IVF - some direction/personal experience please.

[BecauseICan22]

Hello,

I am asking for some insight, personal experiences and direction regarding IVF.

Background:
I'm 42 this month, DH turned 47 this summer.

We have been TTC since February. I have had 4 positive conceptions and all 4 have failed.

February - Blighted ovum.

April - Chemical pregnancy.

June - Miscarriage at 6 weeks.

September - Ectopic confirmed yesterday which I'm now undergoing treatment for.

My cycle is very regular and I have no known medical issues.
I have 3 children from my previous marriage.
DH has 2 from his previous marriage.

We are both utterly exhausted with the natural conception cycle and my body feels broken. We have had tentative talks about now going down a managed or IVF route. However, having never been faced with this we have no idea where to start.

We can comfortably afford private treatment and we both realise how fortunate we are, not just with our previous children but with our finances.

We would greatly appreciate any advice or direction from those in the know. Real experiences on impact on you as an individual, a couple and your family structure.

I ovulate every month and can conceive easily, it is carrying which is the issue. I'm assuming from my personal reading this is down to chromosomal abnormalities with the fetus and so the pregnancy doesn't progress.

We have no resolute plan right now, we are simply looking for information. I just feel utterly stuck.

Thank you in advance =)

I had a relatively positive experience with IVF. Three rounds of egg collection and one embryo transfer, and I now have a gorgeous 6 mo. We went for mild IVF with Create in Raynes Park. I found the injections not nearly as distressing as I was expecting. Mild IVF meant fewer side effects. They said they focus on egg quality rather than quantity, which meant I was discouraged when my DOR meant they got hardly any eggs during my collections... but we were lucky enough to have a high success rate when it came to embryos. Honestly, I found the newborn stage much more difficult than going through IVF, but it was definitely worth it. AMA if i can help, and best of luck!

The reality is at 42 you are statistically about as likely to conceive naturally as you are with IVF, I'm not saying that to put you off just that it's not a magic bullet and when you're older the chances are much slimmer.

I was a similar age and in a similar situation, although with a diagnosis of endometriosis. I decided to use donor eggs and DD2 was born in March. I don't regret it for a second. It's a big decision though and not one to be undertaken lightly, but it is something you should consider at your age.

I am currently pregnant with my second IVF baby. It is not an easy process, but you can have the embryos screened etc so your chances will be better than trying naturally. If you use donor eggs, your chances are massively increased.

It was hard on my body, but not any more so than pregnancy really. I have had quite a few rounds and have thought several times that I couldn't do it again, but then I felt I couldn't not either.

I think it is a good idea to speak to a clinic and see how you feel after.

@BecauseICan22 sorry you're going through this. You should start by reading It Starts with an Egg which is basically the. Diet and supplement Bible for older women doing fertility treatment. It's not just about being a healthy weight - there's an awful lot of lifestyle changes to maximise egg health. Who knows really if it works but I did get 2 euploid embryos out of 4 tested blastocysts at age 44 so I think it helps. It hasn't led to a baby (as yet) but it was still a good outcome.

BTW a clinic won't be able to tell you if it is your egg quality or not. As we get older it becomes more likely that egg quality is a factor but no one can definitively tell you this really.

If money is no object and you have had several losses then I would personally suggest going straight to ARGC.

It can be tempting to go gently especially as IVF seems pretty daunting before you start but in my opinion and at an older age (as I am) then you need to throw the kitchen sink at it. Others would disagree with me - that's just my thinking personally.

Best of luck x

Thank you for your response and for your advice. I appreciate it.

ARGC has been mentioned a couple of times, I'm guessing this is a well known clinic?

@BecauseICan22 i would have a read of the “ask Robert” section of the genesis research trust website. It provides impartial advice about fertility and IVF and from memory there are a few questions and answers on there about pursuing IVF at a later stage of life. Wishing you the best of luck

Thank you so very much for this. I've been reading none stop for the last 30 minutes.

@Hoping43 thanks for sharing this. I've also been reading - never seen this before in all my years on this block.

I read this blog a lot

sherfertilitysolutions.com

It's the other end of the spectrum. Winston is "do nothing extra" and Sher is all about immunes and all the add ons!!

Just wanted to add, I read it starts with the egg, I did everything (and I already didn't smoke or drink much), I spent a lot of money on supplements etc, had a fertility nutritionist, acupuncture, reflexology, womb massage, crystals, spells, you name it, and it made no difference at all. Again not saying you shouldn't read it or follow the guidelines, just, there's a lot of people out there making money off desperate women and it's not just the fertility clinics

@BecauseICan22 and @Janefx40 im glad you have found it helpful. I always refer back to it. He’s very into finding out the true underlying cause. I keep referring back to it and I remember his points about people rushing into IVF and most people don’t require such invasive treatment etc. I try to use it to ground myself but it’s so hard after nearly 18 months trying. The problem is nobody is really willing to get to the bottom of the cause and the laparoscopy he suggests is like £5k to have done privately . So I probably will head for IVF like everyone else. Because if I wait indefinitely and there is an issue preventing it from happening naturally then I’ll regret it. Equally if we spend thousands and it fails then we get pregnant naturally later down the line then that’ll be tough too. It’s such a hard journey isn’t it x

Hey, thank you for responding. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It is all consuming and so very painful, grounding is very important. I've found the site invaluable and very refreshing, it's definitely had a positive impact on me. I appreciate you sharing.

The journey is beyond hard. It's also the not knowing and then yes, the colossal emotional and financial outlay.

£5k for a laparoscopy, wow. I really do hope you have wholesome love and support around you. If you ever want to download, bounce ideas or just talk about the weather, I'm around.

It never occurred to me that people who have IVF privately don't have a laparoscopy first.

I had investigations via the NHS first and it was after the lap (which showed nothing significant) that they suggested IVF (which we didn't qualify for on the NHS and paid for privately).

I would imagine that the laparoscopy is more important if you haven't already had children though.

@Fortyisthenewthirty i think it’s important after having children in case of any damage from a previous birth. Especially after c section, in my case, however you must have a good clinic as I don’t think it’s standard procedure for most x

Can you not get the laparoscopy
on nhs ?

Honestly at 42 and with 3 kids between you, in your position I would keep trying naturally but not go down any expensive or invasive routes. And definitely not donor eggs. A donor sibling would really complicate your family set up. I understand your desire to ‘have a baby together’ but your main priority has to be the child you already have, and IVF is physically and emotionally gruelling and unlikely to work. Best of luck whatever you do.

Would second the recommendation for ARGC then Lister. Our 2 boys were conceived at Lister.

Make an appointment for a consultation this week. They are generous with their time and I still think the £200 I paid for my first consult (back in 1999!), the best money spent. I left the appointment with full understanding of my options and what would be required.

if you’re not familiar with an IVF cycle, that may be worth looking at. The physical side was straight forward enough, but you need to keep your diary relatively free for a couple of weeks for a number of appointments - that was the greater strain for me with 4 cycles in total as well as other testing. We stopped at 2 children as I felt it would be too great a commitment to go through a third time.

So sorry for your losses OP

I feel for you OP and know its hard. I've TTC 12yrs, started age 32 when I got married. (not religious, just wanted to wait till officially together). Neither of us have children.

Long story short, I've now lost 3 and had IVF twice. No cause for sub-fertility found, except now being older. Although not enjoyable, I never found any massive issues with IVF! I didn't gain weight or have ovarian overstimulation. I wasn't moody which I expected to be. I also didn't find it the 'rollercoaster' others describe. Maybe, because I'd already lost 2 by that stage, it was just another journey and maybe expected to lose yet another? Of course I was sad, asked 'why me?' etc, but carried on working, doing normal life things and trying to cope as best I could. I actually found carry on was easier than wallowing in self pity. We each grieve and cope differently though.

I'm sorry if TMI- but I had my losses checked for genetic issues. 1st one- I'd had NIPT due to my age at the time and found out it had patau syndrome. I was told it was- likely due to older eggs. The 2nd one was in the UK and they wouldn't do full genetic tests, but did confirm it wasn't a molar pregnancy. 3rd time- due to it being my 3rd loss they did genetic testing and again- likely due to my old eggs.

I assume you and partner have had tests to check AMA, anaemia, thyroid, STI's and also sperm count? Yes- you might have both been fertile years ago- but things change. I too still have regular periods, had an AMA above average for my age- but can only assume my egg quality was poor?

It was only after my last IVF that the Dr mentioned donor eggs. No one had ever previously mentioned my slim chances of having my own children- I was then 42 and told the chances were 5%.

In terms of actual IVF- I bought emla cream online. Its a local anaesthetic used to numb the skin prior to cannulation/phlebotomy. I would put a pea sized blob on my stomach and leave for 30mins or so prior to the injections. It stopped it being so 'stingey'!

The progesterone suppositories were far better up the bum IMO than vaginally. I found vaginally, they melted and leaked out- leaving a waxing residue on underwear. Anally wasn't the best, but a touch of lube on the end, and it was bearable. It didn't leak out, got absorbed, and passed soon enough.

Best of luck OP. Happy to answer any questions you might have.

Hello all, I've been very quiet, my apologies. How is everyone? I hope those of us struggling with a loss are being supported and loved right now.

DH and I went back to the hospital today for my day 7 blood test after the Methrotexate.

Day 1 when the Ectopic was found, my HCG was 3300. This was managed by a shot of Methrotexate.

Day 4 my HCG was 6000. I was told this is fairly normal as the Methrotexate doesn't work instantly and so cells will keep dividing, developing and releasing HCG.

I was told that day 7 they want to see a drop of minimum 15% to know it's working.

My bloods today (day 7) came back as 7869. I was also scanned internally and shown the clear yolk sac (white ring) sat right on my right tube. To say my heart broke a little is an understatement, if only the pregnancy had begun in the right place.

I've also found over the last few days that I was experiencing more lower back ache and a dull throbbing pain around the area of where the Ectopic is. I have had zero bleeding.

The scan was to see if the pregnancy had grown at all, it had. Seems the growth hadn't really been impacted by the treatment.

We were urged to have surgery to remove the Ectopic and my affected tube. After some discussion, DH and I have agreed. I am due to go in tomorrow morning for the surgery and it'll involve an overnight stay and I should be home for Friday.

I'm utterly spent. I feel so, so exhausted and drained. Part of me wants it over and part of me feels sad that there could or should have been a baby. Part of me feels angry, why me? Why us? Part of me feels like giving up entirely and like I've failed. I know these thoughts aren't rational and they're not coming from a place of calm, but from a place of pain.

Anyway, I've come home and I'm doing laundry and cooking some nice meals for my family so that in my absence, there will be my comfort here in the form of food.

Now to tell the DC.....

@BecauseICan22 I'm so sorry. This is all just so shit and unfair. I hope the surgery goes well tomorrow. It's a horrible place to be. Sending lots of hugs xxx

So sorry @BecauseICan22 💐💐

Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts 🙂

Hey, thank you once again for your understanding and kindness. It is very, very shit and beyond unfair.

I had surgery yesterday afternoon about 3.30pm and was being woken up in Recovery for 7pm. To say I felt/feel horrific is an understatement. I feel so unbelievably sore and tender but I know that's to be expected.

On the plus side I didn't throw up due to the GA and from what I understand, I'm now 1 tube lighter with 3 lovely incision points/war wounds to take home with me.

My DC weren't allowed to visit as I was in no fit state to be seen so they went with my DH, bought me lots of food and made me cards and generally made me feel very, very loved. My DH was allowed in to see me alone and my sister stayed with my DH and they had my neices too, it was just what they needed in terms of maternal comfort and their cousins.

I AM blessed and I am feeling grateful that for all intents and purposes I have my health, my love and a very strong and special family unit.

I did wonder where all the good stuff like fizzy pop, chocolate and crisps were!

Edit: My sister stayed with my DC not my DH. My DH came to see me late last night.

Morphine after effects I think!

Take some time for yourself and allow you to grieve and heal (as much as you can) mentally and physically.