Bus 9 - Donkey Cart departing soon, all aboard with ivf, pcos, endo, sub/unexplained fertility jump on

[Marvellouslymadmum]

New thread 😊😊

@thislittlebird well that's something, I can understand that, I mean I haven't spent the money you have but that part is still to come! I don't feel old as such I'm just aware I need this to happen soon!
All they said is that they'll phone me in feb and if I'm happy they'll refer me for the lap then so I've not even been referred yet annoyingly but I'm hoping it won't be a massive wait! Then once I know when it's happening I'll get the de ivf ball rolling. I just don't know if there's a point before it. If I couldn't get pg naturally at all I'm guessing endo has a part to play so my chances will be higher after the lap.

He's definitely good company and very playful!

@Marvellouslymadmum Animal therapy is the best! Aww he’s beautiful colours x

@Misty84 it really is! He's a silver spotted Bengal, we fell in love with his colour and feisty little personality 😂

@Marvellouslymadmum he’s gorgeous! Endo and the classic that is age will probably stop natural being a good shot but if you’re doing DE that gets around it. If you do a cycle with your own eggs, I’d definitely recommend PGT-A after my experience this past cycle. This was our only confirmed euploid embryo.

@thislittlebird I think I'll just speak to a few clinics and see what they recommend, if they say no chance with own egg I'll do just de if they say small chance with mine I'll do a tandem cycle where they collect mine and a donor's eggs and go from There, but I'm under no illusions mine are probably too old and shrivelled up 😂

@thislittlebird I’m so glad everything is looking good.

@Marvellouslymadmum your cat is adorable!

I was quiet as I was in 2WW. Transfer 3 is another BFN. I have one left in the freezer and one more round and then I think we’ll call it quits.

@Lauralozzle sorry to hear that, I know it’s hard to keep going through these failures. what number is that for you now? This was my seventh embryo (over 3 rounds and we only have one crap embryo left, so 8 in total from three rounds) so I know first hand it can take a while. All I would say is, when you get to that last round make sure they’re throwing the kitchen sink at you so that you can try things you haven’t to date. Be pushy about what you want to try, which is what I had to do. I do think the changes we made this time is what made the difference, and maybe I don’t need blood thinners and low dose prednisolone but I’m grateful I could try them.

@thislittlebird Thank you. I know you get it, it’s easier talking to people who get that IVF seems so much harder when it doesn’t work and you’re on multiple failed transfers.

So, OTD is Sunday. Which is cruel, cause it’s our 6 year wedding anniversary! So I’m in that limbo where clinic won’t accept the result yet. But at 9dp5dt I’m realistic enough to know that it’s basically 14dpo and a BFN on a FRER is going to be accurate.

Consultant said that if this transfer fails we’ll look at ERA/ALICE/EMMA and blood clotting issues. I’m going to ask about immunes (NK Killer Cells) but they’ll probably say no. The trio test is £1.7k so we’ll need to save for that anyway. Blood clotting test is only a couple of hundred. I’ll get them both done before next FET so not looking at another transfer until next year, probably April at the earliest because we’ll have to save hard for this.

If next FET fails, we’ll have another round on the multicycle. I’ll be 36 then and might look at PGT-A then and further immune testing. It just gets so expensive though.

I’m so sorry to read your update @Lauralozzle. IVF is absolutely shit when it doesn’t work multiple times. And such an enormous drain on finances. NK killer cells ended up being the issue for us (possibly, at least that’s what I was treated for) and we improved our male factor issues. But everyone’s different and it’s overwhelming trying to work out what to test, what to spend money on, what’s the key or if it’s just down to a lot of luck in the end!
Terrible timing for your OTD, there are no words😔 Go out and spoil yourselves with a nice meal and get drunk if you feel like it, that’s what we did after failures.
It’s miserable and I’m sorry.

@Lauralozzle I'm so sorry. @Misty84 it's crap isn't it, from 3 cycles we had quite a few fertilise but only ever had 2 to transfer. Trying to decide on whether to do pgta as evidence is odd in that it reduces miscarriage risk but doesn't make any difference to pregnancy rates. As we don't get many embryos on the fence about it 🤔

Why is it so hard to get pregnant? Just tested... negative.
How are there so many people accidentally getting pregnant? Why is it not happening despite meticulous planning? Ffs

Thanks everyone. It’s shit. That’s all I can say really. I’m tired and fed up of this. Kitchen sink approach is needed, I reckon.

What’s hard is being on IVF cycle threads, where it seems to work first time for so many people. I’m definitely taking a break, I don’t have much hope for my day 6 frozen which I’ll try in the new year.

@2023b It sucks doesn’t it.

@Lauralozzle yeah that’s why I couldn’t go on those threads anymore. The EMMA/ALICE testing thread is good, this one too, but I couldn’t deal with the threads where people do one attempt and they’re pregnant, it’s too much to comprehend how it doesn’t work for us but immediately does for others.

My doc just stuck me on the blood thinners without the test, but he did do the NK cells test and that came back normal. However I self-medicated with pred to get my first BFP (chemical) and told him I wanted to try low dose again for this one, even though my results were normal. I’m only on 10mg but maybe it helped. also push for all the progesterone tests in case that’s low, I wonder if this is the first cycle where my progesterone wasn’t too low. Not sure.

Give yourself a break from it all and then when you’re ready definitely go the kitchen sink route because you’ve got nothing to lose (but more money 🫠) and they do say it can take three rounds.

@2023b it’s incredibly frustrating how so many find it so easy and others are the exact opposite.

@thislittlebird I agree, I don’t think I’ll go on another month IVF cycle thread. It just makes me angry, I’m pleased for them, to even do one round is tough but I can’t really take it anymore and I increasingly come across as defeatist and miserable.

I think I’ll pop onto the Emma/Alice/Era thread once that’s been agreed with the clinic. Which it will be, because we already discussed it as an option if this one failed.

I’ve got to remember that although this was my third transfer, it’s still from my second cycle. I’m not on my third collection yet and it can take 3 rounds, not just 3 transfers.

The money thing is another problem all on its own.

@Lauralozzle he is when he's not climbing my leg like a tree!!

I'm sorry to hear your last round didn't go well, you e probably said before but are the donor routes not a possibility for you?

@2023b it's totally unfair how some people it just happens for, especially when we are always told how easy it is to accidentally get pregnant! I wish I could!!

@Marvellouslymadmum I’m not sure about donor yet. I don’t think I’m quite there. We got 3 day 5 blasts this last cycle. I’m 35, 36 in Jan so I’ll keep trying with my own for now. Although they’re clearly a bit rubbish because our fertilisation rates are poor, even with ICSI and it seems to be an egg issue rather than a sperm issue (my eggs don’t activate properly and we used zymot chip and AOA and ICSI this last round).

It’s something I might consider in the future though, I’m not sure. I’m more comfortable with that than adoption. I 100% know I couldn’t deal with a highly traumatised child. Spoke to a friend recently about our struggles and first thing she said was have you considered adopting? After I said I had considered and then disregard it, got a story of someone she knew who had adopted and was very happy and then had a surprise BFP in her 40s. Literally the last thing I wanted to hear, she meant well and I love her to bits but… surprise BFP results after years of infertility are not what I want to hear.

When did you all tell people IRL that you were struggling? Who/when/how. I/(we) havent yet. One or two friends know "id be happy if i got pregnant now" - we are mid 30s, these are friends who dont want any(/anymore) children. Finding it especially hard to be around colleagues who are expecting etc. I think if someone very close to me got pregnant (a close friend, DH's sister etc) I would really struggle. Any advice?

@Lauralozzle I totally get that, I wish we could've started all of this sooner but we didn't meet until I was almost 37, we did get pg just after my 38th birthday but I only got to 6 weeks and we've had nothing since so for us it seems a good option but I am going to be 45 next year so time is slipping away fast!
I get that about adoption, I do feel like it's a lovely thing to do but I'd like to try de first

@2023b I really haven't told many people much, both my sisters know a little bit that's it, it's hard when others are getting pregnant but when it's family I've still been happy for them and once they arrive I adore them all. Have you looked into having some tests done?

@2023b So we’ve been trying for 4 years 4 months now. My sister has known for about a year. My two best friends have known for a few months. No-one else knows.

The thing is, all of my closest friends are childless. So they don’t really get it. Other friends do have kids, but I’m not really close enough to them to tell them.

Truth be told, the people who do know don’t get it. It’s not their fault, they couldn’t possibly get it. The trauma this ‘journey’ has caused couldn’t be understood - month after month of BFN, going to GP, Having tests, unexplained diagnosis, being told by GP that we’re still young and it’ll happen. IVF. X3 failed transfers. I’ve never had a positive test. They couldn’t possibly understand how that feels and that’s ok. But I don’t share much because 1) they don’t know what to say or 2) they say the wrong thing, because they don’t know what to say.

I don’t have much advice, I’ve found infertility communities such as this invaluable. People get it, they’re living it. How long have you been trying? Have you spoken to your GP yet and arranged tests?

@Marvellouslymadmum Fully hats off to anyone who adopts. I just don’t have the resilience for it. My childhood wasn’t rosy, lots of upset, lots of uncertainty, it’d drag up way too much. Which is why I’d consider donor if I had to - the non biological part doesn’t bother me as much, it’s everything else.

@Marvellouslymadmum @Lauralozzle
Yes had blood tests and ultrasound. Came off OCP just over 2 years ago to ttc. Had wildly irregular periods for a year or so. Bit more regular in the last 6-7 months. Also never had a positive test. But at least cycles now are 28-35 days (compared to once when it was 5 months).

So so frustrating. Doing all the usual things - normal BMI (23), tee-total, regular dtd around ovulation (getting a definite change/egg white CM), laying flat/pelvis raised with feet against a wall for a while etc.

Been referred to fertility gynae but waiting list is years.

@2023b The waiting lists are ridiculous. If the blood tests show everything is ok/you’re ovulating and you’ve had an ultrasound (internal or external?) then the next step would be HSG or hycosy to check fallopian tubes. Has your DH had sperm analysis?

Honestly, if you’re looking at years for a fertility appointment following your referral, which considering you’ve been TTC for 2 years will involve a discussion about IVF if you’re ovulating etc and no issues are found, and then there’s the IVF waiting list after that, I’d consider pushing for that referral and asking if there’s any cancellations etc. A waiting list of years just to be seen by the fertility clinic is ridiculous.

If you can afford it, it’d seriously consider private if it won’t affect any NHS criteria.

@Lauralozzle that totally makes sense! I feel like with a de I'll still have a mega strong bond with that child because I grew it and carried it - no me = no baby! Literally takes 3 to make baby and my partner said if they say we would have a better chance with donor sperm too he's ok with that! So we are fully on board and hoping to get that ball rolling next year 🤞🏻

@2023b have you read 'it starts with an egg'? It has alot if great advice re suppliments etc. has your oh had a sa too?

@Marvellouslymadmum @Lauralozzle
Just wanted to say thank you. Clearly a path you've walked down...
Is it ok if I come back a little down the line? Just going through some other (non fertility related) challenges at the moment and thinking of this as well is just a bit too much weighing me down at the moment. Thank you though and I will be back. Good luck to everyone on their journeys! (Still clinging onto a tiny bit of hope, tested neg but no period yet..)

@2023b Of course. I totally get how it’s a massive mind fuck! Good luck for the future.

@Lauralozzle there's a podcast on fertility network uk for people supporting those who are going through t which is quite good. You could send it to some friends and family and it does help their understanding x