Disappointed with fertility consultation

[Firsttime2023]

Hi all, I had a consultation with the fertility clinic today I have come away feeling really disheartened.

On paper, I should be relieved as technically nothing is wrong with myself or OH, everything has come back 'normal'

I am 38 so I realise age isn't on my side which is why we have gone down this route after 12 months of ttc.

I was hoping there would be some advice/suggestions for further treatment or some sort of plan. But nothing, other than keep trying naturally and if you reach 2 years come back.

She emphasised my age being the only thing against us yet also said I should come back if nothing has happened after 2 years of trying (when I will be even older?)

Is this normal? She mention HyCosy but said there was no indication I need it done. I had to ask about anything I can be doing to improve chances as she offered nothing. I thought paying privately I would get a bit more back.

Was I just hoping for a miracle?

“Controversial but he told me to delete all the apps, stop tracking my ovulation and to just dtd at least 3 times a week every week......what do you all think?” OP@Firsttime2023 how are you tracking your ovulation? Are you doing it by measuring basal temperature and noting cervical mucous? I get why he may say to stop all the apps, stress is a big part of the problem for many but if you aren’t tracking via temp and mucous then you aren’t going to pick up some of the typical problems that affect people ( eg. Anovulatory cycles; short Luteal phase). My last pregnancy early 40’s took very little time to conceive in comparison to my first pregnancy, when we tried for 2 plus years before I understood the simple tracking signs…having both the probs i have mentioned, I was able to use herbal medicine and timing , the idea of having to have sex 3 times a week for each and every month would have been a bit much whilst caring for a toddler!

In my experience, they’re only really there to offer ivf. If you’re not going for that and have no obvious medical issues they’re not interested.

Did they do the AMH test?

Not sure I understand why he said you shouldn’t have been waiting this long AND to lie and say that you’ve been trying for longer than you have? Or have I misunderstood?

I’m not criticising his comment or yourself but I just don’t really understand that bit.

I conceived naturally about two cycles after I stopped tracking bbt and testing for ovulation etc. I don’t necessarily believe that people shouldn’t try the tracking etc… that’s just what happened to me and whether or not there is a link there I really don’t know. In the same ‘two cycles’ timeframe I also got a puppy… so that could be worth a try…?
(I’m joking obviously!! Just a comment that stopping bbt may or may not have had any affect on conception)

Yes sorry you've misunderstood. Without going over all the details again, I've been on the nhs waiting list for about 4 months. But we've been ttc for over a year. He said I shouldn't have been waiting 4 months.

Haha yeh I think he was basically saying don't obsess over the testing and just have regular sex......easier said than done 😂 I'm not deleting the apps btw.

Yes I've had all this done previously ☺️

Personally I wouldn’t stop tracking your cycle just because if you go for ivf that information over time is valuable to them so they can see if you have a long or short luteal phase etc and work with your natural cycle. Definitely have the Hycosy as it may clear your tubes and get things moving as is so often the case and if it comes to it and you need ivf then great there’s no wait on the nhs. Wishing you lots of luck. Definitely come back and update us.

The nhs waiting times for fertility specialists are longer than 4 months so not sure why he said you shouldn’t have waited. You don’t get to jump the queue. I waited 8/ 9 months. It’s 2 years ttc to get on the waiting lists so it’s wrong and selfish to try and lie when you are taking someone’s genuine space.

Never heard of no wait nhs ivf

Most are least a year long

And tbh it's wrong to lie about how long you have been ttc so get bumped up the list - meaning that someone else who has been waiting goes later now

I get you don't want to pay for private ivf

It's a lot. Dh and I paid for 5 attempts

5th worked finally after 10yrs ttc and many many thousands spent

At 38 you don't have to try for 2 years to be referred for NHS testing, it's either 6 months or a year, I can't remember exactly which, it's only 2 years if you're under 35 I think it is.

@Blondeshavemorefun @Deebee90 it's different all over the country, depends where you are, I doubt he would lie tbh.

It's 6 months for over 35 before a referral not 2 years. (I'm 38) I waited a year before I sought help. It's now been just over a year but I've actually not been on any contraception for 22 months. We weren't preventing it but I wouldn't have said actively trying straight away, so I think I'm well within my rights to be referred on the nhs and receive treatment.

Must be different as I’m 35 and was told it’s 2 years. Should be fair and square all over the country. I do wish you well though. I hope you get your baby dust as they say.

I'm just surprised that consultants tell you to lie

Yes all nhs lists are diff in diff areas
But very rare to have no wait for ivf

But

If that's true the means you will be talking to a clinic next month and depending that type of ivf /cycle /drugs you could be starting ivf month after so March

Exactly . It’s ages to wait for ivf. My friend and her husband are 36 and they waited 8 months for the first ivf appointment. You don’t get an appointment within a month.

Anyone can pay privately for IVF, as far as I'm aware. Go to a private IVF clinic and just pay for treatment now if you can afford it? I think you can also take a hormone that will release multiple eggs each month and increase your chances (maybe pay a clinic to try that first?) but that obviously carries a real risk of multiples.

I agree that insemination won't be any more effective than just having sex if there's no issues with his sperm. I think if you're paying privately you can do this - just go to another clinic