Should I try for a baby 9 months before I'm a bridesmaid?

[LPineapple]

I have a wonderful toddler who is 2 in November. I've got it into my head that I'd really love his younger sibling to be no more than 2 school years apart. Me and my younger sister were only 2 school years apart and we're really close and have a lot of shared friends, and I'd love that opportunity for him. That means getting pregnant before the end of the year and we're running out of time!

Sadly I've got my period today. Thing is I'm going to be a bridesmaid in 9 months and 5 days, so I'm worried my due date would be very close to the wedding if I got pregnant this month. Another element is that the maid of honour is undergoing fertility treatment, and I know her and the bride (who are sisters) have had arguments about whether the maid of honour should factor in timing to not be heavily pregnant at the wedding.

What do I do? Should I not try for a month, and make it more likely that we miss the window to have children 2 school years apart? Or do I go ahead and try if it's important to me and possibly my children? I don't know if I'm putting too much importance on the 2 school year thing anyway.

I can't get past the bride wanting her sister to hold off on fertility treatment so she looks good at her wedding.

Someone else’s ’special day’ shouldn’t stop you living your life. Start trying if you catch then that’s an issue for then if not then it won’t be an issue. (This bride sounds awful if she is mad at her sister for going through fertility treatment)

Plan the family that works for you. I don't think you should plan around a wedding!

Yes exactly. How ridiculous.

It’s your life. Just try for a baby.

Why not flip a coin and see how you feel. ‘Heads - one last try for a same school year baby’, ‘Tails - delay and be a bridesmaid’. It can help to understand how you really feel when the decision is ‘taken out of your hands’ because you know if you’re happy or disappointed at the result. Personally I’d have one last go at TTC because that’s a longer laster thing than being a bridesmaid and it sounds like something you’ve always wanted. Also the idea that the bride would expect her sister to delay fertility treatment for her wedding is not someone I’d want to be going too far out my way for because that’s breathtakingly self centred. It’s one thing to hope that the sister can attend the wedding and another to expect her sister who has clearly been struggling anyway delay something so important.

You're a bridesmaid for a day. You can't be expected to put off big life decisions for the sake of one day in a dress.

I'd try for the baby and probably rethink being the bridesmaid of someone who wants their sister to put fertility treatment on hold for the wedding aesthetic

Go ahead and try for a second DC. If you are heavily pregnant you can pull out of being a bridesmaid. Just let brid know as soon as you get pregnant so she might consider asked g another bridesmaid.

I wouldn't put tttc on a back burner as long as you appreciate the bride may downgrade you to a guest rather than a bridesmaid. Things like getting a suitable dress might be difficult- how do you know what size you'll be at 9 months. You may have already given birth and be unavailable to attend at all. She can't control your life but you can't complicate her wedding either.

Why does everyone think the reason the bride doesn't want heavily pregnant bridesmaids is down to the way they'll look.
Is her sister going to able to carry out her maid of honour duties? Will she be there to do so.
Maybe the bride is worried that 2 of her supports may not even be available on the day and she have an awful stressful wedding.
No one should put off conceiving but maybe find out why she's worried rather than assuming she's just shallow.

Go for it! The bride sounds...questionable. if she kicks off tell her to foxtrot oscar frankly. Little madam that she is

It could take ages to fall pregnant. Look out for your own family and do what's best for you. Anyone who thinks a pregnancy "ruining" their day is something to be angry about is a bridezilla

Another element is that the maid of honour is undergoing fertility treatment, and I know her and the bride (who are sisters) have had arguments about whether the maid of honour should factor in timing to not be heavily pregnant at the wedding.

Wtf?!?!

There's a chance you may not conceive the next cycle - which would mean your children would be more likely to be 3 academic years apart.

Prioritise that or the wedding.

What supports does a bride need at their wedding? Lovely to have your friends around you, sure, but you don't need 'support'

If you want to try for a baby don't let someone else's wedding plans stop you.

Don't try to get pregnant this cycle. Try the next one if its before the end of the year. That way if you do get pregnant you won't be about to pop on the day.

Yeah, sorry. The bride is shallow either way.
OP you do you

Omg yes this! What a shitty was to behave to someone doing fertility treatment.

If it's a wedding you want to take part in then I would probably hold off ttc for that month. Provided time is on your side agewise and you don't have fertility issues. Or you could not "try" but not prevent. But up to you!

As someone whose second took ages I would say that the age gap you get will be the right one for you and you can't always control these things.

I thought traditionally maid of honour deals with some of the organisation and makes sure things run smoothly on the day. Maybe it depends on whether you have a wedding planner - if you do I suppose bridemaids are just for show

Do whatever is best for your family, but personally I wouldn’t be actively trying for a baby to be youngest in the school year due to a notion that it will make the siblings closer.

Where did OP say that?

Not something I would give a second thought to! Go for it and good luck.

'Another element is that the maid of honour is undergoing fertility treatment, and I know her and the bride (who are sisters) have had arguments about whether the maid of honour should factor in timing to not be heavily pregnant at the wedding.' 😳

How completely, utterly, horribly selfish.

Say what? I was commenting on the behaviour of the bride to be? Unless I've missed something?!

Having children is one of the most important things you will ever do - being a bridesmaid at a bridezilla's wedding is not. Prioritise accordingly.