Things I wish I knew before starting IVF

[mariannaf]

I've been trying for 5mo and I asked a question elsewhere on MN about paying to start IVF early privately rather than waiting the recommended 12mo. A lot of responses have been 'it'll wreak havoc with your life'. I have read up what I can about IVF but I haven't lived it, so I'd like to ask people who have been through IVF your experience with it.

So how did you start, how were the hormone I injections, how did you feel, how long did each round take?

Is there anything you wish you could tell your pre-IVF self about the process?

My gynae recommended one supplement and then the place we did his test at recommended more of an 'own brand' thing (the clinic specialises in male fertility and seem to recommend their supplement for everything) so we were a bit sceptical and went with what my gynae said. But happy to hear if there's other better supplements!!

What also doesn't help is that my dad is very ill and I'm not sure he'd make it to this time next year. So it's not like I can magically be 'not stressed' about him or 'not stressed' about the fact he might never meet my child!

I'm always a bit wary of the 'relax' advice not least if you're suffering from long term infertility, it's the most annoying thing anyone can say to you ever. After three years and failed IVF, I conceived when I was signed off work due to a breakdown. I was 'relaxed' in the sense that I wasn't thinking about TTC because my mental health was in the toilet but I was hardly 'relaxed'!

Honestly OP. This is the second post I’ve seen from you. You’re really getting ahead of yourself. If you start launching yourself into researching IVF at 5 months of trying you’re going to be fecking exhausted if you end up actually needing it. You do not have a fertility problem at the moment. You have a patience problem. And tbh, it’s a little bit disrespectful of those who have to go through what can be the absolute horror of IVF when actually, at the moment, there is no reason why you should ever have to turn to it.

I think this is the 3rd thread I've read from this OP. And your advice is spot on. After 5 months it's more likely a patience problem than a fertility problem.

Very kindly OP, at only 5 months I wouldn't be jumping straight to IVF as the answer.

Whilst I had a relatively 'easy' IVF experience, it was 7 years of trying for us before we got to that point

As we had been for so long the NHS didn't do to many tests for us and jumped straight to IVF.
I wish I knew beforehand about the wait. By god it's a lot of waiting and Constantine waiting at each stage. The wait to find out how many fertilise and make it to day 5 embryo stage was one of the worst waits I have had

It didn't cause havoc in our life, but again I had it 'easy' (I say that but no IVF is really easy) in that everything worked first time and no set backs. We have three day 5 embryos in the freezer and one 20 month old DD from our round

I think perhaps we could have tried other things than just IVF but because of how long.

I was also awake for egg collection, they do them all with you awake in Scotland

That you’re basically a walking wallet and the clinic will not care less about you. I would suggest not jumping into IVF thinking it’s a magic cure for infertility. Has your OH had his DNA fragmentation checked?

You will need to be educated enough to ask the right questions and suggest alternatives if treatment doesn’t work the way it’s expected. Be prepared to question everything and make sure there is scientific reasoning behind the protocol they use for you and that they don’t just churn out one size fits all treatments.

Injections were fine, egg collection was fine, clinic was rubbish. We ended up going with another consultant who was certain that we could get pregnant ourselves and after a year and several mcs we did!

I would suggest ovulation induction with timed intercourse to begin with before going straight to IVF. Actually I’d find any consultant that recommends or allows you to go straight to IVF after 5 months with no other interventions as unethical and money-grabbing.

OP, I’m really sorry to hear about your dad, it is really shit. It may be worth getting some support, it sounds like this is the real reason why you want to rush into IVF and why you want to have a baby so soon.
Im not sure anyone on this thread (it may be on others) has told you to relax, but if you do go onto suffer from infertility you will need to come to terms with the fact it is a marathon not a sprint. Honestly 5 months is not enough time to try before starting IVF and IVF should really be a last thing to try after you have exhausted everything else.
You are putting so much pressure on yourself and in all probability you will be pregnant in the next few months. Personally, I would spend as much quality time with your dad as you can making some great memories, you don’t want to look back and regret that you didn’t spend the time with him because you were doing IVF. It it all consuming whilst you are going through it and you sound quite overwhelmed at the moment. Alongside this focus on the supplements, eating healthily/exercising and use some of the money you have set aside to see a grief counsellor - you need to be mentally strong to do IVF.
I know it’s not the same, but my gran is on end of life care, I used to see her every week, but since being pregnant I’ve only seen her 3 times in almost 7 months. I’ve been very ill with the pregnancy and I am fairly sure she won’t survive the next 12 weeks to meet the baby. You may find yourself in a similar situation where you are in and out of hospital and not well enough to see your dad during the pregnancy.

I’ve done an ama if that helps :)

It was physically fine for us, the worse being the waiting afterwards. I loved finally feeling in control. It can be very demoralising though if it doesn’t work. Take lots of time off to rest.

I wished the clinic had given more upfront information about the details of the procedures, and the risks. They were very vague early on, and I had to research things myself. The detailed consent forms were only shared after I'd paid a chunk of the money, which feels a bit unethical to me.

I was asleep for egg collection which I personally prefer

We had two rounds of ivf, first was unsuccessful, second I got a positive test only for them to find no heartbeat at the scan and have a MMC.

Too often people only talk about successful ivf, too few talk about how unlikely it is to work, and how you’re just as likely as any pregnancy to have a miscarriage even if you do get a positive test.

Also I did not realise how different each clinic's procedures were, until I was going though the treatment and discussed it online with others. It's not a standardised proccess, but that's never mentioned. E.g. My clinic wanted all patients to do the daily injections first thing in the morning, other clinics do evenings which would have suited me better. Some clinics do more frequent scans while the eggs are developing. Some protocols prioritise egg quality over quantity, or vice versa.

Research your clinics and have one close by as you’ll be there all the time

How old are you both?

nutrition, wellness and lifestyle do matter (though some clinicians will say they don’t).

you and your DH should be prioritising

• enough and good quality sleep
• reasonable regular exercise
• eating well, good mix, fresh food cooked from scratch
• no caffeine, little alcohol
• the right supplements- research that yourself.

i had much better egg quality than tests to predicted which I Put down to the above.

it takes at least three maybe six months of consistent better leaving for it to show up in egg / womb lining / sperm quality so may as well get on with that now before you start any process.

it costs at least £10k per round from first egg collection to all embryos transferred.

how many you out back depends on age. Approaching 40 go two at a time.

if you have evidence of a known issue, push to get that treated first. We didn’t and wasted an entire cycle and four great embryos pressing them to treat me for something I knew was part of the reason we needed treatment

sometimes clinics shut for Xmas and timing will mean you have to wait months between cycles.

the stats rarely lie. Read them and face that. I was late 30s, the stats said chances were 1 in 10. I became sustainably pregnant on the 9&10th embryo transfer

I’m not sure what tests you’ve had done but over the course of 5 ivf cycles we found more and more things wrong, it wasn’t a simple case of male factor infertility. So if anything I would recommend going to a very good clinic where they will test both partners thoroughly. We wasted thousands of pounds and 2 years with one clinic.

IVF doesn't guarantee a baby, OP. It can be gruelling and heartbreaking and takes a significant toll physically, mentally and emotionally.

5 months is not long enough for you to consider this route. Please do not wish fertility issues on yourself to justify going down a road that you do not currently have to.

Ahh the 'just relax' chestnut - I was relaxed for the first years or so of trying and nothing. My one and only (sadly miscarried) natural conception happened on month 23 when I was stressed about nothing happening.
I had an easy time with IVF in that I didn't have any sort of reaction to the drugs and I produced loads of eggs each time and most of them fertilized. But we never got to blastocyst stage in three cycles so couldn't freeze any embryos - this was something I was unaware of, I assumed that if there were eggs and they fertilized that they would progress as expected and that we could pretty much count of frozen cycles but alas not.
We had three rounds over 18 months (I didn't want to tell my work that we were trying for a baby) so we had to leave gaps between cycles so I could have 'holiday' to cover the time when we were in and out of the clinic every few days. This probably help reduce the stress in that a) hardly anyone knew what we were doing so we didn't have to update people on every failure b) it wasn't relentless month after month and we could have a few months of trying naturally in between.
IVF seems to be seen as a magic way to get a baby but it isn't that. It isn't a suitable treatment for all conditions and it isn't a guaranteed route to success even if it is the best treatment for you. Don't rush in to expensive, invasive treatment that can also be physically and emotionally demanding and will find any weaknesses in your relationship and test them to breaking point.

100% this.

The physical stuff is not the nicest but bearable to get your miracle baby, but the failure is heartbreaking.

I went in to it "thinking positive" and convinced it would work for us first time. It didn't, it took 4 rounds and I had suicidal ideation daily.

My advice, especially if you're paying privately, is to find a doctor you like and trust. We used a few doctors who I'm sure we're perfectly fine but just didn't align with my way of operating. Too softly softly, I like cards on the table honesty and robust future planning.

I'd second the suggestion of therapy. We had official unexplained infertility but some male factor issues. I really struggled with my feeling towards my husband and my marriage in ways I wasn't comfortable talking to friends & family about.

Finally, as much as you can, don't put off life "because you might be pregnant then". I missed out on some very cool experiences and trips because I assumed I would be pregnant. When it finally did work for us, there were a few things I had to cancel or were a bit awkward, but it wasn't really a big deal, and I didn't care anyway because I was so happy to finally be pregnant.

This is mad that you were awake for egg collection! I've had two and both times was so heavily sedated I might as well have been under general anaesthetic, zero memory of it.

I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Five months isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.

My advice, get your head down, don't think about it too much, don't ask too many questions (some women stress themselves out writing down test results, questioning med doses etc) just get it done. Because if you stay calm and positive and have a positive result it will be the best thing you'll ever do. I've had 4 rounds... got two beautiful perfect little girls

@heartofglass23 what an absolutely stupid
Thing to say

this. Sorry but you do not need to be considering IVF at this stage. I think your post is quite disrespectful to others who’ve endured unsuccessful IVF as a last resort.