Anyone else trying to get pregnant 2

[bayleaf]

It may just be my computer ( no broad band in the sticks!)but the other thread was taking a long while to load and accept new messages so maybe we can start again here...

NOt sure where smiley crept in from - definitely not intentional!

Yes, dot1, it does sound like a very similar situation. Do you always go to the donor? We are lucky because most of the time our donor has come to us. First time around we were living about two hours apart so it wasn't too bad, though it got wearing after a while--it took us about 10 months though some of the time we now think we were doing it at completely the wrong time of the month. Since then, we have moved, and the daddies have moved to be near us (well, to be near dd really), but the one who is the donor this time (it was his partner last time) is still working in London (3 1/2 hours away) so it can be tricky. Still, we have managed 3 consecutive nights both times so far.

Sorry about all the ()!

(I wonder if this should really be a new thread?)

Bayleaf - are you sure you're not my alter ego? After all the other coincidences a couple of weeks ago, the Grimsby fish man was here today as well!

WoW Gill !!- Even without the fish man I was musing yesterday on how the coincidences were mounting up between us! We really will have to get that Midlands meet up sorted!

OH don't go and start another thread Ruth - it makes me realise that I'm not the only one with tedious non romantic conception operations when I read about your problems! ( I don't mean that in anyway horribly! db is gay - I'd love him to father children for someone but can't see it happening. When we were about 16 we had a £5 bet ( quite a lot then ) that the OTHER would be the first to have children - alomst the first thing I said to him after he came out was 'Huh! The bet's off - you cheated! Was OK to be flippant as by luck from quite a young age I'd been very vocal in my feelings re homophobia - without the SLIGHTEST idea that db was - so didn't have to be all nice and reasure him that I felt it was OK ( being gay not being homophobic!)as I'd inadvertently been telling him that for years.)
ANyhow - ths defintely IS another thread so I'll sod off and get dressed!

I don't mind starting another thread, but will stay until kicked out!!

We always go to our donor, who doesn't sound as hands on as yours, Ruth. He's straight and single, and definitely doesn't want a family - I think we're his ideal family really - he's got a ds but doesn't have to do anything with him!! (JOKE!). So it works really well, 'cos we're happy with limited contact aswell.

Anyway, it only took us 3 months for dp to conceive ds - we'd done temperatures and stuff for about 6 months beforehand, so at least we knew we were trying at the right times. It's of course more difficult now anyway, 'cos when I try I have to stay overnight (in a seedy B&B) on my own, 'cos dp's working and it's not fair drag ds up and down the country with me (and not practical when I'm trying to self-inseminate!!).

Ho hum - the fun starts again soon...!

Bayleaf - how are you doing??!

OK, no new thread for now, though I'm tempted to start a new one just so we can find out how many of us there are on mumsnet.

Seedy b&b sounds horrid. How did you find your donor? Was he a friend already? How did he feel when your son was born? Ours were already very old friends of mine before we started on this palava. I don't think any of us really imagined they would get as involved as they have, but once dp was pregnant, and especially once dd was born, things began to shift. Now they've bought a house just behind ours (we can wave at each other across the back alley), and we each take a turn looking after dd on Fridays (she goes to nursery 4 days a week). Not that there aren't complications and difficulties at times, but generally it works really well.

my dp knows our donor really well - they went to school together! And I'd got to know him through dp. We spent the best part of a year discussing how it would work, and so far it's gone to plan. I don't think he felt that differently when ds was born - I think he's interested in a hands-off kind of way! He's on the birth certificate, and ds will know who he is - we talk about him and all our family and friends know who he is so there's no secret - we really wanted to avoid that. Our families live near Mr donor, so when we visit them we go and see him aswell, so he's seen ds quite a few times - I think he'll enjoy him more as he gets older and is a boy rather than a baby. We're happy for more contact to happen - as much or little as ds wants really. We're planning to move nearer our families (and therefore Mr donor) so we'll probably see more of him anyway.

Right, that's me done! Bayleaf - still thinking about you and hope you're coping with the wait...

Thanks dot - am feeling very flat and a bit down and COMPLETLY exhausted ( you're on Progesterone for the 2 week wait so feel like you do in early pregnancy - ie zonked)

Hang on in there Bayleaf ... thinking about you.

bayleaf, thinking of you. When do you test? I have everything crossed for you!

I'm also feeling suddenly pessimistic about my forthcoming cycle - I think it was the way they kept telling me how incredibly lucky I was last time (first attempt and only two embryos, so I know I was). I've started sniffing but have a terrible cold which I'm sure is stopping the drug doing its stuff! And I'm paranoid about forgetting - it seems much harder to remember now that my life is so much busier (in a good way though!)

Agree with sobernow. I could never have the stamina and resourcefulness to go through with IVF, Elliott and Bayleaf, and both of you are very much in my thoughts.

Marina, I am touched by your thoughts - you have certainly needed great strength and stamina to cope with losing Thomas, something which I have not had to face.
There was a time when DH and I couldn't imagine going down the IVF route, but when you are left with the choice of that or no children then really there is nothing to lose - and of course happily it has so far been very much worthwhile, whether or not we manage to complete our family. I think you just have to do what you have to do really.

Elliot,
thinking about you too .... try not to feel pessimistic about things. I think the fact that your first attempt was successful means it's highly likely you'll be successful again. Maybe there is a certain amount of luck involved but you've obviously 'got what it takes' for this to become another successful pregnancy ...

Hi all.
Can't add any positive vibes as I'm feeeling incredibly cold, low and tired - but at least there's Mumsnet to cheer me up so it could be worse! Elliott - I was convinced several times as I've said that I wasn't sniffing enough and that it wouldn't work ( yes and a few mornings I got up convinced I'd forgotten the night before and had no way of checking - and I was 'down' first scan both times so I'm sure your cold won't affect it - it's just part of the overall nervousness - you're looking for something to worry about as we all do...
It is just a luck and numbers game for us who have proved we can get pregnant and carry a baby - if we have the money and emotional resources to do it as many times as it takes then we'll get there in the end - with luck it could be the first time - but I'm more and more of the opinion that it's just ''chance'' - a case of whether they put the right embryos back.
I think my first realistic pos test would be Friday or Saturday - ie 14 days after EC - and of course I'l try then as I have loads of 50p tests ( 2 in a box!) from Poundland so it's not really costing me anything. In the mean time I just ahve to keep putting one foot in front of another - but I feel utterly apathetic and so knackerd that it's been hard - and being back at work tomorrow I am NOT looking forward to. On top of everything I have to take my job share partner to one side ( she's great) and tell her I'm 'leaving her' as of September as I have a chance to go back to being Head of Department ( on a job share basis) and it's too good a chance to miss but I feel a heel 'dumping ' her ( tho she'll still have a job - she'll just have to share with another member of staff.)

Hello Bayleaf - I'm sorry you're feeling so low. But I'm not surprised really - I know how awful the 2 week wait is, although I expect it's even worse for IVF because it's so much more demanding than IUI. We're hoping to have another go at that next week by-the-way. I don't know if anyone will know what I'm talking about, but I keep being reminded of the film "Clockwise" with John Cleese. There's a line in it that's something like: "It's not the despair, Laura, I can cope with the despair, it's the hope". Katherine said something on her thread about trying not to hope, but not being able to, and it made me think of the same thing. If only we could just stop thinking about it all for two weeks and not keep going over and over it all the time. I just get a constant dialogue in my head - "Oh, I feel a bit queasy, maybe it's morning sickness, no it can't be - it's much too early, no I feel premenstual, it definitely hasn't worked, but hang on, I do feel a bit odd - perhaps I'm pregnant after all... " on and on and on (rather like this post - sorry, I'll stop now).

NO don't stop Janeway - it's you lot who are keeping me sane ( dh is out of the country again - thankfully only briefly). Yes you're right about the hope. I am 95% certain that it hasn't worked this time as I have no symptoms at all now - but I can't pick myself up and get on with my life because I can't KNOW yet that it's negative, I'm just in total limbo and just want to disappear under the duvet and not come out till it's over - but I can't!
What stims are you on for iui Janeway? Or is it just a natural cycle and they do the deed at the exact right time?
On the plus side my job share partner was very sweet today about me dumping her - confided that not to worry as she was about to start trying for her second ( our dds are 1 week apart). I didn't enlighten her as to my situation! ( tho I have told the person I'm leaving her for, I'm not a complete cow!)

Hi Bayleaf - I'm glad to hear you're still sane. We're going for a natural cycle this time, except for a Profasi injection to make the ovulation time more predictable (at least I think that's what it's for). We tried it with Clomid last month, but no luck Our son was conceived without Clomid on our third attempt in April 2000, and this will be our 3rd go this time, so you never know... (Oops, that sounds a bit too hopeful, oh well.)

Bayleaf, I know just how awful these 2 weeks are but please please don't give up hope yet. I never had any symptoms at all and yet had a positive test at the end of the two weeks. Keep your chin up and in the meantime I'm sending you lots of cyberhugs ...
Jane101, good luck for next week - hope it's third time lucky!

Jane101, can I ask where you are doing your IUI? I had a successful IUI four years ago but that was on Mega drugs, and I really don't want to go down that route again. I produce one nice little egg each cycle. The only trouble is I keep ovulating on weekends. If we could do a profasi shot it would give us a better chance at timing. But I'm not sure if there's a clinic in London that would agree to this. They don't tend to like women writing their own protocols!

Jane101, good luck next week. Your quote from Clockwise summed up how I feel right now! Do hope it works for you this time, and that, Bayleaf, your body is just keeping you a little in suspense...both my pregnancies had quite a sudden start to symptoms just after I was due, so there's always a gleam of hope. The number of crossed digits up and down the country must have some impact! Glad you are finding Mumsnet a support, don't know what we'd all do without it.

good luck bayleaf - just to echo marina, I only felt pregnant a few days after I had missed my first period. Second time around, when I knew what 'pregnant' felt like, the sore breasts/bloated middle/sickness definitely kicked in all of a sudden.

Some on this thread might find today's Mumsnet Fact of the Day amusing. Any excuse to torment a man with a sponge full of icy water...

Oh thanks for that Marina, and for the symptomless pregnancies, I defintely need to hear things like that - and I'm defintely feeling better today, if only becasue I know that tomorrow morning is about the first morning that I can test with any real expectation of a result. Admittedly a negative result won't in any way be conclusive - but just getting to this point feels like such progress - if need be at least I can start to get on with the week or so of being mega pissed off and then get on with life again - or of course the alternative too wonderful to mention!