense! I started TTC when I was 30, and I’m now counting down how many months I have until I’ll be 32 before holding my own baby. Stupid, I know!

I completely understand. Looking back I wish I could have told myself to be more patient and still enjoy life during it. I was so engrossed in the fertility stuff that I sort of forgot to enjoy life still, didn't want to book holidays away etc just in case appointments were needed, even booking last minute ones didn't really sit well with me. But I wish I'd still lived life as fully and booked those holidays as I would have normally. But what's done is done and I'm so luckily to have a lovely little toddler. We're thinking about the idea of trying for another soon with the embryos we have and I really hope I can go into it a bit more relaxed and be less in my head about things. We'll see, easier said than done 😂