Helping the female labido.

[RoseWinter]

Hey this is a bit embarrassing but my partner and I are TTC our first. I'm 38 he's 40. I've always had a higher sex drive than him but now I feel myself slipping too. We are awaiting referral for IVF on the NHS and are trying naturally but failing miserably as we don't have regular sex anymore. When we do, it's incredible and we have been trying around our fertile window and peak fertility but I can't just switch on the turn on anymore.

I find it hard to get turned on. It never used to take me a lot of effort. I'm currently using concieve plus gel down there but is there anything on the market like there is for men (viagra)? That just helps kick your mojo back into swing a little?

I think timing sex hasn't helped with the pressure of it all either so I'm really unsure how to improve the libido on my end. TIA x

I don't know the answer to your question but are you absolutely sure you want a child? You don't need to enjoy sex to get pregnant but if you're motivated to reproduce then I'd expect you to be enthusiastic even if not particularly turned on.

You are normally at your most horny during your feet in window so I'd expect timing sex to actually help with your enthusiasm levels, but it sounds like its had the opposite effect. i can't help but wonder if this is something like cold feet...

i absolutely wholeheartedly disagree with this comment.

I'm sorry your libido is not that great, stress can significantly impact your hormones which in turn affects your libido.

Similarly we had similar issues and turns out it was my low estrogen which also was the reason we were not conceiving. All the stress and timing really played it part, and once we got to the bottom of it - our libido returned. don't underestimate infertility has on everything. I'd definitely try and find the cause and wish you luck on your ttc journey.

I think you need to read up on responsive desire. A lot of women enjoy sex once it’s started but don’t feel turned on beforehand (ie spontaneous desire). Can you make some nice plans for when you’re ovulating to help you get in the right mindset? To be honest though, I wanted to get pregnant so much I just got on with it whether I was in the mood or not..

You could ask your doctor for a hormone profile bloodtest to see if any have dipped and whether a prescription for anything is possible. Rising oestrogen and testosterone mid cycle usually cause a libido boost. Increased exercise might help - get your blood pumping, including to key areas.

If you want to entirely separate conception efforts from your usual sex life, to stop it becoming a functional chore if you're not into it during relevant dates, you could consider self insemination after he provides some "samples".

Hey just want to say I disagree with the lack of desire comment I wholeheartedly want a child (tt1 #1 as well) but let me tell you it gets old. Timing it and the pressure and the disappointment is a lot.

Disclaimer I am not a doctor or a scientist just a woman who has done a lot of research 😂

Maca root is great for what you are saying you can put it in your tea or in a smoothie (that’s what I do). You want the organic red maca root that has been gelatinized. The black maca root is great for male libido. And in general it helps with fertility so double win. It’s not instant it’s over time.

Also I know this wasn’t part of your question but I read conceive plus has been shown to eventually decrease motility when sperm is in uterus so I bought pre-seed.

Here is more maca root info https://www.themacateam.com/maca-for-womens-fertility Good luck 😉

100% never been sure of anything more. We're not in our honeymoon phase doing it every other day like we used to. We have busy lives and it all just feels like a process now. It's also pressure on him to "perform". Maybe you haven't experienced infertility or the need for IVF due to it but believe me, enthusiasm massively dips when every month you're served with a negative test.

Thank you. I'll read up on this. Didn't realise responsive and spontaneous was a thing x

That's really interesting. I have endometriosis but had surgery for it last year so hoping that helps but possible cause of lack of labido x

Hey there,

Thank you. My consultant at the NHS sent me for lots of blood tests months ago and THE appointment to create my IVF referral was meant to be where he discussed all my results, instead that appointment has been pushed back twice. It's very frustrating as I've been waiting since 2022 for this referral for IVF to actually get started while also awaiting surgery for endometriosis which finally happened in summer last year.

I didn't know there were self insemination kits/methods available. That's interesting but not sure the hubs would be keen. We do enjoy sex when it happens it's just not happening enough.

Thank you. I found that response quite judgemental and offensive. What works for one person's journey doesn't work for another, especially when you have been facing infertility. Comments like that are unhelpful. We're very much in love and happy with each other, our relationship goes well beyond sex, but we are busy people, stressful high paid roles, work long hours and I travel a lot for mine, sometimes the mood is just not there and we can't just switch it on when the ovulation test says it's time.

This is really interesting. I'll take a look into maca root. I've also ordered some Ovum tablets as recommended by It Starts with the Egg.

I couldn't find Pre-Seed anywhere. The only thing I found were articles saying it could harm the motility. It seems to have been taken off the shelves but concieve plus is still available.

@RoseWinter I purchase pre seed off amazon!

I'm just wondering for what reason its been taken off the UK shelves. Makes me iffy about purchasing