Disappointed with fertility consultation

[Firsttime2023]

Hi all, I had a consultation with the fertility clinic today I have come away feeling really disheartened.

On paper, I should be relieved as technically nothing is wrong with myself or OH, everything has come back 'normal'

I am 38 so I realise age isn't on my side which is why we have gone down this route after 12 months of ttc.

I was hoping there would be some advice/suggestions for further treatment or some sort of plan. But nothing, other than keep trying naturally and if you reach 2 years come back.

She emphasised my age being the only thing against us yet also said I should come back if nothing has happened after 2 years of trying (when I will be even older?)

Is this normal? She mention HyCosy but said there was no indication I need it done. I had to ask about anything I can be doing to improve chances as she offered nothing. I thought paying privately I would get a bit more back.

Was I just hoping for a miracle?

Sounds very odd. I'm in Ireland (and only 36) and after over a year ttc we were seen in the public fertility hub . We were advised that husbands sperm numbers were a bit low so told to take supplements to see if they would improve, which they did but still no pregnancy. So at the next appointment I was scheduled to have my tubes flushed and was told if that didn't help then we would be put forward for ivf if funding was approved. Thankfully just after that appointment I got pregnant.
I'd have been quite disappointed if I had been told to come back in 2 years, especially when it had been a private appointment

Thank you this is really helpful. I'm quite naive to all the possible options and what they entail etc which is what I was hoping to speak about in my appointment! So I can go armed with this information (I sent them an email this morning and they have offered me another consultation with a different consultant). I definitely do not want to wait potentially another 2 years!

Yes I've seen lots of women post about how they fall pregnant after having this done. Not to say it's a given for everyone but I will definitely see if I can have it I think!

Thanks it's so reassuring to know I'm not just being an impatient princess 😂 I know I should be relieved that nothing is wrong (that they can see) but I don't want to leave things to fate and in two years time wish I'd pushed to do something about it earlier 😞

Just keep on trying. Yes age is a factor but it isn't impossible.
I had my 1st at 36 and my second at 40, conceived straight away at 40, no issues whatsoever, but took a few attempts at 36 because of chemical pregnancies etc.

In your OP and just now you have said that she told you to keep trying for another two years, but in your posts earlier you mention she said "there is no reason why it can't happen naturally, carry on as you are and if you get to two years I'd recommend coming back to us" so to me that looks like she is saying keep trying for only one more year to get to two years in total?

Obviously I plan to keep on trying. My point was that I didn't need to pay to see a private consultant to tell me that. I expected more from the consultation that was all. The clinic have agreed to let me see another consultant anyway so hopefully I may get further this time ❤️

Yes you're right, but regardless of it being 1 or 2 years it still isn't good enough in my opinion. Obviously I would love for it to happen naturally and I still hold onto hope that it will, but I don't want to take the risk of waiting another year to then start treatment (which could also take months/years if it even works!)

@Firsttime2023 it's a pleasure! I'm glad you have a second consultation. I hope you'll walk away with more answers this time.

Get the hycosy

I got pregant the first month after it. 36 and 8 months trying. No issues on hycosy but i'm convinced it cleared something. Best £650 I've ever spent.

At my first (and only) private fertility consultation I was advised something similar. I can’t remember if/ how all my timescales differed to yours, but the measage from them didn’t feel dismissive to me - it was much more along the lines that “we can’t see any specific cause of infertility and so you might prefer to wait until you’re eligible for nhs funding and come back for ivf/treatment in x months’ time”
could they have meant something like that, perhaps?

@Firsttime2023 l had a similar fertility check when l was 38 and my husband was 35. They couldn’t find any issues and told us to give it more time. It never happened naturally and only the 3rd round of eventually worked. I ended up having children at 43 which wasn’t really our plan. The odds of IVF aren’t great and the older you get then the worse the odds get

She should have spelled out the options plus the pro’s and con’s, then allowed you to make a decision. You are going private after all. She sounds like an NHS doctor trying to fob you off

Possibly! I feel like I made it clear I was wanting to discuss other options but she was unwilling to really discuss anything with me, and because I didn't go in there armed with all the knowledge I didn't feel confident enough to question it if that makes sense. Anyway, we live and we learn and maybe my preconceptions of what it would be like were completely wrong! I will definitely be more prepared for the next appointment and make it clearer what I want to achieve from it.

I'm sorry you had such a long journey 💕 and I was unaware of the stats around IVF until she told me which made it even more confusing that she was telling me to go away and come back in a year when I'm even older!
That's exactly how I felt, like I'd been to see an NHS doctor. Which I would have completely accepted had that been the case!

Have they done any tests on your OH? You only mention the ultrasound and blood test on yourself (unless I missed it). I think something like 50% of fertility issues are male factor so they should definitely be testing him too. A semen analysis for starters but also blood worth testing too.

Your consultant appointment sounds utterly bizarre and I'm sorry about your fertility struggles. A 15mins appointment!!! My first private consultation was at least an hour! Discussing both DH and my own previous jobs, risk factors, STI's, medical history, gynae history, menstrual history etc. Have you had an AMH to check your egg reserve? We too had no reason to sub-fertility ever found.

In the UK, over the age of 35, after only 6mths of TTC, its advised you see your GP to be referred. I cannot understand her saying wait another year or 2!!! Has your partner been tested too as you haven't mentioned that? I asked the fertility consultant whether certain meds/supplements etc were worth it. She said that if the cost is not prohibitive, then they can't hurt!

Other than getting a hycosy done, AMH and semen analysis if not already done, some additional things we tried:
-I started DH on a lycopene supplement. Its found naturally in red/orange fruit and veg, but some studies have shown it can improve sperm health.

-I bought a cheap, copy of 'it starts with an egg' from ebay. Some simple changes can 'potentially' help
-Ensure you are both within a health BMI, stop smoking (if applicable), reduce alcohol and caffeine, keep testicles cool- loose boxers and not briefs, and try to get weekends away. I used to book mini trips away when I was fertile. I'd never tell DH, because I'd worry he would stress about performing etc (we TTC 12yrs, so it was a very long time!) but relaxing can sometimes help
-Acupuncture, massage, Chinese herbs etc have helped some people
-Pure Ubiquinol 200mg. I did a huge amount of reading and apparently this is more readily absorbed than the CoQ10

Unfortunately, we don't have any living children and stopped TTC/IVF about 3yrs ago when I was 43. Happy to answer any questions though and wishing you all the best x

Yes he had his tests done via the NHS so he is all good. Sorry should have mentioned that!

I think it's odd that a private provider would be talking about when you're "allowed" to have IVF, especially at 38 when you've already been trying for a year. The whole point of going private is that you shouldn't have to wait and can just move on with fertility treatment if you want it.

If I were in your position and I could afford to pay for IVF, there's no way I'd wait another year.

@JC03745 gosh what a journey you've had 😞 I'm sorry you've had to go through all of that 💕 thank you for sharing though and for all your advice it's so appreciated! I have just ordered some coQ10 so will see how that goes and bear in mind I may need to switch to ubiquinol.

I have had my AMH checked twice and both times have co back normal (although at the low end of normal but expected for my age)

I definitely think next step for me is a HyCosy and I have made an appt for the new year with the new consultant. I am going to try and forget about it over Xmas now and enjoy myself. AF arrived today 😖

I feel much more prepared going into the consultation with all this information everyone has provided!

It wasn't so much I wasn't allowed she was just very blasé about it! Like I don't "need" that yet. It made me feel silly to keep pushing to discuss it. I wish I had spoken up more and maybe it's my own fault for not!

I'd reccomend 3 months of procieve supplements for both of you. I'd also have a look at what medication you are both on. My husband was on antihistamines for a year for a dust mite allergy and I found several studies indicating that long term antihistamine use can interfer with sperm production. Dh gp cleared him to stop taking them. I was lucky I got my positive before getting my tubes flushed as its not meant to be a nice procedure but it can increase chances of conception according to the specialist we saw.

Although I'm sorry to hear it took 5 years from your consultation to having children your post gives me hope despite the stats. I'm 43, not far off 44 and going for frozen embryo transfer in the new year. Need a camera in first to check for scarring following several procedures after two TFMRs back in 2022. Fortunately we do have a 10 year old we adore but it's been a journey these last few years.

Sending strength to everyone on their journey 💕

@Firsttime2023 this thread has been really helpful!

I went to my GP (NHS) and said we’d been trying for 13 cycles and he immediately referred me for fertility treatment/investigations.

He said if anyone asks you’ve been trying for 2 years.

So it is very odd to fob you off after 1 year even just for further investigations. Definitely go for a second opinion and good luck!!!!

Hey all, just thought I would give an update for anyone who's interested!

I had my second consultation today following my complaint. We saw a different consultant and I found the whole experience so much better.

He went through all our options, explained all my results fully and didn't rush us.

He did still say he thinks our best option is to try naturally HOWEVER! He is going to chase my NHS referral as he said I shouldn't have been waiting this long. He recommended I go and have the HyCosy done on the NHS and said there is no waiting list for IVF if I do want to go down that route.

Controversial but he told me to delete all the apps, stop tracking my ovulation and to just dtd at least 3 times a week every week......what do you all think?

Oh and he also said to say I've been ttc for 2 years!