Should I try for a baby 9 months before I'm a bridesmaid?

[LPineapple]

I have a wonderful toddler who is 2 in November. I've got it into my head that I'd really love his younger sibling to be no more than 2 school years apart. Me and my younger sister were only 2 school years apart and we're really close and have a lot of shared friends, and I'd love that opportunity for him. That means getting pregnant before the end of the year and we're running out of time!

Sadly I've got my period today. Thing is I'm going to be a bridesmaid in 9 months and 5 days, so I'm worried my due date would be very close to the wedding if I got pregnant this month. Another element is that the maid of honour is undergoing fertility treatment, and I know her and the bride (who are sisters) have had arguments about whether the maid of honour should factor in timing to not be heavily pregnant at the wedding.

What do I do? Should I not try for a month, and make it more likely that we miss the window to have children 2 school years apart? Or do I go ahead and try if it's important to me and possibly my children? I don't know if I'm putting too much importance on the 2 school year thing anyway.

I'd say come off the bridesmaid list if you end up getting pregnant?

Who cares her reason! You need support through fertility treatment a hell of a lot more than you need support on a wedding day.

OP you have no idea how long it might take you to get pregnant or whether it will be an easy road this time. If you want a baby start trying. If it means you're heavily pregnant for the wedding (or have to miss it), so be it. Unless you delay trying for a full 9 months there's a chance a pregnancy of some stage may cause some slight stresses/changes to you being a bridesmaid anyway.

Shocker but you can get married just fine without bridesmaids, and you can be a good friend while pregnant and with a newborn.

(Also what support do you actually need on a wedding day, do the prep before then then up, walk down the aisle and have a good time…)

Start trying.

I remember warning a friend I might be pregnant for her wedding. In the end I miscarried, so I wasn’t.

don’t get hung up on a perfect age gap though.

The OP hasn't said the brides concerned about how her sister will look. She hasn't said what the arguments are about at all

I did say she shouldn't stop ttc

It really doesn't matter the reason. Fertility treatment is hard enough without someone dictating your timeframe.

Is this for real? You are seriously going to delay trying to conceive because of a potential clash with being a bridesmaid?!

If it wasn't for the 2 academic years thing I'd say hold off for a month or two so you aren't too uncomfortable on the day.

But I wouldn't hold off for the whole 9 mths if that makes sense.

To be fair, I did genuinely think about this for my sister's wedding. BUT that was more because Id have been super sad to have missed the wedding, not because I was bothered about being a bridesmaid. And I know my sister would have been super sad if I'd have missed it but not at all bothered about me being a pregnant bridesmaid.

I decided to just go with it in the end and I did fall pregnant and I was about 34 weeks at the wedding. I was a heavily pregnant bridesmaid and it was all totally fine.

My bridesmaid was 8 months pregnant, high risk and couldn't travel for my wedding.
She was petrified to tell me. Obviously i missed her on my wedding day but I was so unbelievably happy for her! A baby is way more important than being at my wedding.

I ended up pregnant and would have been due 2 days before my cousins wedding where I was maid of honour. Unfortunately I lost that baby that again I wasn't going to be wasting loads of time delaying my life for one day.

Do what suits YOUR family and life!

Go for it, my adult daughter was bridesmaid at 5 months pregnant in June, she looked amazing 🥰

Better then that though, one of her fellow bridesmaids had also been bridesmaid to her own sister a few months earlier. She became pregnant after being asked to be BM and was due very close to the wedding day date.

As it transpired, baby was born early hours of the sister’s wedding day! New mum left hospital, donned her bridesmaid gown and rocked up to follow her sister down the aisle, that very afternoon!

I kid you not!

You don't put your reproductive life on hold for someone else. If it is going to be an issue then drop out of the wedding party now.

Do not plan your family around someone else’s wedding. I wouldn’t even plan it around my own 😂

It’s tricky because on one hand you can’t put your life on hold for a friends wedding. But equally, from the Brides point of view, she could technically have both her MOH and her bridesmaid miss the wedding completely because they have just had a baby / about to have a baby / or are 9 months pregnant. And although she’s being called a Bridezilla etc on here, I also wouldn’t two bridesmaids so heavily pregnant on my big day - sorry but I wouldn’t.

If it were me and you did fall pregnant in the next couple of months, I would politely step down as bridesmaid. I would say ‘Look all things considered I think it’s best I attend as a guest, I’ll be heavily pregnant and you won’t want a fatty like me spoiling pictures and I am aware of your sister’s situation and don’t want to cause any upset there’.

(Obviously that response depends on the outcome of the fertility treatment).

Worst case you miss the wedding because you giving birth.
Or us that best case for you?
Long term put your family first

Yes!

I agree with this. I think the bride is getting a hard time. Delaying a month won't make any difference in the grand scheme of things but the bridesmaids may miss the wedding if they don't delay by a month or 2. Weddings are important too. We have to remember this could be a culture /family where weddings are hugely important.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply! It's been very helpful. I think I will crack on trying for a baby and see what happens! Don't want to put such a big life thing on hold. I'll understand if I need to step down as bridesmaid, but if not I can make it work however pregnant/with a new baby I may be!

Thank you to people who've said don't get too hung up on age gap too. That's actually really helpful to hear and hopefully whatever happens will be right for my family.

Note about the bride- I think the conflict is more she is very close to her sister and wants her to be able to celebrate with her, and if she has the baby on the day it will take the sister and possibly even their parents away from something important, plus the worry about this happening in the lead up to the day. I'm not saying I agree or to justify it. But it's very different to being a bridezilla about a bridesmaid dress!
(The maid of honour is absolutely going ahead anyway and my hope is that if it hopefully works maybe the happy news might help overcome other difficulties!!)

My family life is more important than other peoples' stuff.
We tried more than two years for our second child. A lot of commitments passed by. It would be imposible to plan that pregnancy after other peoples' requests.

I’m sort of on the other side of the fence on this one ….except in my case my bridesmaid was trying for a 4th…well she never really has to try - all 3 other children were conceived on the first month of trying as she’s proudly tell me - no history of loss or struggle to get pregnant. Her and her children were due to be my only bridesmaids….she got pregnant with a planned child due the day of my wedding!!! Pulled out obviously of being my bridesmaid …. Yeah I was pretty upset and hurt about it. I wouldn’t have minded her being heavily pregnant at the wedding so long as she was there

Ah ok that puts a different spin on the sister thing? I've not done fertility treatment but from what I know it becomes quite time sensitive. Probably the best case scenario is that it is very slightly delayed but works so the bride's sister can come at 7 or 8 months pregnant!

I did skip ttc for a month because of my sisters wedding (it took ages in the end) but if you think you'd be annoyed at yourself for not trying then crack on. I think if you end up with an August baby you also run the risk of it being late etc.

As someone who put trying on hold for this exact reason...put yourself and your family first 💓

It does suck to be one of the people getting married later. When you fork out for their hen dos in Lisbon or a country house hire and go huge on their wedding etc, and then get to your own wedding and everyone is pregnant or paying nursery fees not willing to pay for a hen or do shots with you or stay up late on the dancefloor. So whatever decision you make I think it would help your friendship if you thank her for her support during your special events and then say you wish you could support her in the same way (before you break the news you’ll no longer make the wedding as it’s the same as your c section is booked in, or that you’ll come but not be a bridesmaid and have a one week old babe in arms!)

i agree I’d wait until January for a September baby