Just relax and you’ll get pregnant

[hovebaby99]

If I hear this one more time! Infuriating, even when I try to not think about it and relax I can’t because I’m so aware of my body and how it feels

Any advice on how to relax and not think about it?

for refs I have regular acupuncture, and take my bbt. I have very regular cycles 28 days. Both husband and I have had some private tests - everything is fine. I have a slightly high amh
This month I am taking Mac’s root, baby aspirin, pineapple core and cough medicine! Trying it all as going into 8 months TTC

I "relaxed" by giving up hahaha
Dd2 was the month I was like you know what, I can't do this anymore, so many heartbreaks and miscarriages and I was over it all. Then that bfp came up after dtd just one once and I was like well damn.
Same with this current pregnany, starting to accept that maybe we're good with how we are and started to grieve for what wouldn't be, focused on getting fit again and then another bfp.

Sounds idyllic right, but fully aware how hard it is when it's so desperately wanted and is taking longer than anticipated. Absolutely find a hobby, have a Holiday from tcc and give yourself a few months break.

And as great as all the pineapple core etc is, it's the subconscious stress of you're still actually trying everything you can that takes it toll too.

I agree i hated this too! However, my first born was after a miscarriage, it was December and we said we would have a great partying Christmas, ear drunk and be merry then TTC again in the new year ... DD was convinced in December!
Second born, just had yet another miscarriage and was finishing a job contract so put off TTC for a year, DS arrived before the year was up lol 😂
I think distraction is a good thing but again it's difficult to actively pursue yourself!
Good luck

I had secondary infertility. Was put on Clomid and had many unsuccessful cycles. Blood test showed levels were too high to conceive. Told have a 2 month break from clomid. At the end of the break we had to test I’m not sure what now! But it involved having sex very early morning. Nurse draw off some of the semen from my virgina and examined the mobility of spern in my juices. It’s as gross as it sounds and nurse was keen for us to look at the microscope too. Anyhow that was the most clinical non sexy shag of my entire life and it produced DD2. We weren’t looking to make a baby we were just thinking of getting through a medical test before going back on Clomid. Happily that last round of Clomid was not needed.

Perhaps people are telling you to relax as you sound incredibly uptight and stressed about it and are taking a lot of tablets and odd things which sound like a lot more nonsense to me than the advice to chill the fuck out. Stress is one of the worst things for our bodies at any time of life.

@jellyfishperiwinklecharming!! Thank you for the advice

@BeMintFatballno WAY 😅 how is that even real! Absolutely going to take a massive step back and give myself a holiday from it all, stop all the nonsense and get myself back

It’s so difficult to do but I wonder if there is some truth in it. I’ve been pregnant 4 times.

1st time I got pregnant when I’d been referred by the GP for testing so I was more focussed on when to book the blood tests in for certain days of my period. (MMC)
2nd time I got pregnant I was aware that the due date would be around the time of my wedding so I was hoping not to get pregnant but didn’t want to miss a cycle. (DD was born, had to move wedding)
3rd time I got pregnant my period had only just come back after breastfeeding and I wasn’t tracking (MMC)
4th time no specific relaxing though! Currently 14 weeks.

So you could try booking some things in to look forward to, that you couldn’t do pregnant, eg spa day, just to have something else to look forward to.

Wishing you all the best x

I found this so so frustrating but in the end it worked for me. I was so stressed trying to conceive, my boyfriend and I would argue so much because I just became so fixated on it! I wouldn’t exercise as read somewhere that exercise put too much stress on the body (load of rubbish) , wouldn’t even have the odd glass of wine, became obsessed with diet.
Then January and a new year came and I just thought sod it….started exercising, eating what I wanted (I’ve always been fairly healthy anyway!) , chucked away the ovulation tests and just dtd every other day or so. I also planned lots of nice things I could do over the year to help take my mind of things. I got pregnant that month and now have twins.
its so hard though I know! Friends would tell me to relax as it only took them a month or two to conceive…which made me stress more as it took 8 months for me. But just remember, taking up to a year to conceive is totally normal, lots of women need more than a couple of months to get pregnant.
I agree with the posters who have advised you take up a new hobby or book a holiday, just keep busy and take your mind of it. Stress can have such a weird effect on the body. And @Puppupandaway I’ve heard that the drink wild sex thing works too 😂
I really feel for you OP as I remember how hard it was, but maybe taking a break from the tracking etc and focusing elsewhere might at least give you a bit of a rest ….but easier said than done I know

@hovebaby99 I know wild story but absolutely true.

i highly recommend reading Ben Elton’s novel Inconceivable. It’s fiction but based on his own fertility journey and the facts of the tests are true. Funny and heartbreaking it’s a good read.

Good luck

@Bobbieiristhank you so much for this! Hearing similar stories makes me feel a lot better!! It’s so easy to get trapped in the spiral of trying things, not trying things, testing this and that!!

It's not particularly helpful advice because exactly how do you make yourself relax over something that means so much, but after 9 years trying we "gave up" and spent the money we'd saved for maternity leave etc on a big holiday, and I was pregnant within a few weeks!

Exactly this, except it was after 3 years for us. We decided it probably wasn’t going to happen and went on a stupidly expensive weekend break, got absolutely pissed and danced and laughed and had a great time. 3 weeks later I tested positive for the first time ever.

I do completely get how horrible it is to hear though, I wanted to gag everyone who said it to me.

But surely the ‘relax and it will happen’ technique will absolutely not work if there are other factors at play. If your partner has a really low or non existent sperm count or rubbish morphology then the female being relaxed will do absolutely nothing. Same goes for if a women doesn’t know that her tubes are blocked or her progesterone is too low.

I’m really happy for all of you who say that once you stopped stressing you got pregnant. But, for many couples the stress is not the issue. Which is why my advice to the OP is to destress, have fun, forget about bbt and ovulation sticks BUT once it’s been a year of ttc it’s time to take it a bit more seriously and have investigations done.

OP says in her (very short) OP they've had all the tests done and everything is fine.

OP only said they’d had some tests. But once a year has passed they will be able to get more testing done to find out why it’s not happening. 8 months is still quite early to worry.

@NewfunHusbands had a sperm count and average morphology, I have had basic ones done through hertility (not sur how reliable this is.Mine said I had higher than usual amh. I think we will wait until the year mark and then get further testing done

Just drink!

@almostbloody50😂😂 I’ve literally just put some wine in the fridge!

I'm type A personality and no way could I relax when TTC.

Fell pregnant within 3 or 4 months with DC1.

Then i experienced secondary infertility.

Initially I didn't change much but by months 20 I had tried all of the things. Finally fell pregnant after a hycosy and clomid. No relaxing!

Totally understand where your coming from, i had it and i’ve also said it 😅🤦‍♀️
however 13 months TTC, SIL pregnant and two good friends pregnant i thought f* it i need to get on with life.

Totally stopped thinking about it, no tracking etc, went out drinking, moved jobs. The only part that continued was my DH went for fertility testing as that had been a long awaited appointment.

Anyway fast forward about 8 weeks later went to a function but was supposed to be driving so only had one ‘drink’ with my meal left about 11pm and felt wasted - had to get a taxi home. Next morning had the hangiver from hell- genuinely thought had i been spiked. And for some reason i just thought hmm i wonder had a left over test from before and really thought nothing of it - 5 mins later it was positive.

started the new job the following week and due to occupational hazards had to announce on my first day i was pregnant (s
the shame 🥴) but anyway sometimes … just sometimes it does happen that way. Positive vibes

@Laughinglamano way!!! Such a great story, it’s honestly bonkers how it all works out in the end! Congratulations!

Both times i got pregnant happened when I was on holiday, if that is an option to you! Go somewhere hot, eat good food, drink good wine and have lots of sex without worrying about ovulation etc. worth a try because worst comes to the worst, you’ve just had a lovely time with your partner!

@Dazedandconfusedmaim going to bring it to the table over a glass of wine in the sun! Love it!

My 2 pregnancies were when I switched things up and had a bit more fun rather than making it feel routine. It makes me smile when I think back now. All the effort and planning was endless and just took the fun out of things and didn't work re TTC for months and months. So each time I threw caution to the wind and went about initiating something differently it worked - 2 teen DDs. I remember being so annoyed about the advice to relax and it will happen... But it certainly worked for me! I think the elevation of cortisol when stressed is a massive blocker to conception so finding a way to not be so stressed can be surprisingly effective (I know this is so much harder to do than it sounds but might be worth thinking about what this could be like for you).

Tbh 8 months is still normal

dc1 conceived in 1 month
dc2 conceived in 10 months