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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

How old is too old to have a baby?

75 replies

BabyBearRus · 08/10/2021 01:52

Longing for another baby. I'm 48 years old. Had my children (aged 2 & 8) - me, aged 40 & 46. Anyone else had a late healthy baby? (Am I just being a selfish person for wanting just one more baby?)

OP posts:

FartNRoses · 09/10/2021 08:49

Personally, at 48, I would put all the energy I had into the children I already have.

Original poster

BabyBearRus · 10/10/2021 02:55

Thanks so much for your posts. Yes most of you are right. I am so thankful for my two kids , conceived aginst the odds considering my age. I wonder if it is a feeling that I am coming towards the end of my fertile years that I yearn for another.

OP posts:

Original poster

BabyBearRus · 10/10/2021 03:06

My husband thinks that had we started trying for babies in our twenties, we would have likely had stopped at two. So, is this why I am flailing around as I feel this is the last chance of saloon due to my age rather than a genuine desire for another child.

OP posts:

Original poster

BabyBearRus · 10/10/2021 03:10

Who misses the feeling of a newborn in their arms? Ah that newborn smell 😍

OP posts:

DriftingBlue · 10/10/2021 03:14

I’m 48 and had a missed period. Figured it was peri-menopause, was sure it was that, but as the weeks dragged on figured I should do a pregnancy test just to be safe. When I brought it home I told DH that if it was positive there would be no discussion, i would be ringing for a termination. He agreed there was no dilemma. For me at 48 and most of the women I know, 48 is too old. I am sure there are exceptions who could handle it, but I would think about the impact on your existing children if the pregnancy and infant years do take their toll.

Original poster

BabyBearRus · 10/10/2021 03:58

DriftingBlue so sorry that you had to face such a dilemma. Was it positive? Was there any possibility you'd go ahead with a pregnancy. My second ( at 46 was a happy accident.... never regretted). Hope you are okay 🙏

OP posts:

DriftingBlue · 10/10/2021 04:06

Sorry, I thought I was clear in my post but I guess not. It wasn’t positive. If it had been, there would have been no turmoil, I am simply not healthy enough to handle a pregnancy at 48.

Poppets14 · 10/10/2021 04:37

I’m nearly 35 and I feel too old to have a second baby. I had my first at 27 and wish I’d had my first earlier than that.
It’s my personal opinion because my parents had me in their 40s. As I grew up they ended up relying on me so much. My dad died while I was in my 20s. My mum relies so much on me now and it’s hard when I’m looking after my own child and a parent.
I’m going to be young and not have any parents and it heart breaking.
It gave me very bad anxiety growing up as I was always aware my parents were older than everyone else’s and always worried they were going to die. I still have that anxiety about my mother and I’m only 35.

It comes from my own experience but for me personally I wouldn’t have one over 30

morecheeseplz · 10/10/2021 04:39

My mum had me at 41 and I absolutely hated when she would meet me after school. Love her now though she is my best friend!

Moonbabysmum · 10/10/2021 08:39

Ordinarily I'd say its perhaps a bit too old, but you'll be parenting a teenager well into your 60s as it is, so doing that for another 3 years by having a third isn't really going to change much for you. You know what a pregnancy in your mid 40s is like already, you know how your body is standing uo to the sleep deprivation, and the running round after a toddler.

If you only had your 8yo, I'd think you were being a bit optimistic, but you are barely out of the baby stage with your youngest.

I wouldn't judge you. The reality is its unlikely to happen, but you could try and see, and if it happens, fab, if it doesn't, well you gave it a shot but it wasn't meant to be. I wouldn't go down the ivf route etc though, and would just see if it happened naturally.

Indoctro · 10/10/2021 08:52

@BabyBearRus

Longing for another baby. I'm 48 years old. Had my children (aged 2 & 8) - me, aged 40 & 46. Anyone else had a late healthy baby? (Am I just being a selfish person for wanting just one more baby?)

Yes you are there is no reason to have more than 2 kids in this world with such a uncertain future. Concentrate on the kids you have.

Indoctro · 10/10/2021 08:53

@miltonj I think you will find it is how most people think, it's extremely selfish to have large families in 2021 when the planet is in turmoil.

Availableforbaking · 10/10/2021 08:54

For me personally, 40 is the limit.
I think you’re too old tbh. Especially as you already have DC. I’d feel more sympathetic I suppose to someone still trying for a much wanted only child.

Shelddd · 10/10/2021 08:57

@ThirdElephant

I think it's generally considered pretty selfish these days to deliberately have more than two kids, due to climate issues, whatever your age.

That's not how things work. There is an American documentary that covers this it's called Idiocracy.

That's what happens when intelligent thoughtful people don't breed while the lowest IQ people out there are having 8-10 babies.

twirlinginthesnow · 10/10/2021 09:00

Well I am 37 with a 3 and a 5 year old.

I am knackered. And I'm 11 years younger than you (in general good health) I have only just got to the point where my youngest sleeps really reliably, I am more of a referee than a mum at this stage. One of mine has autism too so that makes it harder.

No way would I entertain any more children - at my age. I am assuming you'd only have one more too, so you'd have to be their whole entertainment rather than then having a playmate in a sibling (unless you got twins!).

Don't do it, enjoy your existing children. Newborn smell and cuddles are lovely yes. The birth, recovery, feeding, sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, toilet training, etc etc etc are not so much

miltonj · 10/10/2021 16:13

[quote Indoctro]@miltonj I think you will find it is how most people think, it's extremely selfish to have large families in 2021 when the planet is in turmoil. [/quote]
Not my experience of talking to friends, family and acquaintances at all. Maybe on Mumsnet, and also in certain social circles and places in the country, but I think 'most people' is a massive stretch.

Nsky · 10/10/2021 16:23

Went through severe menopause at 45, you could find menopause after birth, horrible to deal with both

headlock · 10/10/2021 16:28

I was early 40s when I had my second. Obviously everyone is different but I find it very tiring.
At 49, menopause is quite possibly around the corner and you don't know how it will affect you.
Also, it depends on extended family. Not so much regarding support from them, rather than them needing support from you in their old age. This can have such an impact on family life.
I love my kids but I do wish I had them younger.
Good luck whatever you decide or whatever fate brings you.

legalseagull · 10/10/2021 16:38

I'm 36 with two small toddlers. I can't imagine going through this at almost 50. I also don't think it's fair on the child. Putting in bluntly, you're greatly increasing the chances of leaving a young child / teenager without a mum.
Also - menopause could be horrific with a toddler on you!

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 10/10/2021 18:25

I have a friend who had her last at almost 49 - naturally conceived and perfectly healthy. Chance of miscarriage is very high but I say if you want to try and your DH is on board, why not? I'm 45 with a 10 month old - been knackered for 20 years anyway as she's our 9th 🤣 Plenty of people adopt in their 50s nowadays so I don't think age is particularly a problem. Staying fit and healthy is important imo. I make sure I keep very fit and hopefully healthy - don't drink, never smoked, almost vegan (vegetarian for 33 yrs) have the body fat percentage of an athlete and BMI under 20.

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 10/10/2021 18:30

She’s also quite far removed from the ‘culture’ of youth now - she would find a teenager hard to relate to

I didn’t know any parents could relate to teenagers

Tailendofsummer · 10/10/2021 18:35

I wouldn't, as I would view it as pushing my luck in terms of having a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby. (and I did have a child in my early 40s, so not anti having babies later)

RedMarauder · 10/10/2021 18:46

@BabyBearRus

Who misses the feeling of a newborn in their arms? Ah that newborn smell 😍

Mmmm nope.

JaninaDuszejko · 10/10/2021 19:00

@ThirdElephant

I think it's generally considered pretty selfish these days to deliberately have more than two kids, due to climate issues, whatever your age.

If the OP had had 2 DC in her early 20s then those children could well now be parents themselves and she could have 6 descendants alive all consuming resources. Because she delayed parenthood she has 2 who won't be reproducing for decades yet. Repeated generations having children young produces more consumers than delaying parenthood.

VinoBianca · 10/10/2021 19:21

Gosh, I really get the longing and had my babies in my forties too. But I'd be so anxious about something going wrong, I barely got through my last one I was so frightened. That alone would stop me taking the plunge I think. Plus already being so exhausted!

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