Should I try for a baby 9 months before I'm a bridesmaid?

[LPineapple]

I have a wonderful toddler who is 2 in November. I've got it into my head that I'd really love his younger sibling to be no more than 2 school years apart. Me and my younger sister were only 2 school years apart and we're really close and have a lot of shared friends, and I'd love that opportunity for him. That means getting pregnant before the end of the year and we're running out of time!

Sadly I've got my period today. Thing is I'm going to be a bridesmaid in 9 months and 5 days, so I'm worried my due date would be very close to the wedding if I got pregnant this month. Another element is that the maid of honour is undergoing fertility treatment, and I know her and the bride (who are sisters) have had arguments about whether the maid of honour should factor in timing to not be heavily pregnant at the wedding.

What do I do? Should I not try for a month, and make it more likely that we miss the window to have children 2 school years apart? Or do I go ahead and try if it's important to me and possibly my children? I don't know if I'm putting too much importance on the 2 school year thing anyway.

I still think that’s quite bridezalla-esque behaviour. She’s having fertility treatment ffs. I cannot fathom thinking that me being able to celebrate my wedding with someone should take precedence over that. If she’s that bloody close to her sister she should be hoping that she gets pregnant however inconvenient she finds it for herself.

I had these exact same thoughts last year OP. Decided to just go for it, but it ended up taking much longer than I thought. So glad I didn’t hang around. I ended up pregnant at the wedding but just early (with boobs that only just fit in my dress ) l

I can’t imagine anyone trying to persuade their sister to put off fertility treatment for their wedding. What is wrong with people

I wanted a two year age gap but it ended up taking a year to get a successful full term pregnancy. Had no issues conceiving the first. So I'd really not put your plans on hold, what will happen will happen in its own time...

She just wants her family there? It’s not bride zilla.

You do what is best for your and your family just as the bride is clearly doing . If the bride doesn’t like the fact that you’re pregnant she’ll have to find a new bridesmaid.

Put yourself before anyone else.
My 2 are 20 months apart (DD and DS ) - it was hard when in nappies (the paraphanalia just leaving the house) and the cost of 2 at uni is quite high BUT pros outweigh the cons (day trips out etc )

All the best and happy conceiving !

As a primary school teacher, the notion that children born in August all struggle in school isn’t true for everyone (genetics and upbringing play a huge part) and even for those that do they’re not usually any worse than any of the other summer born children and tend to catch up by the time the big exams roll through

Plan your family around you, not someone else’s wedding. I also think the bride needs a good talking to about interfering with the fertility treatment of the maid of honour!!

I was maid of honour at my best friend's wedding - 8 months pregnant at the time.

She was somewhat on tenterhooks 😁

This is why big expensive weddings are a waste of time. No one really cares except the bride and in some cases the groom.
I am confused as to why the brides sister being pregnant affects whether her parents come to the wedding. They'll have a lifetime with their grandchild but would spend their other daughters one wedding day at the birth??

It is if she’s having arguments with her sister about it. It shouldn’t be an argument, if the sister wants to have the fertility treatment it shouldn’t be something the bride argues with to try and change her mind. You can be disappointed without trying to tell someone to alter their fertility treatment around you.

Nobody needs this amount of faff. Yes pay a wedding planner if you're a bridezilla.

Plus you can defer entry anyway now?

Go ahead and try and live your life. Each month is like a 25% chance if all is okay so the chance of your falling next month isn’t a done deal.

Jesus. If you get pregnant and can't be there and the bride can't cope with that, the bride doesn't love and care for you and therefore you shouldn't be giving two shits. Same goes for any other member of the bridal party.

Weddings shouldnt be the self centered shitfest they've become.

Looking at this from a completely different angle

you may want to concider the timing of the birth to be at the start of a school year..so from September onwards rather than the plan now which would be the end of the school year

I know it’s controversial and other mumsnetters may disagree

In which case
I’d wait till the birth date is more likely to be no sooner than September

Do not hold back from moving forward with your life, for someone else’s life.

I am absolutely aghast the bride had the issue with MOH and fertility treatment timing. That’s absolutely disgusting

Yes, depending on your borough depends on how easy it is to defer but if a summer child is very behind on their milestones and it’s clear it would be in their best interest to be held back a year it would be possible (nursery would be able to support this). Having an August baby isn’t a massive disadvantage that many people believe it to be anymore.

A friend of mine had a bridesmaid who was 81/2 pregnant at her wedding. No probs. She gave birth about a week later!!

I think the fear is if the Sister goes into labour on the day of the wedding. Parents being tore between wedding and seeing DD and new addition.

I can kind of understand the Bride asking her Sis to push things back a month if she can. 8mth pregnant at a wedding isn't ideal but its a whole lot better than due date clashing.

Doctors are loathed to let fertility babies go over their date. I'd calculated my due date / baby's birthday before my baby was conceived.

Sad but true there is also that horrible thought that if either of them are due around the time of the wedding, then unfortunately loose the baby, the wedding will be an awful reminder of what might have been.