TTC for 18+ months and feeling low!

[Natty2]

I'm fairly new at this forum and decided to join after TTC since the start of 2022
We discovered earlier this year that my DH morphology was low, although all other results were normal. He implemented life style changes straight away, and even went through a varicocele embolisation a few months ago, so we're waiting to see if that's helped.

Having gone through the rest of the year undergoing tests everything seems normal, so the NHS are not letting us even get on the IVF list until 2024. It's been such a long, physical and emotional journey and there seems to be no end in sight.

Anyone else going through similar things? I feel like I live life in 2 week cycles and it's so hard to try and not think about it all!!
Any tips?!

@missmoosh @Foreverhopeful92 @Emz09 @Natty2
Hi, thanks for the good wishes. EC went well yesterday, they did manage to get to both ovaries in the end so the worry was for nothing.

They managed to get 14 eggs and the update this morning was that 12 were mature and 9 fertilised. They had to do ICSI (due to the sperm being in clumps which I'd never heard of before) which we weren't expecting, although luckily they get you to sign all the consent forms etc in advance just in case. Next update Saturday morning so just hoping and hoping they do well.

@missmoosh - glad your new meds are working and you're feeling and being less sick. Fingers crossed it will continue and you can recover and enjoy your food again!

@LucyLoopyLu that is fantastic news! Really pleased and relieved for you. 9 is brilliant, keeping everything crossed for you in the coming days xxx

@LucyLoopyLu this is brilliant news, so pleased they managed to get to the left ovary!
Good luck over the next few days keeping everything crossed for those embryos!!

@LucyLoopyLu ahh this is amazing news! Fingers crossed you will be doing a transfer before you know it!

@Natty2 @missmoosh @Emz09 thanks ladies. Had the day 3 update this morning and all 9 are developing although 1 is a bit slow, but still got 8 at a good grade at the moment. Fingers crossed for blasts on Monday. I'm booked in for transfer Monday morning so just need to keep calm before then.

Hope you're all doing well?

@LucyLoopyLu that's great news! Everything crossed for Monday hope it all goes well 💛

@LucyLoopyLu eeek hope they all continue to grow well! Not long now! Gonna be a long tww for you, have you got anything nice planned?

@LucyLoopyLu you've got this! Great update for day 3, they'll keep going till Monday I am sure of it! Will be thinking of you, best wishes xxx

Thanks all 💓

@missmoosh no, nothing planned except for work! I'm going to prioritise de stressing, gentle walks and not let anything into my chilled energy forcefield. We'll see how well that goes!

@LucyLoopyLu I hope your transfer went as planned, I have been thinking of you x

Thanks @Emz09

It didn't go well on day 5 unfortunately. Low quality embryos and nothing to freeze. They transferred the best 2 but the quality was very poor so we have slim to no chance this time. Day 6 update on the remaining ones was still nothing to freeze. So we went from 8 good embryos on day 3 to a very poor day 5/6.

I'm pretty gutted and so is my husband. Need to think about next steps now.
I've been back at work as well and I just can't be arsed with it, I don't think the progesterone is helping - I was alright yesterday but emotional today.

I feel like my life is on hold and I'm sick of it.

I'm sorry @LucyLoopyLu that's devastating. When was the transfer day? Do they have a plan of action to do anything differently, if you want to try again?

@CatCaretaker transfer was Monday. They will book a follow up consultation once the negative pregnancy test is confirmed next week. They couldn't give us any answers about why they didn't develop well. I don't know if it's something they can fix as there could be so many reasons, some of which we just don't know.
We likely won't continue with the same clinic as it's far away from where we live and we only get one round funded.

@LucyLoopyLu i am so sorry to hear that. Hoping one of the 2 they put in surprise you. What a horrible rollercoaster of emotions you must be going through. Thinking of you and your husband ❤️

@missmoosh thank you, it has been very up and down. Had a few low points but I'm trying to stay stoic. There is still a chance so just have to wait. I don't think the progesterone is helping my mood! I've also had indigestion all week which is very unlike me.

How are you?
Anyone got any other updates than my pity party? 😂

@LucyLoopyLu dont forget it's totally okay to let yourself be down in the dumps about it all! It's not been an easy journey and now this has happened too, try not to bottle it up!

I'm alright thank you, new sickness meds are helping a lot more than the previous ones! Actually managed 2 short workouts this week!

@LucyLoopyLu I am so so sorry to hear about your transfer day. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and staying positive for you and a positive outcome!

AIBU...

I'm 6 DPO and I just 'feel' like it didn't work, again. I have no evidence either way, of course. AIBU to put any faith in my feelings, or is it silly to think that my feelings on this mean anything at this stage, and that I'm likely just pessimistic after so much failure?

@LucyLoopyLu hope you are doing ok, been thinking about you all week!

@CatCaretaker not silly to always feel like that. I'm 2 years + now. I felt like that all the time pre IVF and even through the complicated ivf journey! Infertility is tough. Hope you're doing ok

@CatCaretaker I get that feeling too. I think it's hard not to when you've been disappointed so many times. I think it's totally normal x

@Natty2 I'm ok thanks. I was upset on Monday and really weirdly tearful and emotional on Wednesday but other than that I've been fine this week. I've done a lot of googling which may have been a mistake. Far too much phone time. Emotional ups and downs not helped by progesterone! I'm also worried the pessaries are giving me thrush now as well.

How are you doing?

@LucyLoopyLu it really is. Thanks, I was just having a wobble that day.

This two week wait must be a very hard one for you?

@CatCaretaker tbh I think it was getting my head around the bad news about the quality of the emrbyos. When everything was looking good on day 3 I was hoping for a good quality fresh transfer and maybe 1 or 2 frosties as back up. Instead it feels like we've wasted a cycle, and because they needed to use ICSI rather than IVF, which we didn't expect, it's likely going to cost a lot more now when we move to our next round(s).

I might feel differently next week but at the moment I am assuming this is a failed cycle so not really stressed about the TWW as such.

@LucyLoopyLu ah yeah I haven't had the joy of using the progesterone yet, I've still got all my boxes unopened since Jan! I've been told to do them rectally when it comes to transfer which should be fun...
if you do end up needing the second cycle (although I'm still trying to be hopeful for you next week!) do your local clinics work through access fertility? We can chat about it if it gets to it, but that was a sort of "insurance" option we went for this time round.
I found the first cycle was super hard with the ups and downs, it's such a rollercoaster. Hope you have something distracting planned for the weekend

@Natty2 oh really? My nurse said you can do the pessaries either way but I feel like it's a choice between two unpleasant choices if you know what you mean! Haha.

Our closest clinic does access fertility, I got the brochure a couple of days ago to look at the prices. Did you go for one of the packages where you get a refund if unsuccessful? Sorry if that's a personal question. I feel like it might be nice to have some money back to go spend on other things as a consolation prize if it doesn't work 😂

We're going on a nice day out tomorrow so keeping positive

We thought about the refund option but decided to go for the 2 multi cycle option no refund
Bit of a gamble, but our consultant seemed to think we'd have a better outcome on different meds (which turned out to be true in the end- although we don't know if they are chromosomally normal!)
We thought if it worked out perfectly, ie get the embryo + enough to freeze and it works first time, then the "worst case" is we've spent about £4k more than the clinic would have charged for one round. It's a lot of money but then we'd be grateful for having a baby!

If it didn't work out then they will cover you either for a second round of EC and unlimited FETs until a live birth, which just seemed sensible to cover. If we did that directly with the clinic the costs would just be out of control!

Also if we didn't go through this option we would have had to have spent £300-400 more as we ended up on another freeze all!
Everything is excluding meds of course 😔

Hopefully nothing you need to get too bogged down with now, but happy to answer anymore questions if you do end up having to do it again