Disappointed with fertility consultation

[Firsttime2023]

Hi all, I had a consultation with the fertility clinic today I have come away feeling really disheartened.

On paper, I should be relieved as technically nothing is wrong with myself or OH, everything has come back 'normal'

I am 38 so I realise age isn't on my side which is why we have gone down this route after 12 months of ttc.

I was hoping there would be some advice/suggestions for further treatment or some sort of plan. But nothing, other than keep trying naturally and if you reach 2 years come back.

She emphasised my age being the only thing against us yet also said I should come back if nothing has happened after 2 years of trying (when I will be even older?)

Is this normal? She mention HyCosy but said there was no indication I need it done. I had to ask about anything I can be doing to improve chances as she offered nothing. I thought paying privately I would get a bit more back.

Was I just hoping for a miracle?

I can see why this would be so frustrating OP! I'm in Ireland and in my experience and anyone I know here after a year of trying have been suggested options to pursue next. It wouldn't be common to be told to come back after 2 years trying.
It sounds counterintuitive to come back after 2 years trying, a year older, with more odds potentially stacked against you (sorry I don't mean this in a harsh way just statistically speaking). Maybe it was this particular consultant and not really the norm?
Private fertility care is so costly so I reckon you have 2 options depending on what your finances are like:

1. Contact this fertility clinic again seeing as you've already likely spent good money on tests and consultation with them. Tell them you're not willing to wait another year and want to proceed with treatment options. It's private after all so should be your decision I would think.
2. Cut your losses and start afresh with a new clinic. Tell them from the offset you don't want to wait another year and want to pursue treatment now.

I wouldn't be happy with being given no advice as such after paying privately. Very frustrating indeed!

@remaininghopeful23 thank you I appreciate your reply and that's exactly how I felt, that it seems counterintuitive to wait another year. I get what she was saying, that there is no reason for it not to happen naturally......but at the same time it could easily not happen!

I didn't go expecting to make any decisions today I just thought I would come away with some options to mull over with my OH and come to a decision on what we wanted to do.

I have sent them an email, expressing my disappointment so will see what they say 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is interesting to read. We're approaching a year of trying for no 2 and I am keen to investigate treatment options as I am 39 and v conscious of the ticking clock.... I would've (maybe naively) thought that if you're paying for private treatment you can have it whenever you like? @Firsttime2023 do you mind me asking where this clinic was? We would probably be considering Bristol.....

I would definitely have a hycosy. I had no indication one was needed and told everything normal. But my tubes were in fact blocked. Only found out because the Hycosy opened them enough for sperm to get through to get me pregnant immediately afterwards but not enough for a fertilised egg to cone down so it was ectopic. That then meant they got to see inside and my tubes were a mess. I needed ivf which worked first time.

Sometimes a Hycosy is needed to see the tubes and how they're working. Blood tests and pelvic exams won't tell you this. So I would push for a Hycosy or do privately. I definitely wouldn't try for another two years first.

It's such a tough thing to be experiencing and my heart goes out to you. My best advice is take control and be forceful to get the further testing you need. Best of luck on your journey.

I had a similar-ish experience with a fertility clinic last month. It was a positive experience overall but the consultant outcome was essentially there's nothing specifically wrong and time will probably be the answer. But.. that we could go for IVF and that would have a good probability of success and only downside would be the emotional load. He suggested we set ourselves a mental target of how long we're willing to wait but said based on my ovarian reserve (I have one ovary) he would say don't wait another year.

I have fallen pregnant naturally (using fertilily) the next cycle after a year of ttc and one MC

I am in Plymouth. She didn't actually say we couldn't have treatment, she just wasn't really willing to discuss anything with us. It was very much "there is no reason why it can't happen naturally, carry on as you are and if you get to two years I'd recommend coming back to us"

I had to ask her if she could talk to us about IUi and it was a very brief explanation and basically said not worth it if we can have regular intercourse. IVF I am pretty sure she said we couldn't have until 2 years of trying and so she wouldn't really talk to us about that.
Apart from me asking her about HyCosy and I also asked her if there was anything I should be taking she didn't give any other advice!! I was in there for less than 15 minutes!

Thank you, I think i definitely will try and have this done. She said that as they couldn't see my tubes on the unltrasound that was a good sign and that there is no medical history to suggest they are blocked so she ruled it out.
But thank you it's good to hear that it worked for you, although I am sorry to hear it was an ectopic.

Congrats on your positive IvF 🩷

Thank for your reply! I guess going private I just expected more! But £150 for a 10 minute appointment to be told "you're fine carry on as you are" was really disheartening although obviously I'm glad there is nothing wrong!

Oh that's interesting you mention the Fertilily. I was looking that up this afternoon and wondered if it was worth giving it a go??

@Firsttime2023 they couldn’t see my tubes on ultrasound either and I also had no history. I think it’s very hard to know what’s going on unless you have a camera in there tbh. But Hycosy can show tubes and also can clear minor blockages and lead to pregnancy- it’s very common to get pregnant on first cycle after one.

if this was a private clinic then I wouldn’t be happy with the response at all. If it was NHS then that makes sense in terms of them saying try for another two years but I still don’t think you should! If you can afford to have further testing privately then do. You really need to know exactly what’s going on rather than just chancing it for another two years.

Thank you for your kind congratulations. It was a long time ago now, but I’m so grateful for the treatment I had and my brilliant nhs gynaecologist that suggested the Hycosy and saw me through my ectopic. Definitely a happy ending with my lovely DD!

Do you know what the cut off age for funded IVF is in your area? Could it be the Dr has told you to wait 2 years so that you have to self fund? (I’m only asking because I had this myself and had to go private in the end). As you said time is not on your side. Maybe look into private more in depth fertility tests, likely they can be done at the same clinic you have already been to. Fingers crossed for you!

No advice but I’m 39 and ttc 20 months now
I’m assuming because of my age it’s just taking that bit longer as like you all our tests were normal
hope it happens soon for you 🤞🏻

@Firsttime2023 what exactly has this private clinic done? Blood tests at different points in the month? Scans at regular intervals throughout the month?

I'd definitely push for a hycosy and possibly a laparoscopy.

After 2 years I was unexplained, then had the above and pregnant straight away.

I hope you get your BFP soon 🩷

Thanks everyone for your responses! I feel better knowing I'm not just overreacting! Will definitely ask to see someone else I think and see if I can get a HyCosy.

@bumphope2020 I had an ultrasound and a blood test along with this consultation. In total it was £250.

Oh I don't know what the cut off is?? I will look into it!

This sounds like you are looking for an NHS referral? A private clinic would have you booked in to start on your next cycle

Sounds like it doesn't it! But nope it was private!

A private clinic would take you straightaway I'd have thought?! NHS, you need your have been trying for a certain amount of time. In my area it's 3 years, so we went private. Good luck

Sorry @onceisenoughinlife think I misread your comment! That makes sense about having to wait for the nhs referral but not private 😊

I completely agree with you, my OH found it really reassuring nothing was wrong.. and I did too but didn't get any of the advice around like even timing of intercourse.

Fertilily.. I'm a case study of one so take that with a pinch of salt.. we have been trying for a year, pregnant once in May which ended in MC in June. Then first cycle using fertility we are now pregnant again. I'm very hesitant to get excited after the MC but I'd definitely use fertilily again. I use menstrual cups so it was easier than that, otherwise I'd suggest giving it a go before you 'need' it so you're familiar

I've not read through all your replies so sorry if this has already been suggested. If you have no other option than to keeping trying for the next two years, look into the book " it starts with the egg" and some decent prenatal supplements. There are some really pricey ones out there but I've heard proceive are quite good. I've just bought them from boots today. £25 for a month's supply.

Best of luck x

@Harriet1989 thank you, I will give it a go!
Good luck and congrats with your pregnancy ❤️

Thank you, I have heard about the book actually but will give it a read 😊
I have also ordered some prenatal supplements ❤️

We went to a private clinic when we were TTC as we'd been trying 6 months and I was 40.
They did all the tests and scans, when the results came back normal and in her words 'were the last people that should be sat there telling her I couldn't get pregnant ' she suggested a hycosy straight away, we decided we'd go ahead with it (for another £150) and were sent away to wait for my next period to start as you have to have it on certain days of your cycle. I'm very surprised she didn't try to almost push you to have one, we were told there was no reason for us to have one other than to rule it out, and a lot of people fall pregnant within 3 cycles of having one so we felt it was worth a go. Luckily I fell that month whilst I was waiting for my period to arrive!

Hi

Just want to say I understand the frustration! With out first visit the doctor also basically said everything seems ok, so we can keep trying naturally or do IVF if we are in a rush.

We ended up going to a different doctor and it was a very different experience.

I think it's worth explicitly asking which tests are out there, and what will you learn by doing each of them. At a minimum that would probably be: Bloods to check thyroid, progesterone and ovarian reserve, sonar to look at endometrium and for any other abnormalities, sonar near ovulation to look at follicle growth, HSG or hycosy to look at tubes, semen analysis, possible lap if there is nothing else.

I also think it's worth explicitly saying that you want to leave the consultation with a plan for the next x months and to tell the doctor where you are at in terms of a timeline, since it will greatly impact the next steps. E.g. we really want to try to get pregnant in the next 6 / 12 / 24 months. Which course of actions would give us the best chance to achieve this?

If your timeline is 24 months, they might suggest trying naturally for a few more, but if the timeline you give them is 12 or less, I think it would make sense to start with medicated rounds immediately after all the necessary tests have been done and take it from there.

I hope this helps. All the best!