Things I wish I knew before starting IVF

[mariannaf]

I've been trying for 5mo and I asked a question elsewhere on MN about paying to start IVF early privately rather than waiting the recommended 12mo. A lot of responses have been 'it'll wreak havoc with your life'. I have read up what I can about IVF but I haven't lived it, so I'd like to ask people who have been through IVF your experience with it.

So how did you start, how were the hormone I injections, how did you feel, how long did each round take?

Is there anything you wish you could tell your pre-IVF self about the process?

Have you had any tests/investigations done to see if there is potential problem? IVF is expensive and potentially stressful/difficult as and jumping straight too it without first finding out if it is an appropriate treatment seems like putting the cart before the horse.

@Nottheeightoutoftencats yes some tests done. DH's sperm borderline low morphology and borderline low motility. Tests on me say I'm fine.

But mainly I'm looking to hear other people's experience with IVF

One successful round after unexplained infertility on my side. We had been trying for 2 years.

I wouldn't change a thing - I was lucky that a very good friend of mine went through the same process a year before to have my DGodD so I asked her everything I could think of!

Hormone injections were fine - same time every day. Alternate the side you do them daily, I chose to do mine in my lower stomach. When you put them in, go in at an angle slowly, if the skin doesn't pierce straight away try another spot at pre-injected skin hardens. Do the suppositories on a morning or on an evening if you're going out to work.

After transfer I cried my eyes out because the reality hit that those little eggs could turn into babies, or not, and you realise that it's all about the waiting. See if you can wfh during the two week wait, I was told not to lift anything including shopping and to be careful to just make sure I didn't do anything that could impact the chance of implantation

I think your views of IVF probably depend somewhat on whether it was successful or not. Our IVF cycle was long with lots of delays - it was about 6 months from start to finish with lots and lots of drugs that messed up my periods for about a year afterwards. Lots of steroids too so I put on huge amounts of weight. It was traumatic at times and I needed a lot of psychiatric support. It was unsuccessful in our case. I refused to do more than one round. Even when it is successful, IVF pregnancies are more likely to result in PND.

It doesn’t always work. I feel like media has shown IVF to be the cure all, and easy option to having children. It’s not. It gives you a chance of a baby, not a guarantee. Even with everything on your side, you still only have a 30% chance of it working. The odds are not in your favour.
One round and two failed transfers in, I wish I’d been more realistic to save the heart ache of it all.

It’s a lot. There’s a reason therapy is given alongside it. This clinic lists what you might feel while going through IVF; Fear, Guilt, Shame, Grief/Loss, Low Self Esteem, Anger, Jealousy, Stress.
Notice a theme?
https://internationalcliniclondon.com/articles/six-emotions-during-ivf

1. It might not work whether it’s the first, fifth or ninth time. Statistically, it’s unlikely to work on the first go
2. You will spend far more than what the clinic initially quoted you per round
3. The most traumatic part isn’t the treatment, it’s when it doesn’t work. The physical treatment is a bit unpleasant and sometimes a bit painful but nothing compared to the stress of failure.

We needed six rounds to give us our wee miracle girl.

Also I definitely wouldn’t jump straight to IVF after five months! It really does wreak havoc on your body and five months is really nothing. Your partner should be on conception vitamins like Proxeed and ejaculating very regularly (every 2-3 days) as fresh sperm is the healthiest.

It was expensive but didn't "wreak havoc".

I felt like I was a bit on a conveyor belt and was one of many "customers", but I can't really fault the actual processes, just a lot to take in.

The biggest thing was after success (2nd round) we had to decide what to do with the frozen embryos that we didn't want to use, and I have to admit I wasn't prepared for that.

Oh, and once pregnant and in the "normal" nhs midwife etc system, I was astounded at how many doctors and HCPs have zero idea of what IVF is, how it works. For example, i kept getting asked my last monthly period date. Despite explaining I could tell them the date of post-fertilisation transfer etc, they didn't grasp what that was and kept wanting to calculate from LMP. Plus bizarre comments about it being a riskier pregnancy due to ivf, for seemingly no reason. I'd had a healthy natural pregnancy before so was able to compare.

I'm also an impatient person so found the sheer amount of time it all needs really difficult! But same for natural conception!

It's took a bit of thought to write this but I'll try.

We tried to conceive DS for four years. Tried EVERYTHING but just could get pregnant.

Tests revealed everything ok with me but DH sperm was slow, shit and the wrong shape 🤦‍♀️ so the first thing that was hard was taking that news and not going down the blame game route.

Second is the postcode lottery funding but I guess if you're going to go private it won't matter to you as you will be paying anyway. I had to go through lots of invasive tests even though we knew there wasn't an issue just to get the funding. It took 18 months.

Then the actual process. Once you get going it's ok. It's hard in the body and your dignity is completely gone. The hormones do things to you that you would imagine for example one of the side effects of the drugs was excessive shopping 😂

The egg collection process was brutal. I was wide awake and had barely any pain relief. It was the hardest bit of the process for me including labour!! I developed OHSS and was poorly. We had to stop treatment so yet more waiting. Then started again. We lost an embryo that didn't survive the thawing. Then more drugs for after transfer. We were lucky it worked first time and have our amazing DS. But was it hard?? Absolutely. Worth it? Definitely.

We fell pregnant with DS2 naturally (weirdly!) and had to make a decision what to do with our frozen embryos and that was so so hard.

It's an absolute rollercoaster and I would say if you're considering it make sure your body and mind if possible is in tip top condition to really give it your best chance.

You were AWAKE during egg collection? Is that common?

So was I and requested diazepam beforehand, rare to be under for it especially when NHS

OP, i read your previous thread. My DH has the same scores as your partner and i have PCOS but we still managed to conceive naturally for our 2nd child (for our first child, DH scores were fine but i wasnt ovulating so we did letrozole). We are also significantly older than you (37 and 40).

Has your DH done everything that is recommended? No caffeine, stop drinking, no smoking, loose boxers, male conception vitamins (DH used pregnacare for men), no laptops on his knee, lost weight if overweight etc. Sperm replenishes in the testes every 3 months so following all the advice for 3 months can make a huge difference to semen analysis results. We were TTC for 8 months when we were successful.

I’ve done 3 rounds, had 12 miscarriages (natural and IVF) over 7 years.
IVF will take longer than you expect and cost more than you’re told!
I think initial consultation to actual test date if you are doing a collection is about 3-4 months depending on timing of your periods. During this time you won’t be able to try naturally. It will likely cost about £8k for one round with no frostie transfers.
Things I found the most difficult:
the number of appointments/scans, I’m 45 mins from our clinic each way, you will need scans every few days in the stimulation phase, plus blood tests. I work full time so getting time off for these with 1-2 days notice was hard. They give you your next scan date at the previous scan because they don’t know how you’ll develop. You get about 3 days notice of egg collection, which for me was sedated so I needed 2 days off.
It is really hard on your body, the drugs gave me massive mood swings and hot flushes (they give you HRT but in bigger doses to control your cycle) coupled with the stress of worry about cost and it not working, I was also really constipated and bloated from all the drugs.
The devastation when it doesn’t work is so much harder than a natural cycle as you’ve spent thousands of pounds and months going through it and you need to go again. I found the counselling fairly rubbish TBH but I guess for some this might help.
Finally the impact on your relationship, you are going through it, your partner is just watching (and possibly doing your injections) my husband is my rock but he really struggled watching me go through it, the failures, the fact that it consumed my life, I’d not want to go out because I felt shit and we were saving all our money for treatment. Essentially, I just was no longer fun to be around and all I talked about was treatment because we’d not told anyone else.
Even if you are an average couple the odds of IVF working are 30% so you are likely to need at least 3 transfers. Trying naturally is not much less odds, and in the 7-8 months you get 3 rounds of IVF and spend a ton of money you’ll have 7-8 tries naturally.
I honestly wouldn’t consider it until I’ve tried at least a year (possibly even 18 months). It’s hard having negative tests, I’ve been there, but IVF isn’t a miracle solution and I would literally try everything else first - for you it sounds like improved sperm quality. My DH was worse than yours and he got it from 2% to 8% morphology through supplements and doubled the concentration - the supplements take at least 3 months to work according to our clinic but we avoided ICSI.
Im now 26 weeks, but if I’m really honest with myself IVF has materially changed our relationship and probably my outlook on life and I prefer the old me. I’m not sure if I knew what it was like at the beginning I’d do it again even if that meant no baby - this was our last shot, we both knew I couldn’t do a 4th round.

I wouldn't start after only 5 months of trying. It's brutal. Physically it's manageable, the injections are fine etc. I had / have secondary infertility. I've had 2 rounds of unsuccessful IVF. I found that the result of unsuccessful IVF was far tougher to cope with than the miscarriages I experienced from natural conception. The mental load that goes into the process is immense. It fills every waking moment so the loss when it doesn't work is almost unbearable. We were lucky to conceive our DD naturally prior to IVF after 4 years of trying. After the 2nd unsuccessful round I refused to do anymore. The toll on your mental health and your body can't really be explained. I will always feel a loss that I wasn't able to have more children but I couldn't do IVF again.

It's crazy for women to be putting themselves through this due to male infertility.

Donor sperm or new DP.

We did four rounds (one on NHS). I would say it wasn’t nearly as bad as it’s made put.
Certainly, I could have gone back to work after the last egg collection.
Emotionally miscarriage after IVF is ghastly.

Only put one embryo back.

It takes so much longer than you think. You’re told 1 month total for treatment/transfer/pregnancy but that’s IF you don’t get OHSS (add on 2 month wait), IF it works first time (unlikely - add another 2 month wait), IF you respond well etc. The waiting was the worst bit for me, physically no problem.

Also don’t assume because you are young with no known fertility issues it will work easily. I wrongly did assume that (I am actually very naturally fertile but 2 ectopics have left me unable to conceive naturally anymore) but I got way less embryos than expected and have had less success.

I've never been through it but I've seen my friend go though it due to her dh being infertile and it was so hard on her. The hardest part for her was when it didn't work , all that pain , hope and money and it was all for nothing. She was broke and broken hearted. It's definitely not something that should be entered into lightly

Sounds like a horrific experience! What supplements did your DH take to improve morphology?

I wouldn’t casually opt for it. We tried for 18 months with unexplained infertility.

Physically I found it fine apart from every other day appointments. Your life has the pause for these and the injections as they have to be done at the same time daily.

Mentally it’s very challenging. The waits between collection to transfer to testing to scans is awful. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Try all other options first. Oh and it’s also cost us £15k so far… 🙃

Wtf! And if a woman has infertility issues a man should just dump her and get someone else?!

@SomewhereOverTheRainbow36 Sounds like a horrific experience! What supplements did your DH take to improve morphology?

So how did you start
took us 6 months to begin treatment cycle (had to wait for consult/consent forms/donor sperm) and then the cycle took us about 1 month start to finish (short protocol).

how were the hormone injections
Better than i was expecting. Recommend putting the needle in fast rather than slowly, but release the liquid slowly as it strings less/not at all. I took one in the evening and towards the end, had another in the morning.

how did you feel, how long did each round take? I may have just been lucky but i felt generally fine. Maybe a headache now and then and my stomach was a bit bruised and tender but that was it. IVF cycle took about 1 month.

egg collection I was sedated and don’t remember a thing.

embryo transfer I was awake and it just felt like a bit of pressure, no pain.

The BIGGEST surprise I had and actually the worse part of it all for me is the post-transfer progesterone pessaries - not something that was really spoken about before my IVF cycle. For 12 weeks after embryo transfer I have to take 3 x a day vaginal pessary, 2 x day rectal pessary and two tablets of a different hormone. This is the part I find is most affecting my day to day life but obviously it will be worth it!!

He was told to take selenium, vitamin E, vitamin D, zinc, vitamin C but your partner may be different. Did your consultant not tell you what vitamins to take after he had his results?