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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Please Help 2 potential fathers

79 replies

jemnea93 · 30/01/2021 10:04

Please dont judge me i have judged myself enough this is tearing me apart and would absolutely break my partners heart who is so excited for the baby i have all my dates in a timeline for you if anyone can advise me in anyway here goes.. basically first day of LMP was 6th nov normal 28 day cycle - conception calculator tells me i would of ovulated on the 20th nov
Had private scan on 24th dec putting me at 6week 5days - conception calculator tells me from these dates i concieved on the 22nd nov
Had nhs scan 12th jan putting me at 9week 5days - conception calculator tells me from these dates i concieved on the 19th nov

I only had sex with my partner once in that time frame which was bang on the 20th of nov so all dates add up but before that on the 15th nov i made a huge mistake and had unprotected sex with another man and i have heard sperm can stay inside a woman for a week which would mean that the other man could potentially be my babies father ??

Please can anybody help me im going out of my mind please

OP posts:
Original poster
jemnea93 · 30/01/2021 13:59

@Teardrop2021 did i say i want him to bring up a child that isnt his? Did i say at any point i wont be telling him ever? I dont recall

OP posts:
Original poster
jemnea93 · 30/01/2021 14:02

Where do u find the extra time to be so angry about another persons life who u never have and never will ever meet so much so for u to actually take time out of your own day writing looooong frustrated paragraphs on mumsnet Hmm

OP posts:
Teardrop2021 · 30/01/2021 14:05

I find you're behaviour appalling you're poor husband.

TankGirl97 · 30/01/2021 14:22

No-one here can say which man is more likely to be the father. You definitely can get pregnant from sex five days before ovulation - I have!
You absolutely have to tell your husband that the baby may not be his though, as hard as that may be.

Rubi87 · 30/01/2021 14:49

Do you know from previous months what cycle day you normally ovulate?

CouldItBeJeffrey · 30/01/2021 14:51

My dates at my scans were incorrect. I was trying for DD and knew exactly when she was conceived (DH was away lots that month so it was only one night). The dates aren't always correct and mine was a full 7 days out.

I'm in no position to judge - you've made a mistake and no one is perfect. I do think you need to face up to it though and be honest with your partner. Don't make it two mistakes by lying to him.

LivingMyBestLife2020 · 30/01/2021 14:56

I think it’s 50/50 unfortunately.

I fell pregnant on the last day of my period (cycle day 5 of a very regular 27 day cycle) So that’s how long sperm can survive.

Amz6219 · 30/01/2021 14:58

My cycle is usually 28-32 days too and I have never ovulated before CD12 (one off 26 day cycle) in probably 36 months of tracking all in all (usually CD14-CD18). BUT even ovulating later doesn’t guarantee anything because the sperm can last 5 days.

If I were a betting person I would bet on it being your partners, but obviously no one can tell you definitively really x

peachypetite · 30/01/2021 14:59

Nobody on here can tell you. Time to face the music and come clean to your partner.

Original poster
jemnea93 · 30/01/2021 16:20

@Amz6219 thankyou thats a big help i have never tested for ovulation before but i know i always usually get sore boobs for a few days around a week and half after period finished then around two weeks after that period starts so i assume that maybe be my time of ovulation x

OP posts:
Original poster
jemnea93 · 30/01/2021 16:22

I have 12 week scan in two days so hopefully the dates are still in line with the 20th x

OP posts:
4redSocks · 30/01/2021 16:25

Pregnancy dates are complicated to work out at the best of times.. midwife usually gives you a different date from your own.

I would say it could be either OP.

Suzi888 · 30/01/2021 16:29

You’ll need a DNA test, could you put the cost on a credit card or borrow it? It’s the only definitive way to get concrete evidence.

evenBetter · 30/01/2021 16:31

This reply has been deleted

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mootymoo · 30/01/2021 16:32

The dates aren't accurate from scans, more an indication. The good news is that Iranian ancestry or lack there of is not likely to be obvious particularly at birth but you do need to speak confidentially to your midwife and see if they could help you with testing, you are far from alone in this predicament.

My friend is Iranian so her kids are half Iranian but are blond and blue eyed like their dad, she's typically Iranian looking, not particularly dark skinned and from north Iran

mootymoo · 30/01/2021 16:34

@jemnea93

I got pregnant on the last day of my period, you really cannot rely on dates. Please speak to your midwife

Miseryl · 30/01/2021 16:36

A baby who is half Iranian may be very white looking- a lot of Iranians are pale skinned/haired.

I'm not judging you but you need to come clean to everyone concerned, for the baby's sake as well as doing what is right by the two potential fathers.

SinkGirl · 30/01/2021 17:15

I know you want people to reassure you but anyone who tells you that you can be sure one way or another is lying. Given how long sperm can survive, it could easily be either man’s baby. You could have ovulated the day you had sex with your partner and the egg could already have been fertilised, or you could have ovulated on any of the days before and already have been pregnant.

Nobody can give you the reassurance you need because it’s not possible to know. Had there been longer between the dates then it would be possible to be more clear but it isn’t.

Of course this isn’t what you want to hear; you will listen to anyone who says it’s likely to be your partner’s and ignore the rest because that is what you want to hear. But it isn’t true.

Your husband deserves to know that the child may not be his before the birth, with the agreement you will do a DNA test after birth, if you can’t afford to do it sooner.

DeeCeeCherry · 30/01/2021 17:29

There are no guarantees at all as to who is the father. All people can do is speculate.

What is a guarantee is - your baby will come out either white, or mixed race. & Even if mixed race, light enough to pass as white is also a possibility. But still in that case, mixed heritage would come out somewhere along the way.

No judgment on your situation (aside from no care for sexual protection, which could impact upon your partner too obviously) but you're asking the impossible. It's a shame as your pregnancy and birth will be fraught with tension.

If your baby is born mixed race I guess that will bring it all to the fore because you'll have to deal with the situation then.

CandyLeBonBon · 30/01/2021 17:35

Would it be inappropriate at this juncture to shout the phrase 'WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!'

Grin
YRGAM · 30/01/2021 19:52

Do whatever you can to find the money for a DNA test. If you spend the rest of your term worrying about this - not to mention during the birth - it could have a big impact on the physical health of you and your baby, not to mention the psychological effect on you. Is there nowhere you can get hold of the money?

Yokey · 31/01/2021 10:36

OP, you'll drive yourself mad trying to convince yourself this baby is definitely your partner's. You absolutely cannot know. Even if you knew when you ovulated you couldn't know. Scan dates are just estimates based on size and babies vary in size. My 7 week scan was 3 days incorrect and my 12 week scan was 5 days incorrect, and like a PP, I had IVF so I knew they were wrong.

Your baby could be light or dark and you still wouldn't know.

What's done is done, life is complicated, no judgement here, but are you really okay with allowing your partner to think a baby is his when it might not be? Even if you're okay with cheating, risking his health, lying etc. won't this issue eat you up inside for years until you know for sure? Please don't do this to your partner. If you think he deserves this, you shouldn't be with him. And don't do it to your child.

If you don't want to come clean (which in itself is shit), find a way of getting the DNA test because lying to your partner and child about who is their family is indefensible

brewingno2 · 31/01/2021 23:29

What an evil woman. Your planning to tell him after the baby has been born and you've had the test. Honestly your a disgrace. If it's not his baby he will feel like his baby died do you realise this?! He will mourn it like a death.

Your so cruel and selfish of course no one can tell you who's baby it is. It's actually more likely to be the other guys as the egg is more easily fertilised if there's sperm already waiting in there.

Justbecause88 · 31/01/2021 23:37

There is no way you can know for sure, the dates are way too close. My due date jumped around on each scan and then I went almost 2 weeks overdue, so I suspect it was wrong all along. You are going to worry yourself silly waiting the whole pregnancy. You should really try and get the money together for the DNA test.

thebestnamehere · 31/01/2021 23:43

@jemnea93

Dont want any replies telling me how wrong ive done thanks i already know that thats why im here in this position Can i have just answers to the original post please
The answer is that it could be either mans baby. Two solutions, tell DP or don't tell DP.
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