Sorry its long, I do details. I like to paint the picture and I said one day I would do a documentary and/or write a book. If my story encourages just one person, I feel like I’ve done something good.
As I have said before, I’m 31. Frustrated because time is ticking.
I have been pregnant before, so I know there was nothing wrong. I don’t have kids. I was in a relationship for some years with a long term boyfriend and at age 21 experienced excruciating pain. After a trip to the hospital, couldn’t find the issue. Some days later my GP called to say I had better come in. Annoyed that I had to walk there (she wouldn’t tell me over the phone). Plumped myself in the chair and she said “I’m really sorry to tell you this, you’ve got Chlamydia”. I nearly threw up on her desk. I was SO upset because my mum worked as a sexual health nurse. Of all people, I was taught about hygiene.
I confronted him and he didn’t deny it. I was so shocked.
I started my first job in the NHS in 2013, in Maternity. As I booked women in I started to learn more about a woman’s body. Something was telling me something was wrong with me. I confided in a colleague, an Obs & Gynae consultant who told me to get my GP to do a referral and her husband (who happened to work in Fertility would see me).
The only piece of evidence I don’t have with this story is the recording where the Fertility Consultant told me that Chlamydia comes from a man. A woman cannot develop it. I lost that phone and the recording didn’t back up. I wanted him to hear this, hence why I recorded it but he refused to listen to it. My best friend has heard it.
I had a HSG test (to check fallopian tubes). It was days before Christmas. I was nervous and googled a lot about what to expect. I took pain killers as advised. I also read, if it hurts, tubes are blocked. The night before I had a dream. The dream was images i had googled and that my tubes were blocked. When I woke up I thought everything would be fine, dreams usually mean the opposite…
Day of test. I had a trainee radiographer. The test hurt so much I had to tell him to stop and nearly kicked him. I looked at the screen and saw what I saw in my dream. When I asked however he said all looked fine. Of course I trusted him. Days before Christmas this would either make or break me.
January comes, time for the follow up appt. I had an early appointment before work. I walked in, with a smile and said “Good Morning Dr xxxx”. I think I even put my hand out for a handshake. I will never forget the look this man gave me. If I could have read his mind it would have been why is she so happy.
Anyway… he proceeded to say “unfortunately…” Pardon? But the radiographer said… I was devastated and started crying. He said the best way to be sure was to do a diagnostic laparotomy. I agreed.
After the procedure which was a short time later, I awoke from the general anaesthesia. The first thing I asked was “is everything okay” the lady said unfortunately not… I BURST into tears and they had to pull my curtains. I heard a patient in the bed across ask “is she alright”. I just could not stop crying, waling.
At my follow up. I was shown the images. See attached. These are the images of my actual fallopian tube’s blocked and all the hairs that sweep the egg along were stuck together. Not only that, he said I had hydrosalpinx and I would need to consider clipping my tubes because the fluid can kill the embryos.
I sat there taking in all of this info. It was too much at that young age. I was a few months away from even being eligible to join the IVF waiting list!
Needless to say, that relationship ended. Unfortunately it affected every single one I have had since then. Trust issues! I also made anyone who wanted to come close to me do a sexual health test. Only 2 boyfriends at that point but even the fact they done it knowing what I had been through told me they cared.
I then find out a few years ago that he had a daughter. I was shown the picture, a happy dad full of pride over his daughter. I thought how comes he can have children, what about me?! After the way he treated me.
All I ever wanted was to be a mother and a wife. I nearly got married. I became scared at the thought of not being able to give my husband children and I saw myself as damaged goods. My character otherwise was always helping people and I am naturally generous.
I remained single for a few years and just focused on me. I’m a Christian but as I grew older I started to learn more about my faith. In April 2017, I got baptised. (I had been as a baby but this time as a born again Christian). My biggest prayer was for healing. Physically and emotionally. I cried most days and Christmas time was was particularly sad for me. I did however find it in my heart to forgive him as it was the right thing to do. I considered getting a sperm donor if I didn’t meet someone. However, I was petrified of the prospect of staring into the eyes of this little baby and not knowing the man staring back at me. My best friend (female) has a twin brother who offered many years ago. I thought it was kind but I wasn’t ready.
2020 I meet the OH. No children, never married. He is a kind soul, has never shouted or been disrespectful (unlike the man who ruined my life). I told him from the jump what I had been told, and that I was damaged goods. He still stayed. I wouldn’t put a pic up of myself on here but I do get complimented on my skin, features etc and my mum has green eyes (she’s black) just to draw some context. I did not feel beautiful at all, just a broken woman.
September 2021 we go for our first fertility appointment together.
I ended up having 2 Ultrasounds in 2 different hospitals. Both scans I asked a lot of questions, mainly 1) can you see my tubes and are they blocked and 2) do I have hydrosalpinx. Both radiographers said my ovaries looked good, counted my follicles, said I had a healthy uterus etc. Whilst I appreciate a number of years had gone by, I was still skeptical about getting the right diagnosis since the HSG. OH on the other hand was told his sperm was a handful. When I met him he didn’t eat meat, a lot of Soy and plant based food, no vitamin supplements and can’t eat nuts due to a severe nut allergy. (Nuts are good for sperm).
He was also told he had varicocele veins in the scrotum and was asked to consider surgery. In their terms, the problem was not me, it was him! Couldn’t believe it.
The Uro fertility consultant recommended Proxeed plus. After some research decided to give it a go for 3 months. His sperm went from a “handful” to 4million.
Put on IVF list for ICSI June 2022. Unfortunately this was pushed back due to staffing.
July 2022, purchased a new home. Anything I could do to prepare and welcome my future bubbas.
October 2022 starting to get inpatient. I’ve also been working for a long period of time with no career break. I’m exhausted but I have all the energy in the world to be a mother. I purchased Fertilily as mentioned previously. I told myself there was no point in working all of these years and purchasing a home, if something were to happen to me, it would all go back to the Government.
Not only that, I started to do the maths. Every year that goes by means I will have a young teenager when I’m in my 40’s. I tortured myself thinking what if i have a toddler into my 40s the longer it takes! It’s just not what I wanted for my first child.
I googled cervical mucus and it brought me to this thread.
I told my male cousins and brother they must never cheat on a woman, look at me. I’m grateful they are now respectable young men.
One day I will return with my success story
Would have to have twins! 🤭❤️