How old is too old to have a baby?

[BabyBearRus]

Longing for another baby. I'm 48 years old. Had my children (aged 2 & 8) - me, aged 40 & 46. Anyone else had a late healthy baby? (Am I just being a selfish person for wanting just one more baby?)

"Whatever we were blessed with" that should say!

My friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17.
Wouldn't be my choice.

I'm 41 with two DC and I feel too old. I'd never consider having another.

But I understand exactly how you feel. I do still feel broody sometimes, sad the baby days are over, sad I won't be pregnant again, sad I'll never have a daughter.

I actually hated being pregnant though, especially with DS2. I also found the baby stages very hard, especially with DS1. I know what I miss is a fairytale and not reality.

jclm older dads probably don't do the donkey work of child rearing, nor are left with them when relationships fail.

My Dsibs and I lost a parent when we were comparatively young. This is what I think of when the subject of very mature parents comes up. Certain illnesses increase in prevalence as we age. I also think that ageing isn't easy to get our heads around until it is actually happening to us in an impactful way; including the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause. Ageing can seem like a quite remote thing until it starts to happen quite quickly.
At nearly 50, your DC are likely to be needing to start factoring the needs of their elderly mother into their lives in their 30s as opposed to their 40s or 50s. If I think back to how my life was unfolding in my 30s, I wouldn't want to land that responsibility on my DC.
And I do agree with the PP who mentioned the climate. It probably depends on where you are and who you know, but I definitely hear people, both socially and in my workplace, deciding against a third child (as well as "no more than one", or even any children at all) on climate grounds. It definitely is a thing, and I think they're sensible and responsible.

To me 48 is far too old. Very much increased risk of things going wrong. Enjoy the children you have.

40 was always my cut off. In my mind, I would have been too old after that and the risk of serious disability for the child is so much higher.

Yes ‘we would embrace whatever we would be blessed with’ is trite and suggests ignorance of the challenges for DC with additional needs, and parents (and siblings).

You’ll be able to find stats on various risks, eg miscarriage, DC having health problems or disability.

Lots of us have fewer DC than we’d ideally have liked for fertility or other reasons.

Early 40s, at a push - for both sexes.

Risk of disability
Birth risks
Care being potentially lumbered on quite young people
Financial support through uni/equivalent

And frankly just my own projections about my desire to have my life back .

I think 48 is too old. Had my last at 39 and tbh that's been a struggle at times.

For me I'd say about 36-38 would be my cut off. It's a personal one, as my grandmother had my mother late in life, and my mother was in her 40's when my grandmother was in her 90s, and DGM got very upset when talking to me about having children soon (I was late teens at the time) so she would get to see her great-grandchildren. DM gently told her off, explaining that she can't have her cake and eat it, by having kids later in life then complain when her children and grandchildren don't have them in their early 20s!

I had my last at 30 and was absolutely shattered (whereas the first ones in my twenties were a breeze). I wouldn’t even entertain it now and I’m 44.

The risks of a disability and worries about being able to support them longer term (through studies) would worry me too much. My eldest is nearly 20-skint at uni, and I can up my hours to support them monthly. If you’re 68, what would that look like?

A preschooler in my 50s? I’d rather be childless- honestly to be that old a parent at the school gates, the early mornings- god no! Embrace the children you have, most people love a baby but to have more children at 48 baffles me.

I would caution you about the menopause which you will be facing very shortly… not from the perspective of fertility but just general wellness and mood. I’m 51 and although still have periods as regular as clockwork have suffered horribly with low mood, tiredness, irritability and brain fog etc. I’m not sure I’d want to add a small child into that particular mix. Obviously women go through those issues irrespective of the ages of their children but you can at least send older children out to play ( leave you alone ) for a while. The years from 48 to now have been significant for me in that respect.

Aquamarine has said what I was going to say. In an ideal world I'd have had a 3rd, but circumstances weren't great. It sounds like you have a very happy little family with your 2 dcs. Another healthy pregnancy and baby is by no means guaranteed at your age. So many things potential spanners that could enter the works and really alter the direction of your lives.

Had my last at 39, DH was 48.
Honestly, I think around 35 is a decent cut off for women. I worry that I won't be around for the kids as long as I'd like (obviously true at any age but risks increase). The baby stage is fine, it's after that when you are running around doing after school activities, juggling dinner blah, blah...it sucks the life out of you.
I see younger parents and how much energy they have and I'd like some of that too!
If I had my time over again I'd have had the kids much younger, but hind sight is a wonderful thing.
But as many PP have said, it's you who counts and how you feel.

@ womantaken
At nearly 50, your DC are likely to be needing to start factoring the needs of their elderly mother into their lives in their 30s as opposed to their 40s or 50s. If I think back to how my life was unfolding in my 30s, I wouldn't want to land that responsibility on my DC.
Why is it necessarily so much worse in your 30s than 40s or 50’s? You’re an independent adult at all those ages. Surely it is down to individual experience both in terms of other responsibilities / how much support parents need? My parents both died when I was quite young before I had kids. Is that necessarily worse than my friend currently dealing with a veer dependent mother in her late 50s while she herself has health problems, a full time job and an adult dc who needs a lot of support?

@miltonj

I don't think that's how the majority of people think

Agreed but I think the attitude is changing especially with high profile campaigners like David Attenborough recommending families have fewer children. Having one less child is probably the single biggest thing you can do to reduce your environmental impact.

My cut off was 40 personally but I know a couple of people who’ve had babies in their late 40s naturally and everything was fine. Things like energy levels are so variable from person to person - there are so many 50-something parents out there who look after themselves and are plenty energetic enough to look after young children

It's not just the age you have the baby though is it? I had mine at 41 and that was fine but I'm almost mid fifties now and with DD entering puberty it's tiring.
I think if you're rich and can buy in lots of help it might be different.

@jclm

Older dads do it without a second thought.

Realistically though the woman does the lions share and are usually much younger

As I'm sure you already know, as soon as you conceive there's always something you will be judged negatively for! (Especially on mumsnet!)

As a mum, society (mumsnet) will judge you for being too old, too young, too poor, too rich, working too much, not working at all, breastfeeding, formula feeding, having too many kids, not having enough kids etc etc etc.

It seems to me that you really can't win. So, if you want to have another child and so does your partner, go for it. All power to you!

Arctic, thank you for your comment. Maybe my reservations reflect my personal experience. I was a carer for my terminally ill parent in my 20s, as was my DSib. It just meant that I made different priorities than I would otherwise have done, and they did not necessarily serve me long term, as, at a time when many of my peers were making strategic long term career decisions, pursuing further study, moving for work and really doubling down professionally (or just having a care-free brilliant time), I totally prioritised being with and caring for my parent. I wouldn't have had it any other way, and I'm glad I was able to be there. But I also feel like it was a big responsibility at a young age. Being a carer in ones 30s feels similary heavy; many have young DC at this age and are steeped in caring responsibilities anyway.
Now in my late 40s, with my DC older and possessing some degree of independence, the thought of stepping up and increasingly supporting my remaining parent feels more in line with the natural order of things.

Hi OP

Is this your hormones talking? I think it's totally natural to have these feelings. But not practical. Im sure the feelings will pass

You have two healthy kids. Dont push your luck.