Anyone else 40+ TTC and going mad?

[Fod80]

I'm 43 with DOR, TTC DC2 (first at 40) since Sept 2022. Had two failed IVF cycles + 2 MMC this past year following spontaneous conception (one diagnosed recently) and am looking for some like-minded older mums-to-be-hopefully for support as no one I know my age is doing this!
I've been trying everything - all the supplements (I suppose they might be helping as I've conceived twice... but clearly not helping enough). Will probably do IVF one more time, though my doctor said my chances are about 1% at this point. I'm constantly torn between throwing everything at it while there is still a tiny chance of No. 2 before menopause hits vs. just wanting to enjoy my life and my DC and file this away. Anyone in a similar boat fancy a grump about it/share some tips?

Me me and me !! Just turned 44, failed round of ivf , collected 7 eggs and 5 made it to day five but only one pgta normal. Had surgery to remove five fibroids and then they found adeno. Put me in medical menopause for 12 weeks before transfer. Did everything , intralipid , blood thinners and it didn’t stick. We were devastated. That all took a year . Anyway now not coming out off menopause so we are doing medicated IUI monthly until I come out and we try naturally again. I just feel maybe that is a better option or of course donor ? Unfortunately we can’t use donor religiously which is a realllllll bummer. So all prayers are for our IUIs !!! Some days I think heck let’s just do another round of ivf but eeek the cost. We live abroad and have to fly to go have it done and it is just a lot of travel time and money with maybe what chance ??? There is my rant 😂

Which supplements are you on? Have you tried intralipids for transfer and blood thinners? I take co q10 600 mg per day. Folic acid and was thinking of the baby aspirin

My mum had my youngest sibling at 43, though admittedly she was very much the minority of her group.

Your doctor is unfortunately right about the low chances of success with another IVF round. I would personally suggest saving your money. Better off just BD with your partner - never know! Tbh the chances of success between ivf and natural conception aren't that far apart at 43.

I wish you luck but suggest managing expectations. Chances of conceiving at 43 is very low even before you factor in things like miscarriages and fetal abnormalities.

That's not to say it won't happen. But be prepared for a world where it doesn't. Or be open to the possibility of using a donor egg.

Good luck

Good to meet you virtually! That's a much better IVF result than me. First round I got no eggs (there were 2-3 decent looking follicles at retrieval but none of them relinquished anything), which was a real blow when I came round from the anesthetic. Second round produced 3 eggs, all of which fertilized. They were all slow to grow though and by day 7 none of them had made it to decent-size blastocyst, which was the cut-off, so were discarded.
I do agree with @Outliers that there is just a good a chance of conceiving naturally at this stage [age] than via IVF. I did think about IUI but we seem to be getting pregnant naturally every few months anyway... it's just a case of getting an embryo that's genetically normal and sticking!

I've been off all supplements since conceiving a couple of months ago (except for prenatals and additional folic acid) but now that MMC has been confirmed, I'll get back on it. Normally, I take Coq10 600, DHEA x 3 per day and an extra vitamin D (on top of the prenatals and f acid). I've been doing the Coq10 for about 5 months and added the DHEA 3 months ago.

My doctor said the same thing @Outliers . You have the same chance falling pregnant naturally with ivf at this age. There are a lot of women who do fall pregnant at our age it just takes longer as yes we wait for that one good egg. I wouldn’t rule it out and I would keep trying . Do you go on progesterone after you ovulate? Do you do a lining check? I am no doc but just thinking what could may help from my appointments with my doc . Also read baby aspirin ? We are just praying one of these IUI cycles will work. Day 8 of injectables today . Would also be nice to come out off menopause lol

Ewcm lady day of it! Sex then. If it's a good egg it will happen. And good sperm obvs.

Last day of ewcm.

Yeah, it is just a waiting game, unfortunately. I think the major concern, in my case, is that I'm also getting pregnant with eggs that are (most likely) chromosomally abnormal which, other than leading to another horrible miscarriage, also takes me out of the game for 2-3 months at a time. I hadn't started doing anything else once I'm actually pregnant in terms of aspirin and progesterone. My lining is fine so I suspect it really is just bad eggs :( I will ask my doctor about it though next appointment).

🙋me! Been TTC #2 for 8 months, I'm 40 and DP is 41. The irony is that if we knew we couldn't have more kids, we'd be fine with just DS2, who is adorable. But my bloods look good, DP is getting his test done this week, and it's so frustrating that everything is "normal" but we can't get that darned BFP. Every month i tell myself not to test, and 1 day before AF, there I am in the loo peeing on a stick.

It's frustrating, and frankly depressing each time I get that BFN. It's an emotional rollercoaster, and I try not to dump on DP every month (why have 2 depressed people?) but he always knows and tries to cheer me up, bless him! ❤

We don't qualify for NHS IVF, so would have to go private. We're lucky enough to be able to afford a few rounds, but I read the stats like you've all mentioned above and think is it worth the money if the odds are that low?

Me! 42 and got AF this morning. It was one of those where I had a really good feeling. At least it came early and didn’t have my hope dragging out. I have 2 children who were both conceived first cycle, so this has been a surprise it’s been so hard. Been trying for 18mo, on and off, at one stage we took it as a sign it wasn’t meant to be and stopped for a while, but in last 6mo have decided we really want to. Wouldn’t consider IVF since we already have 2. I’m at a stage of wondering whether to stop - I think we’d be ok, but it just feels so much that one other person is meant to be in our gang 😕

Me! TTC number 3 for 2 years, both lids were naturally. Now finished second ivf, doing it for PGTA testing only, first 4 were all abnormal chromosomally, now from second round sent 2, still waiting for results. Got 2 second opinion consultation with different countries, both said if these two abnormal then my chances are extremely extremely low due to quality low (though quantity is very good and hormones) 🥺 So both said to think of donor or just to close it.. We always wanted 3 and delayed, my first one is young adult, second is 9. I am 41, soon will be 42.
feel like trying 3d cycle if ivf..

Forgot to add, had 4 cp last two years too, so indeed quality is not there anymore 😞

That is good that you're getting decent numbers though. In two cycles of IVF, I've never had a blast to send for testing. I've heard some mixed messages about it though - that some of the abnormalities can rectify themselves if implanted so some (esp older) women don't do it for that reason. After two MCs though, I think I'd do testing if I get any third (and final) round.

Me! I’m 45 (!) I didn’t think I wanted any more children but got pregnant by surprise last month and had an early miscarriage. Now I really want another child so we are going to actually try naturally and see. It’s happened once so who knows? Maybe. Maybe not. I didn’t think it was even possible at my age to be honest. But let’s see….
Good luck to everyone trying! It clearly is possible after 40- certainly in my case. Although I have a history of miscarriage and ectopic. I have one son who is 15. He’s the light of my life and I’d truly love another now I’ve finally met the man for me. Wish me luck!
xxx