IVF - some direction/personal experience please.

[BecauseICan22]

Hello,

I am asking for some insight, personal experiences and direction regarding IVF.

Background:
I'm 42 this month, DH turned 47 this summer.

We have been TTC since February. I have had 4 positive conceptions and all 4 have failed.

February - Blighted ovum.

April - Chemical pregnancy.

June - Miscarriage at 6 weeks.

September - Ectopic confirmed yesterday which I'm now undergoing treatment for.

My cycle is very regular and I have no known medical issues.
I have 3 children from my previous marriage.
DH has 2 from his previous marriage.

We are both utterly exhausted with the natural conception cycle and my body feels broken. We have had tentative talks about now going down a managed or IVF route. However, having never been faced with this we have no idea where to start.

We can comfortably afford private treatment and we both realise how fortunate we are, not just with our previous children but with our finances.

We would greatly appreciate any advice or direction from those in the know. Real experiences on impact on you as an individual, a couple and your family structure.

I ovulate every month and can conceive easily, it is carrying which is the issue. I'm assuming from my personal reading this is down to chromosomal abnormalities with the fetus and so the pregnancy doesn't progress.

We have no resolute plan right now, we are simply looking for information. I just feel utterly stuck.

Thank you in advance =)

If you are self funding for IVF my understanding (I was NHS funded for my "fresh cycle" and self funded for my "frozen cycle") is that you simply find a clinic and make an appointment.
My experience was very positive with the staff being amazing with talking us through the options and procedures. We went to an open evening prior to our initial appointment.
I'm not sure if I've answered your questions really - sorry- but please feel free to contact me if I can help further. I did my first cycle aged 40 and second aged 42.

Hello, thank you for your response, I appreciate you taking the time to share.

We've looked at clinics and again, this is a minefield.
Do you mind telling me how your body was impacted? If not here publicly then I'm absolutely happy for you to send me a message.

In my head it's this huge monster with no guarantee of a good outcome but then that could be life in general!

I'm so glad you had a positive experience and I hope you achieved success.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. TTC is such a tough journey.

I was told by my IVF doctor that a woman’s body basically ovulates her best eggs first - so mine were flushed away at like age 13 - and by the time the woman is age 40, most of her eggs aren’t good enough. He said frozen eggs from age 20 are way better than fresh eggs at 35. He recommended donor eggs to me at age 39 and said that most ‘celeb babies’ to older mums are from donor eggs, it’s just not discussed much.

Other option is ‘normal’ ivf ie take hormones, produce 1-10 eggs, try to fertilise them all and implant 1-2 to see what happens. £6k-£10k per attempt, average 3 attempts to succeed, with your history may take more.

Your other option is surrogacy which costs approx £100k in America (with guaranteed right to keep baby) or much less in Europe (but more complicated legalities). Controversial but my friend had a happy ending this way.

In your position with your history I’d look into donor eggs asap. It isn’t your dna but the baby does get some of your chromosomes through the placenta so not entirely seperate either.

Ps if you’re near London then my mental list was in this order

1. ARGC
2. The Lister
3. Zita West.

Ps my IVF outcome wasn’t positive unfortunately and after the weight gain, emotional trauma and some 7 months if physical pain from ‘egg collection’ gone wrong, I decided to stop trying and focus on the children I had.

They can do pre implantation genetic testing, specifically to deal with the issues you mention. It isn't hugely more expensive. A clinic would discuss PGT-A and checking your tubes and explain it all to you. All late 30s and early 40s IVF babies are not donor conceived, that's nonsense. There are also lifestyle and dietary changes that take around 3 months to affect your eggs, as well as meds to help your endometrium.

Sorry for your losses.
Depending on area. My clinic still needs a referral from GP even if private. But to state that you will be a private patient.

IVF, hardest thing I've probably done tbh.
The tears, anxiety, worry, mental break down in between was tough but I eventually got my DC and I would do it all again tomorrow.

I would ignore the donor comments.

@BecauseICan22 we're based in the north and used Seacroft Hospital, Leeds - I don't know where you're based.

I felt like the stress of the process was bearable but this was after I'd been absolutely torturing myself each and every month trying, and failing, naturally.
Physically, it's not pleasant - as in being poked and prodded but you'll have experienced all that before having given birth.
I was petrified of needles prior to it all and that worried me - also the pressure of "doing it right" - but I got used to it.

Again please ask or message me if this hasn't answered everything.

I've said my age - 40 when we started our IVF journey - and we were never encouraged to consider donor eggs.

I was petrified of needles prior to it all and that worried me

Same for me.
And I still can't watch bloods getting done but give me a needle to do myself I'm happy to do so.
Your head is just basically in the game and you do all you can/have to to try make it work.

@BecauseICan22 in terms of our relationship it was a little bit strained for a while. We went from being at-it-like-rabbits trying to get pregnant to when we could and couldn't due to cycles, drugs, appointments, etc. If I'm being honest, all of the trying and failing was probably slowly killing us anyway - or could have if we'd have continued and let it. As it happens we're stronger than ever - a strong family of four!

Sounds like you need genetic testing

where you get preg but have a mc

my embroys never implanted tho nothing wrong

took 5 attempts

sadly if ivf was 100% guaranteed ……

only you can decide whether to go down donor eggs - try with own a s have testing or give up

we said we would if last few didn’t implant - have think 3 left in freezer or no 5 didn’t work

Check the statistics. My clinic has a something like <5% live birth rate at 42 using own eggs.

Sorry you're going through this.

I had similar, but starting at age 32 (now 34 and started IVF in May). We had a missed miscarriage (7 weeks), followed by a chemical, followed by another missed miscarriage (9 weeks). I figured it was probably chromosomal because every test for me came back normal or great. So we moved onto IVF to try and avoid further miscarriages.

IVF was incredibly rough on my body but I overproduced and got 45 eggs, 30 mature and 23 became embryos that were frozen. We had these tested. Even with a perfect embryo that was implanted end of July I am currently dealing with an ectopic pregnancy (sorry we are in the same shitty boat right now!) so thus far IVF hasn't been my saving grace.

DP had 2 DS and I have 1 DS from prior marriages and I desperately wanted a child together. In hindsight knowing what I know now I'm not sure I would've gone with IVF. It's been emotionally, physically and financially draining (and we are high earners). Of course it's worth it if it works out. I think we will try a couple more of our embryos on ice before giving up because all of it takes a toll.

Hope it goes well for you if you decide to go that route.

We had a good experience with IVF. We’d tried naturally for several years with no pregnancy. We did a round of IVF when I was 37 or 38. We did have the embryos genetically screened and while that was quite expensive, the result was good. I would always suggest this, I think it would be a given with your age and past experiences. I had successful pregnancies from the first and third transfers of frozen embryos. I had an early miscarriage from the second transfer. We have a few more embryos remaining but are probably done.

Tbh it wasn’t very hard on my body but my clinic was relatively low drug/interventionist compared to others. It was stressful but pregnancy was a lot worse.

Only advice would be to not wait at all in reaching out to clinics. You are likely reaching the end of potential success with your own eggs, if that is something that is important to you.

Thank you for your message and for all of the information. I have been wondering if the quality of my eggs has declined so much that I'm not producing any healthy ones? This is something I'd want the clinic to give us knowledge about.

My DH suggested surrogacy but I simply cannot condone that. I know many people do without issue and I hold no negativity towards them but I just can't.

Donor eggs, I didn't even consider that, I thought I'd be able to produce at least some healthy eggs.

There's so much to consider.

I'm so sorry it didn't work for you. I keep getting told to focus on the children I have but I'm not there yet.

Thank you for this.

I've never smoked or drank and I'm a healthy weight.

The genetic testing is key for us I think. We keep on experiencing losses and I do think perhaps it's related to genetics.

I completely understand the torture of trying and than recovering and then trying again. I just want to try this one last route and if it doesn't work, then so be it.

We're based in the East Midlands so there's plenty of hospitals, it's just taking the next steps.

Thank you for your responses.

We are currently in a very similar situation. 5 children between us (4his, 1 mine) and want one together. I’m 41 and had 2 miscarriages last year - we went to a private clinic and they did some preliminary tests. I have crap egg reserves and quality which is apparently very common for my age. They recommended intense IVF (all the drugs!) and then the genetic testing to ensure the better quality embryos were implanted. Even with all that, they said it was a 5% chance of it working. We are trying to come to terms with not proceeding now, we keep swinging from let’s just try (we are financially comfortable) to let’s just embrace life. It’s hard, I’m sorry I can’t be more help as we are in same boat!

Oh my lovely, I absolutely feel you and your dilemma. Do you feel guilty for pursuing this path because you already have children? I know this plays into my thoughts.

How do you feel knowing that there is an option there if you want it? And 5% chance, it's just such a huge outlay both emotionally and financially with very little gaurantee of a return.

What's the main reason for not proceeding in your mind? And how old are your existing children? Do you worry about the impact on them? Our oldest is 17 and youngest is 8.

I worry that I'll regret it if we don't try. But then I think we have so much to be thankful for and we should just appreciate what we have. It's a minefield.

Thank you for this. We have been told we have to wait 3 months before we try anything. I opted for medical management, Methotrexate with this Ectopic as opposed to surgery, I didn't want to lose the tube.

Genetic screening will be a must for us and my own eggs is what I want to start with. We have said we will start this journey in Jan of next year. I think my mind and body just need time to recover.

Thank you for your advice and I'm so glad it worked for you. Out of curiosity, what will you do with your remaining embryos?

My heart goes out to you and I'm so very sorry that after all you've been through and with all that intervention, the result has been an Ectopic, I'm genuinely so sorry. Is there any reason for the Ectopic happening? Silly question perhaps but I'm asking as conception was managed as opposed to DIY. Sorry for my crassness.

I do hope you have support and love around you. An Ectopic is crap! I'm currently sat here feeling like death. The joke is the pregnancy was clearly seen, beautiful yolk sac which would absolutely have developed a heartbeat in a few days except it was in the completely wrong place.

I had a single round of IVF 10 years ago at age 38, resulting in the birth of my son. I had two natural pregnancies afterwards that miscarried.

After 1 year of trying we knew that my AMH was low (indicating ovarian decline) so took advice to move directly to IVF. The one round resulted in 7 eggs of various grades which progressed to two blastocysts (5 day embryos) which were both put back into me.

Obviously we were incredibly lucky for it to work first time. I strongly believe that it was the right call to do the IVF and if we had carried on trying naturally I would have had multiple miscarriages and probably never carried a baby to term.

I know from friends and family that IVF has changed somewhat over the last decade. There are new drugs, different protocols and techniques.

For me the whole TTC situation was stressful but I didn't find IVF in itself particularly hard. I felt good on the "stim" drugs, there was some discomfort after egg retrieval, the two week wait was a bit anxious. I am the kind of person that isn't affected too badly by medical procedures though - I didn't care about injecting myself, can tolerate some discomfort. Obviously I only had to go through it once, I guess it's much harder if you have to do it multiple times. The scans etc were inconvenient - I was working FT and didn't want the world to know, so trying to juggle multiple scans per week sometimes was awkward.

I'm very open in my life now about my miscarriages and that my son was conceived via IVF. Very happy to answer any questions you have.

Agree dna creeps through with donor eggs

ive worked for a few mums as a maternity nurse
who used donor eggs

plus a few friends

one lady had a baby via own eggs. Looks nothing like her. Use donor for no 2 and is the spit of her

same with friends. I know they are donor as they asked me for info (I used own eggs but due to work know a lot of donor stuff) and their xx look like them but genetically aren’t as sperm donor and egg donor