Fertility Appointments and Beyond.... the journey continues

[Gracie2021]

New thread for us to continue our fertility clinic appointment progress...

Some of us are waiting for initial appointments, some are having tests and some are starting treatment!

@tillybabs
@thislittlebird
@kay00
@jeaniej
@PurpleUnicorn01
@paintfairy
@dogmam
@flutterby8
@Ughmaybenot
@dancingfairydreams
@beckycarlos
@jkjellyhead
@juno231
@decaffe
@bumble44
@BritinNZ
@tinkerbell098
@pinkginpls
@thedaydreambelievers
@everymumday
@wanderlust16
@lori23ttc

@thislittlebird also, some workplaces offer short term counseling through EAP if you need something faster whilst you wait for clinics/gps and to sort you out x

@thislittlebird My recommendations (from when I had bad panic attacks and horrible nightmares every night) are to put down the media (phones/mumsnet/TV even) at least an hour before bed, then spend a decent half an hour on my pre-bed routine: face creams, nice treatments, maybe a (warm not hot) bath, and lots of stretching (I also suffer with a bad back, but I think any mindfulness/yoga/meditation would do). When in bed read a calming book for 15 minutes then switch off the lights. I would also sleep with my upper body propped up a little because the sound of my heartbeat in my ears would escalate my anxiety xx

@JeanieJ when I spoke to my GP before they just told me to use the self referral service. And I’ve used it before, it’s not fast. I had to wait three months for an appointment :/ you’re right though, work’s EAP could be a quick option.

Maybe I’ll email the private clinic now and see what they say about counselling.

My dermatologist put me on antidepressants for one month some months ago to help me (I’ve had crazy, chronic eczema and skin infections since we started ttc in October 19 and I think it’s ttc stress to blame), but my GP advised against continuing them. I really wish he hadn’t, they might have been helping me right now.

Good to hear you’ve got your funding appointment lined up!

@Kay00 yeah, weirdly, I have been doing that every night I have slept after this started a week or so ago. When I’ve had boundaries around my sleep routine I’ve slept. But I have also been exhausted from not sleeping the night before. When I’ve stayed up anxiously scrolling sm etc I’ve had these problems. I’m going to read my book again tonight and leave my phone elsewhere. I was supposed to have an exercise routine this month but the lack of sleep is making it really hard already.

Sometimes I’m really angry that this has landed on me out of everyone I know. I have a shit family, no dad, my mum isn’t much of a mother, my mother figure is dead, my father figure is dead, my mum and I barely speak now, my siblings are different and distant, my life has been plagued with low key chronic illnesses, allergies, problems my family never had, my anxiety is a constant burden and I don’t feel equipped for this at all. It makes me so upset that other people I know have it all, they have good families and support networks and now they have their kids and I have this shit to deal with. Except I’m not really dealing right now, I don’t feel equipped at all. At least I have my DH, he’s all I have and I know that’s not easy for him in all this.

@thislittlebird im sorry for all you've been through and all your going through. Xx thinking of you.

Id definitely recommend councelling for anyone who is struggling which is most of us x

@PurpleUnicorn01 thanks. I feel bad complaining too because I know other people have it worse than me, but it’s hard not to feel angry that we’re landed in this stupid situation.

@thislittlebird you're going through alot, plus this stuff is traumatic. I hope you get something sorted soon ❤️

You're right though, the self referral system is slow in some areas. In my case, I was really firm with them about not wanting CBT, as I don't think I'm suited to it. Ended to getting referred to a low cost counseling service & it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I got a great therapist.
That's mad about the antidepressants - I wouldn't have connected them to skin 🤷🏻
My gp casually suggested to me that anti depressants might help me 'relax' and then conceive (I couldn't believe she said that), but fertility clinic advised against it. I've been on them before & they've helped me in bad situations, but I had side effects that would make intimacy a bit uncomfortable which is not ideal for TTC, so glad I'm not on them. Xx

@JeanieJ yeah I’ve done the cbt before and I’m not sure I need that right now. I don’t know if it would be any quicker if I pushed for therapy. How long did it take you from requesting to starting?

I’m not sure it’s a definite connection but the dermatologist basically said she’d had other patients ttc and the antidepressants helped them. The bad skin is being triggered by stress and ttc is causing the stress. Vicious circle. But then my GP said not to take more because we’re ttc 😐. It was a low dose, I didn’t have any side effects but it was only one month.

And now I’m back to wanting a dog. 😩

@thislittlebird I'm all for counselling and I really hope you get help quickly. I've used both EAP, individual therapy and couples counselling in the past and it's all been really helpful. I'm sorry you feel like this right now ♥️

@acaciabluebell ah I see, that's very frustrating!

@dogmam I missed your update earlier and I'm so so sorry for your loss. I really hope you're third time lucky and that you take good care of yourself in the run up for the next IVF cycle.

@JeanieJ @thislittlebird Id recommend someone who uses a person centered or humanistic approach. (You can ask them). CBT is like putting a plaster on the situation which is great for learning tips to cope with anxiety but won't look at deeper issues if that's what you need.

@dogmam I'm so sorry to read your update, we're all here for you x x

@thislittlebird take the others excellent advice about therapy, and my terrible advice to dooo iitttttr and get a dog! 🤣 I've tried to attach a picture of mine being cute (i.e. asleep) but it wont upload, probably for the best haha

@dogmam I’m so sorry to hear your news 😢 I hope your ok thinking of you x

@Juno231 thanks 💜 I have emailed but I haven’t heard back yet, I think they’re busy.

@PurpleUnicorn01 yeah, good description of CBT. I definitely have many deeper issues but I won’t pretend I’m entirely comfortable opening those wounds, especially right now. It’s hard.

@beckyCarlos please try harder to attach your dog photo, ma’am. I’m so torn, is this your first dog or do you have or have you had more? I had them as a kid, none of my own as an adult. There’s a little dog someone is selling near to where I live because they’re going back to work, I won’t lie when I was say I am tempted to message them. But I don’t know what we’d do with the dog during ivf appointments. As mentioned, we don’t have much of a support network and it wouldn’t have had a great deal of time to be trained.

Lets see if it works from the web rather than the app 🤞 hes our first 'real' dog (I had a GSD and a border collie as a kid, and my family have always had some sort of dog around, husky, gsd, collies etc)

There are always dog walkers ;) ours doesnt mind his own company for a few hours, we had a dogcam when he was younger and he just slept when we went out! X

Omg it worked yey! Have another one for good measure 🤣

@beckyCarlos that's well cute

@thislittlebird you don't have to go that deep if you don't want to its more of a safe space to talk. Even about your anxieties now, just like on this group. With CBT it will just be like okay heres how to fix it bye.

@dogmam so sorry to hear what happened... lots of hugs and kisses....

@beckyCarlos thanks for the cute photos! little things to start the day x

I am about to get my laparoscopy done on friday and my period is late for like 6 days, mega stressing out! And work isn't totally supportive for me to take a couple days post surgery to recover because it is busy this time of the year. argh.

@pinkginpls I'm sorry about your work, thats rubbish! X

@pinkginpls @Lori23TTC thanks ladies and thanks @Juno231 fingers crossed. Hope everything's going well with you!

@beckyCarlos thank you. Aww he's gorgeous, i had a gsd growing up and she was the most gentle thing, ive got a soft spot for them.. and I agree @thislittlebird you absolutely need to get a dog! Honestly I don't know what I'd do without mine, on my lowest lowest days I can always say at least I've got my boy, he makes me happy every day.

@pinkginpls oh no will that have an impact on your lap? Well just do what you need to do in terms of work, don't force yourself back if you feel unwell.

@thislittlebird I've never used the counseller at my clinic but they're always offering her services. I've thought about it a couple of times but never done that sort of thing before. I'm a massive introvert and the thought of speaking to someone about this even a professional makes me nervous. Having said that, a lot of people really rate them so maybe give it a go? I think it'll all be done at your pace on your terms so you can give as little or as much away as you feel comfortable with. Or maybe @PurpleUnicorn01 can give us all some sessions lol is that what you do for your full time job?

@dogmam lol yes it is indeed.

We aren't that scary. The great thing for introverts is that you can have on the phone sessions which suit people better as it can be less scary. Its the same as talking on this group. Bit like having a moan to a friend who won't judge you. We don't make you lie on a couch or take notes on a clip board lol

@beckyCarlos OMG he's gorgeous!!

@thislittlebird I don't have many people to help out with my dogs when we go away either as my mum has a kitten, my sis has a puppy and my sister in law has a baby. So I have registered with a dog sitting couple who will let my two massive hounds sleep at their house for a few nights in exchange for a few pounds, and it works brilliantly. I can assume you it will be easier finding people to help look after 1 x small dog, than two massive ones!

@dogmam I am not sure, I was hoping AF will come last week so it doesn't cross over with the lap. Also a problem that it doesn't show up!
Screw work, if I need time off I will. It's just those "I thought you said you will most likely be able to work?" kinda comment from manager that annoys me.

I have never used counselling neither but did come to mind recently. I didn't cope very well over the Christmas with all the joyous photos and social media. I would have a good sob triggered by a baby photo or something... I agree it should be done at your own pace on your own terms. I consider this thread a kind of counselling if anything! Thanks for being here for me ladies x

@dogmam I'm so very sorry for your loss and that you're back in this again. Hate that for you. Sending all the good vibes your way xxxxx

@pinkginpls sounds very complicated. The one month you actually want her to arrive. Sorry work is a struggle too. In fairness very unfair of them to be argumentative about recovery from a surgery.

@beckyCarlos omg he's absolutely gorgeous! So regal!

@thislittlebird so sorry you're going through such a tough time and have had to deal with so much. Life is very unfair sometimes and I hate that you've gone through so much. You deserve such joy in your life! Hope you're able to get some support on the therapy side. I have the names of two fertility therapists taken down and can see myself reaching out in a couple months if needed too. For now I've gone the medicate with a new dog approach and just a small word of caution about the new dog. We went and did it. She's here a week and I am absolutely exhausted! Love her to bits but she's massive work and having trouble juggling her and WFH. Still happy we went for it as I think ultimately she'll do me more good than bad over the next while but definitely more pressure and stress. On the bright side no time for boredom eating and I'm finally down two pounds. But my anxiety is way up since we got her and my sleep is awful. Also she's definitely not good for the sex life so this TSI should be interesting. Anyway don't want to be a downer as they're fab but definitely not all roses!

@JeanieJ great news about your IVF funding app. Hope it goes quickly for you.

@Kay00 have you decided about sharing your IVF? Saw your mention debating it down the thread a bit. I'm telling my boss in work this week. Just feel it'll be easier.

Just organizing my final TSI and IVF prep apps for January. Have my viral screening and TSI scan on 10th then IVF consult on 20th and IVF to start on 30th. Getting very real now.

@Gracie2021 My current thinking is that I'll tell HR in work as I get 5 x day IVF leave (amazing, I know!). I'm hoping it can just be added to my holiday allowance in the system otherwise I suppose I'll need to tell my boss (which I'd rather not do).

I'm thinking I might tell my mum, sister and maybe a couple of my closest friends, but I might not tell them the dates things are happening, as I don't want them to ask for lots of updates. But I'm so torn... I don't want to get my mums hopes up.

Amazing to get the days leave @Kay00 my work has nothing so going to struggle to work up the time with the new pup here. I've decided to tell my mam and my bestie the exact dates and no one else. Although my friend in work that I've told will have a fair idea when I'm going offline for all the appointments.... same as you on the mum front. Mine is just so rooting for me and know she'll be gutted if it's bad....

@kay00 they're so beautiful! (Because I talk to my dog like hes a semi-human) I call them Skinny Bois when we see one (in comparison to my fur machine) but they always look so gentle and kind and graceful 🥰