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Conception

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Original poster

Broody at 43--am I bonkers?

161 replies

Arabica · 19/12/2004 13:48

I had DS when I was 39 (no problems conceiving--got pregnant second month we tried). Until recently, I've felt ambivalent about a second child. But right now am feeling mega-broody!

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madness · 20/12/2004 17:36

at least some of you have more than 2. Sometimes feel I would be "pushing me luck" considering I have already a healthy ds and dd. Especially as we had a bit of a scare with dd, pos nuchal fold, followed by cvs etc.

busymum2004 · 20/12/2004 19:20

hi

im nearly 45 years old.

i have 5 children. the oldest is 26, the youngest is 1 year.

i had my 4th baby at 41, and my 5th baby at 43.

i have never regreted having babies again, the only difference is i have more time for them this time around.

my advice to you is to go for it, if you dont you could end up regreting it for the rest of your life.

good luck and take care

Tinker · 20/12/2004 19:23

I'm expecting my 2nd and am 40 this time. Agree with Frosty's comments about the big downside is how much emphasis has been put on my age with regard to test results etc. (I wish they could give you the naked results, not adjusted for age). However, otherwise, all has been well. Only downside with any subsequent pregnancy is that you indulge it as you can with your first.

Original poster
Arabica · 20/12/2004 22:57

Busymum, would be very interested to know whether you had the same experience as Frosty re amnio testing for downs?

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aloha · 20/12/2004 23:00

I've had zero pressure to go for amnio or cvs. Quite the opposite in fact. My nuchal fold result was 'good' and I was actually, if anything, slightly persuaded against further invasive testing. I had a very thorough scan at 20 weeks, with a heart specialist etc looking over it, which may have been something to do with my age, but nobody has ever mentioned it to me as a problem of any sort - honestly. I've just had really nice, civilised treatment, I have to say.

aloha · 20/12/2004 23:01

I'm the same age as Frosty, btw. And I wasn't told my results would always be bad because of my age.

tabitha · 21/12/2004 09:40

Arabica,

when I was pregnant with dd3 (aged 40, had her at 41) I asked the consultant about cvs and her opinion was that although she would support my decision if I wanted to go for it, she most definitely wouldn't recommend it on grounds of age only.

FrostyTheSurfMum · 21/12/2004 21:16

I wish I had been at your hospital Aloha. I'd be interested to know what your score was. Mine was 1:148 (if I remember correctly). I felt so pressurised into having the amnio and I just trusted what they were saying to me. Looking back I was given very little information.

Original poster
Arabica · 21/12/2004 23:21

Thanks to everyone. Have decided to worry about testing when I have to--I'll concentrate on getting pregnant first! So you'll all know when it's happened cos I will be decafArabica!

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TeaTime · 22/12/2004 01:47

Hi Arabica - glad that all these positive messages are giving you confidence. I had ds at 42 (March 2002) and have just found out I'm pregnant again (have been trying for over a year) so will be 46 when s/he arrives (August 2005) !! The first time round NO ONE mentioned my age to my great surprise although occasionally I was given the risk statistics that brought it home. I didn't have any invasive test as 1% chance of miscarriage was still too much for this longed-for baby! We'd have gone ahead whatever the result anyway. Like aloha I had a thorough 20 week scan and they couldn't find anything that looked worrying (even the 11cm fibroid I had by then wasn't a problem!) so I just carried on enjoying being pregnant and everything was fine, natural birth and everything. This time I think we'll go down the same route but as I'm only 5 and a half weeks, I have to get to the end of the first trimester before I can really relax... If it takes a bit longer to conceive this time, don't worry - I'm proof it CAN be done!!

Original poster
Arabica · 22/12/2004 12:37

TeaTime, thanks so much for your encouraging message and the very best of luck with your pregnancy. When I had DS, at 39, nobody ever mentioned my age, they were much more interested in my medical history (I have had a couple of bad asthma attacks in the past). And although I found the pregnancy physically exhausting that was mainly because I put on 4st and got so huge, not because I was older (giving in to every food craving I ever had) -- there's no way I would let that happen again.

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motherinfestivemood · 22/12/2004 12:57

Well, all that remains is to wish you a very happy (fnar fnar) Christmas

MariNativityPlay · 22/12/2004 13:00

Absolutely arabica. Have a robusta good time. Am another Mner who REFUSES to believe that 43 is your real age. I had you down for 10 years younger tops!
Hoped TeaTime would spot your thread. Congratulations Teatime!

FrostyTheSurfMum · 22/12/2004 13:43

Arabica - I'm sorry if I've worried you about the testing, it sounds like what I was told isn't necessarily the case.

I'm in the same boat as you - house and income too small to have another, the thought of weeks of throwing up with a toddler to contend with, all sorts of reasons not to really - but some days I would like another (other days definitely not). If I was much younger I would probably leave it until dd is older then have another, but time is against us.

Discussed it with dh yesterday and put it to him that if there were no reasons against what would he think - he announces that he would like a son!

madness · 22/12/2004 15:50

well, good to hear about the experiences of others, feel a bit less mad...anyway, if it happens soon will still be only41....

hester · 22/12/2004 15:51

Ditto! You go for it, Arabica! - for your own sake and for mine

aloha · 22/12/2004 15:55

Congratulations Teatime and good luck Arabica! Frosty, I'm at Kings and I think older mothers are pretty common in my patch of SE London. Can't remember my actual 'risk factor' but do know that the nuchal fold measurement put me at the bottom end of risk. I think after the 20 week scan I was given something like 1 in 800andsomething and the professor said that if there was a problem with my baby, it was more likely to be something they couldn't diagnose than Downs Syndrome, and that wasn't likely either.

Flumberrysauce · 22/12/2004 15:56

Do you know until I read this I really thought around 40 was the upper limit. I'm gonna breed like mad now. Reckon I've got time for about 6 with a few rests in between.

Was Cherie really 46? And a QC too, makes you feel such a failure doesn't it.

Portree · 22/12/2004 20:46

I find this thread truly inspiring. I'm 39 and hoping for one more. Would really like another 3 but that's unlikely unless I can turn back time. Need IVF for male factor reasons which makes it a bit limiting but fingers crossed that we'll have another one. I have a very good friend who had her first baby at 45 and a trouble free pregnancy and birth. So I don't think 43 is bonkers at all. Dh's great aunt had 3 children when aged 41 - 46 and that was back in the 1940s. And she lived to be 100.

As an aside, I had my scans at King's too and can't praise them enough. Nothing was mentioned about my age at all. I would go into debt to have scans at King's privately or at the Fetal Medicine Centre. It is a great shame that all pregnant women do not receive the same level of service.

Wifeof · 23/12/2004 09:13

I'm 40 in 6 weeks (aaaagh!) and have been ttc no. 3 for 6 months. We are hopeful of success eventually and our ages (dh is almost 42) do not put us off at all. We're both fit-ish and healthy and can afford it and would love a little playmate for our gorgeous ds and dd.

Wishing you all the best,

Wifeof xxxxxx

(and a Happy White Christmas!)

Original poster
Arabica · 23/12/2004 13:53

That's great Wifeof and Portree, go for it! Actually DH and I can't really afford anything as DH is a student teacher and I am a very part-time worker, but we're the sort of people who'll always be rubbish with money so we'll manage somehow. Thinking about hospitals is something I will obviously only do when I get pregnant but I reckon my local hospital will be fine about my age...it's my GP I'm worried about. I think he must have been sued once or something, because he's a real worst-case scenario man!

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lisalisa · 23/12/2004 13:56

Message withdrawn

aloha · 23/12/2004 14:53

At my antenatal appointments I'm the only one who has mentioned my age! I say things like, 'well, at my age...' and they look baffled and startled and riffle at my notes and say, 'How old are you anyway?" I told the obstetrician that I wasn't likely to have any more children as this was my second and I was 41 blah blah, and she laughed and said something like, "Oh, you say that now, but you'd be surprised how many people change their minds" as if I had all the time in the world. It really has NOT been an issue at all.
As for lack of money etc, well, we're like you, always likely to be skint. Dh's job is badly paid and we have no savings etc, but things tend to be OK in the end. Teaching is a great career and as secure as you like - plus you have holidays (OK teachers, not saying it's easy just secure!)

aloha · 23/12/2004 14:55

I opted to have all my antenatal care at Kings, not at my GP's surgery and it's all gone swimmingly so far.

Original poster
Arabica · 23/12/2004 18:34

If I have successfully conceived this month, my due date would be mid-Sept...right at the beginning of the new term when hopefully DH has just started his nice secure full-time job. For some reason I was thinking it would be August. oh well if have got pregnant, that's 9 months to sort out the childcare!

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