Received dream job offer and now the news that we may not be able to conceive naturally

[anniz91]

Hi

I am starting my new job soon within a university (which is basically my dream job that I have been working towards for the past years), I have failed so many interviews and have now received an offer.

It couldn't have gone more perfect until me and my husband decided to go for a fertility test (just to see how we are both doing in that department). We were planning on a family next year. Of course the consultation wasn't what we both were expecting. I am fine but my partner (male) is not. My partner has a suspected blockage which prevents his cells from passing through. The semen analysis done showed no sperm cells.

To confirm, we went for a second opinion and they gave us two different stories.

Long story short, experts have told us to try 1) naturally now ( see what happens as per second opinion) 2) go for IVF if further tests show there is definitely no cells present in the next semen analysis .

My problem is I am in a situation where I know I have no choice but to try for a baby now. I am not sure where this puts me in terms of my new job employment. IF we cannot conceive naturally I would have to go through IVF which I know is not easy.

I have no idea where to go from here, do I even go for this job... 1) I probably won't receive a maternity package, 2) I may not come back to a job after maternity leave if they don't keep the position for me...3) the probation period is one year how would that affect me if I do fall pregnant during that time? 4) Would the employment keep my position for me if I get pregnant during the probation

I am really lost and would appreciate some advise if anyone was in this position ..

@Fernando072020

I was in a similar position to you. I had a job I LOVED in a team I loved. They gave me a temporary contract and in that year, we found out about my DH's Male factor infertility (we'd been trying for 2 years after a MMC with no success). My job then gave me another temp contract, two years. I knew if we waited, there was a chance my husband's sperm could decreased more.

I chose IVF and a family over the job. I was fortunate enough to get pregnant on our first go. I told my job I'd love to rreturn after and continue. They were really happy with me and told me to stay in touch. They also knew the truth about our fertility issues in the end. They didn't take me back and gave the Person covering me my promised permanent contract. To say I was gutted is an understatement. And I can't do anhtbing without landing a very good friend in the shit (as she knows they didn't hire me back because of my son)

And yet, I wouldn't change it. Now that my son is here, he is worth ten times that job and I'm ridiculously happy with the decision I made! You need to work out what's more important to you, there's no wrong anseer but there very well may be a choice

Are you saying that they let you go after finding out you were pregnant? Or are you stating that you didn't go for your extended contract that they offered you?

You need to calm down, you're only 30 and it could take more than one round of IVF to be successful (I conceived via ICSI). Go for the job.

At the minute yes there is tension mainly because we both have differing viewpoints about this...I am going to look into counselling

Really glad to hear that. It is helpful just to get everything out without worrying about what the other person might say because you are "protected" by the therapy setting. It sounds like you are not feeling very heard by him at the moment.

I signed a two year temporary contract in 2019. They promised me a permanent contract if the person I was covering didn't come back, to start August 2021. They told me in May this year that the team was full so can't offer me my promised contract. I pushed this further and they outright lied to me, saying an old employee had decided to come back full time.
I have a very good friend working at the same place who told me they gave my promised contract to my cover because I'd had a baby. It sucks. It might not happen to you. I know I'm just one case but I was very upset to have been discriminated against because I had my baby. It is what it is and now I'm spending the next year at home with my son but it sucks all the same as I loved my job.

I think you're spot on with going what the urologist said, rather than the fertility clinic. From my experience fertility clinics focus too much on female fertility issues and are often too vague about male fertility issues. Really they should look at men and women simultaneously
We have fertility issues and have been trying for over 3 years. Despite 2 rounds of IVF so there are no guarantees. If we had not taken any personal or work opportunities then the situation would be even worse. Plus there is a lead in to surgical retrieval and / or IVF, it's not as if you decide one day and it all starts the next day. Not sure why your MIL is sticking her nose in, it's between you and your husband

@Opus17

I signed a two year temporary contract in 2019. They promised me a permanent contract if the person I was covering didn't come back, to start August 2021. They told me in May this year that the team was full so can't offer me my promised contract. I pushed this further and they outright lied to me, saying an old employee had decided to come back full time. I have a very good friend working at the same place who told me they gave my promised contract to my cover because I'd had a baby. It sucks. It might not happen to you. I know I'm just one case but I was very upset to have been discriminated against because I had my baby. It is what it is and now I'm spending the next year at home with my son but it sucks all the same as I loved my job.

That's absolutely awful! I'm sorry that this happened to you.

I hope you have taken it further maybe legally?

I hope my new employment isn't turning out to be like that although I made sure it is a permanent contract. There shouldn't be so much stigma on working moms!

@EL8888

I think you're spot on with going what the urologist said, rather than the fertility clinic. From my experience fertility clinics focus too much on female fertility issues and are often too vague about male fertility issues. Really they should look at men and women simultaneously We have fertility issues and have been trying for over 3 years. Despite 2 rounds of IVF so there are no guarantees. If we had not taken any personal or work opportunities then the situation would be even worse. Plus there is a lead in to surgical retrieval and / or IVF, it's not as if you decide one day and it all starts the next day. Not sure why your MIL is sticking her nose in, it's between you and your husband

Yes I think the storm has settled a little. We are waiting for the new test results from the urologist rather than fertility clinic, and see where that goes. If the results are the same we will consider going through IVF...