Preparing to TTC in 2023

[DanisEndo]

Hi,

I'm part of a lovely thread which was started in 2021 for those planning to start TTC in 2022 and it was such a supportive group! we've now seen lots of positives and given each other a lot of support and tips through ups and downs.

I'm now 'pausing' TTC until after my wedding in 2023 and thought it'd be nice to start up a similar thread to see if there is anyone else now prepping and getting excited for next year!

On the last thread everyone introduced themself by saying their age, what they're trying for and when they plan on starting - I'll then keep a list up to date and post so everyone can easily see others who are at the same stage as them!

I'll go first:

Age: 27
TTC no: 1
Starting: Sep 23

Between now and then I'm going to be taking folic acid, try and loose some lbs to get closer to a healthy BMI, save some money in a baby pot and enjoy some 'baby free' activities (i.e., wine, gin, sushi and surfing!). I have endometriosis and PCOS so going to try and get my periods more regular and pain management via diet.

TTC 2023

January

@Mushroo 31, No.1
@Almondbut 31, No.1
@bethhop85 37, No.1
@TrudyProud 36, No.2

February

@marleyandme 27, No.1
@babybrainfart 33, No.3
@winterbabyrose 27, No.2
@LovelyBitOfSquirrelll 33, No.3

March

@happyfeet5 No.1
@pmore23 28, No.2

June

@ViewFromTheAfternoon 29, No.1

August

@LibbyL92 30, No.1
@Imjustaherb

September

@DanisEndo 27, No.1

October

@123ROLO 29, No.1

welcome @LovelyBitOfSquirrelll and @Imjustaherb !!

@123ROLO I love the 'planning' side of the wedding, mood boards and lists, but finding im getting quite stressed with the bringing things to life! Hate seeing the big price tags and feel like time is going so quickly... also its driving me mad how many poeple say "its your day do what you want...... but not that." 😡😡

@happyfeet5 Im sooo excited for it to happen and think im also most excited for the under 8 stages to ahah

@babybrainfart howre you getting on? x

@DanisEndo thank you, and thank you for starting this thread! x

@DanisEndo thank you!

Is it normal to doubt yourself and wonder if you’re ‘ready’, whatever it means to be ready?? Lol!

It is truthfully all I’ve ever wanted and we both talk so excitedly about it as well as having discussed the practicalities of the decision at length. It doesn’t stop me from sometimes lying in bed at night and thinking omg, there’s no reversing this decision, would I be good enough, organised enough, patient enough? Do we need a bigger house? Another promotion? Another holiday? Should I do a postgraduate qualification first? There’s always something extra you could do before, I think, and it’s just accepting that. People seem to generally talk as if your life is over when you have kids which is sad. Maybe someone who is planning to TTC DC2 or DC3 can weigh in on this, as you’ve been there done that got the T-shirt after all!

@pmore23 @LovelyBitOfSquirrelll @winterbabyrose @babybrainfart @TrudyProud

And does anyone else TTC no.1 feel the same as above? I hope it’s normal!

@happyfeet5 it's totally normal to have doubts. For me I always knew I wanted to be a mum. DH and I discussed it at length when dating and I remember being so annoyed that covid delayed our wedding and ultimately our TTC journey so I bought pregnacare conception to "feel" like I was doing something. When we did get married 3 months later we immediately started TTC (being on honeymoon definitely helped 🤣). I got my BFP cycle#1 and though so excited I remember panicking about all the same things. DH and I needed to sell our flats to buy a family home, what about my sports and social life, what if we were no good etc.

As it goes, our purchase fell through so by the time we'd offered on a new one DD1 had come home to flat. She knows no different and we've been making our family home perfect in the meantime plus got a better price for my flat! I haven't missed my social life- once DD1 was happy to take expressed milk I was able to go out with friends/other mums.

Try not to worry- everything works out in the end.

I'm well, thank you! Hope you are too!

I'll be ttc no.1 - we have a family wedding abroad in July and I'm Maid of Honour, so that's why we are waiting for Aug 2023.

I'm looking forward to next year 🥰

@Imjustaherb my MOH was 7 months pregnant at my wedding. She looked amazing and it's lovely knowing that both her children could share our special day .

The months will fly by

@TrudyProud yes, hoping they fly in 🤞

Aw I bet she looked great and that would have been so special! I'm just a bit nervous about trying before because everything's paid for and it's long haul flight, so I don't want to chance it in case I have a difficult pregnancy.

How’s everyone doing? November is flying by!

I’m enjoying the build up to Christmas this year. Everything is so festive right now. However, I am growing more stressed about the country’s economic state. As out of our hands as it may be, it does make me wonder if now is the right time for anyone to be thinking about new life coming into the world. Alas the world can’t just stop turning can it.
The whole housebuying fiasco is a bit unsettling. COL crisis is so mad that I don’t think we’ll manage it in the next couple of years. I like our rented home and we’d have a room for a baby but it’s not fully our ‘home’, is it? I don’t know if it’s reckless of us to deliberately plan a child before we try and get a mortgage. Lots on mumsnet make it out to be. How are you feeling @ViewFromTheAfternoon? Do you think you’ll buy your bigger place yet?

Can’t wait to get the Christmas tree up. Love the idea that maybe next year there will be, or nearly be, a little person having their first Christmas!

@happyfeet5 I know what you mean.. I feel like that about a lot of things about the world. But I also feel like is it ever going to change? And if so, when? Would I be happy waiting years and years? I don't have time to wait, I have to think about my priorities and decide what they are. We have been offered to buy a house privately through a family member who is selling. It's two bedroom so would be better but I'm wondering if it's the right time to buy. I spoke to my mortgage advisor who had a look for the best deals/rates etc and and with mortgage and bills we would be paying exactly the same as we pay now for rent and bills. There will be no difference. So I'm thinking we should just go for it quick before the interest rate goes up again. But it does feel odd to even think about buying right now. But I just want to get everything properly started... We don't need to own a house to have a baby but it will be nice and one thing not to worry about doing once the baby is here.

My mum and a lot of my friends and family lived in rented though with multiple children.. I don't think it should be a reason to put off having children. But that's just my own experience. Other people's may be different.

If you are worrying and getting stressed then maybe wait a few years if time is on your side? 😊

@ViewFromTheAfternoon you’re very right. You don’t want to just delay your plans while you wait for the country to become more certain… as I don’t think the economic crisis will stable out for a while. It sounds like a sensible choice not to move to me, not while things are going crazy. You never know, your idea of house type and style might change as you work out how much space you need.
I have unnecessary doubts sometimes, which I think are normal. The more I watch the news the more I ruminate. I think the answer to that is turn off the TV! Very excited on the whole and confident about timing, well as far as one can be.

@happyfeet5 the weeks are flying by!! Work has kind of thrown me this week.

im on a fixed term contract and the plan was TTC now so that I would get all my fully paid Mat leave before the fixed term expires. They’ve now said it should be made permanent - but final sign off won’t be until March.

I feel bad if it gets confirmed and then I’m instantly like, fyi I’m pregnant! But there’s still a risk it won’t get approved at all and then I’d have to wait until I got a new job. I hate all these workplace considerations men just don’t have to think about!

@happyfeet5 Honestly I don't think you can ever be prepared!!! When me and DH conceived DS1 we weren't trying but we weren't NOT trying and it was still a massive shock 😅 I definitely had some sleepless nights having all the same thoughts as you, and I think it's perfectly normal! But honestly even you having these thoughts just shows what a caring wonderful mother you'll be!

I'm not going to lie, it's hard. The journey is a tough one but it's also so so incredible! You'll definitely have the odd day when you're absolutely exhausted where you'll feel like 'what have I done' and you'll be second guessing your self constantly, but then your baby will smile at you for the first time or hold your finger for the first time and it makes it ALL worth it!

Hi ladies!! I will be coming over to join you from other TTC boards after getting my period today!

I have a stomach scan for an autoimmune issue next month and so trying will be paused until Jan 2023 at least!

Im 30 and have been TTC for around 5 months so far but honestly haven’t been tracking carefully or DTD every other day so I plan on trying to track over the next month to see what is going on.

@happyfeet5 I have a toddler and he was born in the height of the 2020 pandemic and it really felt like the world was burning when I was pregnant and he was born, but he was such a rainbow amongst all the doom and gloom of that year! And has been ever since. We rent right now as move often with my husbands career and it doesn’t matter. Don’t let people make you feel that you have to own a home to have a child. Sometimes a mortgage can actually be a worse financial position and tie for a family and having a mortgage doesn’t mean people can always hold on to that house when the economy changes etc. That’s sounds negative but really just trying to show the other side to all of that. People will always have something to say on mumsnet.

I also have severe endometriosis and some other health issues and have convinced myself I have secondary infertility! I’m surrounded by babies at the moment and pregnant friends which makes it hard. Always grateful for these pages

So glad there is a thread for 2023! Would love to join.

Age: 30 (31 in a few days)
TTC no: 1
Starting: Feb 2023

Definitely have the ‘are we ready?’ fear, I love travelling and so keep wondering whether we should postpone and squeeze in one more long haul holiday before we start trying, but then I’ll probably want to do more!

@Tophy124 hello! Sending all the baby dust your way. I bet your son really was your rainbow. It’s lovely, how old must he be now, 2 nearly 3? That will be a lovely gap for you between him and new DC hopefully. I think anything above 3yrs is wonderful as the older sibling can really understand what’s going on and even help a little. That’s a really interesting perspective on home owning. Thank you for that. I suppose until the mortgage is paid you don’t really own it so as you say can be a bigger tie in some cases.

@Lilothblos welcome! I think, judging by what everyone has said on this thread alone, that those feelings must be 100% normal. You can travel with a baby, I suppose, just might require loads more planning, so I know what you mean. It’s the fear of life altering as you know it I think. That is what we realised too. There will always be one more holiday we could go on and the more you do it the more you miss it I suppose.

@pmore23 thank you!

@Mushroo oh gosh. That’s thrown a bit of a spanner in the works then. I would say don’t let it alter your plans. TTC might be immediate or might take some time. Even if they confirm it, I think whenever employers recruit women in general they have to understand there’s a possibility of this and not be shocked if it happens. It might be good to have a permanent one to go back to. Yes men really don’t have to think so they!

What is everyone doing exercise wise to prepare? I’m considering joining the gym with it being winter, or possibly swim. I don’t want to run in the dark after work. All the gyms around me are extortionate. Or it could be normal, I wouldn’t know. Haven’t been a member since pre-COVID. £60 a month though. Yikes!

@happyfeet5 I think depending on where you are and if it has a pool that might be the standard nowadays! I’ve started doing strength training and am trying to keep up my running as I’m conscious you’re not meant to start any new exercise whilst pregnant so want to have the options of various forms of exercise if possible!

@happyfeet5 Glad it made you feel better!!

I think I may try some yoga and walking gas my puppy is about to be ready to go out for walks. My son is 2 1/2 and I so thought I’d have had another by now but trying properly for 5 months and nothing so far!

Id definitely say take a long haul holiday if you want to! Enjoy any alone couple time before baby comes. Once they are here you may find the urge to travel further away fades because it can be a faff but I promise once they are over a year life suddenly feels like it really opens up again! Once they are on solids and don’t need BM or formula as often it’s very freeing and we do anything and everything with our toddler

Trying

@Weefreetiffany No.2
@WanOvaryKenobi 30, No.1
@louloulollipop 31, No.1
@Tophy124 30, No 2

TTC 2023

January
@Mushroo 31, No.1
@Almondbut 31, No.1
@bethhop85 37, No.1
@TrudyProud 36, No.2

February
@marleyandme 27, No.1
@babybrainfart 33, No.3
@winterbabyrose 27, No.2
@LovelyBitOfSquirrelll 33, No.3
@Lilothblos 30, No.1

March
@happyfeet5 No.1
@pmore23 28, No.2

June
@ViewFromTheAfternoon 29, No.1

August
@LibbyL92 30, No.1
@Imjustaherb No.1

September
@DanisEndo 27, No.1

October
@123ROLO 29, No.1

November really is flying by! And i can count the number of workouts ive done on one hand.... with fingers to spare 😖Must do better in december. @happyfeet5 Im focusing on strength training and a bit of swimming. We usually open water swim but have fallen off the wagon recently. I think my membership is £50-£60 pm but that includes gym, classes, pool and spa use.

Had a family friend pregnancy announcement the other day, super happy for them but oh god it hurt. the jealousy really struck me, took me by surprise. Just wanted to go and sulk for a bit but that wasnt an option.

Hi,

Been lurking for a while and finally feel like it's time to post.

TTC #1
Jan? 2024
Age: 33 (almost 34)

It's a super weird one for me. Married for 10 years then divorced, kids never on the cards. Last partner was enough of a child himself, so kids just weren't on my radar. I'd always told people (and perhaps myself!!) that kids weren't for me.... probably due to the relationships I was in, to be honest.

Fast forward to now, I've met the most amazing partner. He's an absolute diamond with his DD (age 5) from a previous relationship, and I finally feel secure, happy and supported in my relationship for the first time in my adult life.

We haven't been together all that long (7 months) but have talked about TTC, largely due to my age and also I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome - defective collagen, with the probability of consultant-led care and a predisposition to early and very fast labour, increased risk of hip dysplasia etc.

I kind of feel now, that now's as good a time as any and now I feel like I'd be supported no matter what in the relationship, there's not much point putting some arbitrary rules in place about how long we should wait. He agrees, which is fantastic, and understands the risks I carry and the need to not faff about for too long now we've made that call. I imagine people think this must be very quick 🤣🤣

I had my IUD out at the start of the year, following my previous relationship breakdown to just be me again, and never replaced it. Used condoms for the first few months with DP, and now just good old-fashioned withdrawal now that conversation has been had but we aren't actively TTC yet. Kind of an understanding that it's not foolproof and that's okay. We've decided to TTC properly in the new year, but I blurted out last night that after AF at the end of the week, we wouldn't actually know until January anyway which is basically the same. I've left it up to him to decide when he's ready to change his finishing methods (TMI - sorry!!) between now and the new year. I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later, I'm impatient now we've made the decision.

He thinks Jan is best as he's just finalising a long divorce, which is due to complete 3rd week in December. I get he needs the emotional processing - I'm just hoping we get caught out before then 🤣🤣

Having fun practicing, though, regardless!!

Phew - that was an outpouring I've never made to anyone before. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.

That should be Jan 2023

@Lal33 good luck with your TTC journey. I remember when DH and I decided we were ready to TTC something in me switched and suddenly wanted a BFP more than anything immediately. Thankfully 4 weeks after we DTD without contraception we had it! I was 34 nearly 35 - this made me a DM to DD 🥰.

I'm now 36 and willing the building works to finish in our house and mat leave to finish so what we can TTC DC#2 early next year.