Bleeding

[Beleeve]

Apologies for this really pitiful post but i'm just in such a rubbish mood today and feeling so fed up.

I have been trying to get pregnant for over 18months/2 years and got put on a referral list to see a fertility expert as it clearly wasn't going to happen naturally for me. I am 35 and have 2 children so no idea what the issue is this time.

I had the call today to say i have an appointment which is great BUT spanner in the works, i'm actually pregnant! Took a test last Thursday (and yesterday actually) and think i'm probably only about 5 weeks.

The reason it's a spanner in the works is that i've started having pink, then red/brown spotting since lastnight. I had this with my second baby but feel because it's taken so long this time that something is wrong and i just feel in my gut i'm not expecting this to last :-(

I don't want this to be some drawn out process for days or weeks where i don't know what's going on. Can i start taking tests now to see if the line gets fainter? I know you can't get scans at this point but i just want to know what's happening. I know really i have to just wait it out but i'm just really struggling with this idea today. I think having that appointment come through has just reminded me how long it has taken to get here.

I'm sorry i know a lot of people are worse off than me but i can't get myself our of this hole today :-(

Just had an internal scan and no evidence of pregnancy 😢 I had a little cry when i first got here but when they told me there was nothing there i felt strangely numb. Truthfully i already knew.

Just waiting for my bloods now and then again on Sunday to confirm it's all done.

I think this is probably going to hit me a bit later on but i just feel strange now, like i'm not living in the real world.

Oh @Beleeve my heart goes out to you. You know what’s happened but seeing an empty screen is so hard! I found it hit me about two days afterwards and I cried buckets and felt so low. I was told by the hospital to expect it as my hormone levels start to crash and boy were they right. Again everyone is different but be prepared to feel low when it hits. Always here if it helps in anyway. Thinking of you x

Thank you @Mum2baby07 I feel kind of up and down at the moment. Feels almost like i imagined the whole thing. Only my partner knows so i think thr hardest thing will be pretending everything is ok to everyone else.

@Bundaberg84 how are things with you? Seems like we are in the same boat. I'm still getting strong positives even though there's nothing there so it is a worry my levels won't drop quick enough. I feel like surely there would be pain if it was ectopic though.

@Beleeve in my experience ectopics had just light bleeds - not what you’ve just experienced - so fingers crossed it was an early miscarriage. I didn’t have pain but neither did I feel very pregnant. They will soon tell based on your HCG result. I was told not to repeat a pregnancy test for 3 weeks post mc as the levels stay high enough to give a false positive so this might be why you are seeing this.
@Bundaberg84 how are you?

@Beleeve I have an appointment in the hospital nearby in an hour for additional tests. As the hcg levels were still rising, although not doubling, my ob/gyn wanted me to test every 48h (the hospital was the only available spot, he's not working on a Friday). I spent too many hours reading up on ectopic pregnancies and it scared me a lot. Like "only for 6% of all women it's life threatening". Only? 6 out of 100 is only? :)
That being said, I feel less pregnant today if that makes sense. My breasts don't seem to hurt anymore and the metallic taste in my mouth is gone since two days. I really just hope it was a slow miscarriage, even though I didn't pass anything else but blood. Well, I will know - hopefully - more in two or three hours.
How are you today? Do you have any friends you could confide in? I didn't tell anyone with my first chemical, this time around 4 of my close friends know and check in on me, I found it weird not to tell them because normally I tell them about every little silly thing, and this is neither silly nor little.

Hope all goes as well as can be expected today @Bundaberg84 It's all such a long process isn't it, i feel so naive, i honestly though you had pain and one big bleed and it was all over. Didn't realise there could be all these different experiences of miscarriage.

No one at all knows we are even trying, managed to keep it to ourselves for 18months somehow. In my distressed state i've become quite sloppy though. My daughter projectile vomited lastnight and while dealing with that i left a pregnancy test in box on the side and my 8 year old son was asking me why i had it Kids and parents are also questioning where i'm going when i've been for my scan today so feel like it's getting harder to hide.

How did your tests go today @Bundaberg84 I've already had my results from today (about 140, so really low) so just need to get it confirmed on Sunday that they've dropped.

@Beleeve unfortunately not so good, sitting in the hospital and waiting for the surgery. There is a 4cm yolk sack in my right tube and they will take it out completely in an hour or so. Well, at least it didn't rupture, and my husband has the weekend off, so it's 'good timing' at least I guess.

@Bundaberg84 so very very sorry to hear this. Have they said if they are hopeful of preserving your tube? I lost mine as it had a 5 week gestation sized baby in it and had started to rupture so I’m hoping they’ve caught yours early. The operation left me a bit tender but I was up and about pretty quick - I just remember the awful trapped wind immediately after as they blow you up with air so they can see inside you properly. If it’s any consolation I caught with my only successful pregnancy just two months after my operation and tube removal however I know right now you’ll be thinking of what you’ve lost which is as it should be.

My heart truly goes out to you. Take care of yourself x

@Mum2baby07 thank you for your kind reply! No it's too big, around 4cm, they said it's better to remove it completely, as it would leave so much scarring that a second ectopic would be very likely. My ob/gyn already talked to me about that and it's fine by me. As you said, the chances of a healthy pregnancy are still here!

Oh god @Bundaberg84 that must have been such a shock for you. Have you been having pain? At least they're sorting it quickly and hopefully in a couple of hours this will all be over, physically anyway. Look after yourself and emotionally too though and just do whatever you need to get you through xx

@Beleeve I'm always expecting the worst, I don't mean that I'm negative, not at all but I always want to know what the wost case is so I can handle it. So I'm not that shocked, I was prepared, at least a little bit. Thank you for your wishes! For the people working here it's routine and a normal procedure, I keep telling that to myself.

@Bundaberg84 oh i totally understand that, i am exactly the same. Why expect everything to be positive when you can only be disappointed. This is why it's good to get outside perspective cos when it's happening to you it's hard not to be negative. You are in good hands and like you said they do this all the time so you don't need to worry. Easy for me to say i know. Let us know how it goes when you feel up to it, thinking of you xx

Really sorry to hear this @Bundaberg84 :( best of luck with the surgery and recovery xx

@Beleeve you're so lovely thanks! All went well, the doctor will come in later to explain everything to me. I have four small cuts that don't hurt much, at least yet.

@Noodella18 thank you lovely!❤️

Just wanted to check how you're feeling @Bundaberg84

@Beleeve that's so lovely thanks! I'm alright, I was able to leave the hospital yesterday after lunch and the pain so far is manageable. As I have a low blood pressure I'm still a bit light-headed, but that's okay.

@Bundaberg84 glad to hear you're back home, take it easy and don't rush to get back to normal. You need to physically and emotionally recover from this. Get a blanket on the sofa, get Netflix on and have some 'you' time x

@Beleeve that's exactly what I'm doing right now, down to the blanket and Netflix ;)

I had some bleeding and light clotting in the early stages of pregnancy and thought the worst as I had two ectopics previously I’m now 12 weeks so it’s not always a bad sign!!

Congratulations @Halli2020 lovely news x