Just relax and you’ll get pregnant

[hovebaby99]

If I hear this one more time! Infuriating, even when I try to not think about it and relax I can’t because I’m so aware of my body and how it feels

Any advice on how to relax and not think about it?

for refs I have regular acupuncture, and take my bbt. I have very regular cycles 28 days. Both husband and I have had some private tests - everything is fine. I have a slightly high amh
This month I am taking Mac’s root, baby aspirin, pineapple core and cough medicine! Trying it all as going into 8 months TTC

People do tend to say this a lot. It’s frustrating but comes from a good place.

It’s hard not to focus on ttc, but honestly…..the month I decided I didn’t give a hoot (and I really meant it), I didn’t track ovulation, I had a few drinks, I liberated myself from the constant thoughts, I didn’t count down every day of the two week wait…was the month I conceived!! That was cycle 13 of trying.

My advice, don’t give up. Instead of thinking about all the months you haven’t got pregnant, think about all the months to come that you might get pregnant. Try and reframe your thoughts. You’ve had tests, all seems fine, just keep trying, but be chilled with it too, 8 months isn’t a huge amount of time to be trying. Good luck.

To be fair when I did get pregnant I wasn’t even thinking about it and I’ve read countless similar stories from others.

Stressing over every minor detail seems to be the worst thing you can do.

If you have a baby, both your lives will be easier, the fitter you are, so I'd concentrate on getting your fitness up. Take up running or rowing, or cycling.

It certainly won't do any harm and perhaps you will relax that way.

Thank you so much for this!!! Great story! Maybe I should just give it a go and stop everything I just know it will be at the back of my mind and I’ll be thinking oo maybe this is it

Really appreciate the advice!

Or do what my practice nurse told me to do when I asked about having tests to investigate infertility…..get drunk and have wild sex. I honestly couldn’t believe my ears when she said that. Yes, because getting drunk will suddenly make my pcos go away and fix up the endometriosis I didn’t know I had.

From someone who was ttc for many unsuccessful years, I’d say focus more on your health and well-being. Get fit, enjoy nights out, book holidays as a couple. But as soon as you hit one year of trying, get to the gp and get investigated. Then it will be a more serious affair, with scans, medication, calendars etc. All the fun of ttc will evaporate. In the end I conceived two dc, one following ovarian drilling and one following icsi. Not a drop of alcohol was drunk! All the best OP xx

I think it’s a really rude and insensitive thing to say, as thought it’s your own fault for not being pregnant as you’re too uptight.

Obviously by the law of averages some people will get pregnant the month they stop thinking about it but it’s anecdata. FWIW I got pregnant the month I went crazy with supplements and smiley faced ovulation trackers.

I like to believe people mean well when they say it. But when you're trying a while, relaxing is pretty difficult. I had a miscarriage after 18 months TTC that turned out to be a partial molar. My doctor's secretary told me to go on hols, relax, get really drunk, and come home pregnant.. because the work related stress my husband was going through might have caused it. Yeah, stress is known to cause molar pregnancies, right?!😂

It's really hard to not stress but for me taking a break from the 'trying' and just focusing on reconnecting did help my head. I found BBT and OPKs so overwhelming at times, so giving that a rest for a couple of months and just trying to not have things so regimented and planned felt good. I don't know if it'll get you pregnant for sure but if you're feeling the need go relax and switch off a bit then it might be no harm. I hope you get your BFP really soon!!🤞🏼

No ideas on the relaxing but have you tried clear blue digital opks?

I do think a ‘holiday’ from it all would do a world of good - the bbt every day is exhausting

Really claiming the relaxing energy!!! Praying for a BFP x

@Wafflesandsyrupyeah I did and then bloody dropped it in the bath … not buying another!

@hovebaby99its totally true but how on earth do you relax when trying to TTC?! I have absolutely no idea!
I would however keep busy - make plans, find a hobby, book a holiday, plan some diy etc etc whatever gets you there!

@FinallyPregnant2022 exactly!! People say just relax and I’m like please could you tell me how to?! 😂 I know it comes from a good place! (Love your user name btw!)

Because there is some truth to it.. as annoying as it is. There’s a reason why people say it.

Stop the religious testing and tracking. Cut out the alcohol if you drink (both of you), lower the caffeine consumption, sleep better, exercise more. You’d be surprised at how much your mental load / stress affects fertility.

everyone I know that was actively TTC struggled for over a year and up to four years to conceive.

friend 1 fell pregnant after 4 years and caving to go down the IVF route
friend 2 fell pregnant the day before their first IVF consultation. They suffered 3x losses over 2.5 years.
friend 3 fell pregnant after they stoped TTC due to sister in laws wedding

I fell pregnant when I wasn’t actively trying but wanted to start a family within the next year. It happened almost right away which I wasn’t expecting at all.

another friend fell pregnant as she stopped birth control and just let nature take its course.

loosen the reigns a bit. You’d be surprised! Good luck.

I know it’s hard to hear but I do think it comes from a good heart!
I don’t know why I don’t listen to my own past experiences and chill out abit TTC #3.
DC1 I wasn’t trying at all, although was unprotected for around 2 year it just happened and tested BFP 2-3wks.
DC2 trying for 2 years, not tracking properly as I didn’t really understand it all that much if I’m honest but I just gave up as it got to upsetting AF every month. Few months later I booked us for private fertility treatment and that month I tested as 9 days late and was BFP 3+

Both of mine have been completely unexpected x

rather than putting quack stuff like cough medicine into your body - look at the book called "Fertilty Diet". Far more constructive and helpful. I had a long journey incl all kinds of medical intervention, but dropping all the "tips" cut out a lot of stress.

you shouldn’t take baby aspirin unless a miscarriage clinic has advised - it can actually be detrimental to getting pregnant. Pineapple core is also unproven and I’m assuming the cough medicine you have read about on mainly American TTC forums - it’s not the same as the cough medicine you get in the U.K. ….also unproven and also could do more harm than good if you have had tests which have come back normal

You didn’t mention if you are doing OPKs? Or your age? Age being the most significant factor. If you are doing OPKs and taking a good pre natal like Proceive I wouldn’t bother with the rest (I spent years TTC and had lots of losses). I won’t tell you to relax but I will kindly say 8 months is well within “normal” parameters for TTC.

in terms of acupuncture I did do this over years of IVF and trying naturally…..the only time I didn’t do it so to lockdown was on my final IVF transfer and it was was the one that worked and I had twins!. Do it because you enjoy it and relaxes you etc but don’t consider it a must do every month

I hear you. People don’t know what to say so say that but actually no amount of relaxing ever worked for us as we needed ivf due to low amh and my crappy tubes!
I definitely wasn’t relaxed doing ivf but it did work and our twins turn 8 next month!
I was told to use aspirin by my consultant when I was pregnant but not before… and only up to 35 weeks.
we were advised to take folic acid and proxeed but that was it. I did have acupuncture too which made me feel good and like I was doing something to help!
Really hope it all works out for you x

This.

My situation was a bit different because I was conceiving easily but having miscarriages. Everyone told me to relax. The two times I successfully conceived I was having ultrasounds every three days to monitor my dominant follicle, a trigger shot, progesterone pessaries and ultrasounds every two weeks throughout the first trimester.

People say it from a good place and I do think providing there’s no underlying issues it does help (or it did for me anyway)

Bear in mind that on average it takes a year to conceive and you're only at the 8 month stage.

I was doing exams while TTC, and although I didn’t feel particularly stressed, my periods stopped. So I think there is some truth in it, it’s just hard to do.

It feels impossible to do but I do honestly think it’s the best advice there is.

I found that rather than focusing on “relaxing” it was more helpful to focus on being distracted- you cannot force yourself to relax, or at least personally I can’t, it just doesn’t work that way! But you can keep yourself distracted/busy to keep your mind off of things.

For me when trying for my first baby that meant throwing myself into work, having plans to look forward to in the evening/at the weekend, I’m a runner so I had a race booked and was training for that which was a distraction, and every month my husband & I had a date night scheduled for when my period would have been due so that even if it was BFN I still had that to look forward to. I’be recently found out I’m pregnant with my second and I have to say I found the process of ttc so much easier this time round purely because my life is busier, I have a 1 year old to run around after now so rather than finishing work and having 5 hours to fill googling, symptom spotting etc I’m so busy I barely remembered to even think about it until I realised I could test!

It is really hard though, I remember from the first time ttc even when you stop the testing it is impossible to totally shut off your mind. You stop measuring time in calendar months or weeks, you measure time in cycles, period is here yay cycle day 1, pass 5 days, start ovulation testing, pass 2 days, start having sex, past my peak now stop, start the two week wait, symptom spot, test, period, repeat. It is so draining and hard to get away from.

I've literally only became pregnant when I made peace with not becoming pregnant and gave up all the mental stuff. To me, that's what "relax" means, not some hot bath and scented candles kind of relax. It's more of a deep state of making peace with the possibility of not getting what you want.
I wish that for you 😊🙏

Saw this today and it irked me:

There definitely is something in relaxing but of course it’s easier said than done! I conceived my first very quickly so expected the same for number 2. It took a couple of years in the end and it was the first month that I stopped tracking ovulation and just went with the flow. I unexpectedly conceived my third when I was 41, we were not even trying to have another one and only dtd once! I used to really begrudge people that said it to me when having difficulties ttc but I honestly do believe the better mental state you are in, the rest will happen. Of course that doesn’t include losses etc, can completely understand the difficulties that can bring.