Boyfriend has asked to try for a baby

[Jod3009]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. We don't live together but he's asked if we can try for a baby! I'm not currently on any contraception due to it not agreeing with me and I'm not against us having a baby - I'm overthinking it all if I'm honest! Like the having to move away from my family and having a newborn scares me! All I'll want is my mum to help etc. What's everyone's thoughts or has anyone even been in this position

Anyone who uses the term ‘baby daddy’ shouldn’t have children.

I was expecting you to be a younger age , you sound quite naive.

If you are afraid of offending him do not have a baby together. A baby can challenge even a solid relationship.

At least move in and see if you are compatible living together.

You don’t sound like you overthink. You’re not using contraception. That’s not a big thinking move.

Please find a contraceptive solution that works for you both. Then you can consider whether your relationship is at the stage of committing to live together. Then you can think about the finances and practicalities of a child in the future.

I don’t think you can EVER overthink having a baby. It’s a huge commitment.

Also, you sound very childish saying you can’t move in with him yet because of his decor choices.

@BluebellsGreenbells

Anyone who uses the term ‘baby daddy’ shouldn’t have children.

And yeah ‘baby daddy’ 🤮

I scoffed so loud when I read your post OP that you probably heard it wherever you happen to be at this moment. Has he made any commitment to you? Talked about marriage, sharing finances, planning for retirement together? Are you making joint real estate plans, consulting one another before making any big career choices? Most of those need to come well before the topic of let’s make a baby even gets raised.

No way.

And certainly not without being married first.

He needs to commit to you first. Properly, not just 'being engaged' but actually being married.
He's abandoned one child, essentially, already! That's a red flag.

No way.
I actually thought you were a lot younger OP but regardless, having a baby without living together first (for more than 5 minutes) is not a good idea. In fact, it would be quite irresponsible and I'd judge anyone suggesting it tbh.

We've spoke about it but it's his flat and I'd want to change sooooooooo many things but I'm afraid I'd offend him

You’re afraid you’d offend him if you changed his flat, but you’re ok with him changing your life forever? Okaaay!
I’d not be having a baby with some guy I don’t live with, who has no plans to marry me and whom I’m too afraid of offending if I told him I want to paint the dining room and add a throw to the sofa.

do not breed with this man

Your op makes you sound about 19 not 32!

Do not do it.

I didn't see anyone telling you it would be a good idea here.

You’re 32

@Jod3009 "I just read into things soooo much"

We suggest you read into it a bit more. This is stupid. You have never lived together. You are not married so you have no financial protection and worse still you are not using contraception. Utterly irresponsible.

And saying "I do want him as my baby daddy" makes it sounds like you are 18.

Any man suggestion having a baby in such circumstances isn't a keeper

Babies are hard work! They add a whole new level of complication into relationships. This tiny all powerful being, who always comes first and who you love beyond measure, thru star even the most sturdy of relationships, no matter how much they were wanted.

Give yourselves the strongest foundation before you start to build your lives together, or like the house built on sand, it will all come crashing down with the first wave.

Marry, love together, work on your home as a team, build a positive relationship with your DSC. Then, if and when you are all happy start adding to your family.

I personally think the is is a decision you should definitely over think. Bringing a child into the world is not something to do on a whim. It's a life long commitment and if you and your boyfriend don't last then he will be in your life for a very long time too. I would suggest you try living together first. I think you don't really know someone properly until you live with them and see how they handle stress, loss of sleep, sickness etc. Don't just do it because he wants to

You do not sound remotely ready to have a baby.

You don't want to live with him because you're worried you'd offend him by wanting to change lots of things in his flat but you'll have a baby with him and move in with him. will you not be moving into his flat if pregnant then? Why would having a baby mean you wouldn't want to make changes?

You are not being sensible here. Not at all.

What kind of father is he to his existing child? Does he pay decent child support on time and without resentment? Does he speak respectfully to and about his child's mother? Is he a fully involved parent? Does he have his child regularly and do all parenting properly?

Why are you worried about offending him? Why can't you talk to him about what you'd want to change?

How do you know what he'd be like living with? Would he pull his weight in the home or would he expect you to be the maid?

Have you discussed finances? Are you happy with whatever agreement you have? Is it fair?

And please stop with the baby daddy talk. It's ridiculous.

@Jod3009 or @jod3009 - please, whatever you do, nail down your contraception until you grow up! You are not ready to have anyone's baby, and your boyfriend ('baby-daddy'....... WTF??) is not someone you'd want to have a baby with.

I'm 32 and he's 35 - has a kid from a previous relationship so he knowswhat he'd be getting into*

But he's not with the child's mother. Why is that?

Well if this post is real then you need to grow up quick op.
My dd is late 20's, lived with her dp for 6 years and has now married because in the next 2 years they hope to have dc.
And when/if it happens my dsil will be a father not a baby daddy!

@Purpoole

With all due respect, If you’re scared to offend him with THAT question then you know this is not a very good idea.

This 100%.

@IndecentCakes

I'm going to sound very old-fashioned, but I strongly suggest the approach of no marriage, no children.

This.

Do NOT just have unprotected sex and "see what happens". What happens could completely ruin your life unless you are extremely wealthy.

I agree with all the PP that you need to do a lot of thinking and ask questions about the previous woman who he impregnated and is no longer with. This could be a "vanity project" of his, just spreading his seed so he can be proud of all the "mini-me's" he's created.

You seem flattered that he wants a baby with you. Don't be! If he was an honourable, decent man he'd propose marriage FIRST.

If its something you want to consider, then lay down your own conditions, that you want to move in together first.
Close to your parents.

UNtil you live together full time you don't really know each other well enough to think of having babies.

The fact you DONT live together shows one or both of you is not fully committed to the other and has other priorities.