been ttc#1 forever (and a bit longer) ....

[nomoremagnolia]

Thought it was time for a new thread - we're almost out of room on the original one

Hi ladies...got my appointment with the gynae consultant tomorrow- feeling a bit down but also a bit nervous. What should I expect at this first appointment? Have had blood tests already that came back 'normal' and DP has had 'normal' sperm tests. Will they want to schedule in laparoscopy? Will they be able to test for anything there and then- like cysts, etc etc,?

Evergrounded, they will probably just discuss your options ie, clomid, IUI and IVF so you know the score and book your laparoscopy. Good luck

Oh gilly, that's just what I'd been thinking. Maybe we should just TTC naturally, as even if they found something wrong in my investigations, what am I going to do about it? IVF has a success rate of bugger all at my age, and would rule us out of adoption for sure. I suppose I think if it's just one blocked tube, that can be unblocked, it would be worth doing.

But you're probably right - I'd been keeping both options open, but now the juggling act is getting ridiculous.

To clarify the NHS process - I'd got a referral from the GP, but the first appointment at the fertility dept was on the same day as our adoption training, so I asked to change it, and they wouldn't, saying I've got to back to GP, get referred again, make a new appointment. So, FUCK IT. And thus the private idea...

Added to the stress is that my job SUCKS and I'm looking for a new one, or thinking of going freelance, have a second interview for a job I don't want next week - it will be more stressful, and less what I want to do, but more money, but does that equal happiness, etc etc etc... Frankly, today I could just lie down and cry.

Herb just wanted to send you a hug
Gilly you are a wise, wise woman

Hello all...

I'm on catch up after my holiday. Had a great time.. lots of sun but no sex! (as was with my sister) LOL..

The men in the Dominican had a strange mating call, it was like daffy duck! And rather annoying! I would be getting my breakfast juice and suddenly have some weird noises being directed into my ear hole... Not impressed! Wonder if it helps the TTC process??? ... damn note to Rah.... must make Daffy noises at husband before making love... see if that gets me pregnant!

Hope everyone is OK..

Gilly, sorry to hear IUI 1st attempt was not successful, but I know several people that worked on second attempt. Congratulations on your new job.

Ready... Sorry to hear that you are on a new cycle... It just does not make sense... I know... You do everything right but still nothing... but it will happen... One way or another we will all get there!

herbaceous - Big hugs....why is everything such hard work??? The NHS system really does not help. Which clinic have you decided to go with privately? How did your adoption interview go?

KD - how is everything with you? I'm going right out and buying some nutmeg! Something has got to bloody work!

EachPeachPearPlum - sorry to hear about your friend.. Wishing her peaceful days ahead. (Im not surprised it is effecting you... big hugs)

nomore - hope you are OK, thinking of you..

I'm sure I've missed off people, sorry... but hello and hope you are all well.

Ready.. I will email you ASAP (once I have done some work)

Off to a wedding tomorrow, so off work again.WHOOPS... Damn these people who have wedding on a Friday! GRRRRR

Hi ladies thanks for your advice pre- appointment. It went well, the consultant was really lovely, but guess what, as if it wasnt bad enough to be even in there in the first place....she was heavily pregnant! I mean please!!! I could almost laugh if it wasnt so depressing! My dp found it very funny though....

She has booked me in for a HyCoSy, which is apparently similar to a lap and dye, but much quicker and simpler, with no need for general anaesthetic etc etc. It is basically to check my fallopian tubes to see if they are blocked. Thing is, I'm a complete wuss when it comes to these procedures, and it sounded really horrible when she described what the procedure invovles. Have any of you ladies had a HyCoSy? What was it like? The thing is, I have now got myself absolutely terrified that they are going to find my tubes blocked....the Doc said there is no reason to think that they are...but I have now got myself all worked up thinking about possible Chlamydia infections I could have had in the past and not know about, etc. etc. Even though I was a good girl and 18 monhts ago I went to a sexual health clinic and got myself tested for everything, and it all came back clear, including for Chlamydia, the consultant said that doesnt mean I have never had it in the past....aaagh!! so much worrying now! I am driving myself crazy. The thing that shocked me a bit was that my dp asked if they could unblock tubes, and she said 'no, if you have blocked fallopian tubes, there is nothing we can do, you have to have IVF...'

am now terrified, and dont really know how to stay calm for the next 2 weeks until the procedure.....any words of wisdom?

am so sorry to be all take and no give at the moment- I am thinking of you all individually and sending you all big hugs!!

Evergrounded, of course this is a scary time ... but you will be fine and hopefully after the op you will know more.

In my case, tubes weren't blocked and no reason for infertility found. However, after lap and dye fell pg within 4 months!!!!!

Stop worrying and enjoy the fact that in 2-3 wks you will know what your dealing with.

Thanks kd for your reassuring words. Yes, you are right that in 2 weeks, I will know more, which is good. Just have to keep positive and hope for a good outcome.

Hope all is going well with your bump

Hi people,
Im on day 26 of my 4th cycle of clomid and have STOMACH ACHE!!!! f**K!! What have we done wrong!!! I just went to the cinema to watch the Happening and .........oh hold on dont carry on reading if you want to see it.......but she finds out she is pregnant and it made me sick. Its like everything is ok and ur life is complete if u have a baby, RAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I have two cycles left of 100mcg of clomid and i feel like im inside a sand timer and the sand is running out in a big way. This sucks! I just cant be bothered at the moment, and i hate feeling like this. I feel like i want to go to bed for a really long time and just hope that it all goes away!
Oh i know i will bounce back in a few days but at the moment it sucks!
Sorry to be on such a downer.
Evergrounded I had L&D and one tube did not fill or spill(to use there jargon) But not conclusivly blocked, they said it could have gone into spasm at that time,so it was inconclusive, the other one was fine, i also had some scar tissue from an infection i never knew i had!
Dont worry,things are never as bad as we build them up to be. Just make sure you organize a few days of R&R afterwards for urself.
Hi to everyone else, hope ur all well.
x

viksam - sorry you're having such a rubbish time. FTC really does suck

evergrounded I think it's really normal to stress out about these things. Hope the procedure isn't as bad as you're expecting and they don't find anything wrong.

Rah - lol at strange noises!

Morning gilly . When does IUI 2 start?

Afternoon ladies!
I decided to go back and read this entire thread from the beginning when Nomore posted in April, as I wanted to read through everyone's stories again. Boy, are you all amazing ladies, was the conclusion I came to! You are all so supportive of each other and wonderful, and I have to say that if it wasnt for this thread, I would be in a right state at the moment! you are all amazing women, and it helps me so much to hear about all your situations and stories, and to hear how you are all coping and dealing with this bloody minefield that is TTC!

Right, ridiculously soppy moment over!

Gilly- excellent that you now have a date for IUI 2! I am keeping fingers and toes (but not legs) crossed for you. Enjoy the next few weeks and be positive- good energy and positivity will help I am sure! I will be thinking of you...

Kd- how is the little bean coming along? Your story is helping me at the mo, as I remember you said that you tried for 2 years before your lap, and that after the lap you fell pregnant within 4 months, WITHOUT using the clomid. In you opinion, do you reckon it was actually having the lap done that 'cleared your tubes out' so to speak? I.e. Do you think the lap actually helped you to fall preg? Or do you reckon it was just time...?

Herbaceous- hope you aren't feeling too p*d off with the whole adoption beaurocracy...what have you decided to do for the moment....?

Ready- was reading some old posts of yours where you said that you have a bit of a phobia about IVF/IUI etc, and I have to say, that is exactly how I feel...but I have started to change my attitude a bit....since I have had to contemplate the possibility of blocked tubes / IVF, I have started to think "Well, if that's what it takes, then so be it...i will just have to get on with it and be brave." That seems to be helping me relax and not be so scared at the moment....not sure how you feel?

Sorry if I have left anyone out, big hugs to you all...

my HyCoSy is next Friday 11 July- feeling bit scared but not panicking any more- have just decided that whatever they find, I will deal with it, and that is that. Take each stage at a time.

Evergrounded, glad you are feeling better and you are right everyone that our fellow posters are amazing, which is why I haven't left

I would 100% def say the lap and dye made the diff for me, absolutely no doubt about it. I started ttc in Oct 03, had the lap and dye in Mar 07 having had no luck - am now on my 3rd pg. Don't get me wrong its still not plain sailing, but the lap def made a diff, so be positive

Morning all... Hope everyone is well

I have slept badly and have a right pain in my neck... don't you just hate that!

evergrounded - I had a lap and dye. I had a negative pregnancy test before the lap and dye, had been trying for 18 months and then got a BFP... don't know if the lap and dye made any difference and an egg must of hatched before the lap and dye, but it was good to know all was clear as well. Unfortunately we lost that pregnancy and been trying ever since. But lap and dye did not hurt and it helps to know all the facts. Good luck and hope all is clear.

Love to everyone and catch you all later XX

Evergrounded, how sweet of you to go back and read the entire thread. Yep, that?s me, with the phobia. I don?t really know why I feel like that, can?t say there is one thing that makes me phobic. I like your attitude of whatever it takes, though
I was surprised to read that your nurse said there is nothing that can be done for blocked tubes. I am not a medical professional, but I am sure that there are procedures for such things. I mean, just having the dye squirted through is said to clear minor blockages? I would say don?t worry about what might be diagnosed until such time that you have to. I haven?t had the hyCosy, but it is fairly similar to what I had, the hsg, but it uses ultrasound as opposed to x-ray. I think.
If you do a search under my posts, and hsg, you will find a lengthy explanation of my procedure? if you like.

Right? I only popped in to say hello, and seem to have gone off on a little tangent.

Hope everyone is doing well? I have been so busy with work that I have not really had the time to post much, but once I get more settled, I might be able to post a little more.

Thinking of you all xx

Right. Flamethrowers at the ready.

We've just been told by our LA that they think we should 'put our application on hold' (ie, just fuck off). I'm gutted. This is after we passed our first interview with flying colours, went on the prep course, etc. They said it was because:

1 we didn't seem very 'together' as a couple. (WTF?!?!?)
2 we hadn't done much reading on the subject (er...)
3 we hadn't had much childcare experience (er, yes, that's because we
haven't got any children, which is why we're adopting...)
4 we might be difficult to work with (ie, we answer back when they
accuse us of the above)

But i think the real reason is they haven't got enough young white
children to go round, and they have to weed us out somehow...

He even said, if we were willing to consider an older child, or one that's totally mad, we'd have a better chance. OK... so being a strong couple, having childcare experience, etc, wouldn't matter then, when the child is more difficult. FFS.

If you hadn't got any suitable children, why not tell us six months ago when we started this buggering process? I feel like I've been told I'll never have a child of my own. Which, I won't.

Herb So f88kin sorry.
Sending you hugs - its not fair :-(

Herby big hugs babe. I feel for you. This is exactly one of the reasons that seriously puts me off adoption. How dare they suggest that you are not very together as a couple - sorry, but I find that quite disgusting of them actually, and if it were me, I would write a letter of complaint.
It is clear that it is because of the children they have available making decisions for them.
How on earth can they stipulate that you have to have childcare experience?? Surely the vast majority of people who want to adopt do so because they cannot have children biologically? And I would hazard a guess that not everyone of those couples is a nanny or teacher.
Sorry... your post has really touched a nerve with me. Don't get me wrong, I realise that there needs to be guidelines, as we can't just have children adopted by any random person. BUT COME ON. To suggest that someone might be difficult just because they are not meek and feeble.

My head might explode in a minute

What got me the most was the suggestion that if you were willing to consider an older child or one with special needs then you might stand more of a chance. That is so wrong on every level. If they truly believe that you are not right to adopt a child because of lack of experience then why the hell would it suddenly be easier for you to have a child that may well be difficult to handle?

Wrong. Totally wrong.

Looks like we won't be adopting.

Thanks girls. It's just remarkably shit. If they only have 'hard to place' children, ie older or difficult, why didn't they just say that at the beginning of this 8 month process?

I'd love to go internationally, but you have to be approved in this country first. Usually, by a local authority. And that local authority is only interested in approving you if you can take children in their area. Which, if you're white and looking for a child under 5, it looks like you can't. So even if there are loads of young white kids needing adopting in, say, Warrington, or Romania, because we can't get approved by our LA, we can't get to them, either.

Ready - don't let this put you off. You'll need nerves of steel, the patience of a saint, and an ability to smile sweetly in the face of the most monumental ineptitude, but your LA might be totally different in who it wants.

LL - I must say, I was nearly moved to violence. Instead I just sat and sulked, while DP was all articulate and great, and then stormed out as I thought I was going to cry. And, indeed, did.

I'm a bit stunned, really. I guess I'm going to have to start facing up to the future with no children.