Things I wish I knew before starting IVF

[mariannaf]

I've been trying for 5mo and I asked a question elsewhere on MN about paying to start IVF early privately rather than waiting the recommended 12mo. A lot of responses have been 'it'll wreak havoc with your life'. I have read up what I can about IVF but I haven't lived it, so I'd like to ask people who have been through IVF your experience with it.

So how did you start, how were the hormone I injections, how did you feel, how long did each round take?

Is there anything you wish you could tell your pre-IVF self about the process?

Find a good clinic and you don’t have to worry yourself sick. It’s horrible, we all know that. It takes over your life. But for some of us it’s necessary. Just get on with it and try not to let it consume you I say. Stressing about it only has a negative impact. Hearing horror stories from other people definitely doesn’t help!

WTF???

@heartofglass23 😂 ivf is easier than any of those things

Like others have said, 5 months is too early to be considering IVF. Especially if you are considering private treatment. The months that you won't be trying yourselves because you're in the middle of an IVF cycle are months you could be getting pregnant naturally, especially as you have no diagnosis of infertility on either side.

Yes the first few cycles are manageable physically, as others have said it's the emotional toll that is the hardest. You'd be putting yourself through some really serious stress and with your dad being ill it sounds like you don't need that. The TWW while trying naturally and the TWW of IVF are very different experiences!

Also as others have said, each cycle of IVF only has a 30-50% success rate. MOST PEOPLE who go through IVF due to infertility do not end up with a baby. The media does not tell you that. No-one speaks about when IVF doesn't work - that's too painful a story - it's not a miracle solution.

Personally IVF didn't work for us. I underwent 9 cycles of IVF over 3 years with "high quality blastocysts" and no ascertainable reason as to why it would work. Not a single one stuck. What did happen to me though was that each cycle became physically more challenging, exhausting, painful. I stuck out a job in a toxic workplace because of the chance of falling pregnant and I prioritised ivf. Friendships drifted and I became very isolated and withdrawn. My relationship with my husband became solely focused on getting through the next cycle together. Each failure made me feel like I was letting everyone down and I was failing my husband and my family. My mental health deteriorated to the point that I made plans to kill myself and we made the decision to stop because it physically, mentally and emotionally destroyed me.

The month we stopped I got pregnant naturally. I have no idea why and I'm not here to say "just relax and you'll get pregnant". But IVF is NOT the first port of call. Those years I was on the relentless stress of back to back cycles are years I could have been focusing on keeping myself well and trying for a baby.

I would say to anyone considering IVF - draw a line and stop there even if it hasn't worked, don't bend under the pressure from clinics and doctors to keep going because "there's no reason it shouldn't work". I wish I had stopped at 6.

What a ridiculous thing to say.

I echo this 100%.
IVF is an absolute last resort that will test every fibre of you as a person, woman and your relationship. If there is the tiniest of cracks in your relationship, don’t be surprised that the process of IVF will crack them wide open.
’opting’ for IVF because you’ve got the money doesn’t guarantee a baby.

Personally I would say infertility in general will do this to you. Some aspects of ivf can help you feel in control. However I say this as someone for who it worked for first time. I plan to go down this route again for another but I am aware it is likely I will have much less luck this time and it might break me.

Keep trying op and save up. Have you had all the tests done? Then by a year you can press go.

IVF stimulation – absolutely fine, didn’t even have discomfort. Maybe some mild bloating at most.

Not done the other bits yet

Everyone is saying don’t jump into ivf but personally I would start investigating it now. I was late 30s and every month my egg amount and egg quality seemed to get more crap. I wish I had prioritised IVF rather than play wait and see, I wish I had left myself with a decent time frame to give it a crack. I ended up throwing in the towel

Investigation yes go ahead but jumping to private IVF without first having investigation done seems like madness. It could mean pouring £1000s into a treatment that doesn't work because the problem isn't one that IVF will help or spending unnecessarily 1000s because there isn't a problem at all.