Long time trying club

[Stillwinston]

Welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a member of....just looking for others who are in a similar boat to me and fancy a safe space to moan and get some support.

For my part, we're currently TTC no.2 but have now been trying for 3 years, I had a MC in August 2022 but haven't had even a whisper of a line since then. Even though every month I know my tests are going to be negative I still stupidly get my hopes up and then feel crushed all over again - I'm the personification of that quote about insanity, doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result 😂 we had a chat with a fertility clinic last week so are likely starting treatment in the next couple of months though I'm hoping beyond hope that we can conceive before then as it's so crazy expensive!!

Anyway, hopefully there are some others out there that can relate and understand the pain of the never ending 2WW 😩

Hi @Clocloxx and welcome 🤗 so sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing, secondary infertility really does suck 😩 when are you starting the next round of IVF? We're just kicking off the process for IVF now as we haven't really been able to justify the expense previously but I think we've got to a point where we have to give it a go or we'll always ask 'what if?'

My son is 4 in a couple of weeks, he has a speech and receptive language delay so luckily he doesn't ask me about having a brother or sister but I feel gutted whenever I see him with other kids as I know he'd love one. Does your daughter ask about having a sibling?

Sending virtual hugs, positivity and baby dust your way, hopefully this cycle will be the one for you 🤞🏻❤️

Hey OP

I'm in a very similar boat to you. First child took three years to conceive and surgery to clear endometriosis. Very high risk/physically difficult pregnancy and birth. My LO is now three, and we've been TTC basically for two years. Like you been told Icsi would be only route due to endo, one of my ovaries has no more eggs and the tube is totally blocked, and my DH bad sperm. Im also 40 so obviously that doesn't help. Basically the shittest of fertility hands!

At the point where I just don't know what we do. one round of ICSI would pretty much drain our savings (8k where we are) with less than 20% chance. I was told they aren't sure they could harvest eggs from me due to distortion on my ovary from endo and scars. It's a lot of money to throw on something that is likely to fail. Agh!

Hi @takeabeat thanks for joining 😊 your situation and history sounds extremely tough and £8k is definitely not the kind of money you can just throw away on a whim! Whilst I know that 20% doesn't sound too positive at this stage, it's still a chance and hopefully your doctors wouldn't suggest treatment unless they felt there was some possibility of it being successful🤞🏻 when would you start ICSI if you decided to go for it?

Sending you a tonne of positivity and baby dust 💐

Anyone who's done IVF previously used/explored the access fertility plans? Started looking into the finance side of things and if we have to have ICSI (which is looking highly likely) then it's £15k at my London clinic (and that doesn't include the cost for the meds!!!) 😩

Thanks @Stillwinston and you too. I don't know about fertility plans - sorry. Hopefully someone else does. 15k though!! Ooof. I hate that ivf is something that some people can afford without batting an eyelid and others just simply can't or have to scrape everything together for. It seems very unfair.

If we started ivf it would whenever my next cycle is but at the moment I'm not sure we will. Thinking about other options too - like adoption, although that would be something to think through very carefully to ensure we could be a good home for a child who needed it.

What about you in terms of timing?

@takeabeat I completely agree, it's so ridiculous that IVF effectively becomes an option for those with means which is so unfair. I also think it totally unfair that just because I managed to have a child naturally the 1st time I now don't qualify for NHS treatment - surely infertility is a medical issue whether it's primary or secondary? 😭

I'm right at the beginning stages of the process tbh, we go for our tests next Thursday and then a plan will be made from there - if my hubby's results come back similar to our first experience however then ICSI will definitely be needed so I'm hoping we can start ASAP 🤞🏻

Hats off to you as well for considering other options, my colleague recently adopted a little boy and whilst it was the best thing she's ever done she said the process was absolutely awful. Hopefully your council will be easier to navigate if you decide to go down that route ❤️

Hi @Stillwinston (I remember you from
Forums I've been on in the past) and other ladies

Absolutely sobbing reading this thread as it takes me back to that shitty place where you're all at now. My heart goes out to all of you. I basically just couldn't leave without saying please don't give up. It took us just over 3 years, I'm 44.5 now. We had just given up and decided we couldn't take any more (September 23) . Roll on to Christmas Eve, I felt a bit off it, did a test and was pregnant....without the OPK's and the timing and temperature taking etc... I'm due to give birth next week. I would just urge anyone to not give up hope.

Sending a shit tonne of baby dust, positive vibes and energy and all the best TTC wishes in the world to you all.

AHH @MudandMoet that is such a beautiful outcome, I'm over the moon for you 💓 thank you so much for sharing that, positivity is always needed! I've heard of lots of women saying exactly the same thing as you that once the pressure of tracking, temping etc was removed and they actually relaxed they had a miracle pregnancy - I think that if our first round of IVF doesn't work then we'll put it to bed and what will be will be.

Sending so much positivity for the birth next week, hope you have a wonderful experience ❤️

Aw congrats @MudandMoet that's just wonderful news. Thank you for sharing. Infertility can feel so lonely and desperate especially when others seem to fall pregnant without even trying. It's so nice to have that solidarity. Sending you and your little one all love and health x

@Stillwinston @takeabeat 🫶🏻 thank you so much .... Your time will come xx

Hi @Stillwinston yes I have had all of the tests for recurrent miscarriage and then more recently the hormone tests (progesterone, estrogen etc) everything looks good... which is good but also frustrating as there is nothing to change if you know what I mean.
I was reading your post about fertility treatment, it's a crazy price of £15,000 I had no idea. x

That was lovely @MudandMoet so pleased you has a great outcome x

Have you tried ovulation test strips and do you really know your cycle inside out…i would try that and also diet, supplements (particularly for Mr) as could change your chances. Havent read the full thread so apologies if discussed later. Lots of luck x

Thanks @babyproblems 😊 sadly I've tried every kind of test and app going over the past few years and I know way too much about my cycle now tbh 😂 diet is one thing I've refocused on though as I did fall off the wagon for a few months (went into a f* it mentality somewhat) so hopefully that will make a difference 🤞🏻

@Ladyinpink1 I completely get your frustrations, at least if something is wrong which can be pinpointed then you can at least get an answer as to why it's not happening whereas 'unknown' infertility is just a smack in the teeth. I really wish school sex-ed would have prepared me better for the fact that I might struggle to conceive though, the way they framed it was that we'd fall pregnant instantly the second we have unprotected sex so it came as quite a shock when I learnt that there's only 1 week a month that you're actually fertile 😂🙄

AF has finally arrived so back to square one again 🙄 looking forward to seeing what the tests reveal next week and hopefully agreeing a start date

@Stillwinston sorry to hear that, hope you get some answers soon and can get started on the next stage of your journey

@Stillwinston exactly, you are right, the feeling of being unable to do anything to fix it is frustrating. I will try to loose a few pounds and I restarted vitex so maybe those changes will help between this cycle and next
I am so sorry about your period arriving, it's just awful isn't it. How are you feeling? Hoping this fresh new cycle brings good news for you xx

Thanks @Ladyinpink1 & @sel2223, I think knowing that we're starting the IVF process soon has actually made this cycle easier to accept - onwards and upwards 😊 How are you both doing?

And @Ladyinpink1 what's Vitex?

Hi OP, hope it’s okay for me to comment as I’m not currently trying for baby #2 yet (although this thread has massively opened my eyes on secondary infertility!). My best friend is currently having ICSI with a company “ABC Fertility” I think it is, and it was miles cheaper than £15k! The one she is at is in Sheffield but they have clinics all over the country so it’s worth looking to see if they have one either local to you or within a commutable distance because when you’re looking at £15k, her package is just over £5k so even if you picked one commutable it would probably be cheaper to pay trains etc! X

@Stillwinston That makes sense, having a plan on place makes things easier. I just decided to give in and test because I was feeling a little hopeful, and it was a bfn. So just waiting on af then onto cycle 14.

It's a herbal supplement I was taking before when I had success, it's also called agnus cactus, not sure if it will help anything but feeling I am doing something is good x

I worked up the courage to do a test and it was positive today. Cannot believe it! Our first sperm test was 1.8 million our second 5 million 2% morphology.

It's such early days and I've miscarried before my first child but just the fact there is enough sperm to work has given me such hope. We had a consultation to start the ICSI process booked.

Things we did differently are DH is losing weight and on Proxeed and no caffeine or alcohol. We also only tried every other day and I used one of those fertility cups to keep the sperm in.

@takeabeat would you consider donor eggs? A friend of mine is 41 and decided to go down that route and it seems to have much better odds. I realise its not for everyone.

Congratulations @Allswellthatendswelll! That is wonderful news. Hoping all is well for you.

I have been doing acupuncture, @Stillwinston, and I’m generally into all things woo but I’m a bit skeptical. It’s a Chinese dr who doesn’t speak English and a young guy who translates which I find uncomfortable - I’ve no idea whether it’s helping and I find it all a bit weird. This week they gave me herbs to make my cycle a bit longer (it’s now usually about 25 days). I haven’t started them, I’m not sure why, I’m just not convinced, and also a bit anxious as ever that what if in the unlikely event I am pregnant this cycle, would it be a good idea? It’s hard to really ask questions like this with the language barrier and when I have they just say it’s all fine, but I’m not reassured!

Nah, I couldn't cope without OPKs, as this month has shown. AF arrived yesterday which I think meant that the getting slightly darker OPK was actually getting slightly lighter (but I'd missed the peak). Frustrating as that meant that we ended up only having DTD fully on ov day, which of course didn't result in anything.

Absolutely wonderful news @Allswellthatendswelll, wishing you all the luck in the world 💓🎉