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Conception

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Original poster

How old is too old to have a baby?

75 replies

BabyBearRus · 08/10/2021 01:52

Longing for another baby. I'm 48 years old. Had my children (aged 2 & 8) - me, aged 40 & 46. Anyone else had a late healthy baby? (Am I just being a selfish person for wanting just one more baby?)

OP posts:
AllMonthLong · 08/10/2021 01:57

I don’t think 48 is ‘too old’ in any sort of judgemental way (although brace yourself for posters telling you it’s ridiculously selfish of you to even consider!). But the likelihood of conceiving at 48 is low, I would think. Even after having a baby at 46. Are you planning on fertility treatment or donor eggs etc?

Aquamarine1029 · 08/10/2021 02:06

Statistically, it would be very unusual for you to conceive naturally and remain pregnant at 48, but then my great grandma did so at 49 and had her last baby at 50.

That being said, if I were you, I would be very concerned about the possibility of significant birth defects and how a disabled child would impact you and your existing children. The fact remains that the risk of serious birth defects is much, much higher at your age. If it were me, I'd be thankful for the children I have, stop at two, and enjoy watching them grow up.

Original poster
BabyBearRus · 08/10/2021 02:17

Thank you for your posts. I know it is a long shot. I think I'm feeling broody because my friend has just had a baby in her mid forties. Just as I did. I think we both felt it was the last chance for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyBearRus · 08/10/2021 02:20

P.s. my grandmother was 51 years old with her last - my dad. Not saying it's right (especially as my dad was only 25 when he had me).

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyBearRus · 08/10/2021 02:25

Aquamarine absolutely, I don't know how we would cope as a family with a disabled child...but obviously would embrace whatever we would be blessed with. But yes, it certainly makes me think about things.

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 08/10/2021 02:30

45 or over, I think.
I wouldn't, if I were you.

ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 05:32

I think it's generally considered pretty selfish these days to deliberately have more than two kids, due to climate issues, whatever your age.

Youcancallmeval · 08/10/2021 05:47

48 may be a great age for you, it would not be a great age for me. Your choices would be largely dictated by biology anyway, but it is entirely up to you. I'm a similar age and it would be a hell no for me for many reasons.

JudgementalCactus · 08/10/2021 05:57

@Aquamarine1029

Statistically, it would be very unusual for you to conceive naturally and remain pregnant at 48, but then my great grandma did so at 49 and had her last baby at 50.

That being said, if I were you, I would be very concerned about the possibility of significant birth defects and how a disabled child would impact you and your existing children. The fact remains that the risk of serious birth defects is much, much higher at your age. If it were me, I'd be thankful for the children I have, stop at two, and enjoy watching them grow up.

That being said, if I were you, I would be very concerned about the possibility of significant birth defects and how a disabled child would impact you and your existing children. The fact remains that the risk of serious birth defects is much, much higher at your age.

This! What is it that a third child would give you that your first two don't already and it this risk worth it to you?

I wouldn't do it personally, but I think women should be allowed to make such choices for themselves without judgement and pressure.

miltonj · 08/10/2021 06:11

@ThirdElephant

I think it's generally considered pretty selfish these days to deliberately have more than two kids, due to climate issues, whatever your age.
I don't think that's how the majority of people think!! Hmm
Jerrysgonnabeacableboy · 08/10/2021 06:16

For me, 41 is pushing it and 45 would be a very hard cutoff. I can't fathom doing it at 48!

However that is just me and not you.

Keepitrealnomists · 08/10/2021 06:19

Your feeling broody, I don't think that feeling goes away it just becomes less and less over time. Realistically becoming pregnant at 48 in unlikely. Enjoy the children you have.

Keepitrealnomists · 08/10/2021 06:20

My cut off is 40, I'm 38 now and wouldn't want more children after 40, although it's personal preference.

Thatsplentyjack · 08/10/2021 06:24

Well, can you imagine being 60 with a 12, 14 and 20 year old?

ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 06:27

I don't think that's how the majority of people think

Seems to be on here at least. Go on a 'Should I have a third child?' thread and take a look. Of course, having any baby at all is always selfish- you do it for yourself, not anyone else, whether it's your first or your fifteenth- so I don't hold much with the whole, 'a third is selfish' idea, but it does seem to be a thing.

Jk987 · 08/10/2021 06:40

The sleepless nights would put me off and the worry about miscarriage or problems with baby if I were to get pregnant. There's nothing wrong with though if you're still able to fall pregnant.

LublinToDublin · 08/10/2021 06:46

It sounds like you have a happy and healthy family of 2 dc. Statistically you have beaten the odds to be in that position given your age when you had your babies (I had my dd at nearly 43 so not anti 'older' mums). Having a third at 49 (as you are 48 now and not pregnant) seems like a risk too far for me. Your risk of miscarriage is sadly much higher and that can impact the family so much as well as the increased possibility of disability.

peoniesandpastels · 08/10/2021 06:47

I think one person's 48 isn't the same as another's. Only you know your circumstances, your energy levels, and your overall health, so what other people think is a bit irrelevant. I personally wouldn't do it because I have back problems and joint hypermobililty, and struggled being pregnant at 29 and now at 31. You might be much fitter than me!

There is an increased incidence of health issues in children born to older mothers, but I think you would need to look at the statistics to decide if you were personally comfortable with the risk if you were able to conceive.

JapanJetplane · 08/10/2021 06:48

When I just read your title and hadn’t seen your age I thought to myself ‘anything over 45, probably’.

Loving parents having another baby isn’t itself problematic, and I don’t think there is necessarily a huge difference between 45 and 48. But there are lots of considerations you’ll want to think about.

When your youngest is 18 you will be 66 / 67. Do you feel comfortable offering the high level of support teenagers need in your late sixties? My mum is currently 60 and while she’s very fit and active, I can’t imagine her having the inclination or energy to full-time parent a teenager. She’s also quite far removed from the ‘culture’ of youth now - she would find a teenager hard to relate to.

From a financial perspective - if your children go to university, will you be able to financially support them from your pension? Will you have to carry on working? Are you happy to do that?

It’s very unlikely you would conceive naturally at 48 - have you factored in the cost of IVF?

Could you care for a disabled child? Your risk of disabilities is much higher. Have you thought about the impact this might have on your existing children? How would a profoundly disabled teen / young adult be cared for when you are in your 60s / 70s.

Could you cope if it was twins?

Ultimately, babies bring joy and love. But in your case there are also a lot of risks, and you have two existing kids to think about. Personally, I wouldn’t do it. It would be too great a risk for me, and my priority would be my existing children.

jclm · 08/10/2021 06:52

@Thatsplentyjack

Well, can you imagine being 60 with a 12, 14 and 20 year old?
Older dads do it without a second thought.
chocolateorangeinhaler · 08/10/2021 06:56

So how at 50+ will you cope with the family
You have plus a toddler creating havoc. Just read the posts on here from 20 something women who are about to have a mental breakdown over one toddler child.

Do you just want to have a baby just because your friend is? Is there an element of jealousy creeping in that if she can have one you want one too? No reason to even try if that's the case.

Are you worried that by the time this baby becomes 40 you could well be dead through old age.

Buy a dog or cat if you want something to care for. They love you unconditionally and don't answer back.

Sunseeker90 · 08/10/2021 06:56

Its a personal choice really. But it does impact others, I would be thinking of my other 2 kids and as I hit 50 with a 2 4 and 10 year old Would i really be able to give All of these little kids the patience time and enerygy they need? Id be thinking "peri" or "menopause" and the symptoms they come with would make me want headspace not 3 little kids.

Its your choice. My personal cut off was 30!! Which I know is young by todays standards but everyone has to do what's right by them. Only you can make the choice but it would be too old for me

Twizbe · 08/10/2021 06:58

Someone always mentions older dads....

Men do not go through the pregnancy, birth or breastfeeding. Their bit of baby making is arguably easier.

Men having babies later in life, tend to do it with younger women. That makes a big difference.

LublinToDublin · 08/10/2021 06:58

My mum is currently 60 and while she’s very fit and active, I can’t imagine her having the inclination or energy to full-time parent a teenager. She’s also quite far removed from the ‘culture’ of youth now - she would find a teenager hard to relate to.

I just wanted to point out that as a parent you get exposed to "teen culture" as your child becomes a teen. So my experience and connection as an almost 60 year old with a just 17 year old, will be very different from your mum's experience as a 60 year old with adult dc.

JapanJetplane

Fetchthevet · 08/10/2021 06:59

"But obviously would embrace whatever we workers blessed with"

You might think this now, but when faced with the reality of knowing the child you are carrying is actually disabled, your feelings may change. Sorry to be so negative, but honestly having a child with extra needs is not easy, and can change things quite profoundly. Whatever you decide, good luck.