Immune/NK cells - pred thread 28

[myrainbowjourney]

Hi Ladies

New thread 🥰

If you comment to hold your place. I'll try and tag as many as I can xxx

I've just had the most stressful and upsetting couple of hours. I chased my results earlier this week but heard nothing. So after lots of ringing round, I managed to get hold of someone. She called me back and said the results had been back since December?? I did question this but she was certain and said we sent a letter. I asked for the results to be emailed but said can you tell me anything? She said yes, chromosomally healthy boy. It absolutely floored me. Called dh at work to tell him. Got the email and she's sent the report from my 2020 loss 💔 it upset me as its obviously the wrong one. But the report also says ask the parents what they want us to do with the remains. But we filled in a form to ask for sympathetic disposal (which is grim in itself) but now I'm worried they didn't do as we asked. I'm so upset.

Also, where is this baby and the report? She said she'd follow it up for me but I don't have much faith 😢😢

Oh @VenusStarr I am so so sorry. What a rollercoaster of emotions that must have been. I can't imagine how you must be feeling but I felt a little kick in the gut reading it, so please feel able to express any emotion you need, and if you want to vent here, please do.

Have you spoken to them again since they emailed the results? I'd be onto them and insistent that they chase it up immediately. They can't just put you through that and then leave you to it.

Definitely try and find out when these results will come through, they can't leave you hanging forever. And if you can manage it, also ask about what they did with your little boy. It's the least they can do to let you know. It's so so poor they have done this. I'm so sorry ❤️❤️. Biggest hugs to you xxx

Thank you @myrainbowjourney 😢❤️ I spoke to someone in pals this afternoon who was very kind. She said she is going to see if the lab can release my recent baby's results. She also said she's going to ask them to look into my boy's report and get some clarity on what happened.
I just keep bursting into tears. I managed to finish work and did a workout and initially felt a bit lighter. But I'm just sat on the sofa with my cats crying again. This is so hard. I got my period again today as well and it's getting quite painful. Only a 22 day cycle this month.

When I initially got the results verbally, although I was really upset, I felt abit of relief that we could book in with Dr S and at least talk about a possible plan. It's like purgatory 💔

Thank you for letting me talk.

How are you getting on? ❤️ Xxx

@VenusStarr I'm glad you are getting support, hopefully she will get some answers quickly.

I'm really not surprised you keep crying. It's a lot to deal with. And I can also understand that there would have been some relief so you can book your next appointment. Hopefully it won't be long now.

Please always talk. You can always send me a message if you want to as well.

I am fine thank you. Just want to know now the outcome of this cycle. I've started to accept that ivf might be the next step, although I don't know how we will afford it. I just generally feel sad, and resentful that people can just get pregnant and have babies. I don't like feeling like that, but it's hard not to xxx

Thank you @myrainbowjourney that's really kind ❤️
I really get that resentment feeling. I think it stems from sadness though. My counsellor said on Wednesday that losing a baby is deeply wounding 😢

When my dh came home last night, he told me that he'd had to go into the office and cried 😢😢 it makes me so sad that this is our life.

I'm glad you're feeling OK, it's a real roller-coaster. I actually didn't mind ivf when we got to that point. I think I surprised myself doing the injections and things. But the costs are a lot, especially with the immune treatment in top.

Lots of love xx

@VenusStarr I am so so sorry to hear what you've been through.

I can't imagine how that must have felt and I'm so sorry. I hope you can get your results soon ❤️

I know it may not seem it but you are so strong. You've been on various threads with me over the past two years and every time I read your messages I'm just in awe. I can't imagine how you currently feel but just know you can get through it ❤️

I wondered if anyone had got a very upset stomach from the medications? I really do feel rough from them and wondering if anyone else has had any stomach upset?

Thank you @SunDance21 ❤️ that's really kind of you to say, I definitely don't feel strong or brave. The hospital never got in touch yesterday, so just going to try and keep busy over the weekend.

How are you getting on? I have sometimes had an upset tummy when on progesterone. I hope it's not too bad.

Hope you're doing OK @myrainbowjourney xx

@VenusStarr you really are so strong. Do you have any plans for the weekend? I'm not sure where abouts you are but down south the weather is pretty nice today. I always find going outside helps a little to clear my head. My dog has been such a help over the past year. Walking her is a little hope for the day.

Definitely get on the phone to them on Monday first thing. I really hope they're able to answer your questions quickly ❤️

I'm doing okay. I think I had a reaction to something, I woke up at 1pm yesterday which considering I usually wake up at 6am is pretty impressive! I just had such a bad headache and I felt so floored. I have also had a pretty upset stomach so finding it hard to keep food down. I'm moving onto only plain foods now and I'm starting to feel a bit better. In a way at least it's stopped me stressing over what I can't control.

Please can someone slap me. I had a massive panic about how this is going to work and how somehow I'm going to do something wrong.... I was up until 2:30 Googling 🙈🙈 when I then woke DH up and told him how stressed I felt.

For the last few days I've actually been quite calm and have just been saying to myself "today I'm pregnant and that's all I can know". But then a switch went off when I was trying to sleep last night...

I'm a very anxious person by nature. I'm just so worried about going through this again and again.

@VenusStarr I’m so sorry to read about what you’ve been going through. I remember so vividly the times I got calls to reveal the results of tests carried out on our babies and it was incredibly hard. Go easy on yourself and make sure you’re topping up on all the self care you can while you dig a little deeper for answers. I know it’s tough but from what I’ve read so far, so are you

@SunDance21 hard relate to having a degree from University of Google. Pretty sure I could write a doctoral thesis on secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage.

I wonder if there are some go to activities you can line up to help distract you from over-analysing? Breathe magazine? Weaving kit? Fiction book? Something I’ve started giving myself more time for is facial and body care as it kind of helps me feel a bit more grounded and present and relaxed, and happier in myself despite not being in the best of shape.

I sometimes find it hard to get to sleep and melatonin is helping. I’m going to start leaving my phone downstairs from now on too so might switch to earlier nights and reading. As hard as it is to prise myself away from my phone, I know the late night research isn’t doing anything for my stress or my sleep cycle.

If you haven’t already guessed I also have anxiety and need a kind of toolkit so just throwing some ideas out there x

Hahahah @TheHopefulEgg I believe I could too! Maybe we could put in our research together?!

Yeah, I think I might go back to doing yoga to help me out a bit. I've just seen the second series of Sweet Magnolia is on Netflix so going to watch that.

I think I'm also going to leave my phone in a different room. I did it for a few weeks before I got BFP and it did genuinely help my sleep, but last night it definitely became a safety blanket or sorts.

I have heard knitting is really therapeutic! But I think I'd be terrible at it...!

I find knitting really stressful, haha! Guess you’ve got to explore crafts until you find what works for you. And I agree yoga can be really helpful. Maybe try a nidra practice before bed? That might help you wind down.

Tell me more about your journey to this pregnancy x

@VenusStarr you definitely are strong! You're amazing. How are you doing today? Have you had a nice weekend?

I am fine thank you. Test day on Tuesday and I haven't even got any tests. I don't feel hopeful, or feel the slightest symptom, so am preparing for the expected.

Ah @SunDance21 sorry to hear about your anxiety. I wish I had the answer but I am terrible with worry and anxiety. If I ever get there I honestly don't know how I will be able to cope with it. And even though I've told myself I know better, I am forever googling stuff. My own worst enemy.

I think the suggestions made are great, just having another focus and trying to distract yourself as much as possible. So much easier said than done xx

Will be thinking of you on Tuesday @myrainbowjourney x

Thank you @TheHopefulEgg ❤️

How are you doing? xx

@TheHopefulEgg My journey (sorry it's a bit of an essay!)

Started this journey in 2020. We got married in Sept after many cancelled days as we didn't want to put our lives on hold any longer and wanted children (hindsight is a wonderful thing...!).

We got pregnant literally the first time we DTD after I had my non-hormonal coil removed. Had a full MC at 6-ish weeks which was the most horrific thing of my life (as I'm sure you know all too well!!). We found out we were pregnant on our honeymoon so to have a MC 2 weeks later was just such an emotional blow and rollercoaster. Then had a suspected CP in December 20.

Between Jan-Apr 21 I didn't have proper periods, it was only brown sludge. I don't think I was ovulating, I think it was a stress thing. Went to NHS Dr who did basic blood and all came back fine. Just told me it was normal, but obviously for me it wasn't! I felt totally unlistened too. They also did an ultrasound and confirmed no PCOS.

Became pregnant again in April, but I knew something was wrong. I had the same sludge I'd had the previous months, with red blood and it lasted 4 days. I only tested and found out I was pregnant because I had carried on temping and my temperature hadn't fallen. I was over 5 weeks when I tested but the test was pretty faint (which is why I'm not letting myself test again now as I don't want that added stress of line watching again!)

On my 30th birthday I found myself in EPU following a second episode of bleeding. We were told it was 50:50. Had 4 more scans and saw the HB at two of them. The embryo grew but the gestational sac didn't get any bigger then 4/ 5 weeks. When the embryo was the same size as the gestational sac it died. The constant unknown was unbearable. It's made me so scared of having a scan again tbh.

I was pregnant for 11weeks in total. It would have been a MMC but obviously I knew something was wrong. I don't know why but I wanted to MC naturally so I didn't have the surgery.

Had the embryo tested and they came back all clear, but obviously something was wrong because the sac didn't grow... so I reckon I was fobbed off a bit. They didn't even tell us the gender etc.

Saw Dr S about 6 weeks after my MC, and now we're on our second month with the treatment. It took quite a few months to start as I needed to get my Covid vaccines.

Now 4weeks and 5 days and constantly on knicker watch. I really wish I didn't know I was pregnant tbh, I'm definitely a head in the sand kind of person.

Went to Dr S because my MMC was absolutely awful. The staff at EPU were lovely but I felt totally unsupported due to how they are. I wanted to know that in my next pregnancy if I had bleeding etc my bloods would be taken and if there was anything that could help (progesterone etc) that I would get it. I don't feel the NHS help women with threatened MC at all. It's all just "wait and see", but for all we know I could have had a hormonal imbalance and if they'd tested progesterone (for example) could have potentially helped.

I'm not someone who is optimistic though... so I feel like for me being under Dr S's care doesn't necessarily mean I'll bring a baby home. But I'm glad to know that Monday - Friday if anything bad starts happening I can call them or email them and probably speak to someone that day. I'm lucky because I live relatively close to Epsom so the reassurance is really helpful.

How about you? I'm sorry you've found yourself on here.

@myrainbowjourney all my fingers crossed for you! ❤️

Thank you @SunDance21 🥰🥰 x

I really hope you are managing to park the anxiety a little. When is your next appointment? xx

@myrainbowjourney not for a few weeks... My scan won't be until coming up to 7 weeks and tbh I'm kind of okay with that. The idea of going to a scan again when they say "not sure you need to come back in 7 days" makes me feel so sick.

Last May/June when we were in and out of EPU was so stressful. It's the only time I've really seen DH in a really dark place and I don't want to put either him or me though that again. I'm really taking an ignorance is bliss mindset to this pregnancy at the moment. I'm sure that will change though as more anxiety sets in...

@SunDance21 I can totally understand that. I think if I'm ever in the situation of having scans again, I'd rather bury my head in the sand.

I already get anxiety even going near the hospital where I've been so many times for bad news.

Just always know your feelings are totally expected and understandable. Any way you can find to make it a little easier, even if it is ignorance is bliss, is absolutely fine xx

I hope you're OK @myrainbowjourney ❤️

How are you today @SunDance21 I hope that your anxiety isn't too bad at the moment

Thank you @TheHopefulEgg

No news from the hospital, I did call yesterday and left a message but no one called me back. Today is very busy at work, so I'll try tomorrow.
I can't remember if I said, but last year before my ivf cycle, I went to the implantation clinic for the nk cells biopsy (had my first in Feb 2020) which was normal. But in April last year it was very low. The doctor said it was possible it was a fluke and to have another biopsy but that I could carry on with the ivf. But obviously now having had 2 more losses, I want to speak to them again (Dr S doesn't look at uterine nk cells). I've got a follow up call today, so am going to ask for the treatment without another biopsy. Not holding out much hope, if he says no, I'll just track my cycle and redo the biopsy but I find them so traumatising now, hoping I can avoid that.

In other good news, I'm tracking my cycle and my pre-ov temps are finally back to normal (the last 2 cycles were still fairly high for me) so hoping I get a clear ovulation jump and post-ov temperatures. My resting heart rate has come back down to my normal too, so I'm seeing this as a good sign that my body is physically healing.

Love to all ❤️ xx

Hey @VenusStarr 🥰

I am fine thank you. Today is test day but I couldn't get any frer anywhere. I did a cheapie which was negative, and I imagine that's the correct result. But I think I'll try again tomorrow to be sure. Silly me, clinging on even though I pretty much knew this was going to be a lost cycle.

Sorry you haven't heard from the hospital. It makes me so angry that you can't get through to anyone and no one calls back. It's such poor service. Hopefully you get somewhere tomorrow.
I think your plans with the medication sounds really good - definitely advocate for yourself and push for what you want. All they can do is say no, but I think you've got a good argument to get the treatment regardless.

Also, so pleased your body is giving you all the right signs. And probably all the better for having the time to recover.

Sending lots of love to you too xxx

I'm sorry to hear that @myrainbowjourney I do think it's very early to test, so there is still hope if you don't gave a frer, but I do understand how hard it is ❤️

I chased the hospital and spoke to the sane lady, she was a bit dismissive today. She said it sounded like Tommy's haven't chased the lab yet. Ugh. It's just adding to the anxiety.
I feel like time is going so slowly but it's also speeding past.

I hope you're having a good day xx

@VenusStarr it's really hard. And like I said, even though I had no real hope for this cycle, it still hurts seeing negative tests. OH is going to pick up frers today so I'll know my answer tomorrow. Just so disheartening.

Ugh sorry you didn't speak to someone helpful. I can't believe the lack of compassion sometimes.

Xxx